Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! Trying to find a house, so that's eating up my writing time.
If you want a good tear jerker, Google people's reactions when they hear for the first time or for the first time after severe hearing impairment. :)
She walked into the arboretum at seven o'clock on Monday. Fragrant perfume from the roses permeated the air. The birds sang bright, cheery songs from the tops of the palm trees in welcome of the morning. She dragged her feet a bit to give Jason warning of her presence. The poor man startled so easily lately without being able to decipher sound distances.
He knelt at the back of the greenhouse and cut red roses, taking great care to lay them in a pile beside him. The shears snapped, and he laid another one down.
"Hi, Jay." She knelt on his left and set a hand on his shoulder.
His head whipped around, as if surprised. Then he offered a tentative smile. "Good morning, Emma." He cut another rose. "Were you able to go back to sleep alright?"
"I was. Did you?" Since him coming to her room Friday night, she'd stayed the weekend. And had woken up again each night to find him there. He'd claimed to simply need the peace of being near her but had refused to lie down to sleep in the same bed. And refused to talk much.
A weak shrug was his answer. That blue eye fell to her lips. Exhaustion built in him with each passing day.
"Jay, insomnia isn't like you. You've avoided Trudy and Pete since Friday ,and you won't talk at all about your hearing."
As soon as she finished speaking, his gaze returned to the roses. "I'm not depressed, if that's your concern. There's nothing to talk about with my hearing. I said I'll call the audiologist today about that hearing device." He kept kept his eye on pruning a bush. "Ms. Van Hoodie argues that I'm joined at the hip with you, so I can't be that antisocial."
She sighed. "I'm the only one you will talk to, and not much at that. You've been withdrawn since Friday night. Talk to me, Jason." She laid a hand on his back.
He sat back on his haunches and looked at her with a frown. His eye fell to her lips like he tried to decipher her words. Self-consciousness flashed as he seemed to realize he'd missed what she'd said.
She sighed and searched his face. He was so stubborn about admitting he hadn't heard something. Perhaps it was mean to make him admit it, but he also needed to learn it was alright to ask for something to be repeated. "It's only me, Jason."
He seemed to catch that because he looked away for a moment and then back.
"Jay, you don't play music anymore; you don't laugh; Pete says you're boxing that punching bag thing every day, which he said is out of the ordinary...tell me what's going on."
Silence. He seemed so much to prefer the silence since going semi-deaf. When she set a hand on his shoulder, he returned his attention back to the roses. "The birds sound like they're right next to you."
Draping an arm over his shoulders, she purred in his ear, "Is this better?" Then she nipped his earlobe.
That won a weak smile and a grunt.
She darted her tongue just below his ear where his neck caved in behind his jaw. "Perhaps we shall do some association psychology, Dr. Port." Her voice dropped to a husky tone, just the way that seemed to drive him crazy. "Every time you say you didn't hear me, I'll give you a kiss."
The corner of his lip curled up a bit. "I can get a kiss from you anytime."
"Not like this," she purred and took his hand to pull him up. She kissed down his thick throat still smooth from a fresh shave. Then her tongue darted out for a quick sip.
He sighed deep in his chest, and his head tilted to the side. His hand buried in her loose hair as he cupped the back of her head, and his breathing quickened just enough to portray his arousal. It was as if he hurt, by the way he held her close and soaked up the affection.
"Talk to me, Jay," she breathed and pressed a kiss under his ear. "You're so withdrawn since Friday, and I can't find you." Then she brushed a soft kiss on his jaw and pulled her head back to look at him.
Sadness glimmered in his eye, and he guided her head down to rest on his shoulder. His left fingers glided down her arm in a butterfly soft brush to lace his fingers with hers. His right arm held her tight against his body.
She closed her eyes, simply inhaling his woodsy scent and relaxed to the quiet rhythm of his heart. A gentle sway melted into a lazy, peaceful waltz.
"I only know to expect what history taught me." His voice carried no stronger than a gentle breeze. "I'm trying to remember that you're not her. I don't know what I'd do without you, Emma."
Losing so much in the fire and now losing the SEALS and his hearing at once brought back all the emotions - even the illogical fear that she would leave like Carolyn had. The only way he knew to brace himself was to pull away. Yet, he couldn't seem to stand the emotional distance widening, so he held on by physically not being more than a few feet away from her at all times.
She leaned back. Just as much pain reflected in his eye as in his voice. When she cupped his face in her hands, he caught her wrist. He didn't want her touching the mask. Enough of the monsters winning him over. "No," she ordered and didn't let go. She looked into his eye. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere -
He shook his head just a bit, and his eye shimmered with heartache. "I know you're not leaving. But I feel like I'm lost from you, and I don't know why or how to get back to you, Emma," he whispered. He buried his face against her neck, his arms holding so tight. When he breathed in deep, as if to absorb her smell, her touch, her love, he nuzzled her hair. "It's comforting to be near you."
Tears welled. The sadness in the slow sway of the waltz portrayed what abundant pain in his tone couldn't. "I'm right here looking for you, Jay," she whispered. "I'll find you." Then she pressed her lips against his cheek. "Jason?" Her voice carried no louder than a whisper against his ear. "Let me come with if you get a hearing device."
His steps stilled and he lifted his head. Hope replaced the profound loneliness in his eye. "Why?"
A smile blossomed at such a silly question. "Because I love you, goose. Why not?"
A wrinkle formed in his brow and he lifted his chin a bit to look down his nose. He appeared quite unsure what to think of this apparently odd request.
Carolyn. It must seem odd to him because perhaps Carolyn hadn't been there for him. Her voice hardened a little. "Did she even stay in the room to help you through the dressing changes when they were the most painful?"
He tensed but held her glare, refusing to say anything.
"Oh my god," she breathed in disgust and anger. The pain that Carolyn had added to his burdens - the more she learned of the woman, the harder it became to stomach the thought of her. He didn't defend the woman, but he didn't slur her either. Sometimes part of her wanted to hate the woman. But the point here was Jason, who didn't need hate. She cupped his face and whispered, "I love you." Then she closed her eyes and pulled off the mask, pressing her lips to his.
The poor man sat ramrod straight in the doctor's office two weeks later. She sat in the chair to his left and held his hand. Last week he'd gone to the dentist for an impression of his teeth so the hearing device would fit properly. He'd become more and more of a recluse in his study as he discovered more and more hearing restrictions.
She bit her lip in nervousness for him and rubbed his arm. "This is going to work."
He didn't look too hopeful.
The older man, who was the audiologist, returned with the device and sat down at the counter on Jason's right. "This is the piece that goes on your teeth." He held up a small black, almost retainer looking device that would fit on Jason's two back molars. "Because of the skull bone damage from the fire possibly hindering the vibrations, we'll have you wear it on your left side. The microphone will go in your right ear, so you'll be able to hear sounds from the right."
Jason faced away from her, likely craning his head around to hear the audiologist on his deaf side.
She clasped her hands tight in her lap when Jason let go to put in the mouthpiece. Her heart pounded with anxiety. The otolaryngologist suspected that with the level of difficulty Jason had to adjusting to deafness, that he'd had at least sixty percent hearing out of his right ear after the fire. The recent deafness had revealed minor hearing loss to higher pitches in the left ear too, likely from the head trauma of the beam crushing his skull.
"Emma, you can be the first to speak to him when I nod," the man whispered and got out the other piece that looked a bit like a hearing aid. Jason apparently hadn't heard because he simply ran his tongue over his back teeth.
"Is it comfortable?" The audiologist started to hook the piece around the fake ear molded on the new mask.
"Yes." He flushed when his speech came out muffled.
"It takes about fifteen minutes of practice and then the speech impediment goes away." The audiologist signaled for him to cover the good ear and turn to her.
Her heart pounded as he turned, his eye downcast as if expecting disappointment. He desperately needed this to work with how depressed he seemed to be. She leaned over and whispered, "I love you." When she sat back, his wide eye stared at her in shock.
"Could you hear her?"
His head whipped around to the audiologist, as if surprised by more sound. He let go of his other ear and gave a dumbfounded nod. "Is this what things really sound like?" Hope and amazement swelled in his voice. He swallowed hard.
The audiologist smiled. "Yes. Patients say it doesn't distort. Can you hear clearer?"
She slipped her hand into his and blinked back tears. His good ear must have more problems than the doctor realized. It was like watching him hear for the first time. She cupped a hand over her mouth as the tears blurred.
He turned to her, holding her hand tight. "Speak again," he begged, the lisp fading. Hope gleamed in his eye.
Anything in the world to say, and only one thing came to mind important enough for him to hear right now in this moment that was changing his life for the better. Finally something was getting better for him. "I love you." Her voice broke.
Wonder and joy shimmered in his eye, and he stroked her cheek in awe. A tear rolled down his face. "I love you. More. Say my name."
It was like watching a miracle. Her lip trembled with a watery smile. "Jason." She cupped his hand on her face. "Is everything clearer?"
He nodded and his lower lip quivered. "Your voice is so soft. You sound so beautiful."
Tears fell from her lashes. He acted like he was truly hearing her for the first time.
"How does she sound different, Jason?"
He didn't tear his eye from her as he held her face in his hands, seeming to soak up every bit of her. His gaze dove right into her heart. "I could only hear the lower undertones, and her voice was...flat. There's so much color in your voice, Emma. And it's so soft and gentle," he whispered, his voice losing strength. His lips pressed together and brow furrowed with tears welling in his eye. Her face finally crumpled seeing him cry with happiness. He bowed his head and let go of her with one hand to cover his face.
Her heart broke and melted and sang all at once. It was his first time actually hearing her, and it seemed to mean the world to him. Finally something had been given back to him instead of taken away. Her hands shook, and she held his tight. The emotions grew too strong when his shoulders shook from silent weeping. She burst into tears and pulled him into her arms.
"It's alright. You would be the first if you didn't cry, Jason." The audiologist patted Jason's knee and then handed her some tissues.
Once Jason let go, she wiped his tears and smiled through her own. He took a tissue from her and brushed a kiss over her lips before dabbing at her tears too. And then he smiled as bright as the sun. Only a few other smiles from him had been as beautiful, and only the smile when she'd agreed to be his wife had outshined this one now.
The audiologist sat forward with a frown and flipped through the chart. "In the left ear, you were tested four years ago by the previous audiologist, whom I replaced about six months ago, and - "
Jason sat back but didn't release her hand. "No, he asked if I had trouble in my left ear. There was never testing on that side."
The man pursed his lips, clearly not pleased. "I imagine with the pain and surgeries that happened immediately after the fire distracting you that you attributed hearing difficulty to the loss on the right side. You likely grew used to the impairment on the left before you really had an opportunity to realize it had changed."
"Yes," Jason replied, very solemn. "I didn't want to be around people much, and didn't notice until a couple weeks ago that I already could lip read."
"Let me go talk to the doctor. Would you be able to stay for testing on the left side?"
Jason looked at her. "Do you need to get back to work?"
"I told Olin I might be out for a few hours. Do the testing while we're here." She squeezed his hand.
She paced and checked email on her phone and tried to do a little work, but it was impossible to concentrate while Jason was in the other room having the test. The otolaryngologist came in. Something must be wrong. Her heart sped up.
"We started the testing, but he was failing. I checked his left ear, and he has significant fluid pressure. With his seasonal allergies, an ear infection is likely brewing on that side too. He must have high pain tolerance because his bulging ear drum should be causing a lot of pain. My concern is his ear drum tearing. His body seems to overheal - hypertrophic scarring it's called. My concern is a spontaneous tear in the ear drum would cause thick scarring and cause deafness in his only remaining ear."
She swallowed hard and sat in the chair. "There's nothing to do?"
He sat too. "No, there is. Tymphanotomy is what he's agreed to, but I'm modifying the procedure. Usually a scalpal is used to make an incision in the ear drum. I'm going to use a syringe and make a fine puncture for air equalization and for a hole for more fluid to drain out. It will be at the edge of his ear drum so scarring will likely not inhibit his hearing. With a very fine insulin syringe, I'm going to suction out the fluid. This can all be done with topical anesthetic in about fifteen minutes. He just needs to keep cotton in his ear for a week to keep it clean and wear ear plugs in the shower. I'll recheck in a week. We'll do the hearing test then. I'll bring him back in a few minutes." He stood.
"May I sit with him?"
The doctor started to shake his head.
"He has no family and went through the burns completely on his own. I can't stand the sight of blood, so I promise to stay out of the way. Just let me be in the room with him."
"Alright."
Jason looked up in surprise from where he sat on the edge of an exam table in the in-office surgery room. "Emma?"
She crossed the room and took his hands, leaning her forehead against his. "I said you don't need to do things alone anymore, Jay."
His heart melted in his eye, and he cupped her cheek. "Are you certain? It's a simple procedure, and you get queasy."
"I won't look." She cracked a smile far braver than her shaking knees.
The doctor and a nurse came in, but he paid them no attention. "Thank you," he said, his voice so soft. "Every time I think how wonderful it is to have such a supportive partner, you build us stronger."
Her eye shifted to the tray the doctor and nurse set beside the table. The nurse set a long-needled syringe on it. She paled.
"Emma." He cupped her cheek and turned her head back to meet his eye. "You don't need to stay. Just the fact that you're willing is more than enough. I'll just be a few minutes."
She swallowed hard and shook her head, clutching his hand on her cheek.
"Let's sit, sweetheart." He got up and held a firm arm around her waist as he led her to a chair in the corner of the small room. Only his grip kept her from collapsing in the chair. When he eased her down, he squatted before her and searched her eyes in concern. "Love, it means everything that you want to stay." He laid a hand over his heart and held her hand. "But I think it best if you wait outside so you don't faint."
She drew a deep breath and shook her head. If he had to go through it, the least she could do was sit with him.
"Ready?" the doctor asked.
Jason raised his eyebrow in question. When she nodded that she was staying, he sighed. Then he stood and kissed her brow before he left and laid down on the table.
She wasn't here to stay across the room. Getting up slow to test her wobbly legs, she dragged over the chair beside the table and sat.
They all stared. And then Jason burst out laughing. The nurse and doctor smiled and resumed.
"Ah, Em. I don't know if you're stubborn or determined," Jason chuckled. He took her hand and smiled so big as he turned his head to look at her.
"Both. Remember that in the future," she replied dryly and looked away when the doctor picked up a long cotton swab.
"Alright, head forward," the doctor chuckled. "I'm going to touch your ear drum and see if the anesthetic is working yet."
Silence. His hand didn't twitch or tighten in hers at all. Then he drew a sharp breath and squeezed her hand.
"That's the worst of it. Your ear drum is tender. I applied more anesthetic to it. As soon as some of the fluid pressure is drained, it'll instantly feel better. Aspirin the next day or two should be sufficient for any discomfort."
She looked at the doctor without thinking. "He's allergic. Is acetaminophen strong enough?" Jason's hand gradually relaxed.
"Ah, that's right. Yes. Being we aren't making an incision, I expect you won't need anything if you've gotten through this without pain reliever." He glanced at her. "Look away." When she did, he asked, "Can you feel this?"
"No," Jason replied.
"Good. Tell me if you have pain." Silence. "Excellent. We're going to drain now."
She stood a bit to see over the mask to check if he was doing alright. He glanced from the corner of his eye and smiled.
"There. Turn you head toward me just a hair...good."
He frowned. "Am I supposed to hear better already?"
"You should. This hole shouldn't interfere much with your hearing. Is it better?"
"It is. Not a great deal, but you don't sound as muffled."
"Good. Alright, you're done. I'm prescribing antibiotic drops." The doctor rattled through the instructions and then brought the audiologist back in.
"The test results from today aren't reliable because of the fluid muffling sound. I do suspect with this hearing device that you might hear sounds you haven't heard in years, and it might be overwhelming. Take it slow going to public places. There will be a bit of an adjustment period, and you'll need to get used to bilateral hearing again - you were significantly hearing impaired in the right ear before two weeks ago. Things will seem louder with bilateral hearing, so you might startle a bit more easily. Here is the second device you ordered." He handed Jason a bag. "The battery lasts eight hours, so you just need to remember to charge it while you're wearing the other device. I'll see you again in a week to see how it's going. Any questions?"
Jason shook his head and looked at her.
She bit her lip. Perhaps it would embarrass him, but they were right here in the office. "If the left-side hearing is significantly impaired, doesn't he need a hearing device for that side?"
Jason didn't seem embarrassed by the question and looked to the audiologist.
"Hearing aids only turn up volume, they don't fix the impairment I suspect he has. This device wouldn't work well if you used two of them. The only option is to pick which side to wear the device, or have surgery, which you said you want to avoid." He looked at Jason, who nodded. "This device might be enough to help significantly by using it for the right side. Give it a go, and we can assess in a week how it's going. You went four years functioning without any hearing device, so my money is on this being enough to not make the tone deafness on the other side very noticeable."
When she walked out to the parking lot on his arm, he stopped and looked around. "Is everything alright, Jay?"
His eye searched the parking lot and bustling people and noises from the busy large city. "There's so much noise. I've forgotten what the city sounds like. All the little sounds were gone."
It seemed to overwhelm him, so she led the way to the car where Pete waited. But her smile couldn't be erased.
Pete stepped out and opened the door with a smile of his own. "I take it that everything went well."
Jason stopped and stared at him. "Do you have a cold?"
Pete blinked. "Ah, no, sir."
She smiled and laid a hand on Jason's chest. "That's his voice. Does he sound different too?"
He turned his head to her and nodded. "Not quite as deep." He spoke a bit quieter than usual and touched the wedge of plastic that served as the outer ear to hold on the microphone and transmitter.
"Is everything too loud?" She frowned.
With a slight frown, he nodded. "Everything isn't muffled."
She got in the car and scooted over so he could get in right away too. It must be overwhelming to be bombarded with so many noises not heard so clearly or at all in four years.
His excited chatter began to fade after a few minutes, and he rubbed his left ear.
"And then...does your ear hurt, Jay?" She frowned.
"The vibrations hurt. The anesthetic must be wearing off." He took out the mouthpiece.
"Do you want to stop at the drug store for pain reliever? It's still a half hour drive home, honey."
He didn't respond but simply wrapped the mouthpiece in a handkerchief and put it in his breast pocket.
"Jay?" she said louder and touched his arm. When he looked, she said, "Can you hear me?"
His brow knit, and his face fell. Then he started to dig out the mouthpiece.
Her heart fell. With the cotton, he was completely deaf. If he was skilled at lip reading... She turned in her seat a bit to face him fully and grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Don't. If it hurts, don't wear it. Can you tell what I'm saying?" She kept her pace slow and annunciated for the extra lip movement.
His eye followed her lips. Then he looked at her and shook his head. "It doesn't hurt without the mouthpiece." His eye fell to her lap with heartache.
She swapped seatbelts for the middle seat and then took his hands. When his eye lifted to her lips, she gave a soft smile. "It's only temporary for a few days. We can do this." The way his brow knit said he hadn't understood.
Instead of him pulling away and holing up, he pulled out his phone and handed it to her. "Text me what you said."
A smile blossomed and she took his phone. In the middle of texting, his hand reached across the screen, and he stroked her far cheek. She looked at him.
"I love you, Emma. Thank you for coming today. There's no other sound I would've wanted to be the first I heard. The silence would be so much harder if I hadn't heard you today."
She set down the phone and turned to him. "We can do this, Jay."
A soft smile lightened his face. "Emma, I hope one day I can give back everything you've given me."
"You already have, Jay. You were there when I needed you with Dad."
That evening after she finished work, she peeked in on him in his office. His phone vibrated on the desk, and he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Then he started typing on the computer again.
She walked over and sat across the desk. He glanced up. "Do you want me to retrieve your voicemails, honey?"
He heaved a sigh. "Would you mind? I sent out an email that I need communication through text or email, but I've gotten six calls this afternoon." He glanced at his watch. "I have a big conference meeting in thirty minutes that I emailed my admin assistant to reschedule. She's having trouble reaching everyone. It's a Foundation board meeting." He handed her the phone and a notepad.
She dictated the voicemails and then handed him the notepad.
"Thank you." He glanced at her.
"What if I sit in on the call and type what everyone is saying? I can type seventy words a minute. You can read over my shoulder."
He gave a gentle smile, something softening in his eye. "As hard as this is right now to do work, somehow I think I'm going to be glad it happened."
She frowned in question.
"I think it's going to do something to make us closer."
"You can be a romantic," she laughed.
He smiled. "I don't know what that last word was, but you look beautiful when you laugh."
She flushed and bit her lip in a shy smile.
"And pretty when you blush," he added, his voice husky.
"Nothing stops you from being a rake, does it?" She got up and walked around the desk to sit in his lap.
The man simiply grinned and wrapped his arms around her. "You know, you're much easier to handle when silent."
Her jaw dropped, and she swatted his chest.
He burst out laughing and then kissed her soundly.
The next day was Saturday. She ran down to the parking lot with Prince when Jason's car pulled up.
Jason stepped out of the car just in time to catch her in his arms. He laughed. "Hi, sweetheart. You're in a good mood."
She planted a hearty kiss on his lips and leaned back so he could see her mouth. "I had a brilliant idea." Then she held up a sign language book from the library.
His eyebrow shot up.
"We are going to teach each other today. If you get more ear infections, there might be other times when this will come in handy - "
"Whoa," he smiled. "You're talking too fast. Slow down." He let go and took a step back, his eye focused on her lips. "'We can teach today more infections might when handy' is what I got out of that." He set his hands on his hips.
She laughed and shook her head before repeating herself.
He cocked his head with a thoughtful look. "You'd learn sign language for me?"
With a roll of her eyes, she smiled and flung her arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. A kiss that left him looking a bit dazed when she let him up for air. "Did you understand that answer, my sexy Dr. Port?"
His laugh lit up his eye. "I did, Future Mrs. Port."
She held his hand to her throat so he would feel the vibrations. "Mmmm. I like the sound of that," she purred.
Desire flashed through his eye, and he pulled her closer against him. "There are perks to not being able to hear you, Em." His fingers glided down her throat and rested on her pulse. His voice fell to a husky hum. "Your heart is beating faster." That blue eye pierced right into her soul.
Butterflies tickled her belly, and she grew a bit breathless. Deafness did not hinder the sheer masculine power about him. "Hush, Jay. We are holding class today." She slipped into the car and scooted over.
"Yes, ma'm. But before the day is through, I fully intend to seduce you," he said as he got in and shut the door.
Her head whipped around to him with wide eyes. Heavens, the man couldn't be serious that he didn't feel self-conscious about his deafness all of the sudden.
The promise of dark pleasures reflected in that gorgeous blue eye. "No hearing is necessary for my class, sweetheart." Then he slid into the middle seat, closing the distance between them. "I fully intend to feel that delectible throat vibrate against my lips with your moans of pleasure, Emma," he purred, his voice as seductive as the way his fingers trailed down her neck.
Her pulse quickened and she swallowed hard as heat pooled in her belly. Oh dear. He was serious. And on the prowl. Goodness, he looked like he wanted to devour her. "You are going to be trouble as a husband, I see."
His half-hooded eye paid far too much attention to her lips as he leaned closer. "On the contrary, my dear. I intend to be a very attentive husband." His hand wrapped around her throat with the lightest touch.
Her lips parted of their own accord, his touch exciting and powerful and safe all rolled up in one. "I think I've entered the lion's den."
A half sigh, half growl escaped him as his eye rolled back. "I want you so much right now it's almost painful, Emma. You shattered something in me for the better yesterday. Having to touch and watch you intently to communicate is driving me wild. And it's only been twenty-four hours," he breathed without releasing her throat. Then his lips crushed down on hers, and his tongue dove inside, demanding and seducing with such tremendous love.