Chapter 3: Blending Families

Two weeks after the wedding (End of February)

Tobias POV

Breathe in and out.

Breathe in and out.

I can do this. I've been surviving this for years. I am fine. Everything is fine.

No, everything is not fine.

Damn Marcus! I have been trapped in this cramped closet for hours now.

I am in my own personal hell. It is tight in here, and dark, and there is an odd smell of worn clothes and shoes. The only reassurance I have is that at some point today the girls will be home and I know I will be released before then. Today will not be like the times that Marcus made me sleep in the closet overnight.

For about five minutes I prayed and hoped that the addition of Natalie and Beatrice to our family would change my father. I wanted to believe that having a beautiful wife, and even a second slave- I mean child- would be enough to satisfy Marcus in life. And that I would finally be left alone.

No such luck. The only good that has come is that now Marcus needs to be very cautious about the beatings and closet punishments. He made it very clear to me that under no circumstances would his wife or that girl find out about how he is choosing to raise his son.

Ah yes, when Natalie and Beatrice are not around, he refers to her as "that girl," usually with a tone of disdain. I get the impression that Marcus can't wait for both of us to be out of his house, so he can have Natalie all to himself. He seems to adore her; I once heard him proudly call her the perfect Abnegation wife.

I resituate myself in the cramped closet. My method of survival has always been playing a little game with myself. I move to different positions while trapped in here, and I see how long I can last in each one before needing to make a change. The game has gotten to be more challenging as the years have gone by and I have grown significantly taller.

My go to stances are standing straight, leaning against the back wall, and then of course the joy of sitting on the cramped floor, where we store shoes. The times that Marcus has left me to sleep in this closet, I finally caved and moved the items from the floor into my lap so that I could sit on a flat floor and rest my eyes. I got a terrible beating the first time I did that, Marcus opened the door before I had woken up and was furious that I had made a mess of his closet.

I have to get away from him. And soon.

As I stand and lean against the back wall now, I allow my mind to wander to the last two weeks since the wedding. I have a mother and a sister now. Granted, Beatrice and I started off…in a very unusual way. But I feel like we have both moved past that indiscretion as we are now embracing the life that has been handed to us. We are being raised as brother and sister, me having lost my mother, she having lost her father. We have a lot in common as well.

I was very nervous when the honeymoon was over and Beatrice and I carried all of the boxes into the Prior home. As we entered my new home, I half expected to see a broken woman in Natalie. I remember vividly how cruel Marcus was to my own mother.

Thankfully, there was no sign that anything sinister had happened between them. I was relieved, I would gladly take any beating or punishment from my father if it would spare these two women that are now a part of my life.

Natalie is very kind and consistent. There are no surprises with her. I have been carefully observing the interactions of mother and daughter, it is very calm and happy. I feel no underlying ugliness lurking in the shadows. Even when Beatrice does something wrong, or she loses herself and makes a snappy comment…Natalie is firm and corrects her, but there is no danger. There is no fear in Beatrice's eyes.

Unlike Marcus, Natalie is not cruel.

She is a wonderful mother, and I will do anything I can to keep her and Beatrice safe. They don't deserve to experience what Marcus is capable of. No one does, but I seem to bring it out in him.

Before me, it was my mother. I was nine when she died, but I was old enough to remember the home that I lived in before she was gone. Marcus was awful to her in every way. I think the rage he had for my mother was worse than anything I have yet experienced. As I am growing older and looking back, I believe the pressure of a husband and wife relationship was something that drove Marcus even further along in his crazy need to control and punish.

As much as I miss my mother, and I hate that I took her place…I have peace knowing that she is away and even in death, she is better off, because she is free from him. I pray she is resting in peace.

As much as I can tell Beatrice hates it, having her and Natalie join my family has been a big help. As Marcus is the head of Abnegation there is a tremendous amount of responsibility and he is often not home, thankfully, but he also expects a perfect home at all times. Before, it was on my shoulders alone to do everything.

I would have to quietly wake up hours before school in order to get my chores done, just to be able to keep up. And the one time I accidentally woke him up before he needed to…I will never forget that beating. It was awful.

When Marcus and Natalie sat Beatrice and I down to explain the new rules I noticed that Beatrice's eyes almost fell out of her head and her lips made the perfect combination of a frown and a scowl. Thankfully Marcus didn't notice as he is in the habit of staring adoringly at Natalie at all times. In the Prior home, Natalie was able to fully run her household, so while Caleb and Beatrice assisted, the volume of work was much less than what she and I are now covering in our new family of four.

Aside from the long list of chores to maintain our family home, the other part of Marcus and Natalie's huge responsibilities requires them to spend a large amount of time away from home. I have always been so grateful that Marcus would work a full day, on many occasions only having time to eat a quick dinner and then be out the door again for another meeting. He trains Natalie to handle her share of meetings as the wife of the Abnegation leader, and on the occasions that she does not have an event of her own he insists that she is by his side in order to support him. It is sickening really, he may save his physical abuse for me – but I can see that he makes it a point to control almost every single part of her day. The man is obsessed with her.

Natalie keeps an even face and shows no signs of unhappiness. It is as though she has no opinion on the matter. She is calm, polite and obedient at all times. I have also seen her silence Beatrice with just a look. Natalie does an amazing job of hiding her emotions, if they are really there. My sister, on the other hand, does not.

Beatrice is really struggling as we get used to our new day to day. I am guessing it is a combination of the increase in work and not seeing her mother as much as she is accustomed. I once tried to talk to her about it and she shut me down. She flat out said she didn't want to talk about it with me. I chose to drop the subject.

Over the last two weeks Beatrice and I have gotten used to spending a lot of time alone together. We basically have school every day and then we need to rush home and work quickly to get all of our chores done. On nights that our parents are able to be home for dinner we usually have a short window of time in which the meal must be ready and served. After they leave again, we must clean up and do any other things that are needed. While I have been used to this life for many years now, Beatrice is still in shock. I am trying to guide her as best I can. My main goal is to help her avoid steping out of line with Marcus, while also keeping my dirty little secret from her and Natalie.

I know that if they ever found out what Marcus does to me…

"Son!" I hear Marcus bellow as he slams the front door closed. The skin on my arms prickles. I recognize his tone, he is not happy with me.

I remain quiet as I silently straighten the items in the closet I am trapped in. He once beat with his belt for three full minutes because a coat was wrinkled from my leaning against it…when he left me in the closet for five hours straight.

The door swings open and the sunlight of the house makes my eyes hurt. I squint and instinctively put my arms up to shield my eyes from the light. This only gives Marcus another reason to be angry.

"So you think you can raise your hand to me boy!?"

"No sir, it was the sun…I was only trying to cover my eyes," I say meekly.

My excuse was not good enough today. I get the belt to my back, and it hurts. My only consolation is that the beating was fast because not even five minutes after he sent me to my room I heard the girls returning from their volunteer activity.

As I slowly make my way downstairs, my back stings with every step I take. I made sure to wear double the layers so that the blood does not seep through my clothing. Although Marcus was quick today, he made up for it with a couple of ambitious strikes that broke through my skin. These belt slashes are extremely painful, some of the worst I can remember. I don't want to imagine what Marcus might do if Natalie saw blood on my back and then investigated.

"There he is!" Marcus says cheerfully. "Now son, just because this is a Sunday it does not mean it is ok for you to be lazing about all afternoon. Especially while your mother and sister have been working all day at the Factionless drop off site."

It takes every ounce of discipline that I have to keep a blank face and respectfully say. "Yes, father."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Beatrice scowl at me. Distributing supplies to the factionless can be tiring work- I know she has been on her feet all afternoon- and now Marcus has made it sound like I spent all day napping. If only she knew!

"Marcus?" Natalie prompts him.

"Oh yes, darling. I remember." Marcus smiles at her. "Tobias, the Black family next door needs helping moving some heavy boxes around in the main storage units where the supplies are kept. Your mother volunteered you to help them. Go quickly. We will wait until you return to serve dinner…be quick son."

I keep my face even as I nod in agreement, but my mind is racing at the amount of pain I am currently in while just standing still. It is going to be a painful torture to be doing manual labor right now.

But I have no other choice. I excuse myself and head over to the main storage units.

The project, thankfully, is well underway by the time I arrive, and the Black family has already enlisted the help of some of the other men in on our block. As I step closer Mr. Black asks his son, Robert, to get me to help with their stack of boxes. Robert is about two years younger than me; I believe he will be in the same Choosing class as Beatrice.

I mumble that I may be coming down with something and that I am not feeling my best, and to my relief, Robert immediately gives me the smallest pile to move. He is a very kind person, always smiling. As I am walking back and forth quietly, making it a point not to draw attention to myself for fear that I may be assigned more work, I happen to pass by right as Robert is joking around with his sister, Susan. I can tell that they think they are alone as they are joking in a manner which is not typical for Abnegation children to act.

As his sister giggles happily he interjects. "Listen, Susan, I have had my heart set on marrying Beatrice Prior since I was six years old! There is nothing that she could do now that would make me change my mind," he says cheerfully.

At hearing Roberts intentions about Beatrice I immediately think two things…

I wonder if seeing her and I in action on that roof would change his mind?

I feel a slight twinge of jealousy, which explains my first thought.

I immediately push those thoughts away. Beatrice is now my sister, and more importantly… she should marry someone like Robert. He seems very kind and warm, and I am sure he would treat her very well.

I, on the other hand, just want to get the hell away from Marcus and never look back.

I am lost in my thoughts when I am startled by Beatrice's hand on my arm.

"Tobias, you are needed at home. Marcus and Mother can't wait any longer for dinner to be served," she says quietly.

I nod at her and we say our goodbyes as we start toward home, walking home side by side.

"Beatrice, I understand how this is all still an adjustment to you, but you need to be careful. You have been told to call Marcus 'Father.' In front of Robert and Susan you said 'Marcus and Mother'…it is important that you respect our parents' wishes."

She stops dead in her tracks and puts her hands on her hips, glaring at me. My eyes quickly dart around to ensure that there is no one around us to see or hear her.

"He is not my father. And he never will be! I am so sick of this!" she cries.

I freeze in place. My only thought is the searing pain from the bleeding welts on my back. The thought of her experiencing even one-tenth of what I went through today makes me sick to my stomach. I know that if she ever had to experience this, it would change her at her core. And I don't want that for her, or for Natalie. They are such beautiful souls, Beatrice has such spirit… to ever see that damaged would break my heart. I need to help her stay safe, even if she doesn't know it.

I step closer to her, too close, certainly much closer than a brother and sister ever would. Her eyes widen for a moment before she regains control of her facial expression. In the coldest tone I can manage, I hiss in her ear, "Beatrice, listen well. You are right, Marcus is not Andrew Prior. And you would be very smart to remember that at all times. My father is not a man that will tolerate disobedience from anyone. So for the love of God, shut your damn mouth, do as you are told and plaster a sweet smile on your face. Just do it."

Her mouth falls open as her eyes widen. I keep my face emotionless as I continue on the path to our home, leaving her behind, staring after me in shock and anger.

To her credit, she composes herself quickly enough to run and catch up to me. We enter the house at the same time.

Upon entering Beatrice loudly says, "Brother, why don't you wash up? I will be happy to serve dinner on my own tonight."

Marcus and Natalie exchange a smile at hearing her kind offer. As they turn their attention away from us, my sister leans in closer. Just loud enough for only me to hear, she hisses, "Stay the hell away from me for the rest of the evening, Tobias. I would rather do all the work by myself than have to talk to you any more tonight."

I just nod.

Beatrice POV

As I wait for Tobias outside of school so he can walk me home, one of the brotherly duties Marcus has assigned to him, I let my mind wander.

It has been a little more than two weeks since my mom became Mrs. Marcus Eaton, and I still hate it today as much as I did on day one. Adding to my grief over losing my father and brother, I had to have my entire world turned upside down again.

I now have a 'new father' and an older brother to deal with.

I was so mad at Tobias for his words of advice yesterday. I didn't even look at him yesterday evening unless one of the parents were paying attention. And then I made it a point to be sweet as pie, while shooting daggers at him with my eyes. To his credit, he was not mad at all and would just smile at me kindly.

I've found that I have a hard time staying mad at him. He is so handsome…so very very handsome…

No! I need to stop that ridiculous train of thought. We are siblings now, and we actually had our first fight yesterday! I was so mad at the time, but after a good night's sleep, I decided that he was just trying to watch out for me, though I will have to suggest that he work on his method of delivery. Being scolded as though I was a toddler was not ideal- until I calmed down, I really only heard his tone and did not take in his words or intentions.

In the morning I made a point to smile at him. He looked apprehensive at first, but when he saw I was being genuine and not just because one of the adults were in the room his shoulders relaxed and he smiled back.

The last two weeks have been hard. In one swoop I feel as though I have become a slave, which says a lot for someone that grew up in Abnegation and has been living an entire life of selfless service. To make matters worse, my mom has suddenly become almost completely unavailable. She is always busy and almost always with Marcus.

The truth is, I miss her terribly.

I have also noticed that my mother acts even more stoic and reserved when Marcus is present. It is only the rare times that we are together without Marcus that I get a wonderful glimpse of the woman my mother was. Strong, vivacious, caring and fierce.

Marcus is an unusual man. He has made it abundantly clear that his expectation of Abnegation children is perfect silence and hard work. I would never verbalize this to anyone, but I really don't care for Marcus. There is just something about him that strikes me as bizarre, and I can admit that I resent him. I resent everything about him. I hate that he is part of my family now. But that is a secret I can't share with anyone, I know it would hurt my mother deeply to hear me complain about the life she is desperately trying to set up for us.

"Ready, sister?" Tobias says with a hint of teasing in his voice as he breaks me from my thoughts.

I just laugh and nod my head as I walk next to him.

I am glad we made up this morning. We are to the point that we are able to walk long distances in comfortable silence. As much as I resent the situation, I am so grateful that Tobias exists. I can't even imagine being stuck with my mom and Marcus alone.

As we enter our home Tobias asks me if I prefer to do the cooking or cleaning up and setting the table for dinner. I pick the cleaning, I try to avoid cooking when I can. He smiles at me and gets to work.

I can't help but notice how hard he works, it comes so naturally to him. For a moment my mind wanders to Caleb. They are both so different, but this is one thing that they have in common: both are much better suited for Abnegation then I ever could be.

As Tobias is standing over the sink washing the vegetables I am getting the serving bowl down from the shelf, needing to balance on my toes to reach, I accidently stumble. In order to steady myself I reach out my hands to push on his back.

"Beatrice!" he yells at me. He physically recoils as he turns his face away from me. Without turning to look at me he asks me to be more careful, and watch where I am putting my hands.

I feel my cheeks flush, not only do I feel clumsy but there is a feeling of rejection that goes along with it. I know I need to forget about the roof, but I just realize that he must deeply regret what happened between us then - - as he is so repulsed by my touch of any kind.

I shake it off and calmly apologize for my clumsiness.

Tobias apologizes for raising his voice, especially since it was just an accident on my part.

We continue our work in silence. Marcus and my mom will be home shortly and expecting a quick dinner. There is a large event at the Erudite headquarters early this evening and they will be out until very late.

Dinner is wonderful, we all sit quietly while we enjoy our meal. The adults share some words about topics that center on work, and specifically the event this evening. Although peace has been made with Erudite, Marcus is still not a fan of their leader, Jeanine. My mother is very calm and supportive. She says all of the right things to Marcus, effectively boosting his ego and making him feel like he is the smartest human on the planet.

It is ridiculous and I find myself scowling at them. I can't remember one time my mother ever had to act so outrageously to make my father feel good about himself. I snap to attention when, under the table, I feel someone's hands squeeze my knee. Tobias is staring intently at me, and he discreetly nods his head as to warn me to stop.

I bite my lip and nod back. He is right, I can only imagine the terrible faces I was making at them. I sneak a glance at Marcus. Fortunately, as always, he is staring only at my mom. It is as though Tobias and I are not even at the table.

My mother must be tired of acting like Marcus's personal cheerleader as she turns the conversation to Tobias.

"Son, it is hard to believe that your eighteenth birthday is just three months away, and then shortly after is your Choosing Ceremony. This is a very exciting time for you. I know that I will never take Evelyn's place, but I just want you to know that I am very happy for you and I would love to help you in any way that you may require." My mother says kindly, a genuine smile on her face.

I do think she has grown to care about Tobias in this short amount of time. I know he would never take Caleb's place in her heart…but she once told me that we need to show kindness for a young man that went so long without his own mother's love. My mother does indeed seem to love him.

I glance his way to see that his face is frozen, for a moment I wonder if she has upset him. Maybe it was painful for him to hear her mention Evelyn. I want to scratch Marcus's eyes out anytime I hear him mention my father.

But no, Tobias gulps and he seems to be blinking back tears. He quietly thanks her for her kindness. He then returns his eyes to his plate. My mom smiles at him sadly.

That is the first time that I notice how sad Tobias seems. How have I never seen this before?

"Well, Beatrice also has a birthday coming up, I believe hers is just a few weeks behind Tobias's! So when Tobias turns eighteen this May, Beatrice will be turning seventeen right after. How nice that the children will be just a year apart for their Choosing Ceremonies!" Marcus smiles. He looks openly pleased.

My mother clears her throat before speaking. "You are correct, dear, that Beatrice will turn seventeen shortly after Tobias…but since her birthday falls shortly after the Choosing Day it will actually be two years after Tobias that she has her ceremony."

The look of horror that washes over Marcus's face, you would think I just announced an unplanned pregnancy at the dinner table.

For the first time ever, Marcus is speechless. He only nods his head before taking a large drink from his water. I then notice that Tobias is alert and looking at everyone around the table, as though bracing himself for what may happen next.

Even my mother looks very uncomfortable as she is watching Marcus out of the corner of her eye.

And then it dawns on me, Marcus thought I would be leaving his home in one year, not two. Wow, no wonder he looked so horrified. I suddenly feel sick and so unwanted. I bite my lip and stare at my plate as I quietly cut my food and pretend to eat. I feel so sick, I could not take another bite.

Not only have I lost most of my family, I now feel like an outsider in my own home.

Our parents have to rush off for the event just as Tobias and I begin cleaning up after dinner. They remind us to complete our homework, and lock up, and make sure the fire is properly running before we retire to bed as it is supposed to drop below freezing later this evening. Marcus does not like to come home to a cold house.

As we take a break to say goodbye and walk them to the door, a huge gust of freezing wind enters the house. They are already dressed for the winter weather, whereas Tobias and I are in our house clothes. I yelp, it is so cold. Marcus scowls at the noise I made as he quickly ushers my mother out the door.

As soon as the door shuts and they are gone, my shoulders drop, the tension of the evening finally catching up to me. I keep thinking about how upset Marcus was to learn that I had two years until I could leave the family home.

Suddenly I feel Tobias's arm across my shoulders and I turn to him, he smiles at me and gives me a small squeeze. I can't help but smile back at him.

We quickly clean up while we discuss birthdays. Tobias will turn eighteen on May 19th of this year, and then I will turn seventeen on July 8th. He comments that it seems so unfair that even though we are basically one year apart that we will have two years between him choosing and then me. I just smile at him, I am not really seeing why it would be a big deal to him.

I trust Tobias already, I confess that even as a child I have dreamed of becoming Dauntless. I am not sure if it will happen, but now that mother has remarried I will allow myself to consider it again. He smiles at me and nods.

The last two years that Marcus is stuck with me, Tobias will be considered an adult and he will have his own home in Abnegation.

As we get our school books out and begin to study it seems that the temperature is dropping by the minute. I am basically trembling as I try to read my text book. Tobias wraps a blanket around my shoulder on his way to build the fire up larger. I watch him, sometimes in moments like these I forget that we are really here as brother and sister living together in our new family home. Tobias is just this gorgeous young man that I went from not even knowing his name, to now being together all of the time.

"What are you thinking about? You're staring at me, while deep in thought." He teases me, a large smile on his face.

Before I can come up with a good lie I notice he has ash on his cheek from when he wiped his brow. I giggle and tell him he better check in the mirror.

Oh wait – we don't have access to a mirror in Abnegation. Tobias waits for a second and then bursts out laughing.

I laugh too, but then the cold overpowers me. I stop so I can wrap myself tightly in the blanket.

Tobias walks over and offers me his hand, telling me to bring my books. He grabs some pillows and another blanket off the couch.

He makes a sitting area on the floor in front of the fireplace and tells me that it is really nice and warm right in front. He leads me to sit down, then he turns to get his school book and sit on the chair that is further away.

"Tobias, why aren't you sitting by the fire too?" I ask

"Um, I don't know. I mean…I wasn't sure if you would be ok with me sitting so close to you, while we would be laying on the floor." He sounds a little nervous.

I bite my lip, remembering how cold he was when I accidently bumped into his back earlier. "Well, you had the idea to sit by the fire and set up the pillows - - you sit here, I will go to the couch." I smile brightly. I am guessing that my fake smile doesn't reach my eyes. As I turn away to walk towards the couch he catches my wrist. The contact instantly sends sparks up and down my body.

We just stare at each other for a moment. I swear it seems like he is staring right into my soul. He then rubs the back of his neck nervously, "Would you mind if we sat together…I mean I wouldn't mind at all. I'm cold too, so we could just sit side by side…while we do homework…of course."

I nod my head, probably too eagerly.

The next thing I know, we are both fighting to get comfortable on the makeshift bed that is in front of the warm fire. As we fight over the best pillow Tobias reminds me that this was all his idea. I laugh and tickle his side to get him to let go of my pillow.

Some time passes as we are each studying. We are in different years at school, so he had already completed my subject of study two years ago. I ask him a question about my homework and he immediately comes close so we can both read the pages in my book together. We are both laying on our stomachs, side by side with the open book on the floor in front of us. While he is staring at my book, I can't help but stare at him.

I feel a gentle rumbling in my lower stomach, or maybe a better phrase to describe it is a flutter of butterflies. He is so beautiful, and for a moment I allow myself to think of that moment on the roof and the way it felt to kiss him. Not so much the first time that I kissed him, that was just awkward. But our kisses towards the end…I still remember the way our tongues moved.

"Beatrice..." he says, his brows slightly furrowed.

I blush deeply and turn away while mumbling sorry.

"You can't look at me that way. It's…too much." He says softly.

I look back at him, and nod.

He just nods his head softly and then starts explaining the material to me. I can tell this particular conversation is over. He does end up lying next to me on the floor as he is also reading. When I get tired of laying on my stomach I turn over so I can lay on my back, I ask him to hand me another pillow that is right by him.

He smiles and insists on situating it for me so I can relax my head on it while I read. I thank him by squeezing his hand. He nods and this time I catch him staring at my lips.

I wonder if he ever thinks about our kisses too.

And then I remind myself, Tobias is my brother now. I really shouldn't be thinking about kissing him, if I was sitting here with Caleb these thoughts would be absolutely vile and disgusting. I actually burst out laughing at the thought.

Tobias leans over me and demands to know why I am laughing. I bite my lip and nod my head as to say no. There is no way I could admit this to him. He frowns playfully and this time he tickles me in order to make me talk. I thrash about as I am very ticklish and suddenly and I am holding his hands in mine and we are laying very close, me on my back looking up at him and him on side, leaning dangerously close to being on top of me.

My heart races and I feel like his must be, too.

He smiles at me and leans in to whisper in my ear, "Tell me or… I will start to tickle you again. Right now." I bite my lip and smile at the same time. Suddenly his hand is cradling my face and his thumb gently releases my lower lip from my teeth.

I blush, still smiling at him, and he is smiling too. He genuinely looks so happy- probably the happiest I have ever seen him.

I slowly sit up, invading his space. He automatically moves back to give me room. So now we are both laying on our sides and facing each other. I smile and lean in…and I whisper, "You still have ash from the fireplace all over your cheek, it's too bad you don't have that mirror!"

And I laugh, because it is true, he still does have a decent sized smear of ash across his cheek. His mouth falls open and he scolds me for letting him look foolish all this time. I laugh as he tries to rub it off with the sleeve of his shirt.

Suddenly Tobias stops and stares at me, his face getting serious. I search his eyes, there is a part of me that wants him to kiss me. I would gladly kiss him back.

"Your hair bun is coming apart... um... here, I will try to fix it…" and his hand gently tucks a loose section of hair back behind my ear.

Suddenly I feel brave. "Would you mind if I just took it out. Since it is just the two of us here…and I am sure we will head to bed before Marcus returns…"

He nods his head and watches me intently as I sit up and reach behind me slowly to begin pulling the hair pins out. There is something special about the way he is looking at me, just as I know there is something special about the way I am slowly taking my hair down while looking into his eyes.

He gulps when my golden hair falls past my shoulders and I run my fingers through it. Tobias sits up too, as he admires me. He asks me if he can see the back, and then he blushes deeply. I smile sweetly at him and turn to face the other way. I have never shown a man my hair down before.

I turn to him, "I know I shouldn't have my hair down in front of you…but…"

"I'll never tell, and I shouldn't tell you this either…but I love it. You are so beautiful Beatrice, and your hair is gorgeous." He smiles at me.

And then I smile at him.

Then we lay back down and resume studying.

And for the first time ever I wonder what it would feel like to be married and lay down next to a man for the rest of my life.