A/N (1): This story practically writes itself. I'm down to one chapter a day at the moment, and this is faster than I ever updated any other story before. But I don't want to break the spell and will go for it as long as it works. :)

More A/N at the end of the story

Disclaimer: Not mine. Spoilers for Seasons Six and Seven.

Hotch was in shock after he had heard Emily's admission that he is the one killing her in her nightmares. And Emily used that short moment of confusion to leave his place, practically flee from him and drive home.

The next day she calls in sick. Something she has never done before. The team is worried, and Hotch is worried even more, but it is no option to tell anyone what happened. Her coat lies in his car. She forgot it on his couch during her hurried departure. Hotch calls her several times all day through, but she doesn't pick up the phone or call back. She even has deactivated her voicemail – something none of his team members is allowed to do, because he has to be able to reach anyone of them anytime – and he doesn't know whether this angers him or intensifies his worries.

One day, he eventually decides. He will give her one day to recover.

There is no current case, so Hotch busies himself with paperwork. It's already dark outside when he finally calls it a day. He wants to see Jack at least for a little while before his son falls asleep.

Hotch is the last one of the team to walk out of the bullpen. When the doors of the elevator open, he is greeted with an unexpected view. Emily is standing right in front of him, and obviously she is not as surprised to see him as he is to see her.

"Going home?" she asks noncommittally as if last night didn't happen and as if she didn't avoid him the whole day.

Hotch nods and steps into the elevator.

"Did you come here to talk?" It's a rhetorical question. Emily knows that at this late hour Hotch most likely is the only one left in the office. Therefore she came over on purpose.

"Yes," she states the obvious. Then she adds with uncertainty in her voice, "But maybe we should postpone it. This doesn't seem to be the best time. You want to go home to Jack."

Usually Hotch appreciates this – her ability to put her needs on the back burner, to take care for others first. Right now it frustrates him. They can't beat around the bush forever. He still can't believe that she dreams about him killing her.

"Emily, for God's sake, tell me what is going on with you," he gives vent to his anger. "We can talk on the way to my car."

She stares at him and then nods as if hereby giving herself permission to talk.

"I told you the worst part last night," she starts. "These dreams began when I came back to join the team. They... hit me completely unexpected." She doesn't look at him, and for once Hotch is thankful that the elevator is so damn slow. He doesn't want to interrupt her now.

"You know that I'm in therapy," she continues, just to amend hastily, "Of course, it doesn't influence my work." As if she has to defend her need for help when actually it was an order, Strauss' requirement for coming back to the BAU.

"Emily...," Hotch warns her sympathetically. She doesn't have to justify this. PTSD is an inherent danger of their job, therapy standard procedure in situations like she had to live through. But Emily Prentiss doesn't tolerate weakness when it comes to herself.

"I know," she responds. "I'm just saying...," her voice trails off as if she lost her train of thought, but Hotch knows better. She's stalling for time, doesn't want to tell him what she is about to say. She does it anyway. "So... I thought the therapy lessons would help; and when they didn't, I started taking sleeping pills, and they helped to suppress the dreams. But I can't allow myself to be dizzy when a case comes up in the middle of the night. Therefore I stopped taking them. And the nightmares came back, sometimes so bad...," her voice trails off again due to the painful memory. "Sometimes they are so bad that I can't handle them on my own," she finishes. No word about that it's him killing her. Just a random, unimportant fact.

The elevator stops and the doors open. There are not many cars in the parking lot at this hour anymore. Emily's car stands a few parking spaces away from Hotch's. Somehow the space between their cars is symbolic.

They step out of the elevator, and cold air hits them. Only now Hotch realizes that Emily wears no jacket. She doesn't seem to feel the cold though when she finally looks at him. The hurt in her eyes makes Hotch cringe. He feels a twinge of guilt. Hadn't he been so selfish and gone to see her in Paris, the dreams perhaps never would have happened. At least they wouldn't have the impact on her they now apparently have.

"I'm sorry," Hotch says, before he can think about it, and his voice echoes in the almost empty parking lot. He isn't sure what he is apologizing for, because as wrong as the timing might have been back then in Paris – he regrets nothing. Only that Emily has these disturbing nightmares. And profiler or not, he hasn't figured out yet why she has them, why he is the one killing her in her dreams.

Tears shimmer in her eyes. Aside from the day her old friend died, Hotch has never seen Emily cry. Then it dawns on him that she is waiting for him to say something else.

"Sorry for what?" she eventually asks when he doesn't add anything.

"Sorry for not asking you earlier what is going on, sorry for not noticing that you must have had a lack of sleep," he voices his thoughts as they come to his mind.

Not the right answer – that's what her facial expression tells him.

"I don't regret what happened between us in Paris... or here," he clarifies. "Just in case that's what you suspect."

Emily seems to be relieved, albeit it still doesn't seem to be the right answer.

"What else?" he gives in. "What else should I be sorry for? Tell me."

The tears in her eyes are still there, but they don't fall, and the change in her countenance announces that she is about to cork up her feelings. Emily turns around and walks to their cars. "You still have my coat," she says casually. "I suppose you brought it with you." Hotch didn't know that she would call in sick today, so he brought her coat to give it back to her in between without attracting attention to the fact that she left it in his apartment.

She walks fast and has almost reached his car when Hotch seizes her by her arm. Her look tells him that she expects a controversy, but he almost begs her, his voice soft and tender, "Tell me, Emily, please."

She swallows and gathers courage. "Isn't it obvious?" she asks him, and her voice is as cold as steel. "Everybody is talking about Ian Doyle and how he almost killed me. But the fact remains – he didn't." She takes a deep breath, seems to think about whether to say the next words to him or not. "You're the one killing me in my dreams, because you're the one who succeeded in killing me in real life. You decided to fake my death. You decided to separate me from the team, from you. I made a mistake when I decided to go after Doyle on my own. But you made a mistake too when you decided to let me die without even waiting until I was able to participate in this decision, without asking me what my choice would have been. You just – let me die..."

Hotch just stares at her speechless. It's so simple. The explanation. The reason for her nightmares. The guilt is back, and it's not only a slight twinge this time. He feels it with full force. Of course, he didn't decide on his own. There were other people involved, government agencies. It is expensive and complex to fake someone's death. However she is right. He should have involved her in this decision, should have asked her what she wanted. At least he should have tried. But he was so worried, so wild with fear because Doyle had almost killed her and would try it again for sure, that for once in his life Aaron Hotchner acted overhasty.

"I'm...," he can't get out the words and has to clear his throat. "I'm sorry for not involving you in this decision," he says and this time it is the right answer, although she still doesn't let the tears fall.

"Thank you," she whispers.

It was no automatic response. Hotch didn't just tell her what she wanted to hear. He means it. Back then he and JJ had to decide so quickly that they didn't have time to let feelings get in the way. But then Emily was gone. For good. And there was a chance that she wouldn't be back for years, maybe never. No-one knew how fast Ian Doyle would be caught. And it didn't take long and Hotch regretted his decision – deeply. But even if he wasn't able to handle it emotionally, rationally he knew that it was necessary. His visit in Paris was a consequence of this conflict. He knew that Emily had to be considered dead as long as Ian Doyle was alive, his feelings told him though that he had to see her, feel her, at least once. Selfish. Unprofessional. He did it anyway. And burdened her thereby with even more emotional baggage.

"I'm sorry," Hotch says again. Now that he said it once, it's as if he opened the way to his own suppressed feelings. In a quick move he pulls her into an embrace. Her body is cold without a jacket or a coat.

"Let me get your coat," he remembers, walks over the last meters to his car and gets the coat out. But when he tries to put it over her shoulders to warm her, she takes it off his hands and puts it over her arm.

"I think I should go," Emily states, and her words are somehow inappropriate. Didn't they just resolve everything?

"Why don't you come with me?" Hotch offers. "We could continue to talk when Jack is asleep." Now that the problem is out in the open, he doesn't want to get back to business as usual before they really have talked about it. Not just this brief conversation.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Emily responds, and by now her distance irritates him. There is no more pain in her eyes, only acceptance and cold. "I talked to Dave on my way here, and he told me about your date with... I think he said her name is Beth. I don't want to mess up your life anymore than I already have."

To be continued

A/N (2): It was a last minute choice to bring Hotch's date into the play, but somehow I couldn't resist. It was too tempting to stir up the story as a result. The way Emily gets to know about Beth is slightly AU. Otherwise it wouldn't have fit into the plot. I don't think I spoil you too much when I tell you that she won't really be a part of the story. Just a little spice to heat up things between Emily and Hotch.

So, what do you think? Is it comprehensible that Emily dreams of Hotch killing her? It always bothered me that she never quarreled with the fact that other people decided to fake her death while she was unconscious and fighting for her life. And obviously Hotch was significantly involved in this decision. Well, maybe they'll approach this topic in 7x12, but somehow I doubt it...

As always thank you so much for the reviews and the alerts. A heartfelt thank you goes especially to those of you who reviewed multiple times: CSIFan4life, greengirl82, History05, HPforever-after and therealmrsedwardcullen2013. But, of course, every review is highly appreciated.