Asuka got inside the Eva which she recolored to suit her personality, Eva unit 02 has been waiting for her a long long time like a doll that has just been abandoned...Or an uneaten burrito.

"Hey, I always finish my food!"

Yeah right, do you know the number of chimichunga's you leave behind?

"Hey, sometimes I don't feel like eating at the moment."

You could always throw them in the garbage not leave them on your plate!

"Well...The garbage can is always full."

You could always take them out.

"Eh..Too lazy."

Um Misato is behind you along with Mari. Asuka turns to them.

"Okay, this mission is a go but were getting some setbacks at the moment so get in the entry plug and wait."

Asuka does a dukes of hazard slide on the hatch and gets in.

"Hmm...Time to sleep!"

Well this is the appropriate time to catch some z's

"Titty, titty, titty..."

Zzzzz

"Titty, titty, titty..."

Asuka wakes up.

"Oh my God, I just had a apipthany!"

Huh? What was it?

"I should take Shinji out for some chimichunga's!"

I don't think he likes those, I mean seriously he's not like you.

"Alright, preparing to launch!" blared Maya after she fixed the glitch.

"Oh right!" cheered Asuka as she grips the controls tightly.

"Oh yeah, masks on!" she flips on her mask.

The pod that contains unit-02 raises alongside unit-08, they launch.

"Turn on the auto-tune!"

Alright!

"I believe I could fly~"

"Dammit Kitakami! Why did you put auto-tune there!?"

"Sorry, I was a gonna use it for a prank!"

Oh my God, Asuka you sound like an auto-tuned Justin Bieber please stop singing! Asuka?

"I believe touch the skahhhhyyyy~"

Please make it stop! One of the crewman is already suffering from a seizure and another is slamming his face on the wall and biting his tongue!

Asuka sighs and turns off the auto-tune.

"I think about it every night and day, just spread my wings and fly away"

My God...Her voice is angelic even the WILLE crew are astonished.

Misato wipes off a tear from her cheek and sniffs a little.

"Okay Asuka, enough fooling around were getting specimen BM-03"

The pod releases the Eva and it begins to use its thrusters to guide itself.

"four targets incoming!" warned Mari.

"I see em!"

Unit 02 pulls out two swords and beings to slash the nemesis unit's tentacles another grabs unit 02's arms.

"Oh, I've seen enough Hentai to know where this is going!"

Her Eva slashes the tentacle away from it and kicks it off, unit 02 pulls out two pistols and starts firing.

"Look at ma two guns!"

An MP Eva head towards her and begins to fire, unit 02 avoid the shot and slices its head off.

"There's the tesseract!"

Unit 02 gets a hold of the cross-like prison but a nemesis unit gets on it.

"Okay..I am not a school girl! " she yells as she struggles from the tentacle.

The red pilotable cyborg pulls out a progressive knife and tries to slash it, unit-02 kicks off the nemesis unit.

"Mari, I need supporting fire!"

"Sorry, I'm out of distance and already starting fall into the atmosphere."

Unit-08 makes a sign-shaped like a heart with its hands.

"Dramatic single fight scene...Greeaat."

Another nemesis unit runs towards unit-02 and latches on the Eva.

"Dammit, does Nerv watch a lot of hentai!?"

Well, Gendo watches something on his comouter when no one is looking. Probably.

An MP Eva flies to her, it opens its mouth.

"I will never die! Never!"

Asuka releases the entry plug from her Eva and jumps out towards the Eva causing her helmet to fall out.

"Falcon...PUNCH!"

She raises her fist and punches it in the face.

The MP Eva's face screams in pain as lights come out from its eyes and mouth.

"Yeah! Oh crap, my helmet...Ack!"

Doesn't your lung regenerate?

"Yeah but...Its like repeating the same fatal...mistake...I need mouth to mouth...For air...Ouch."

No way.

"Fuck...Ack...you..."

Suddenly an arm comes out of the tesseract and grabs Asuka, putting her back to the entry plug and the Eva.

Shinji wakes up on a table restrained, a scanner observes his face, he notices three soldiers pointing their guns at him. Next to Shinji is a girl wearing a white beret.

"Where...Am I?"

They don't respond.

"Oh your awake, welcome to the wunder." she generously greeted.

As they head towards the command center, Shinji notices a figure that looks like Asuka breathing on a oxygen tank.

"Are sure this isn't a hookah? Cause I'm not into this stuff."

"No Asuka...Its not a hookah." replied a voice that sounds like Ritsuko.

Shinji gets up to see everyone glaring at him.

"Misato-"

"Don't call me that..Sakura, escort him to his courters."

"Yes ma'm."

Shinji is escorted to his room, Asuka approaches Misato from behind.

"Can I call you Misato?" she asks while making a cute-cat like face.

Misato looked at Asuka.

How can I say no to that face?
Misato nods at Asuka and pats her on the head.

"Where's Ayanami?"

No one in the room didn't answer.

"Ayanami doesn't exist anymore..." Misato replied.

Shinji became startled.

"W-What?"

"We only found you inside the plug no else was there." Ritsuko said.

"What, I saved her!"

The boy notices Asuka in the distance.

"Asuka, your alright!"

Asuka stares at him.

"Do you know what happened her?"

"Yeah...Shinji, its been a long time and...We should see some other people..."

Can you please stop the breakup tactic, you two are not dating!

"Well, sorry, its been like 14 years since I talked to him."

Shinji gasps.

"14 years? How?"

Asuka turns.

"Oh yeah...Its a thing called the...Um..."

Asuka pulls out the script.

"The curse of the Eva! Is that right?"

Yeah.

"Okay, you have the curse of the Eva! While I have the curse of Misato's desperate arrogance!"

Shinji raises his eyebrow.

"Yeah, Misato experimented on me, how about this reel."

Asuka pulls up film screen from out of nowhere narrated by Morgan Freeman

Labeled as both heroin and villainess

Asuka was once a badass Eva pilot, after being recruited by the weapon A program.

Asuka was subjected to experiments that gave her awesome regenerative powers...and drove her batshit crazy.

Today the merchett with a mouth travels around the globe in search of fortune...And chimichunga's!

Shinji eyes grew wide, he could believe Misato did this to her! Now Asuka is some type of freak with regenerative powers.

"So, wanna gets some chimichunga's? I'll break you out~"

Shinji froze, the Asuka he knew is gone...replaced by an insane mercenary.

"Shinji?"

He turns to see Asuka is already in his cell. Shinji is still frozen. Asuka presses both of her hands on his face and starts rubbing them all over his face to get a response.

"Shinji?"

No response.

"Shinji?"

Still no response.

"Shinji"

Wha? I was asleep.

"Shinji?"

Shinji regains his sense and pushes her away from him causing her to stumble to the ground.

"Your not Asuka...Asuka's dead. Your just a mercenary..."

The words stung like poison to Asuka, she begins to sniff.

"Uh..Uh...I didn't mean it! Asuka?"

Asuka lifts her head with tears over her eyes.

"I...was waiting for 14 years for you..."

She pulls out her phone and it shows a picture of a cake reading welcome back.

"I..I even made you a cake."

Shinji goes closer to her. But a voice interrupts the moment.

"Ikari, where are you?"

"Rei?"

"I'm over here!"

A hand breaches the hull.

"Dammit I was close to my target!"

Shinji felt betrayed, Asuke lied to him.

"Wait...Skin on skin?"

Shinji gets on the hand.

"Oh no you don't!"

She gets a...Is that a 3d manuvering gear?

"Yep! Sind sie das Essen? Nein, wir sind der Jäger!" The hooks grab on to the Eva and she climbs on to the back of it head.

She gets on her radio.

"Misato, you better pay me later."