"Commander Shepard."
"Captain Gavorn." She gave him a lopsided smile. It wasn't until she sat down that she'd realized she had no idea how to go about picking up a turian. Her nighttime 'musings' generally didn't include much in the way of talking. She glanced over at Garrus, he smirked back. Smug bastard. She turned back towards the captain. "Keeping the vorcha in line?"
He inclined his head, "been a lot easier lately. You wouldn't know anything about a whole lot of dead vorcha over near the clinic, would you?"
"No. I wouldn't know anything about that." She deadpanned.
"hm. Well, it's made my job a lot easier," he leaned forward slightly, "keep up the good work."
Shepard briefly wondered if they'd had a similar conversation before.
"So what brings you to Afterlife, Gavorn?"
"Same as you I would guess."
"Oh? Looking to blow off some steam then?" She attempted to take a sip of the drink she'd brought over with her, or what little she'd managed not to spill on her walk, that is, but wound up poking herself in the nose with the straw.
He glanced over at her skeptically. "You could say that."
After a moment of awkward silence he thought to herself, 'screw this, just do it.'
"You know Gavorn, I could offer you with a tour of the Normandy if you're interested. We can start at the cockpit and work our way up to my cabin?" She offered him her most tempting smile and hoped it didn't come off as deranged. It really had been a long time that she'd tried anything like this, and she was awkward enough when it came to this sort of thing with her own species.
He started for a moment before speaking. "Sorry, Commander, you're not my type."
"Oh…. I see…. Sorry, I was under the impression you were, ah, interested humans."
He looked down at her briefly, clearly uncomfortable. "I am." He cleared his throat. "You're the, um, wrong gender."
Oh. Ohhhhh. She looked over at Garrus again. The bastard was still smirking. Well, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her make a spectacle of herself. Again. Time to turn this around. She smiled at her companion, "So I suppose saying something along the lines of "I lost my virginity, can I borrow yours?" won't work then?"
Gavorn laughed, "Sorry, no, neither will 'The only reason I'd kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor!'."
"How about, 'Do you believe in love at first sight? or should I walk by again?'."
"My belt buckle would look great on your forehead!"
"I'm feeling a little off. Would you mind turning me on?"
After a few seconds of laughter the two of them caught their breath. Gavorn motioned to the bartender. "Get you another drink?"
She grinned at him, "Why the hell not?"
He ordered and paid for their drinks and turned back to her. "So, turians, huh?"
Shepard shrugged at him, "So, humans, huh?"
He shrugged right back at her.
And suddenly she had an idea. She leaned in close and said in a hushed voice. "Hey, Gavorn, mind helping me out with something?
Garrus:
On the other side of the bar the smirk left Garrus' face.
This was NOT going as planned. She was supposed to be shot down and come crawling back to his table, where she could stew for a while and realize her mistake. The plan didn't involve the two of them apparently hitting it off. It certainly didn't involve the two of them laughing or him buying her another drink. It definitely did not involve Shepard leaning in close and whispering something in Gavorn's ear.
The other turian looked up and made eye contact with Garrus, raised his glass in a toast, and put his hand on Shepard's knee.
Yeaahhh.
That wasn't part of the plan, either.
Shepard:
Shepard glanced up at her new found turian friend and laughed. "How does he look?"
"At first confused." He placed his hand on her knee. "Now irritated."
She tensed slightly and bit out, "That bastard."
"Excuse me?"
"He knew," she muttered to herself.
"Um?"
She smiled up at him, "tell you what, you keep rubbing my leg like that and I'll tell you all about it." She ran a finger down his mandible.
"Now he looks as though he'd like to murder someone."
"Perfect" she purred.
The smile she sent him was so genuine he couldn't help smiling back.
Garrus:
Garrus slammed down his glass with more force than was necessary, banging the table and startling Tali awake.
"Optics!" she sputtered as she jerked upright.
"Sorry." Garrus muttered, not turning his head to look at her and instead gazing angrily across the bar.
She swayed slightly, brushed off her suit and followed Garrus' line of vision.
"Thought you said he liked the males..."
Garrus grunted the affirmative.
Tali continued to watch Shepard and the other turian for a minute. Gavorn had his hand wrapped around Shepard's thigh, stroking lightly. Shepard was curled up next to him, tracing his mandible with her finger and whispering in his ear. Garrus sat stiffly in his seat glaring at the two.
"... are you sure about that?"
Garrus folded his arms across his chest. "Well, I thought I heard..."
"I think you heard wrong."
Garrus rumbled something.
"What?"
"She could do a hell of a lot better than him."
xXxXx
"So, what is it about human's you enjoy the most?" Shepard asked, leaning in too closely just for the sake of pissing off the turian across the bar.
"Blowjobs." He answered without hesitation.
Shepard barked out a laugh. "Anything else?"
"Mmmm. Soft skin. Soft lips. Flexibility. Humans tend to be more physically affectionate that most turians are."
"Is that your way of saying you like to cuddle?" she teased.
"Absolutely. Your species is like self-warming body pillows." He leaned in a little closer "and all that skin smells so damned good."
The way his teeth glinted in the light of the club made Shepard immediately think of the big bad wolf. She felt a shiver race up her spine. "Really?"
"Mmm. Not all humans, mind you, everyone's scent is a little different. And hygiene does matter."
Having spent a lot of time in deep space crowded in a tin can with dozens of other Marines, she had to agree. "Well, that goes without saying."
"How about you? Turians?"
She cleared her throat, "it's, ah, a new fixation."
"Oh?"
"Very new." She smiled at him in with an overly exaggerated look of longing, "you were to be my first conquest."
He laughed down at her, "Aside from, you know, the sex, you can absolutely consider me conquered!"
Her head fell back as she laughed; disrupting her already questionable balance and she started rocking sideways and couldn't quite seem to stop. Large hands wrapped themselves around her waist to steady her. Gavorn held her there for a moment before letting go. "Your turian friend over there is starting to look as though he'd like to rip my mandibles off and poke my eyes out with them."
She snorted and finished her drink. "Let him stew. He had it coming."
"If you're so 'fixated' on turians, what about him?" He nodded his head in the direction of Garrus.
"THAT could be quite complicated."
"How so?"
She sighed. "He's... far too good of a friend to mess it up with sex." She shrugged, "Besides, he's not interested in humans."
"He's not thrilled with you over here trying to have your way with me either." He leaned a little closer again and lowered his voice, "You know, we tend to have more relaxed views towards sex than your species. Friendships can be maintained even if there are occasional bouts of 'blowing off steam. It's not really a big deal to us.'" He nodded his head in the direction of the Garrus again. "And I'm fairly certain that your turian would not be opposed to the idea."
Your turian. She liked the sound of that far too much for her own good. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up again. "Even if he were interested I really don't think that it's a risk worth taking. Really, he's -" She glanced over to where Garrus and Tali were sitting. Tali drunkenly waved at them, Garrus folded his arms over his chest and scowled. "- he and a few other members of the crew are the closest thing I have to a family."
Gavorn motioned to his unmarked face, "I get that. But I still think you may be overlooking him a little too quickly." He sat back and motioned towards her. "Besides, aren't you Commander Fucking Shepard? Last I heard taking risks was a part of your job."
She laughed at that. "You know, I love that every time I hear it. Commander Fucking Shepard. I think I'm going to change my name, never felt Jane suited me."
"It would be pretty badass, that's for certain."
"There's that, but imagine it being announced over the Citadel Comm system. 'Commander Fucking Shepard please report to Udina's office immediately!' The look on that asshole's face would be priceless."
Garrus:
Garrus watched as that barefaced bastard gripped Shepard's waist and held her there. A deep angry growl began to build in him, his hands ached to rip off his gloves and scratch some markings into the other turian's face. The pair of them turned and looked over at where he and Tali was sitting. The quarian waved at them happily. He folded his arms over his chest in disgust.
"Look at them Garrus! They're adorable together." She squealed.
"They are not adorable together."
She tilted her head to the side, " They ARE adorable. And Shepard looks like she's having a nice time." She gasped and clasped her hands. "Oh! Maybe she'll take him with us!"
Garrus growled in response.
"I can tell you for a fact, Garrus, that the ladies of the Normandy would appreciate a bit more eye candy." She laughed again. "And I use the term 'ladies' loosely. Or in Kelly's case, extremely loosely, if you catch my drift." She hiccupped and dissolved into another fit of giggles.
They really needed to keep her away from liquor. And he needed to get the hell away from Shepard and Gavorn. He stood abruptly and pulled her up beside him. "Tali, you've had enough. I'm taking you back to the ship."
Garrus strode towards the exit, tugging the quarian along behind him. He needed to get out of here before he made an ass of himself. The thought of Shepard and that other turian -
- he couldn't finish the thought without feeling the need to hurt something, and doing just that inadvertently.
"Let go before you tear off my arm, Garrus!"
"Sorry" he muttered and let go as asked, but he continued to usher her towards the docking bay, trying to ignore her chattering about Shepard and that other turian and how much fun it would be to have him on board. He failed, snapping at her to shut up. She managed to remain silent for all of ten seconds.
"Sooo, you have a problem with Shepard's new appreciation of the turian form?" She mused out loud. "Or is it Shepard with anyone who isn't Garrus that is turning you into such a bosh'tet?"
"I don't know." He growled.
His answer earned him an exasperated sigh from Tali. "It isn't hard to figure out. Which one did you want to tear apart?"
That stopped him. "Excuse me?"
"You were over there making all kinds of angry grunts and growls. And the LOOKS you were giving them? I'm glad I wasn't on the other side of them. If you simply wanted Shepard to stop flirting that's one thing. But if you wanted to hurt the other turian - what was his name again?"
"Gavorn." He spat.
"Right. If you wanted to go all prehistoric on Gavorn I'd say you were jealous."
"I wasn't-" He stopped before he could finish. He couldn't deny her logic, muddled as it was with liquor, and her certainly could not deny his reaction towards that other male.
Though he couldn't see her face through the helmet, she somehow managed to look far too self-satisfied for his taste.
"That's what I thought." She folded her arms across her chest and regarded him critically. "Well? Go back and get her away from him if it bothers you." She poked him in the chest. "That is SHEPARD. She's a female of action. The alpha bitch of the Galaxy! " She waved her arms excitedly, teetering on unbalanced legs until he had to grab her to keep her from falling over. "Do you really think SHE will be impressed by you sulking off to your cave on the Normandy because of a little competition? I certainly don't." She marched up to him and got in his face. "Grow a quad, Garrus!"
She stomped away from him and headed back to the ship, leaving a very uncertain, yet still incredibly irritated Garrus behind.
xXxXx
"Shepard, it's time to leave." Garrus' voice rumbled over her shoulder.
"If you want to go Garrus, go ahead. I'm having a great time. And hey, you only live once, right?" She didn't look up from her companion.
"Shepard-" the tone in his voice held a warning.
She glanced up at him; "Vakarian," she responded with no small amount of amusement.
"I'm giving you the opportunity to walk out of here on your own, Shepard. Don't think I won't carry you if I have to." He edged even closer, looming over her so she had to crane her neck to look up at him.
Gavorn snorted and muttered beside her, "I'd pay to see that."
Garrus turned towards the other turian, his features twisting (as much as his plates would allow) into a snarl, Gavorn returned his glare. A few chirps, trills and low growls between them later and Gavorn rose to his feet. At first Shepard though the two might continue their little display, but instead the captain downed the last of his drink and excused himself.
"I'm think I'm going to leave this one for you, Commander," he said.
She sighed despondently, "probably for the best."
Garrus spoke at the same time, his voice coming out deep and rough and threatening and far too sexy. "Wise choice," He lowered his gaze to her, "Let's go."
Well, who did he think he was to order her around? "Vakari-"
He didn't let her finish before he barked out "Now." The tone in his voice was not one he ever used with her and it surprised her for a moment. But a moment was all he needed. She felt his talons wrap around her arm as he tugged her behind him. She followed on rubbery legs and shouted behind her as they left "You're my new best friend! Ping me!"
"Count on it!" Gavorn called over his shoulder.
Next to her Garrus growled again and continued to drag her out of the club.
Shepard burst into laughter the minute the exited the club. She snorted at him. "That was fantastic!" She put on her best scary caveman face, turned her fingers into two deformed talons and said in her deepest voice. "Me Garrus! Me strong! Grrrrr!" Laughter overcame her again. She grasped her side and continued, "I wish I had recorded it. Joker would have shattered his ribs laughing!"
He stared down at her, eyes narrowed, "You knew that I set you up, didn't you?"
Shepard leaned against the outside of the club, to catch her breath, her legs no longer doing a sufficient job of supporting her weight. "I know you like the back of my hand, Vakarian." She waved said hand in front of his face. "Except, you know, my hand's not all spikey and stuff." She grinned deviously, "and it doesn't have a big blue-"
Garrus cut her off by neatly closing his hand over her mouth and pull her away from a group leaving the club. She bit his hand when they were out of earshot and managed to get away
She scowled "I was going to say visor."
"Riiight." He huffed in annoyance before continuing. "Let's get back to the Normandy. You've had enough to drink."
"Oh, come on Garrus! The night is still young! I was hoping, to, you know, test out and see how much of my new body really is new." She grinned up again, "You know, so if our trip through the Omega Relay doesn't work out I won't die a virgin," She waggled her eyebrows at him
It was just too much. "What the HELL has gotten into you, Shepard?" He snapped. He didn't wait for an answer, he was a little afraid of the answer, and what he might do with it. "Don't answer that. We're going back to the ship." Instead he grabbed her arm again to pull her along with him.
Shepard followed along for a while, not quite sure what she'd gotten herself into. She was prepared for some sort of reaction, but she was not prepared for this sort of anger. Or being manhandled. She waited until they were in a more isolated location before she wrenched her arm away. "Garrus, what the hell is YOUR problem?"
He rounded on her, "What is with your interest in turians all of a sudden?"
She folded her arms over her chest. "I've always thought your species was... aesthetically pleasing" she answered hesitantly, "I can't find turians' attractive?"
"Finding my species attractive is one thing, but why do you want to act on it all of a sudden?" He paced in front of her, obviously agitated.
"So you have a problem with me acting on it?"
He stopped his pacing to bite out at her, "As a matter of fact I do!"
The force with which he said the words startled her for a moment, as did the words themselves. She'd never thought he'd be THAT against it. Actually, she rather thought he would be amused by the entire thing. Obviously he wasn't pro cross species liaison, which deflated her more than she cared to admit. She pulled back with an "Oh," and cleared her throat, "that would explain things." She met his eye and nodded once, her face inscrutable. "Let's, ah, head back to the ship then." She stood up and walked back towards the Normandy.
Garrus followed sullenly.