(262 miles to the east, on Amarkian border, 20 miles south of city of Culebra.)
Guards kept walking back and forth overlooking their assigned places. Behind them, the tall Amarkian Mountains which had protected them for 95 million years stood defiant. In front of them, were several mighty walls and dozens of electric fences. Every few dozen miles or so, we're massive steel gates that opened and closed.
Inside the massive walls, soldiers and guards monitored the hallways while below, the entrances to the country were guarded by the Border Patrol.
A young man stood by while his partner sat behind him in a chair. He turned to him and said, "Are you alert, Mike?"
Mike yawned and said, "What? Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm alert." He didn't sound convincing, so the young soldier kicked him hard and yelled, "Wake up! Do you realize that we are the most hated country in the world?!"
Mike yawned again and stood up saying, "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am."
"Shut up! One more smart remark and you'll be stripped from your ranks!" Finally, Mike got up, and at that moment another guard shouted, "I see a suspicious-looking man coming towards us!"
That got the young man's attention. "What? Where?!" He pointed ahead and sure enough, walking through the Egyptian desert towards them, was a baggy-looking man with no hair and a small beard. He came up whistling and walked up to the guards. "What is this place?" he asked.
"This is the border of Amarkia," the guard answered.
"Oh, thanks. I'll just let myself in," the man said, walking to the entrance. However, the young man pulled him back. "Wait just a minute! Before you can get in, you will have to be inspected! I'm sorry, but these are regulations."
The man didn't do or say anything, as he didn't know what the young man was talking about. The young soldier said, "Come on! You got any metal?"
The man opened his mouth and said, "Let's see. Where my tooth?" He reached into his mouth and started pulling a tooth out. The young soldier said, "You'll have to go through this metal detector."
"Aww," the man complained. "But wait just a second. I'm trying to reach in to get my lead tooth."
The young man didn't hear right and said, "Middle tooth? How can you take out a middle tooth?"
"Lead tooth!" He pulled it out, handing it to the young soldier then said, "I have some braces, too."
The young guard shuddered. "Don't you care for your teeth?"
The man ignored him. "Well, that's it." And he headed for the entrance again, but was stopped. "Wait a minute! You have to go through this Neutralizer. We've had a lot of fools sneak in with bombs. This thing neutralizes all explosives and weapons." He forced the man into a circular containment-type cell, while two thin tubes rotated around him twice. "It gives two coatings."
He stepped out of that and the guard said, "Identification, VISA, passport, paperwork, or the like?"
He handed him his paper and the soldier went to check his records on the computer. "Fingerprints."
"On all fingers," the man said jokingly.
"I know that, stupid, but…"
"Then why ask?"
"All right, smart-aleck. Shut your mouth and sit down while I do my work here!" The man ignored him once again, heading for the gates. "Ah-ah! We're not through yet, you know? We have to wait for the results to see if you're suitable or not to go in Amarkia."
Some higher official arrived briefly to keep an eye on the stubborn man. Finally, the high superior said, "All right. What are the results?"
The young man took out the results and started to look over them. "Um, I don't know how to read computer code. We'll have to decipher it first." He put it through a decoding machine and waited for the results to come out. "Here you go, sir," said another guard, handing it over to him.
He looked over it and read everything thoroughly, checking it three times. "Okay, sir," he said to the man, still waiting to be let in. "That checks out. You are…a dangerous criminal. Get out of here!"
"Wait, what the…"
"Go on, get out of here! Get out! Out! OUT!"
"Wait, I just came over from Algeria!"
"Yeah, well that makes it even worse. That's an enemy country. Out! Let's go!"
"Okay, but it never hurt anyone to let citizens from enemy countries in," he said, putting his hand on the young guard's shoulder. But, something that the reader must know is that guards are kind of touchy when it comes to touching them.
"Hey, hey, hey! Hands off! Hands off!" he shouted to the other guards. "Get him!" Out of nowhere, dozens of other guards appeared, all falling in on the suspect. "Throw him the bucket!"
"No! Wait what's that?"
"We all it the Slam-House Hotel. You might know it as jail!"
The man looked very surprised. He didn't know what to say. He started struggling as the guards tried to handle him. "Ahh! He's moving too much!" one of them shouted.
"Time for torture!" another yelled. He went and brought a bird feather. "Tickle him into submission!"
The man started yelling. "No, no, NO!" The guard tickled his bare foot as hard as he could until the man got very limp and weak and they were finally able to lift him up and throw him into an empty cell inside the massive metal walls.
"There! You're going to stay right here until your trial! And be happy that you are in a country where everyone gets a fair trial!" Leaving him locked up, the young man returned to his post. He found his partner asleep again in the chair.
He kicked him in the leg. "Hey! Wake up!"
"Huh? What? Anabelle? Is that you, honey?" he said groggily.
The young man was now furious. "Don't you dare honey me! You are in the line of duty in guarding the gates of a powerful and hated country! If I see you fall asleep again, I'm really going to let you have it!"
He blinked and stretched. "Don't yell at me so early in the morning. You know what it does to me."
"Oh, shut your yap! And it's not early. It's barely 2 pm."
He sighed and returned to his post where another lookout, a young Albertosaurus was looking into the distance through binoculars. He turned to look at the young soldier. "Nothing except…wait! There's an ugly female monster!"
"That's my face!"
"Oh, what a coincidence," he said. "Sorry." He turned back to the horizon. "Nothing except an approaching Jeep."
The young man jumped. "What?! Sound the alert and order all troops and guards on stand-by!" The Albertosaurus said, "Yes, sir!" He turned back and started yelling orders at dozens of guards. The young man stayed on the lookout post on the wall and looked down as the Jeep was approaching the car entrance. "Set up the wall!" he yelled.
Instantly, a wall of extra-thick iron rose up from the sand and rose up and up until it almost obscured the view of the mountain peaks. The Jeep stopped several yards away, its horn beeping continuously.
The young man spoke through a loudspeaker and pointed his rifle at the vehicle. "Step out of your vehicle with your hands in the air! Don't try any foolishness!" As he spoke, the driver's door opened slowly. Everyone waited, but no one came out and the beeping continued. "If you don't come out, we will fire and destroy your vehicle!"
Beep! "One!" Beep! "Two! Beep! "Would you stop beeping!?" BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! "All right! Three! Fire!" BEEP! The air was suddenly filled with the sounds of guns firing and metal being destroyed as the Jeep became a fiery ball.
The young man smiled to himself, wiping his hands and turning around to leave. BEEP! "Huh? What the?!"
The Jeep had grown four extensions on all sides. They came to meet in front of it, while a voice said, "Ruse ready!"
The young guard stood astonished and confused as he watched the "destroyed" vehicle moving suspiciously and saying, "Ruse ready! Ruse ready!"
He began to yell, "Red alert! Red alert! Put all teams and personnel on red alert! This is Red Alert Level 3!" He didn't have any time to be surprised when the Jeep exploded violently, shaking the walls and sending sand, metal, and plastic everywhere.
The young soldier turned to Mike and yelled, "Wake up, Mike! We have a Red Alert!" Mike quickly stood up and began shooting. "You're shooting in the wrong direction! It's down there below us!"
A superior officer appeared. "What's going on?!"
"A Red Alert, that's what!" All of the guards and military personnel began shooting below them at the Jeep. "Alert the Royal Family at once!" a general yelled. "Alert the King! Alert the King!"
(AT THE PALACE.)
Ring! Ring! The phone started ringing and I looked up at Larry. He was snoring his life away. "Larry!"
"Uhhh!" he mumbled.
"Will you get that?"
"Uh…you get it."
"Get that, Larry!"
He sat up. "No, you get it!"
"You get it!"
"You get it!"
He leaned over and looked at the phone. "It's nothing important. Just the Chief of the Border Patrol."
"Oh…wait! What? Chief of the Border Patrol?! All right." I picked up the phone and quickly said, "He'll be right with you!" Then I pushed the phone into Larry's hands.
He said, "He'll be right with you!" Then he pushed the phone into my hands!
I gave it to him. "You do it."
He handed it back. "No, you do it!"
"You do it."
"No, you!"
We did that several times before we heard a voice yelling from the phone, "Red Alert! Red Alert on the border!"
I grabbed the phone and put it on my ear. "What? Where?"
"How? Who? Why?" Larry yelled.
I poked him so he would shut up and let me listen. "Shut up! No, not you. I was talking to another idiot. I mean, no! Uh…never mind. All right, thank you." I hung up and turned to Larry. "There was an attack on our Eastern Gate!" He gasped and we both started running all directions, bumping into each other half a dozen times.
"Wait! Stop! First thing we do is not to panic! We have to remain calm! We have to keep our senses. And stop hitting me!"
That's what he does when he's nervous: he just starts hitting me randomly for no good reason at all. And he kept hitting me! "Are you the real Spiny?" he said.
"What are you talking about? Of course I'm the real Spiny!"
"Oh, right. Why was I hitting you then?"
"I don't know! Why don't you ask yourself that question!"
"We don't have time for that! Your life and your family's life is in grave danger!"
(AT THE BORDER.)
The fire from the tremendous explosion had barely gone out. Hundreds of guards came rushing over confused, and shocked trying to see what had happened.
Sneaking in, a simple-clothed person walked up to the sleeping guard. "Hey, man, can I go in?"
"Zzzz. Uh, sure, go ahead." The man passed and the guard quickly went back to sleep. Not five minutes later, the young guard came running back and saw him sleeping. "Hey! Wake up!"
"Uh! Did you check out that guy?"
"No, I…wait a minute. What guy?"
"Um…the one I just let in?"
"You did WHAT?!"
"I thought you were here! After all, this is your post!"
"I wasn't here, stupid! I was down there! Do you realize that you could have let in a terrorist or a murderer?"
"Or an innocent citizen?"
"Hardly!"
The sleepy guard looked all around him and whispered, "Uh, just between you and me, what's the punishment for something like this happening?"
The young man looked at him sternly. "I don't want to even think about it." He turned to leave while Mike said, "But I'm not trouble am I?"
"Well…let's just say that you won't be getting a medal of honor or bravery and leave it at that, okay?"
Mike gulped and sat back down looking at the ground. Then, he looked up and said, "I'm hungry." The young soldier hit him. "This is no time for eating! We have a whole country to protect!"
Another guard yelled. "Go get that criminal!"