Another chapter! :D I do believe there's something wrong with me, that I'm enjoying writing this so much. I hope you're enjoying reading it!

This chapter was beta'd by Angelz1114577 and EdwardsMate4Ever. Project Team Beta ROCKS!

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I dropped my book bag on a chair in the kitchen. It landed with a thud and fell over, the contents spilling all over the linoleum. Edward's card stood out from the rest of the chaos like a bright blue beacon, taunting me. My heart pounded out an irregular beat, and my breathing was shaky as I fought hard against the tears behind my tired eyes. I was thankful to have the house to myself.

The light in the room dimmed suddenly and I looked out the window to see the sun obscured by thick, grey clouds.

How fitting.

I stood there for several long moments watching the bleak winter sky, trying to calm myself down, trying to access this new reality.

In the past, Edward had never shied away from difficult situations. He'd met them head on with a maturity that belied his years. I was the exact opposite. I ran from confrontation. I shied away from difficult conversations and situations. When I'd discovered I was pregnant, I ran. I gave Charlie some lame excuse about missing my mom and I jumped on a plane and never looked back. I was a coward in the highest regard.

It was probably for the best that he didn't show up today; I wasn't worth his forgiveness. What was I even doing here? Did I really expect Edward would rush back to me and ignore what I'd done to him? He'd probably changed his mind — he'd probably moved on. Seven years is a very long time to make someone wait.

The sun peeked out slightly behind the mass of grey, and sunlight shone through the streaked window, causing something in the sink to glint for a moment. I moved closer and found the knife lying there, the only utensil in the whole kitchen sitting ominously alone — as if it was just waiting for me to find it.

I shook my head, pushing those thoughts away. It was one of Charlie's hunting knives. He'd probably cleaned it and then left it there accidentally. He was probably thinking about it right about now, wondering if he should have put it away instead of leaving it out in the open for his sad, pathetic, depressed daughter to find.

I could feel myself walking over to it, as if my body was tied to it with invisible strings. I didn't try to fight the pull. It was in my hand before I thought twice about it. I took several long, shaky breaths, feeling strangely calmed by the sudden cold press of metal against my skin.

As soon as the jagged teeth of the metal bit into my skin, I realized that this wasn't about Edward at all. Though his rejection stung, and it was surely the reason behind the heaviness in my heart that I carried home with me on my drive from the meadow, a deeper sorrow had been eating away at me. Guilt from what I'd done — what I'd given up so easily — constantly ate away at my insides until I was nothing but a shell.

I dropped the knife on the floor as a sob escaped from my chest, and I wrapped my arms around my mid-section, I felt my knees hit the hard kitchen floor and the soft trickle of warmth leak from a shallow cut on my wrist.

The pain and guilt of my past sins rang through my head as I tried in vain to hold my tears at bay, tried to hold my hollow insides together. I would never be whole again. It was my own fault.

Seven years and eight months ago, I had met Renee in Florida with tear-filled eyes, begging her to please not be mad at me. She knew what was coming next; I saw it in her face. After years of warnings and lessons about taking precautions, I'd finally failed her. I'd failed everyone.

Renee decided it would be best if we terminated the pregnancy. We could all move on much more quickly. My life wouldn't have to be put on hold.

But as I sat in the waiting room in a surprisingly normal office, surrounded by benign pictures of generic beach scenes and magazines, I could only think of what a combination of Edward and myself would look like in our child. I left before they had a chance to call my name.

My mom had been furious.

"Bella, what happned to our plan? What happened to going back to school on Monday?"

"I'll still go. I'll go for as long as I can. I just—"

She hadn't wanted to listen, only ranted on and overpowered me. She'd made another appointment at the same office, but I'd defied her and didn't go.

I didn't tell her that, though. I'd hid it until it was too late.

Outside the front door, gravel crunching beneath tires alerted me to Charlie's arrival. I jumped up quickly, threw the knife in the sink. I pulled my sleeve down as hard as I could, making my sweater feel uneven and awkward on my body. He opened the door just as I was drying my eyes. He caught me walking toward the kitchen table. I knew I wasn't hiding my hurt well at all.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" I could hear the "cop voice" in his tone. All business.

I just shook my head and crouched down to the floor, picking up the piles of receipts and papers that had fallen out of my backpack. I was hoping he'd accept that I didn't want to talk right now. I wanted to close myself off in my room with my headphones and I-pod and not think. I wanted to escape and be empty forever, free from the guilt.

"What happened today?" He assumed that I was upset because I'd spoken to Edward.

"Nothing, Dad. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

The sadness that poured from his statement overwhelmed me. I had to pause for a moment and take a deep breath. He was right. I was far from fine, but the worst part of it was how close I'd come to doing it all over again. I'd wanted to end the relentless pain permanently. My chest constricted and I continued gathering up my mess through a blur of tears.

"What did he say, Bells?"

"He... didn't say anything. He wasn't there." I picked myself up and shoved the clutter into my bag, painfully aware that Edward's card was getting battered and crushed in the process. My heart felt the same.

"That doesn't sound like Edward."

I paused and looked up at his familiar brown eyes, bewildered. My dad was not one to make blanket statements; no words came from his mouth unless they were first well-researched and known to be truth. When Edward and I were seeing each other, Charlie didn't want to have anythng to do with him — he didn't trust him — but now he spoke as if he knew Edward's character. It was something I would have been happy about in the past. I'd spent months explaining to Charlie how great a person Edward was. Now, it just seemed odd.

I nodded mutely and turned toward the stairs, holding onto my open book bag with both hands, trying not to lose its contents. I heard Charlie behind me mumbling something about making a phone call. As soon as my door was closed, I slumped down onto the floor and shoved the bag aside, wrapping my arms around myself.

A slight whrring sound caught my attention. It was Charlie's phone, still shoved inside the front pocket of my bag. I picked it up and saw my mother's name on the screen. I punched the call button and held the phone up to my ear.

"Charlie, I cannot believe you've ignored my calls! Is Bella okay? Tell me you hid the pictures like I asked you to! What did Edward say to her?"

My mom. She'd started in on the tirade before I could even say hello.

"Mom?"

"Bella?" I heard silence on the other end of the line, and then my mom stammering, "I... I thought you'd be your dad. How did your day go? Are you okay?"

"It's... I've just been busy, mom, but I'm fine." I paused for a moment, debating whether or not to tell her about my day. Judging from our conversation earlier, I decided it would probably make her a little too happy to know I'd been stood up, so I moved on to what I'd heard her say when I'd answered the phone.

"Did you say you wanted Charlie to hide pictures?"

"Yes, well... I know that you said you didn't want to talk about...the past...so I asked Charlie to take them all down." I wracked my brain trying to figure out what pictures Charlie would have that I would consider too painful to look at. Surely he didn't have photos of me and Edward together lying around the house? I suddenly remembered seeing odd dust patterns above his fireplace: odd triangular-shaped spots of clean wood amongst the inch of dust that covered everything else. I hadn't really thought about it at the time, as I was mindlessly cleaning and straightening. The shape could have easily been made by the kind of frames with strut backsto prop them up. Now it seemed that that was important. I couldn't place why, though, and that bothered me.

Renee continued to talk, and something about her tone felt wrong. Her voice was unusually high and light as she spoke about mundane things, like Phil's job, and how nice the weather was for late December. I listened to her ramble on with half an ear, mumbling agreements as was necessary and promising her, once again, that I'd stay close to home for the rest of my stay in Forks. After she'd said her goodbyes, I hit the end button and stared numbly at the floorboards.

I had a horrible feeling that I had just been lied to by my own mother.

"Bells?"

Charlie's voice carried from the other side of my door and I stood up, phone in hand. I opened the door and handed it to him, careful not to meet his gaze. If Renee was keeping things from me, wasn't Charlie? It was clear that he'd removed something from his mantel, but the thought of him displaying pictures of me with Edward in such a prominent place in his home seemed odd. Was it even about Edward at all? Maybe he'd just wanted to be reminded of his daughter in happier times, but why would Renee know about those? She hadn't stepped foot in this house in nearly twenty-four years, not since I was an infant.

"Hey, do you think you'd be up for pizza tonight?"

"Yeah." I said absently, not really thinking about food at all. The nagging feeling that he was keeping secrets made me even more anxious and sad. Charlie took the phone I handed to him, and I watched him scan through his missed calls. He walked away from the door and down the stairs as though nothing was different in our world from how it had been twenty minutes ago.

Charlie wouldn't keep things from me, I realized. My entire life, he'd always told me the truth, even when he knew I didn't want to hear it.

I grabbed my notebook from my bag and spent the next half hour writing down all my fears and heartaches from the day. It didn't make me feel better.

The smell of food wafted up toward me, making my stomach growl. I threw my notebook to the side and decided to join Charlie downstairs. Judging by the clock, I'd been in my room for a lot longer than it would take to get a pizza delivered.

I stopped cold when I reached the kitchen door. Charlie was standing at the sink with white knuckles, both hands gripping the stainless steel rim with force. His back and neck were tense. His brow was furrowed as he stared angrily at the bottom of the sink and the knife that lay there, dotted with blood.

"You promised me you weren't going to do this, Bella."

My heart dropped to my stomach. He was angry and hurt, and I knew that nothing I said would fix it. The fact that I didn't follow through with the deed meant nothing, and I deserved that. There was no way he'd believe me. I tried anyway.

"I didn't. I stopped—"

"Because I walked in the house?" His tone made me feel like I was five-years-old, only Charlie never yelled at me when I was a child. He never yelled at all. I was shocked by how intimidated I suddenly was. This was why he was the chief of police.

"No."

He didn't give me time to say anything else.

"Get in the car."

This, I hadn't expected. The gut-wrenching thought that he was going to send me home made my eyes fill with tears.

"Dad, I—"

"Don't. Just don't say anything." I could see he was struggling to keep his composure and the tears started running down my face. "This has gone on for far too long. I don't give a damn what Renee says, and I'm sorry, Bells, but I don't care if you want to face this or not. You're going."

"You're sending me back to Florida?"

"What? No! No, I'm not." He sighed, and placed his hands on either side of my face, stooping low so that he was eye-level with me.

"I'm taking you to Edward."