Part 4: A few months prior to Specter of the Past, 18 ABY
Mara busies herself inside the Jade's Fire, going through the post-landing checklist after arriving at the Jedi Academy. She knows this routine by heart, but she puts an unusual amount of concentration into her actions, trying to distract herself from the figure waiting for her on the landing platform.
A week ago, Leia Organa Solo had contacted Mara and asked her to deliver supplies to Yavin IV. She protested, not wanting to spend time alone with Skywalker at the Jedi Academy, but Leia insisted, saying that Luke needed a distraction. Not wanting to give the impression that seeing Skywalker was a big deal, Mara reluctantly agreed.
She has seen Luke many times over the past five years, but always in an official New Republic or Jedi capacity. Their friendship has grown strong once again, but it is just that—friendship. However, the recent reappearance and death of Gaeriel Captison made Mara's old feelings of bitterness and jealousy resurface.
Ashamed of her emotions, and not wanting to harbor them any longer than necessary, Mara planned to deliver the supplies and leave immediately. But Luke, as always, has other intentions.
He is already in the ship's cargo hold unloading supply crates when she arrives. "Mara! Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it," he tells her, giving her a one-armed hug as he effortlessly picks up another crate. Mara makes a mental note that Luke isn't using the Force to help unload. "Just put the crates down on the platform. I'll bring them inside later. You'll stay for dinner, won't you?"
"Can't, Skywalker. Thanks for the offer, though. Karrde needs me back right away," she lies, moving more crates off her ship.
"Come on, Mara. At least spar with me a bit? For old time's sake? Everyone else here bores me," he whines as they cross paths.
Against her better judgment, Mara smiles. It would be good to relieve some stress, she thinks. "All right, Skywalker," she relents. "But I can't stay very long, really."
Luke grins. "Don't worry, I won't force you." Mara puts down the last of the supply crates and follows him into the temple, almost wishing that he would.
*****
Half an hour later, they are inside the main training room, viciously sparring. Mara's movements get faster and stronger as they circle each other, looking for weaknesses. As she slashes and hacks at him, Luke blocks each of her blows with ease. His effortless fighting style has never bothered her before, but now, with images of Callista and Gaeriel in her mind, it angers her. Her strikes get closer and closer, and she knows that she should stop and clear her head, but she doesn't. Luke eventually disarms her, momentarily placing his blade at her throat. Then he extinguishes his weapon and steps back. They bow to each other, and Mara retrieves her lightsaber.
"Rematch?" she demands. She refuses to leave the loser.
"I don't think so, Jade," he replies. He rarely uses her last name unless he is amused with her. "It's not a good idea to fight you while you're angry," he teases. "I might lose another limb."
Luke's good-natured teasing makes Mara's rage erupt. "Fine!" she yells, Force pushing him against the wall. She storms towards the door, but Luke grabs her by the arm before she can leave. "Mara, wait!" he shouts. She turns around and slaps him across the face.
He is stunned, she can tell, but doesn't let it faze him. He doesn't return her blow, but instead grabs her wrist and holds her firmly in place. He stares at her for a long moment. "Mara, what the hell is your problem?" he growls, his normal Jedi Master demeanor nowhere to be seen.
She replies in turn. "You are my problem, Skywalker. Have been since day one."
Luke is not shaken by her statement. "You care to be more specific? Or are we just going to pretend like everything's okay until you try to take my head off again?"
"I don't have time for this. I shouldn't have come here." She tries to leave, but Luke does not loosen his grip on her arm.
"Mara." His voice is more firm and controlling than she has ever heard.
"Fine, Luke. Fine. You want to know what my problem is?" Mara pulls her wrist away, rubbing it where Luke was holding her. His eyes flicker momentarily to her wrist, and she notices concern on his face, a question of whether he hurt her. She ignores this and continues. "Do you ever wonder why I didn't kill you when I had the chance, Skywalker?" she asks.
Her question confuses him. "Despite you just slapping me, I know you could never have done it, Mara," he replies, his standard answer when discussing her past.
"But I could have, Luke. I killed plenty of people before I met you without thinking twice. I was ordered to kill you, and I never disobeyed orders. But something happened that I was never trained for." She takes a deep breath, and continues. "I began to like you."
The years of Jedi training have been kind to Luke, and he does not react to this admission. Instead, he glares at her, his eyes urging her to continue. "I began to like you a lot, Skywalker. You became my closest friend and my closest ally. I cared about you deeply, and I knew that it wasn't just a final act of defiance against the Emperor.
"But I wasn't ready to be a Jedi then. I hoped that, one day, I would be able to commit to my training. When I finally got here, you were so happy to see me. But then I was relegated to training with everyone else. I practically begged you for individual attention, but you were too busy. So I left."
"Mara, that was years ago," Luke says, frustrated. "I explained it to you back then. You already had skills and knowledge that the other students didn't. They needed my help more."
"Yeah, well, I thought I was a little more important than that. I guess my ego was bruised; I thought of you as my closest friend, but obviously I wasn't yours. And then she came along." Mara doesn't have to mention her name. His calm expression finally breaks at the mention of her. "It was obvious where I stood."
"I'm sorry, Mara," Luke spits out. "What was I supposed to do, sit here and wait for you to come around?" he seethes.
In the back of her mind, Mara is keenly aware that this is the first real acknowledgement of any sort of feelings between them other than friendship, and even though she feels nothing but anger towards Luke at the moment, her heart soars.
"Yes, dammit!" She slams her hand against the wall. She knows that she sounds like a selfish, ridiculous little girl, but she doesn't care. She has hid her feelings for too long. "I thought…I thought you really cared about me…I mean, for Sith's sake, Luke! You gave me this!" She thrusts her lightsaber in his face.
As always, Luke is oblivious to her meaning. "Yeah, I did. What does that have to do with anything?" he asks.
"Oh come on, Luke. You don't just give any woman your dead father's lightsaber." Luke opens his mouth to speak, but Mara cuts him off. "But whenever I saw you, that's what I was. Just another woman; just another student to teach; just another ally in your precious New Republic."
Luke protests, and his eyes soften. "You're wrong, Mara. You're more than that."
Mara snorts. "That's what Corran said."
"You talked to Corran about this?" Luke asks, incredulous.
"Not exactly. But he told me that you obviously cared for me."
"I did care, Mara. I do care. But you made it pretty clear what you wanted—or rather, what you didn't want."
"What are you talking about, Luke?" For once, it is Mara's turn to be oblivious.
"The first time you left Coruscant, Mara," he yells. "I kissed you then. Remember? I went against all my better judgment, my fear of rejection, my worry of getting slapped." He gestures to the mark on his face. "But I felt something between us. So I took a chance, and I kissed you. And you turned around and left."
"That was a good-bye kiss," Mara objects, but her heart sinks, remembering her thoughts after that moment—how long would he wait for her?
"No it wasn't, Mara." The anger has left Luke's voice. It is filled with depression, a tone she has only heard from him once—in a seedy tapcafe on Coruscant. "We both knew exactly what it meant. And you walked away." He sighs. "I tried to rationalize that it just wasn't the right time. And then you came here, and I was ecstatic. Corran was right. But you weren't satisfied with anything I was doing. Before I could talk to you and tell you how I felt, you left again. And then you got with him," he adds. "So that was that."
Mara bristles at the mention of Calrissian, but doesn't offer an explanation. "Yeah, well maybe I didn't want to wait around, either."
"You always pushed me away, Mara. You never even gave me a chance to try."
She stares at him. His naïve farmboy routine is, for once, getting old. "Yes. I did."
"Now what are you talking about?"
"That night on Coruscant. Five years ago. In the tapcafe."
A flash of pain crosses Luke 's eyes. "Yeah, I remember. I asked you to stay with me. And once again, you left. You didn't seem to even want to be my friend."
Mara shakes her head, remembering her challenge to him, that she knew he had heard, and the hurt when he never responded. "No. I told you something then. Do you remember what it was?"
A look of realization passes over Luke's face, followed by a look of dread. "I…I thought I had imagined that."
"Jedi don't imagine things, Skywalker."
A lone tear threatens to fall down Mara's cheek. She violently brushes it away, mad at herself for her stupid, irrational emotions. Seeing her on the verge of tears, Luke takes a hold of her hand, then wipes another tear from her eye. They stare at each other for a long time.
Luke's voice is barely a whisper. "What do you want, Mara?"
Her heart screams you!, but her head refuses to let her speak. She wishes that he didn't have to ask her that question. She is too stubborn to speak the words first, especially after all this time.
Abruptly, she pushes his hand away. "Forget it, Skywalker. It's pointless. Let's forget this ever happened." She retrieves her pack from the corner of the training room. "Thanks for the hospitality. I need to head out."
Luke steps in front of her before she can leave the room. "Mara." It is a desperate whisper. "What is it you want?" he repeats. His eyes are earnest and willing to please.
All inhibitions thrown out the window, she stares deep into his eyes—into his soul. Putting every ounce of her being into the Force, she wills him. Kiss me. Kiss me now, and I will stay.
But Luke does not move. She knows that he has heard her. But he does not listen.
His inaction spurs her out of her reverie. Her final words drip with bitterness and anger. "You're the Jedi Master. You figure it out."