Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself If you knew how lonely my life has been It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
CHANTAL KREVIAZUK- Feels Like Home
Hey guys, this chapter reminds me of 'My Sister's Keeper' so when you get to the right part listen to this Song! that movie made me cry so bad i still had red eyes the next day.
I let my lungs fill with the air that they needed. I wouldn't allow myself to open my eyes and re-appear into the reality that was my mother's hospital room. I will stay in my world for as long as I needed, I couldn't face the death that was about to happen. I let her slip through my fingers again my mother only had so many days left until it was her time up. I may be able to fade away from the truth for a while at a time but the pain was still there. My heart breaking away day by day.
I had leaned on Edward a lot over those few days and I loved him for it, I looked back on all the wonderful times we had together, I needed him then and I need him now. I need to win him back.
Alice took me away from the hospital one morning. It hurt to leave my mother when I knew she only had so many days left but my mother had other ideas for me to do then to sit and wait. Alice and Edward had been great over the course of these few days; they both looked after me and the kids but Alice had been fantastic over the last couple of years. Not once did she ask about why I broke up with Edward or even told me that I made a massive mistake which I already know I did.
"Hunny, we need to talk" she started as we sat down at the local café with the millions of bags from different stores at our legs. I bit my lip as she started.
"I know you; I know that your heart is breaking every minute of every day." I started to shake my head
"No Alice, I'm not having this discussion" I started to get up but she held me down.
"Yes we are, I see you broken, I see Edward broken but no one knows why. Not even him, please Bella I'm begging you, tell me. I promise I won't tell him. I just need to know" she begged me; I saw the tears well up in her eyes threatening to fall with every word she spoke. I just realised that it wasn't just me that was hurt, no it was everyone.
"I…I… Alice this is hard, I was wrong to leave Edward it wasn't even him, I just jumped to conclusions… I…I…I" I broke down crying, I couldn't admit to the pain that I caused, the heart ache would still be there even if I did let everything go. But they all deserved to know especially Alice.
"Bella look at you. It's pulling you down, just let it all go. No one will judge you, we all love you. Edward loves you"
Alice pulled me into a hug. I cried on her shoulder letting all the frustration out, the pain, the heart aches, the self pity I let it all go and breathed one last breath and started to talk.
"Ok, so it happened two years ago. It broke my heart just too see it….."
Flashback
It was cold outside but I lived with it, winter was upon us and I'd just left the kids with Esme. Right now I could see Mayella helping her make a mess in the kitchen making cookies while in her highchair. When she gets older I can tell she'll be like me, ' It may be a mess but its and organised mess' is my saying and I just know she will live by that as well.
I was on my way to surprise my husband with a home cooked meal for lunch. He was always complaining that he missed me bringing him home cooked meals since I had Renessme. So I thought it was time to get back into a routine.
I waved and said hello to the familiar faces of the family business while I was walking to the elevator, god I missed working here. It was run by a family and it was a family.
I hit the button for the top floor, it stoped 4 times with people walking in asking how I and the kids are going before I got the top. I walked out and my smile dropped.
Standing right in front of me was my replacement and Edward kissing on her desk, they didn't even notice me. He was right on top of her; I could only see his mop of reddish brown hair. My heart broke at the site. I dropped the container letting it hit the floor before I got back into the elevator, and yet they still didn't even notice.
My heart plummeted and so did the elevator, the tears fell following the same trail, I kept my head down and let my hair fall down around my face making a wall from the outside world.
I quickened my pace as I walked out into the lobby and got into my car speeding off to get my kids and pack up my life.
End of Flashback
Alice's face was pure horror "I'm going to kill him" she started to get up.
"No Alice that's not all" I pulled her back down
"There's more?" she asked with surprise I nodded my head
"The same night that I left him I went to go get the kids something to eat, as I walked In I saw them together and again his head again wasn't facing me .My heart was pouring out with anger so I and walked over to him to give him a piece of my mind"
Flashback
I walked over to them as I was about to yell at the top of my lugs she started to talk.
"Oh Bella how are you?" I smiled at her and then he turned around and my heart stopped, it wasn't him but it was the same man from the office. I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
"Oh I'm good thanks but umm where you two going at it in the office at lunch" I asked with a raised eye brow.
Their faces went beetroot red, I somehow laughed them and smiled but my heart broke even more.
"It's aright I won't tell Edward" she smiled again.
End of Flashback
"I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving Edward; I was too ashamed to go back to him. He deserved better then a wife who accuses him of thing I know he would never do" I sob out the rest of my story to Alice who was also crying her eyes out.
"Oh Bella "she started but couldn't get the rest out because she was sobbing to hard
"No Alice, I need your help. I need him back" she nodded her head and smiled. I placed my hand on my ever growing stomach and smiled he kicked fast and hard, I guess my boy wants him back as well.
"I'll help you we'll start as soon as possible" she said, and that's when it started to. My plan to get Edward back.
I walked back to my mum's room hearing my kids laugh as well as her; Edward was outside sitting down on the ground with his head in his head. I smiled he didn't notice my so I placed my hands on top of his. I startled him, he quickly looked up and saw me and smiled back.
He held onto my hands as I help him up not letting go after.
"My boy must be giving you his strength" he joked I smiled at him as we began to get closer.
"NAN!!!!!" we heard Mayella scream. We both crashed into the room to see my mum tickle Mayella as screams and giggles left the mouths of my babies.
I smiled and looked on, Edwards fingers twined with my own as we watched on.
"Mummy" Renessme screamed at me with a wide smile. I picked her up and kissed her a million times loving the sounds that she was making. Mummies little miracle!
"Hello baby! " I kissed Mayella on the lips and then my mum on the fore head.
"How was shopping?" Mum asked me as I sat down in the seat and Edward sat on the edge of the bed.
"Good, a lot came out of it. I feel freer." The only other person who knows about what I told Alice is my mum. She smiled at me and I nodded my head. And her smile widened
"Good, you deserve this" I wiped away the tear that fell.
"Come on girlies will come back in a sec okay!" Edward grabbed the girls and kissed mum goodbye. ( Listen To The Song! )
"I love you Edward, you're the son I never had" he smiled at her
"I love you too Renee" she kissed the girls goodbye, they were crying as they left the room.
They knew what she was doing; I knew what she was going to do. She was saying goodbye.
"Baby, I love you" she started and her tears fell and so did mine "it's ok to cry when I'm gone okay; its okay to let people in as well. I'm ready to go baby it will be okay! "I cried so hard I was finding it hard to breath. Her hold on my was loose but was tight for her, she didn't have much strength left.
"Baby keep fighting for him, he loves you. I know he does, you need each other. I'll be watching over you with daddy, he loves you and so do I" we both cried for a while I nodded she smiled at me as her grip began to slip, I knew it was time.
"I love you Isabella, please let me go" I cried more
"I love you too mum its okay" she nodded her head her heart began to fade out.
"Win him back" she whispered to me and then one long beep was all that was left. I fell to the floor as people began to rush in and turn everything off, Edward crashed into the room. I looked up at him and he pulled me into him as we looked at her while she peaceful began her travels up to dad. I smiled because I knew she was happy to see him again.
Edward never let me go and I felt his tears fall into my shoulder. I turned to face him. His lips were so close to mine, I just went for the kill.
I kissed him with everything I had left, I put all my hope desire and love into that kiss hopefully he felt it. I pulled back and smiled st him. I looked around but didn't see the kids anywhere, I felt panic rise from my stomach
"There with Alice" and I calmed down back into his arms.
A few minutes later his phone went off, I started to get off him but he kept me where I was. He started to talk to the person on the other line and then he started to get up, I got up fast and he walked out into the hallway.
He came back in and looked at me
"I have to go Isabella, would you like me to take the kids?" he asked me and I shook my head.
"Nah, I need to go home any way" he smiled at me and kissed me on the fore head.
I guess he didn't feel it.
A window breaks, down a long, dark street Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong