Nano word count: 4517
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"It's hard to argue when you won't stop making sense"
Snow Patrol, "Hands Open"
L was not a bad houseguest. For most, he stayed out of people's way. He barely came out of Raito's room, having settled in there like a quail lays eggs in a crow's nest. It annoyed her to no end, especially when she had all her things in there and she would have to go there every time she needed a change of clothes, or to check her mail. She and L would fight over the internet connection.
"Ryuuzaki," she stood at the foot of the bed, arms akimbo, watching him work on his laptop.
"Yes, Raito-kun?" he asked disinterestedly, wide eyes fixed on the screen, stick-like fingers moving over the keyboard like lightning. She imagined that lightning could split her in half.
"I need to check my mail," she glared at him expectantly.
"I see, but I don't think anyone's sent you anything." It was just his annoying way of saying You're not important enough.
She resisted the urge to wring his neck like a chicken. "Still," she said, and then lied, "I'm expecting something important."
It would happen like this. She would have to request him until his majesty would find it in his kind heart to let her use her own internet connection. Ignoring him, she would stick the lan cable back into her own PC and do her work L would then sit impatiently on the edge of the bed,like a child waiting for his mother to finish her work so that she could tend to his needs.
Raito was not going to tend to his needs, especially if they were those kinds of needs.
Interestingly enough, he was charming to Sayu and Mrs. Yagami and once, Raito walked into the kitchen when they were laughing at something he had said to them. Now that was surprising. Raito hadn't thought that he had a sense of humor, even though, in the past, there had been plenty of things he'd said to her that had made her burst into peals of laughter. Seeing her mother and sister laughing made her recall those moments and filled her with sadness that he had squashed her dreams like an insect.
And the times when she needed to change her clothes before she showered, that was so awkward! She'd have to knock on her own door and tolerate him watching her like a hawk as she took out a fresh outfit. The worst part was when she would have to hide her underwear because she had once caught him staring at a green bra she'd put on her towel. She blushed and quickly shoved it under her towel and dared him to make a smart-ass comment about her taste in underwear or her bra size, or something equally obnoxious.
Instead, to her surprise, he turned away, going back to his work as if it was as awkward for him as it was for her. She wondered secretly if he himself would not take a shower since he rarely came out of her room. But early one morning, she was roused from sleep by the sound of the shower in full force. She softly opened her door and saw L come out of the bathroom, wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt, his black hair wet and glistening, with a towel hanging from his shoulders.
She quietly closed to her door and went back to bed.
Her mother came to her room in the afternoon the day before her exams. She was still studying as she lay on her bed, enjoying all the space since Sayu still hadn't come home.
Mrs.Yagami sat beside her on the bed and was silent for a long moment.
"Is there something you wanted to say, Mom?" Raito prodded gently. She'd always been nice to her mother but lately, she'd turned to treating her parents with more kindness because of the guilt that she felt.
"Well," Mrs. Yagami pondered. "It's just that…your husband seems very nice." She flushed a little, embarrassed to admit this.
The corner of Raito's lip twitched in an amused smile, even though she didn't really want to talk about this. "Ha ha. Ryuuzaki can be a sweet-talker when he wants to be." She knew that from personal experience.
"Yes, well," Mrs. Yagami shifted uncomfortably. "I suppose I don't understand why you want to leave him."
Raito's mouth set in a grim line. "He's the one who left me, Mom," she pointed out briskly, reading the lines in her text book.
"But why?" asked her mother.
Raito paused. How could she tell her mother the whole story when there were so many details that she didn't want to revisit, details that were so painful and private. "We had a fight just a few days after our wedding," she answered, choosing her words carefully. "And just after that, he left for England without telling me. We had no contact for two years…"
Mrs. Yagami's face was brimming with tender concern. "Why didn't you tell us?" she asked, sounding hurt.
Raito swallowed. "I thought we'd tell you what the time was right," she responded. "I thought he and I would be happy together. I didn't think it would turn out like this. And…I thought I'd made enough mess of my life already. I didn't think that anyone could help me."
"Oh, Raito," Mrs. Yagami lay beside her and put her arms around her, giving her a motherly hug. Raito stiffened at first in surprise before relaxing in her embrace. Her mother used to hold her like this when she was young, when she was sad because of something that had happened in class or if she'd hurt herself in the playground. It made her feel warm and secure, happy that for the first time in days, she felt that everything would be all right.
"Raito," Mrs. Yagami said softly. "You could've come to me. I would've done everything I could to help you."
Raito sighed. "I – I didn't think of it. I didn't want you guys to get involved and suffer over a mistake I'd made. It didn't feel right."
"Raito," Mrs.Yagami said again, her voice a little firmer. "We're your family. We'll love you no matter what."
Raito said nothing. Just lay in her mother's arms, letting the warmth comfort her. Even if it was just a fleeting moment, she allowed herself to believe that things would turn out in her favor, her family would protect her and eventually, she would move on with her life as if nothing like this had ever happened.
On the morning of her exams, Mrs. Yagami made Raito a big chicken sandwich. Raito was not much of a breakfast person, preferring to eat light but the older woman's gesture made her feel guilty, and so, she sat at the table and slowly made her way through a mile of bread, chicken, cheese and cucumbers.
Her father sat opposite to her, wearing his thick-rimmed glasses and reading the papers somberly. Naturally, they had said very little to each other since Raito's confession. It was difficult for her to be in the same room with him and sometimes she didn't know which was worse – being stuck with her father or being stuck with L.
And speaking of the devil, here he comes now.
L came languidly down the stairs, his bare feet making no noise on the floor. She would never admit this but she never ceased to be amazed at how silently he moved, like a cat.
"Good morning," he said casually and sat beside Raito. He smelled of chamomile and apples and for a moment, she wondered if he'd used her shampoo.
L would do anything to spite her, she thought darkly. That's just the kind of person he is. On the outside, he'd pretend to be innocent and clueless but on the inside, he was deceptive and cunning and willing to betray the people who cared about him if it suited his needs. A venomous snake, just like the one in the fable, where a serpent had been found by a man, half-frozen in the cold. As soon as the serpent had recovered from being near the fireplace, it had bitten the man who had saved it.
"Good morning," said Mr. Yagami.
Once again, it panged Raito. This was not the way I'd imagined it. What she'd imagined was a house filled with laughter and the shining, smiling faces of her parents as they all spent time together, but not this, no, never, not this…
She dared a question at him. "What are you doing up so early?" It was valid to ask him that since till now, he had never had breakfast with them. Mrs. Yagami poured him some coffee and L generously helped himself to the sugar cubes, as well as a huge helping of banana pie.
"I thought I would accompany Raito-kun to her university," he answered, "and provide her some moral support."
Moral support my foot. "I don't need any moral support," she snapped. Especially from you.
"I'd still like to provide it, if it's all the same."
"Strangers aren't allowed inside the buildings."
"That's no problem. I don't mind waiting outside."
"The exam is three hours long, Ryuuzaki."
"I'll take a book with me then," he shrugged.
She opened her mouth to tell him to piss off but Mr. Yagami interrupted her.
"Raito," he said sternly, "if Ryuuzaki wants to go with you, let him."
Was she imagining things or was that a smirk on L's face?
She scowled and vituperatively bit into her sandwich. If only she could bite into the bastard like that…
Er…in a very non-sexual way, she meant.
"When are your exams over?" asked Mr.Yagami, turning a page in the newspaper, moving from the headlines to the business section.
"On Thursday this week," she answered, grateful that he hadn't spoken to humiliate her.
"Hmm," Mr. Yagami nodded as if he were deep in thought about something. What? Her guts tightened.
"Here you go, dear," Mrs. Yagami handed her husband a steaming mug of coffee and a plate of toast. "Isn't it time for you to get going, Raito? Your exam will start in an hour."
Raito glanced at the clock on the wall. There was still forty-five minutes left to nine. And while she was nearly done with her breakfast, L was not. And that gave her some time to get started ahead of him.
"You're right," she got to her feet, drinking some water. "I should go now."
"I'm coming with you, Yagami-kun," L spoke up.
She tried to keep her temper. "You haven't finished your breakfast, Ryuuzaki," she pointed out.
Mrs. Yagami offered, "I'll put it in a plastic bag. You can eat it in the subway."
"Thank you," L said.
Helpless, Raito watched as her mother put the remaining banana pie in a small plastic bag and give him a thermal flask of sweet coffee.
"I put in seven spoons of sugar," she said cordially.
"That's very kind of you, Mrs. Yagami," L appreciated her. Raito narrowed her eyes.
"You'd better hurry up before I leave you behind," she threatened, gathering her things.
"Lead the way," he acquiesced. Her mother waved them good-bye and good luck and she waved back before hurrying up the street, L walking beside her. He never left her sight for an instant and to her surprise, he even paid for their tickets in the subway. She made no comment and neither did he, for silence was golden when all two people had to throw at each other were stones and insults.
He sat beside her in the subway near the window, ebony eyes pensive as he looked out the window at the passing scenes, the light from outside flicking on and off like a light bulb. He seemed to have forgotten his breakfast.
She took a deep breath and leaned back. She noticed the weird looks that the other passengers were giving them and then she glanced at Ryuuzaki again. No one would ever believe that they were married. She looked like a woman who had been hired to take him out for walks.
They reached her university about fifteen minutes before her exam was about to begin. She hated arriving so early because she didn't like waiting inside the classroom but now, she preferred waiting inside to being with L.
"You stay here," she instructed him. He stared at her. She slowly backed away from him as if he were some kind of lunatic, and then broke into a run in a hurry to get inside the building.
She took a seat far away from the window so that she would not be tempted to see what he was doing; for all she cared, he could cause a riot outside, it wouldn't matter as long as he left her alone. She relaxed in her seat and waited patiently as the invigilator handed out the question papers and the answer booklets. She twirled her pen between the space above her thumb and forefinger, a little technique she'd acquired over the years to pass her time as she got ready to take the exam.
Frankly, exams bored her because they were so easy to ace and sometimes, she couldn't fathom why other people were puzzled by complex problems, problems that to her were as simple as 2+24. Then again, her intelligence hadn't come of much use to her in her personal life because she'd gone ahead and married the worst, most insensitive man in the universe, and said man was back to ruin her life.
Bored, she flipped through the question papers, each problem simple to her and when she glanced inconspicuously around her, she noticed how perplexed her classmates looked, their foreheads crinkled with deep thought, making them look older than they were. As she started working on her exam, she felt a deep sense of isolation, the inability to relate to anyone else around her. It was not an arrogant isolation, rather a sad one.
The exam ended three hours later, at twelve o'clock. Raito had finished twenty minutes earlier but she'd stayed in anyway to revise. And to avoid L. She handed in her answer booklet when the invigilator came to collect everyone's, and went downstairs, not at all looking forward to seeing the man who was supposed to be her husband.
He was crouching on the bench under a cherry tree, his sneakers resting on the ground, the pie gone. He was so engrossed in his book that it didn't seem he would notice if someone made off with them. He looked up right then and when he saw her, he shut the book and put on the sneakers. She felt a streak of rebelliousness. What made him think that they were going to leave now? What if she wanted to spend some time on campus? What gave him the right to think that he could dictate her every move?
"How was your exam?" he asked courteously.
"It was all right." She looked around to make sure that no one was looking at him. (Perhaps, she did not want to be seen in public with this oddball of a husband – that is, soon to be ex-husband.) "How was it out here?"
"Not bad," he got to his feet. Even though he slouched like the hunchback of Notre Dame, he was still taller than her and she disliked how vulnerable that made her feel.
"It's pretty nice out there," L approved. "Very quiet."
"Uh-huh." She kept a polite distance between them. She didn't want to give anyone the impression that she knew him. If anyone wanted to know, she would just say that L was a homeless man from her neighbor who liked to read, and was enamored with her. Of course he wasn't homeless, judging from how much he earned, even if the way he dressed didn't show how wealthy he was. And he most certainly wasn't enamored with her because if he was, then he would never have left her the way he did.
"So how many do you have left?" he asked.
Before she could answer, a voice called from behind, "Yagami-kun!"
She spun around to find a boy from her class hurrying towards her, books tucked under his arm, a big smile plastered on his face. It was the same boy who always smiled at her when the professor dismissed them, and though she'd always avoided him, Ryuuzaki's presence brought out something mean in her, a trivial desire for revenge.
"Taro-san," she smiled radiantly at him and he blushed, maybe because she'd never paid him so much attention. "How did it go?"
"Pretty okay," he said with a goofy smile that she would have found appealing under other circumstances. "How was yours? I bet you aced every question."
The open admiration in his eyes and his voice made her laugh softly. "Oh, I try," she said with a show of feminine modesty. If there was one thing that she'd learned growing up, it was that most men were turned off by intelligent women. Not that she cared what this guy thought of her but vengeance on L would undoubtedly be sweet, after all the crap he'd pulled her through.
The boy nodded and eyed L curiously. "Who's your friend?" he asked.
L smiled at him, formidable, lazy and challenging. "I'm her husband," he drawled.
Instantly, Taro turned pale with surprise and confusion and Raito wanted to first slap herself and then L for ruining her reputation. She helplessly tried to come up with an explanation, anything that wasn't the truth, but Taro quickly hurried away with a mutter of "Hey, sorry, man."
L smirked as if to say, No problem. Keep walking.
Furiously, she turned to him, her cinnamon eyes ablaze. "That was uncalled for," she hissed.
"Neither was flirting with him in front me, right?" countered L. "I would hate to think that the virtuous Raito-kun was having some sort of moral deterioration."
She steeled herself against that. "If I was, then I wouldn't be any better than you," she replied. "And then, I'd have only you to blame."
"Blaming other people for your problems?" L quirked an eyebrow. "That's not the Raito I knew."
She wanted to say something like The Raito you knew is dead but that sounded too stupid.
"There's your friend," L gestured behind her. She turned around to see Misa, and decided that she really hated people sneaking up on her.
"Raito!" Misa's high, sweet voice sounded from miles away. "Raito!"
"Misa," she said blankly as the model stopped before her, a chipper smile on her face. "Didn't expect to see you here."
"I had a photo shoot nearby so I thought I might drop in to see you," Misa said, and then looked at L, expecting to be introduced.
Raito sighed in defeat. "Misa, this is Ryuuzaki. Ryuuzaki, Misa."
"Pleased to meet you," Misa gushed with a friendly smile, shaking L's hand. "Raito's told me all about you."
Raito rolled her eyes and stopped midway when she noticed how L's eyes bulged as he gazed at the model. Suspicion and jealousy sparked within her. Why was he looking at her like that?
"Raito-kun never told me that you were her friend," he said in awe. "I've been a big fan of Misa since the latest issue of Eighteen."
That was totally out of the blue. First of all, Raito had had no idea that L was into fashion magazines, and second of all, she didn't expect Misa to be giggling with flattery.
"Oh, really?" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad!"
"Indeed," L nodded. "I would even ask for an autograph but I don't think Raito-kun would like that."
"Oh?" Misa looked at the younger woman. "Come on, Raito, it's just an autograph – he doesn't mean anything by it."
How do you know he doesn't mean anything by it? Raito wanted to accuse, but she gave in. She even tore a piece of paper from the back of her notebook and handed it to Misa, along with a pen, and watched helplessly as the blonde quickly scribbled her autograph on it and gave it to L. "There you go."
"Thank you," L sounded awed, staring wide-eyed at the autograph. Misa covered her mouth and giggled again.
"That's quite a man you have," she commented softly to Raito.
Raito glowered. "You wouldn't think so if he'd left you without a word," she retorted but Misa didn't seem to hear her.
"Well, I should go now," she said, glancing at her watch. "It was nice meeting you." She bowed to L, and then hurried away.
They both watched her as she went out of sight.
"You know," Raito said, voice hard, "there was no need for that."
"Just as how there was no need for you to flirt with that boy in front of me?" L threw back. "Yes, I agree, then."
Raito gaped at him. For a moment, she didn't know what to say. "Since you're the one who left me," she said angrily, "you shouldn't care who I flirt with."
"Likewise," L countered coldly.
The whole world seemed to have stopped as they stared each other down like two foes in the middle of the desert, oblivious to the hustle and bustle of the university students. Finally, L spoke up. "Ready to go?" He was still holding the piece of paper with Misa's autograph on it, and he scooped up the thermal flask from the bench.
Raito nodded curtly and started walking away. L followed without a word. As they walked on, she saw him throw away the paper in a waste basket.
She was relieved on Thursday when her exams were finally over. She thought that she could kick back and relax, convince L that she was not at all interested in helping him solve his stupid case because she had a life of her own and there was no way she'd let him leave Japan before he gave her the divorce.
Mr. Yagami had been very pensive during these days. She trusted that he was thinking of a plan to save his daughter from going to England. Well, she could come up with something better but it comforted her that her father was on her side.
At least, that was the illusion until after dinner, when Sayu had gone up to her room and they all sat in the living room to discuss what she and L were going to do.
"So, Ryuuzaki," said Yagami-san. "What have you decided? Have you spoken to Raito about what you want?"
"I've already stated my plans," L responded, thumb pressed against the corner of his mouth. "I'd like to take Raito with me to England so that she can help me solve the case. After that, we'll sign the divorce papers and she'll be free to live her life. I'll never bother her again."
"I see." Mr. Yagami's eyebrows pursed at it. "And you'll have it no other way?"
"No."
Raito felt a surge of panic. No...it couldn't end like this. "I don't want to go to England," she objected, glancing at L. "I've no interest in working with you. All I want is the divorce."
"If you want the divorce," said L, "then you'll have to agree to my terms."
"That's not fair at all, Ryuuzaki. Don't tell me that you have the guts to demand something from me after the way you left."
"Speaking of which, you really haven't matured much since we last saw each other. You're still acting like an idealistic child when you know that the world doesn't work in a 'fair' way."
"All right then," Mr Yagami spoke up, breaking in their argument. "Raito will go with you."
Her mouth dropped open in shock. "What? Dad -"
"She'll go to England with you and help you with what you want."
"Thank you, Yagami-san."
Mr. Yagami stood then, and left the room with his wife. Desperately, Raito followed them all the way to their room, where she closed to the door so that no one else could hear them.
"Dad!" she pleaded. "You can't! I don't want to go with him." He was her father, he was supposed to protect her!
Yagami-san regarded her with displeasure. "Raito," he said with strained patience. "You married this man in secret. You knew next to nothing about him and still, you dishonored your family. You can hardly expect us to uphold your honor when you have not upheld ours."
The answer came like a slap in the face. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks as her father continued, ignoring it when his wife asked him to calm down.
"You always talk about taking responsibility for your own mistakes," he said angrily. "And so, that's what you have to do."
Her ears were stinging as he went on, unforgiving. "I don't want you to come back until you're either fully divorced or securely married."
And that was that. The final word. She knew that she could say nothing that would make him change his mind, and she should just be grateful that he hadn't had a heart attack.
She left her parents' room with her tail tucked behind her legs. Sayu had already fallen asleep. She stood before the bathroom mirror, done with brushing her teeth, feeling numb that she'd lost a battle, and all of a sudden, as the tears that she'd kept bottled up came flowing, like the breaking of a dam. She slowly hunched over the sink, her shoulders shaking with sorrow.
How could this happen?
She turned up her head to find L standing at the door and staring at her with his big black button eyes. She frowned and quickly wiped away her tears, humiliated that he'd seen her in such a weakened, pathetic state. She was loath to expose her vulnerabilities to anyone, especially if it was L!
"I'm sorry," he said softly. It sounded like he really meant it. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
She shot him a glare on the mirror. "If you didn't want you hurt me," she said, hating how her voice shook with sobs, "you would've just given me the divorce."
"I can't do that." L shook his head. "I need you."
She looked at him but said nothing.
"I'm going to call Watari and ask him to book us a flight," L informed her. "Do you have a passport?"
She was shocked at how quickly he changed the subject, but with nothing more to do, she simply nodded. L was sympathetic as long as he needed to be.
"That's good," L approved. And then, he confirmed, "You are coming with me, aren't you?"
She stared emptily at the sink for a long moment before she replied. "Yes," she said softly.
A/N: So Raito's finally agreed to go to England with L! I wonder what will happen there ;). I feel pretty bad for since she's suffered enough for the mistake she made but let's hope things turn out well for her. I finished this chapter yesterday but I wanted to wait before I posted it. Please forgive any typos that you see, I try my best to fix them. Chapter 5 is half-finished. Feedback is much-loved.