"Bet you enjoyed that didn't you Potter?"
The feast had ended rather abruptly (for some reason nobody seemed to want pudding) and the students were filtering out through the various doors to the great hall in shell-shock as each tried to get their heads around what had just happened. Many were wondering if lead-lined underwear would be sufficient to block Moody's magical eye.
"What?" snapped Harry irritably, turning to face him.
"Seeing a bloke naked," explained Draco in his harsh drawl. "Tell me have you always fancied boys or was it just a last resort when you couldn't get a girl because… well…"
He tapped the "Support Cedric Diggory" badge on his chest to flash up the words Potter Stinks.
"You're sick Malfoy," said Harry shortly.
"I heard you're taking Weasley to the yule ball, is it true?"
"Ginny is going with Neville," said Hermione placidly.
"Not the Weasley I had in mind Mudblood," Draco replied spitefully.
"Shut up Malfoy!" said Harry, getting hot under the collar.
"So it is true then?" asked Malfoy.
"I don't know why you're talking about me fancying boys," said Harry, a cunning gleam in his green eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Draco asked, looking suddenly alarmed.
"The rest of us have only seen Moody naked," smirked Harry, "You've actually been bounced by him. Haven't you? Ferret boy?"
A look of relief flashed over Malfoy's pointed features but he regained an almost immediate grip on himself. Harry did not have long to enjoy his victory however as a tall, greasy-haired figure emerged out of the shadows.
"That was a suspiciously quick witted remark coming from you Mr Potter," the familiar icy voice sliced from the top of the stairs. Harry's heart sank. It was Professor Snape. Snape had missed the feast, and more importantly Moody's shocking announcement, but he was downstairs now. A malevolent sneer was playing over his thin lips. "I wonder if you have been using a mental stimulant to help you with these Tournament tasks? Powdered dragon claw perhaps?"
"No Sir," said Harry wearily.
"You are competing against wizards with twice your training in this tournament Mr Potter. Am I to believe that that you have never once been tempted to illicitly improve your performance? When powdered dragon claw is so readily available?" asked Snape incredulously. "What do you think Mr Malfoy?"
"He does seem to be a lot brighter lately," said Draco at once. "There was a time he would've attacked me for insulting his girlfriend Granger but now he's smart enough to leave well enough alone."
"You git!" hissed Harry.
"Ten points from Gryffindor for rudeness Mr Potter," said Snape swiftly. "Fortunately there is a simple test to tell if you have taken powdered dragon claw, and it is almost painless. I just need to extract a fluid sample from your stomach. Step this way please."
Harry froze. He had not taken powdered dragon claw, or any other illicit magical substances, but he did not like the idea of Snape probing his stomach contents one little bit.
"How exactly do you extract the sample?" asked Harry suspiciously, not moving.
"Perhaps you misheard me Potter, I told you to step this way."
"Not unless you tell me what you're going to do!" he protested.
"A further ten points for disobeying a direct instruction from a teacher Potter! Step this way."
"But Sir!" piped up Hermione bravely.
"Silence! I do not recall asking for your imput Miss Granger! Twenty points from Gryffindor! Potter if I have to tell you again you will find yourself in detention!"
Harry did not want a detention. Detention with Snape tended to involve endless jibes about his dead father and large vats of rat brains, but neither did he want to be trapped alone with the man for an undisclosed medical procedure.
"I want to see Professor Dumbledore!" said Harry defiantly.
"No!" responded Snape impatiently.
"Professor Dumbledore will not have time to see you anyway Deary, he is busy talking to Alastor about the new club he's setting up," came a mystical voice from the doorway. "Perhaps I can help?"
"No thank you, Professor Trelawney," replied Snape through gritted teeth, rolling his dark eyes. "Now Potter come with me, we can extract your stomach fluid and do the detention at the same time…"
"Excuse me Severus," Trelawney began again.
"Yes?" replied Snape, more than a bite of impatience in his voice.
"Alastor has actually asked me to speak to you about this new club. I told him that when dear Gilderoy set up a duelling club the year before last, you assisted him in the demonstration and Alastor was hoping that…"
"No!" replied Snape, swiftly.
Fighting Lockhart was one thing, but Severus Snape suspected that in a duelling club with Moody he might be made to look extremely foolish. "No, the last Duelling Club was a complete farce and I have no reason to believe that this one will be any better. Besides I have some urgent medicinal potions to make for Madam Pomfrey."
"But Severus it's not a duelling…"
Harry shared a discrete smile with Hermione. Snape was being a complete coward about demonstrating in a Duelling Club with Moody. He hoped the Divination teacher would correct him, it would be worth ten detentions to see Snape's reaction to being asked to participate in a Nudist Club.
"That is my final word on the subject," Snape insisted, cutting her short. "Why don't you ask… ah! I have just placed Mr Potter here in detention. He can serve it with Moody. He can be the other demonstrator in this new club!"
"BUT PROFESSOR!" he screamed.
Harry knew full well what Moody's club was about, as unlike Snape he had been present at the feast. He could not, would not demonstrate at a Nudist Club, he had suffered enough humiliation already this year.
Behind Snape's back Draco Malfoy collapsed into an unrestrained fit of laughter.
"YOU HAVE CONTRADICTED ME ONCE TOO OFTEN THIS EVENING POTTER!" Snape bellowed, rounding on him. "I WILL SEND A NOTE TO PROFESSOR MOODY INFORMING HIM THAT YOU WILL CO-DEMONSTRATE AT HIS NEW CLUB."
"BUT SIR!" pleaded Harry desperately.
"AND HEAVEN HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T!"
With that Snape turned and stormed away before any of them dared to utter another syllable.
"It's alright Harry, he doesn't know what the club is about, I'm sure if we wait till he's calmer and explain…" Hermione began comfortingly.
"No," said Harry. "I'll tell Moody it was a mistake. Perhaps he'll let me scrape bedpans or something. If I go after Snape now he might remember about extracting that stomach fluid sample."
Draco let out a great yelp of laughter, cheeks red and almost in tears.
"This is all your fault!" Harry bristled at him. "I'll get even for this!"
He turned and pushed his way through a small crowd of gawking students. The post-meal entertainment had been truly excellent for them this evening. First Moody had provided a mini-horror show, then Snape had given them comedy. They peered around hopefully to see if more weirdness would be forthcoming, but then McGonagol stormed from the hall in a fierce temper and sent them all to bed.
"Perhaps," Draco smirked to himself as he made his way back to the Slytherin dungeon, "This Naturist Club might be worth looking in on after all."