Disclaimer: I don't own EasyRiderWard; I don't own Bella. I do own a beat up guitar and a CD of Elvis's number one hits. The music and lyrics for "Can't Help Fallin' in Love" were written by George Weiss, Hugo Peretti and Luigi Creatore. All rights reserved and all that good stuff.
EPOV
I spent most of the ride thinking about my past, trying to figure out what was bringing me back home after three years spent convincing myself I didn't belong at Morningstar. I couldn't come up with anything. The straight roads that seemed to lead directly into the sun lay in front of me, and I felt like I was driving back in time, riding past all of the things I'd left behind when I walked out so long ago.
The day Tanya told me that it was either her or the farm, I knew I would leave with her. I made a show of thinking long and hard about leaving my folks, but really, there was no choice for me. I'd chosen to be with her the minute she showed a mild interest in me my first day of law school. She was a student in one of the classes I TA'd for. She was all legs and wild hair, and she wanted me. So, it must have been love.
At least that's what I told myself when I walked away from everything I ever knew to take her across the country. As my bike kicked up the dirt around me, I realized Tanya was never in love with me. She wanted me, and she took everything I gave her, but there was nothing that held her to me. So it really shouldn't have come as a surprise when one day, instead of coming home to Tanya, I came home to an empty apartment and a Dear John note.
I was over Tanya before she even left, but I didn't know it until I got on the road back home. Tanya was a chance at something new and different, and she chose me. On the farm, I was always Carlisle and Esme's kid. I wasn't just Edward. To Tanya, I was special, or at least she made me believe that I was for a time. I let her pretty face and my cock dictate my decision. I didn't love her, not really.
She was comfortable and warm and convenient. She was a distraction. I missed her when she left, and for a time, I told myself that was because my heart was broken. I think it was harder for me to admit that my heart wasn't broken than it was to get over her leaving me. In the end, I decided that Tanya had done me a huge favor leaving the way she did. I stayed in New York for a few months. I tried to make my life there work without Tanya, but it wouldn't because that was never my life. It was the life Tanya thought I should have had. Weeks of soul searching later, I came to the conclusion that I was living the wrong person's life and needed to shit or get off the pot. So I left. The job at the law firm was a paycheck, nothing more. I quit and broke my lease, sold all of my stuff and then bought the bike.
Well, I sold almost everything. I kept the guitar and slung it on my back as I rode. It was a comfort on the lonely nights. I had the money to stay in hotels along the way, but I had no desire to do so. If one of the fancy shrinks Tanya and I used to have dinner with back in New York had seen me on the road, scruffy with a days' old beard on my face and dirty from the highway, he would have said I was in the midst of a deep depression. While possible, I thought it more likely that I knew I needed to go back in time in order to reach my roots, and the only way to do that was the hard dirty way.
And so, I rode. Day and night, stopping when I was tired, eating when I was hungry. I never looked for company, but people seemed to find me when the loneliness got too much and I began to feel stir crazy. I thought it would be hard to leave the big city behind, but the minute I was on the road, I never looked back. I was finally doing what I should have done a long time ago. I was going back to where it all began. I was going home.
The old farm hadn't changed at all in the three years I'd been gone. I turned the bike onto the dirt road, cut the engine, and stood there for a moment, just taking it all in. The scent of gone-over apples filled the air, and I smiled. Nothing would ever smell more like home to me than the scent of apples past their prime and the tart stink of Dad's cider. I revved the engine and started slowly down the path. It occurred to me that I was going to draw lots of unwanted attention with my noisy arrival, but part of me wanted the big welcome home.
I was the prodigal son today, and I wanted my father to greet me with a fatted calf and a mug of his best cider. I wanted my mother to embrace me and tell me that she always knew I'd come home. And I wanted to see my brother again. God, I missed his face.
I saw the three women standing on the porch, but only one of them mattered to me. Mom had her hands clasped beneath her chin, and I knew she saw me. When I saw her running down the steps to meet me, I stopped the bike and propped it up against one of the trees. Mom was still running down the dirt path when I turned around and started walking toward her.
She threw herself into my arms, the leather of my road-worn jacket crunching under her solid embrace. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, smelling the cinnamon and sugar smell I had always associated with my mother's hugs.
"Hi mom," I said, my voice rough from being silent for so long.
Her face was buried in my chest, but she lifted it up when I spoke. Her brown eyes were swimming with tears but her smile broke through.
"Edward," she whispered.
Her hands moved up to cup my face, and I was grateful I had taken the time to shave. She ran her thumbs over my cheekbones and then pulled my head down to her, placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Welcome home," she said as she released me.
I was glad she didn't ask questions. I knew I wasn't off the hook. There would be plenty of things to answer when Dad was back from the distillery shed and we were settled around the dinner table. But for now, I was just home. And I was welcome. Thank God for small favors.
"Where're your bags, baby?" she asked, threading her arm through mine.
"Just the guitar, Mom," I said. "I traveled light."
I saw her lips turn down for an instant in worry or disappointment, but they recovered quickly. She hadn't changed much – a few extra lines and more than a few grey hairs – but basically she looked the same as she did when I left. I don't know what I was expecting to see when arrived – maybe her and Dad standing in the same spot they were when I walked away three years ago, looking exactly the same. It was somehow comforting to me knowing that their life had gone on without me. And now, it would go on with me because I was welcome.
We walked toward the house and I finally looked up to see who the other two women were who had been with my mother. One I recognized as Emmett's wife. Rose was standing at the edge of the porch, her arms crossed across her chest, and a frown marring her pretty features.
She barely knew me. When Tanya and I had first moved to the city, we stayed with Emmett in his apartment for a couple of months before we got our own place, but that was before Rose entered the picture. When he brought her over to meet us, the two girls didn't get along, and so Em and I reluctantly agreed to keep get-togethers between the two of us. That was near the end of Tanya and me anyway. I should have known when she stubbornly refused to make nice with my own brother that things weren't meant to be. But I let it go, and eventually I had let him go.
Letting go of Em was like losing a part of me. An important part, at that. I wasn't much use to Tanya after her left, and I think it was the final straw for her. When Em went back home, the last shred of the life I knew and loved went with him.
My eyes drifted past Rose to the other girl standing slightly behind her. She could have faded into the wood siding of the house if not for her brilliantly pale skin. Her arms were crossed over her body as Rose's had been, but on this girl, I knew immediately she held herself that way for protection. The delicate skin around her eyes was nearly purple, and I guessed that her eyes were used to crying. A sharp pain, like a dagger, shot through my heart at the thought of her crying. It shocked me so badly that I gasped and stopped walking.
"Edward," Mom said, "you okay, baby?"
"Yeah," I said distractedly, my eyes still on the girl. "Just a cramp from riding."
The girl's eyes were wide as she watched me walking up the path. I wondered what she was thinking, how long she'd been here. I wondered whether she lived here and I could get to know her, or if she was just passing through. I wanted to pummel her with questions, unwrap the secrets behind her sad eyes. But something deep within me cautioned me against acting on my curiosity. Something told me to move slowly, and I didn't dare question it.
"Hey Rose," I called as we reached the bottom of the steps. "Long time no see."
"Yeah. How's it going, Edward?" she asked.
I thought for a moment before nodding.
"Real good," I said.
Rose didn't say anything else, and my eyes drifted past her to the other girl again. Her head was tilted to the side as she gazed at me. She had deep brown eyes so dark that I lost her pupil within the iris. Despite their darkness, her eyes were not flat. I could see her sadness swimming in the depths along with something else, something deeper. Up close, I could see that she had recently been crying; the skin around her eyes was puffy and red. Her brown hair hung carelessly over her shoulder, and it drew my eyes downward to the swell of her chest.
She was beautiful and I was staring at her. Nice first impression, I thought as I smiled at her.
"Hi. I don't think we've met. I'm Edward Cullen," I said, holding out my hand.
She just stared at me, considering something. She tilted her head to the other side, and just when I thought she was about to walk over and take my hand, Rose stepped in between us.
"You don't have to touch him, Bella," she said harshly.
I stepped back and looked at Rose with confusion. She might not know me very well, but I didn't think she had any reason to hate me. And yet, that was what I saw in her eyes. For some reason, my sister-in-law hated me.
"I didn't mean any harm," I murmured, trying to look past Rose to see the girl's eyes again.
She was looking down, holding herself tighter. I was missing something and looked over to Mom for some answers. Her face was a confused mess of emotion. Maybe the girl was a runaway, maybe she was in trouble of some kind. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
I wished I could just leave it alone, forget about whatever it was, and just enjoy coming home. But my eyes kept coming back to hers, and my heart kept feeling the same hurt over and over again every time I saw her pain swimming there. There was something in this girl that drew me in and made me want to know her.
"Of course you didn't," Mom said quickly. "Rose, why don't you take Bella down to Alice and then get Emmett … we'll have a family dinner tonight."
Mom's eyes flicked between the girl and me, and she frowned. Rose wrapped her arms around Bella and walked her off the porch, keeping her body between the girl and me. My eyes followed them down the steps, and as they reached the dirt path the girl, twisted her head around to look back. Her brown eyes caught me staring after her. I smiled, but she turned back around quickly.
"Edward, really, of all the girls on the entire farm …" Mom said as she grabbed my arm firmly and lead me into the house.
"What? I just said hi!"
She stopped, and she came around in front of me, her blue eyes on fire.
"There's no 'justs' with this girl, Edward. And you're my son, for God's sake. I know the difference between a cordial hello and a spark. That girl lit a damn fire in you."
I smirked and leaned against the kitchen counter, snatching up one of the yellow apples from the basket.
"What's her story?" I asked, polishing the apple on my shirt.
Mom sighed and sat down heavily at the kitchen table.
"She came here about a month ago," Mom said, holding her chin in her hand as she looked up at me. "A week after she got here, one of the field workers took her up on the hill and attacked her. It's only by the grace of Alice that Em and your Dad went looking for her."
"Alice?" I asked, my voice coming out as a strangled whisper.
"You'll meet her later," Mom replied. "She's really quite something. Anyway, they found the monster on top of her and pulled him off before much happened, but the damage was done. She was bruised and broken. Today was her first day back to work and she had … a relapse."
I looked at her, confusion on my face, and she sighed.
"Someone said something that reminded her of the attack. It sent her spiraling back into memories. But I'm rather proud of her. She recovered quickly."
"A fighter," I commented.
"Yes," Mom agreed. "But she's still so broken, Edward. You can't know how difficult this has been for her … or for Rose. She's relived her own nightmare to pull Bella through hers."
I remembered Emmett telling me about Rose once and shuddered. I was glad that this girl had someone as strong and caring as Rose to protect her even if it seemed like Rose would be trying to protect her from me.
Mom changed the subject, moving onto to mundane news about the farm and asking about my ride. She carefully avoided all mention of Tanya and my reasons for coming back home. I answered her questions, nodded in all the right spots, but my mind kept running pictures of Bella's haunted eyes through my subconscious. I dwelt on her face, caressing her features with my mind's eye and trying to smooth out the worry lines I had noticed. I couldn't push her image from my mind.
Mom knew, of course. She always knew when something was eating at me. When I excused myself, saying I wanted to reacquaint myself with the farm before Dad and Em came back, she let me go with a sad smile. She didn't ask the questions I knew were on her mind, which I was thankful for because I was certain I didn't have the answers.
I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I walked quickly out the back of the house and up passed the edge of the orchard to where the oldest trees were. When we were kids, Em and I built a club house in one of the trees out of old apple crates, tires, and ropes. We thought we were super slick stealing nails and boards that we found around the place, but we found out when we were older that Dad had left those out on purpose for us.
The thing always seemed to be on the edge of collapse, but when I walked up to the tree, it was still up there. The boards looked well rotted, and I guessed that if I tried to hoist my fully-grown body up there the whole thing would collapse underneath me. But, it soothed me to know that it was there, a remnant of my past that anchored me to this place. One time, a long time ago, this had been my home. Maybe if I stayed long enough, it would feel that way again.
I don't know how long I was asleep under the old tree before I felt someone's eyes on me. It couldn't have been long because the sun was still in relatively the same spot. I chuckled at myself, thinking how naturally I had fallen back into the habit of checking the sun for the time. I sat up and stretched before looking around to find out who was watching me. My body tensed because I was almost certain Em would jump out of tree at any moment. I scanned the bottoms of the trees looking for his feet but didn't see him. That's when I saw her.
Bella.
She was standing just at the edge of the trees, her body mostly hidden by the trunk of one of the larger trees. Her head peeked out and her hair hung down, shining orange and red in setting sun. When my eyes met hers, they widened, and she ducked back behind the tree.
I was up and moving before I really thought about it and slowed down almost immediately. If she was out alone for a walk, that was probably good progress for her. If I ran over to her like an excited puppy and tried to grab her hand again, that would likely set her back. I considered my options. I could walk over to her, or I could let her come to me. The only question was, could I live with it if she chose not to come?
I leaned against the nearest tree and pulled on a branch, making as much noise as I could and keeping my eyes locked on where I knew Bella was hiding. I saw a movement and my heart leapt. Four pale fingers crept around the side of the tree followed by the very tip of her head. I couldn't stop the smile on my face, but managed to split my gaze between the ground and Bella. Her head continued to creep farther around the tree until I could see her eyes.
"Hello," I said quietly.
She didn't respond immediately, but she also didn't retreat. I kept my head down and my eyes mostly averted. I really had no idea what I was doing, but something told me to treat her like a skittish animal that was afraid of being attacked. So, I avoided eye-contact despite the fact that was the one thing I craved.
I saw her fingers wave once, then again.
"I'm Edward," I said just as quietly. "You can stay behind the tree if it's more comfortable for you."
"I'm Bella."
Her voice was a whisper on the wind. It drifted by me, and I barely heard it, but I held onto it all the same. She spoke to me.
"Mom and Dad will be expecting me for dinner," I said, bending down slowly and picking up a handful of wildflowers and long grass. "I have to be getting back."
"Do you – why are you here?" she asked.
I began separating the grass from the flowers as I considered her question.
"Here as in this part of the orchard?" I asked. "Or here, as in the farm?"
When all the grass was separate, I began winding it around the stems of the flowers, binding them together.
"Both," she said, stepping out from behind the tree and leaning against it.
I saw her hands gripping the bark of the tree tightly as though she might fall without it.
"I'm on the farm because it's my home – or at least it was – and I wish it to be again." I tied the ends of the grass together neatly and admired my handiwork. "I'm in this part of the orchard because I used to come here as a child. I'm remembering my old haunts."
I looked up slowly from my newly made bouquet. She was watching me with her wide dark eyes. I held the bunch of flowers up to her before bending down and setting them on the grass in front of me.
"Maybe you'll decide to join us for dinner … Bella."
I held her eyes as I started to walk. I'd need to walk past her in order to get back to the house, but I didn't want her to think I was threatening her. I gave her tree a very wide berth and nodded my head to her as I passed. She followed me with her eyes the entire way until I had to turn away from her.
"Maybe," I heard her whisper.
I smiled as I pushed my hands into my pocket. I'd had a conversation with her and I didn't scare her away. I turned around to see if she was still looking but was confused when she wasn't there anymore. I looked farther and saw her kneeling in the grass with her back to me, bending over the bouquet I had left her. I nodded and continued walking. Maybe, indeed.
She didn't come to dinner that night. Or the next night for that matter, but she always seemed to be hanging around. I liked how my chest felt when I caught sight of her from afar, like I couldn't quite breathe right until I laid eyes on her, and then all of the air just flooded my lungs. We'd moved from smiles to waves over the course of a week, and I'd gone from a mild distraction to a full blown attraction. I thought about her as I worked and dreamed about her at night. I "had it bad" as my brother so eloquently pointed out to me on many occasions, at least when his wife wasn't around.
Rose made it clear in no uncertain terms that she didn't want me even thinking about Bella. She told the entire family that first night that she knew I'd be nothing but trouble for her this soon after the attack. She insisted that any interest I took in Bella would be tantamount to another attack. At that point, I pushed my chair away from the table and said I was no longer hungry. Rose and I hadn't spoken since.
She acted as though I had come back to Morningside with the intention of laying the first girl I saw. That couldn't have been further from the truth. I didn't understand why Bella affected me the way she did. There was a connection between us that I couldn't explain, but I knew Bella felt it too.
One day as I carried firewood past the tent city, a naked little ball of energy nearly tackled me. Her name was Alice, and when she looked at me, I felt like she knew a multitude of secrets about me.
"Edward Cullen," she said, crossing her arms across her bare chest. "I've been looking for you."
"Umm," I said, my face on fire as I tried to keep looking at her face. "And you are?"
I'd seen plenty of naked people in my time on the farm, but it had been a while, and I wasn't used to interacting with them anymore.
"Sorry. I'm Alice Hale. That over there is my husband, Jasper. Bella lives with us."
I almost dropped the wood I was carrying. The last name I expected to hear roll off her lips was Bella's, but she certainly got my attention. I found it easier to ignore the naked breasts now too now that my mind was focused on Bella again.
"So, umm, Bella? Is that why you were looking for me?" I asked, shaking my hair out of my eyes.
Alice smirked.
"Mmm-hmm," she hummed. "You know she was living with Rose and Em?"
"I – didn't know where she lived."
"Well, she used to live with Rose, but your bouquet caused a problem. Bella chose to move back with Jas and me after they argued about the flowers. You mean a lot to her."
I started walking again and Alice followed.
"She's barely spoken to me," I commented.
"She still has the bouquet," Alice countered.
"That's good?" I asked.
"That's very good."
I smiled at her.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I like the way you look at her," she said. "And I like the way she looks at you … when she lets herself look. I really like the way she looks at those flowers."
"Okay … and you like playing matchmaker?"
"No, I want my friend to be happy. Look, she's been hurt and angry for so long that I don't think she even remembers what happy feels like."
"I thought the attack –"
"This didn't start with the attack," she said with a frown. "There's a lot more to Bella then what Riley did to her, but even I don't know everything. Do you want to make her happy?"
"Yeah … I really do."
"Then you're going to have to figure that out. Just … don't give up, ok? I think you're the key, and I'm not usually wrong about these things."
She winked, turned and walked away, leaving me standing there baffled. I saw a bare-chested man with soft leather pants watching me with an amused grin on his face. I guessed correctly that this was Jasper.
"She's right, you know?" he asked as he held out his hand in greeting. "She's not usually wrong about these things."
"Let's hope so," I murmured as I shook his hand.
I headed back to pick up more wood, confusion and now hope clouding my mind.
It wasn't until the end of my first week back that I had a chance to go back to my special part of the orchard. I liked it because it was quiet and no one else went there. From the look of things, even Em had abandoned this place a long time ago. That was fine by me. I came here to think and didn't really want to be interrupted.
I'd shed my shirt earlier in the day while I was working and didn't bother finding one before I slipped away. I lay down in the grass near where I had left Bella's bouquet a week ago and looked up at the clear blue sky. I estimated I had about an hour and half before people would start preparing for the bonfire. Tonight Dad would bring out the metaphorical fatted calf and welcome me home.
I laced my fingers behind my head and snorted. It was going to be an interesting night. I still felt like a stranger here for the most part, a feeling not helped by the tension that existed concerning Bella. People on the farm talked, a lot. What else was there for them to do? They worked, and while they worked, they talked. Right now, I was the most interesting gossip.
I didn't care, really. I was used to being talked about. I was born on Morningstar Farm, but my name wasn't always Edward Cullen. One of the many runaways that found their way to Morningside showed up one day on Mom's doorstep hugely pregnant. She told a sad story about how her boyfriend knocked her up, and then left her all alone. Mom took her in, fed her, shared old maternity clothes with her, and generally welcomed her into her home.
That runaway was my mother, and the minute she could get up after giving birth, the first thing she did was run away from me.
For a while, Mom said they didn't know what to call me. She knew my mother's name, Elizabeth Masen, but she didn't know what she had wanted to call me. After a few weeks, Mom realized Elizabeth wasn't coming back, so she just took over. One of the good things about being on the farm was that they didn't have to go through all of the paperwork the state would have forced on them. I was a Cullen before I could speak, but the people on the farm always knew.
And they talked.
It bothered me when I was a little kid until Mom and Dad took me aside and explained things to me.
"You're our gift, Edward," Mom had said. "We didn't ask for you, and I didn't give birth to you, but we wanted you desperately. And in our hearts, there's no difference between you and Em. You're both our children."
I watched them over the weeks that followed their talk. It was true what they said. Em and I had to follow the same rules, we had the same chores, and we got an equal amount of their attention. I started to accept the fact that something had brought my birth mother to Morningside instead of one of the other communes. Something had brought her to Esme. And I never questioned it again. Esme and Carlisle were Mom and Dad. Period.
The talk that was circulating around me now was different. Everyone saw the way I looked at Bella and the way Rose watched me. They guessed. They pondered. And I constantly wondered what Bella was thinking about everything. I'd heard them all talking about how I'd left the farm with my old girlfriend, and I wondered mostly what she thought about that. Would she think I was just another player come to use her? I couldn't bear the thought, but I also couldn't ask her.
"You haven't been back for a while."
Her voice startled me so badly that I sat bolt upright and yelped. It was Bella. I looked around wildly for a second before I saw her. She was kneeling about ten feet away from me, her hands swaying in the grass.
"I've been busy," I said, moving slowly into a more natural sitting position. "Have you been back often?"
"Every day," she whispered.
Her eyes darted up to mine, and she smiled hesitantly.
"Rose doesn't know," she said as she picked a white daisy.
"Rose is important to you," I said.
It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway.
"Rose is special," she said. "She was there for me when no one knew what else to do."
I didn't know what to say to her. My heart was racing in my chest, and I wondered if she could see it pounding. I suddenly felt exposed without my shirt and hoped that I wasn't making her uncomfortable.
"So," I said and ran my hand through my hair distractedly.
She giggled and then covered her mouth in surprise. Her wide eyes told me that it had been a while since she had slipped and laughed. She'd surprised herself.
"Why did you come back every day?" I asked nervously.
"I don't know," she admitted.
There were scores of daisies around her, and she started picking random ones up and lacing them together.
"Why are you here now?" I asked.
My voice was low and raw, full of the anticipation I was feeling. She shrugged her shoulders delicately and blushed.
"I guess it has something to do with you," she said.
I took a deep breath and let it out shakily.
"Are you okay with that?" I asked.
"Definitely not," she whispered. "But I don't seem to have much choice in the matter."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't seem to stop myself from coming here," she said as she threaded daisies together. "When I do, I'm equal parts hopeful and scared that you'll be here. When I came today and saw you here … well, I couldn't seem to make myself walk away like I should."
I leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my knuckles, drinking her in. I hadn't been able to look at her like this … ever. She was sitting in front of me, no one was around to disapprove, and she wasn't running away. I felt like I'd stepped into a little part of heaven.
"Why should you walk away?" I asked.
I knew I was toeing a line with all of my questions, but I just wanted to know this girl. I wanted to skip over all of the formalities and make her trust me. But she was even more direct than I was.
"Because you're dangerous," she said simply.
"Dangerous?" I asked. "How so?"
I tried to stay very still while I stared at her, not wanting to frighten her with any sudden movements. She mostly watched the ends of the daisy stems disappearing as she laced them together into a chain.
"Because I can't forget you," she said. "I keep thinking about you. I don't like it."
She shook her head as though to dispel an unwanted thought and then looked back at me. Waiting.
"I have a similar problem," I whispered.
She cocked her head to the side in curiosity, her fingers still moving in and out with the daisies.
"You worked yourself in here," I said, pointing to my temple, "and I can't get you out."
"Huh," she said and smiled. "That makes me happy … but it means more danger."
She frowned at her own admission, and I began thinking of ways to make her stay. I sensed that she was getting ready to run away ,and I wanted to stop her before made her first move.
"I'm full of it," I said chuckling and spreading my hands in front of me.
She seemed to relax slightly when I spoke to her, and I smiled knowing that I had affected her in some way. We sat staring at each other for several more minutes as she finished the chain she was making. It was small; it wouldn't fit over her head to go around her neck. I wondered what it was for.
"I just … want to try something," she said. "Stay still."
I didn't even nod. I sat with my chin in my hands as my breathing increased and watched her. She placed the daisies on her head like a crown and got down on her hands and knees. She was inching toward me, her dark eyes never leaving me as she waited to see if I would follow her instructions. My heart was racing watching her. The tall grasses brushed against her shoulders and breasts as she crawled toward me. More than anything, I wanted her to come to my lap and curl herself into my arms. I wanted to rock her gently and feel all of her fears dissipate. But I would content myself with her simply coming closer.
She stopped about two feet away and leaned back on her knees. The sun was almost directly behind her now, and she looked like a bronze shadow in front of me, the red highlights in her hair on fire. I let out a shaky breath and shook my head.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I said.
She sat and looked at me for a while.
"I was going to say the same to you," she whispered.
I was a little uncomfortable with the silence. I wondered if she wanted me to make conversation, but she seemed content just sitting close. It was nice to finally be able to look at her. I noticed the way her eyes were slightly angled, almost catlike. I saw the waves in her hair, rippling beside her face. I wanted to feel her hair, bury my nose in it, and know what she smelled like. But instead, I memorized her face so that tonight when I dreamed of her, she would seem more real.
"You must think I'm crazy," she whispered and looked down, "coming out here and then having nothing to say."
"Of course I don't think you're crazy," I said. "I'm just glad you're here."
"You are?"
"Bella, I think you're pretty amazing," I said. "I'll take your company any way I can get it."
She smiled and began playing with the end of her hair.
"It's driving me crazy, you know?"
I leaned forward slightly and she noticed. She froze slightly, seemed to consider backing away, and then stayed still.
"What's driving you crazy?"
"I want to be close to you," she said. "But I'm afraid if I rush it, I'll never get past this fear."
If she was a normal, undamaged girl, I would have closed the distance between us, cupped her face with my hands, and kissed her. But Bella wasn't normal, and she was far from undamaged, so I stayed still.
"I'm not going anywhere," I said. "I want to be close to you as well, and I'll wait as long as I have to."
"You know that makes it harder, don't you?" she asked with a smile.
I smiled back at her.
"I didn't say I'd make it easy to stay away from me," I teased.
She giggled again, this time it sounded more natural, and I had to laugh with her. It seemed like it would be so easy to reach over and take her hand, finally feel her fingers wrap around mine. I knew if I did that, she'd run for sure. And I wasn't certain she'd come back.
I heard footsteps; someone was coming. My body tensed as I looked behind her, wondering who would be coming here.
"We're about to have company," I said.
Bella reacted immediately, her breathing picking up and spinning around to see who was coming up behind her. I stood and came around in front of her, staying far enough away from her that she wouldn't think I was threatening her.
"It's okay," I whispered as I stood in front of her. "You're not alone."
She didn't respond but I heard her sigh. In front of me, I saw two figures approaching, and I heard my brother's deep voice drifting toward me. This was going to be difficult. Rose was on her way.
"What're you doing?" Rose cried when she approached us, her eyes darting between Bella and me.
"We were talking before you startled us," I said evenly.
"You shouldn't be out here with her," Rose replied. "Come on, Bella."
"I'm fine, Rose," she said. "Edward was here first. I found him."
Rose's lips disappeared in a straight line of anger.
"I told you, babe," Em said. "Edward would never hurt her."
"I didn't say he would," she said angrily. "But he shouldn't be pushing her either."
"No one's pushing me," Bella said softly.
My skin broke out into goose bumps before I even realized she was touching me. Her one hand was resting on my bare shoulder, and her other hand was wrapped loosely around the inside of my elbow. I felt my body flush at her touch; my skin must have felt as if it was on fire to her, but she didn't pull away. I tried hard to regulate my breathing, but it was difficult. My instinct was to turn around and look in her eyes so I could see what touching me did to her. But I stayed still.
Rose turned around quickly and began walking away. Em looked at me, his eyes moving between Bella and me in a question. I knew that Bella meant a great deal to Emmett; he talked about her like a little sister who needed protecting. Brother or no, he'd take me out if he thought I was being a dick to her. And I was grateful for that.
"I better go see about Rose," Bella said. "I … I'm sorry, Edward."
My body immediately missed her touch as she pulled her hands away. I watched her run toward Rose and link arms with her. I wondered what she would say, what Rose would ask. I wondered how she would explain our relationship if you could even call it that.
"What's goin' on here, bro?" Em asked when she was gone.
"I wish I knew, Em," I said. "She found me and I just … tried to keep up."
The bonfire was like stepping back in time for me. Dad was hauling barrels of his cider down when Em and I walked back, and we each grabbed one and walked with him, laughing at how "frail" the old man was getting. Dad punched Em in the shoulder, and Em pretended to fall over. It was all so familiar, so exactly what I had been missing. I couldn't believe I had lasted so long away from this place.
Once the fire was lit and everyone had had their fill of food, we all sat around the fire and talked. I was distracted though; I kept hoping to see Bella settle herself around the fire. Sometime well after dark, Dad hung my guitar in front of me and just smiled. I took it to the sound of applause around the circle and began strumming softly.
Music had always been an escape for me. It made me happy when nothing else could, and it was the only thing that I refused to give up when I moved to New York. I couldn't give it up even though I knew Tanya looked down on it. She said it would be better if I played piano or something more refined. Guitar, to her, represented the less cultured side of me. That was probably why I refused to give it up, actually.
I felt Bella's presence before I saw her. She was on the outskirts of the circle around the fire, but she pulled my gaze over to her like a magnet. She smiled when she saw me looking at her still strumming and humming softly. The fire softened the edges of my vision so she seemed to exist in a cloud of heat. As I continued to stare at her, the chords began to modulate until I was playing the slow beginning of "Can't Help Fallin' in Love with You." Elvis had made this song famous earlier in the year, and it seemed an appropriate way to answer Bella's fears from earlier.
Wise men say only fools rush in / but I can't help falling in love with you.
I kept my voice soft hoping to draw her closer, and it worked. She found her way over to where Alice and Jasper stood, just across the fire from me. Her one arm was wrapped around her middle, and her other hand was covering her mouth. I could just barely see the edges of her lips lifted in a smile. Alice wrapped her arms around Bella's middle and leaned against her shoulder while they listened to the song.
Shall I stay, would it be a sin / If I can't help falling in love with you?
There wasn't anyone there except for Bella and I, at least, not anyone who mattered to me. I sang for her, and I hoped that she would see through my song to my heart.
Like a river flows, surely to the sea / Darling, so it goes … some things are meant to be / Take my hand, take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you.
I didn't know what the reaction of the crowd was. All I focused on was the single tear that slipped down Bella's cheek. My fingers froze on the strings of the guitar as I watched to see what would happen. Would she run to me or away from me?
She did neither. She slowly sat down across from me with her chin in her hand and waited for me to continue. She wanted me to play for her, and as long as she would stay, I would play all night.
A/N: Enter Edward. I've never had a chapter basically write itself like this one did. Edward's voice in this story is so damn strong, I felt like someone was just telling me this story and I was just writing it down. I hope you enjoyed his view on things. This story started out as a one or two chapter short. It morphed into a five or six chapter novella. Now, the arc has changed again, and I'm figuring on 10 - 12 chapters. I hope you don't mind spending more time with EasyRiderWard. ;) Leave him some love and let him know you care. *mwah* ~Jen