Chapter 4- I did it again

Jade's POV 15 years old

It's been about six months since Jonathan asked Kaelie out and I've had some time to think about my reaction to the news. I had a right to feel hurt and used since he did use me to gain more confidence when it comes to kissing. But as the days passed I realized that I have no right to be jealous or at least act like I am. Jonathan and I were never together and, I've come to accept, that we never will be. And that's okay with me; I know where we stand. At first my initial thoughts were that he was going to forget me or that things were going to be strained between us but honestly we still hang out all the time, although Kaelie hates it and complains to Jonathan about it all the time. Oh, and she also put a stop to our occasional sleepovers, usually at his house, but even I have admit that made sense; I could totally see where she was coming from with that. I've also come to realize that Jonathan's happiness comes first for me. If it didn't I definitely wouldn't be able to deal with this situation. But it does, so if Kaelie is what makes him happy then I'm happy for him. I've been playing nice. I've been polite every time Jonathan brought her around. I've plastered a fake smile on my face when she looking.

But that didn't stop me from talking about that shank behind her back to Clary. I've spent many a nights ranting about her; going on and on about how she's bad for Jonathan and about how I don't trust her nor do I like her. Clary has listen intently each and every time and for that I'm grateful. I would not have the patience for that; it amazes me sometimes how people deal with me.

Today is the Saturday before we start high school and Clary, Jace, and I are watching movies and just hanging out. Kaelie told Jonathan she wanted to see him, so he's with her. Right now I'm really wishing Jonathan was here. Clary and Jace are getting too cuddly on the couch for my comfort. Clary is literally sitting in his lap right now and they are full on making out. I'm very uncomfortable. Just as they start making noises my phone goes off. I check it and it's a text from Jonathan.

Jonathan: Hey, can you come over? (9-1-1)

I glance up at the couple in front of me. Yeah, they aren't going to mind if I bail. Just this once.

Me: Of course. Be there in a minute.

I grab my phone and slip on my shoes. I step out of the room and I doubt either of them even noticed. I'm just glad Jonathan saved me from having to sit through that but I'm also worried. He said, (9-1-1), that means serious business. I'm at his house in exactly one minute. One of the perks of living beside my best friend is he is always with-in walking distance.

I open the door and call his name. He calls back saying he's in his room. What I find in there makes me stop dead at the threshold. Jonathan's room is a wreck, everything is thrown everywhere. But what struck me so hard was Jonathan himself. He is laying on top of his unmade bed; his arm thrown across his face. I carefully walk across the room and approach him. I take hold of the arm across his face and he doesn't move at all, doesn't acknowledge that I'm even in the room but he does let me move his arm. I suck in a deep breath. His cheeks are red with anger or maybe they're red because he's been crying. I'm not sure which, maybe both. His emerald green eyes that I love so much are bloodshot and glassy. His face looks tired and his pale blonde hair is messy like he had been running his fingers through it. Yep, he has definitely been crying. I stroke his hair carefully, affectionately and he closes his eyes and leans into my touch. Suddenly, he sits up and his arm are around me, sitting me in his lap. Then he's hugging me so, so tightly like he's afraid I'll leave. I hug him back, a lot more carefully than he's holding on to me, not that I mind. I just trying to protect myself, my heart. It's been so long since I've been in his arm and I know I'm fragile when it comes to Jonathan; one wrong move and I'll break. But then he's nuzzling my neck and I can't seem to find a reason to stop him. Then I remember, something's wrong and I lean back to take his face in my hands.

"What's wrong?" I whisper. He takes a deep breath and lays one of his hands on top of mine and nuzzles my hand. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure he can hear it. Then he lays his head on my collar bone. I can feel his breath on my skin as he starts talking in a low, gravelly whisper.

" You know how I told you Kaelie texted me saying she wanted to see me?" I nod. He continues. " Well, what I didn't say was I thought maybe she wanted to go all the way." My grip instinctively tightened around him and I instead wrap my arm protectively around his head. " And her text said that her parents were out of town and to not bother with knocking. So, I just walk through the door. I heard noises coming through her room and I thought maybe she was hurt or something so I ran up there and...she wasn't hurt. She was in bed with Sebastian Verlac and they weren't sleeping. I got so angry that slammed the door against the wall and the only thing she said when I asked her what was going on was, " You weren't suppose to come here until later." Yeah, long story short I punched that bastard Verlac and stormed out of there." I was so angry at Kaelie I could barely contain myself. Until one thought come to mind and I started giggling. Jonathan's head snapped up, his eyes incredulous.

"Could you please explain to me what part of that story was so funny?" I could see he was angry so I rushed to explain.

"I'm sorry...but I was...just imagining you punching Verlac...while he was...still...naked!" I was gasping for air I was laughing so hard. " And I can't stop imagining his thing swinging around the place! I bet...he was more worried about his dick than his face!" I laughing so hard I was crying. For a minute Jonathan just stared at me then he started chuckling then we were both full out laughing. I wiped at my eyes and look at Jonathan. He was smiling at me and I smiled back, happy I could make him feel better.

"You know," Jonathan said. " I wasn't so upset about Kaelie but more upset I let her come between us." I looked at him then down at the space between us, surprised to find I was still in his lap. I had forgotten through all our laughing. As much as I didn't like sharing Jon I still said it.

"Johnny, I think what she said makes sense. I mean, the sleepovers and the cuddling that usually took place probably isn't normal for best friends to do. I mean it was fine when we were younger but now were older and you're a boy and I'm a girl so I can see why she would not be okay with that. I seriously doubt when I get a boyfriend he's going to be okay with me cuddling with another guy. Whether he's my best friend or not. I can see why she wouldn't want you to hold my hand or hug me a lot. I can also see why she wouldn't want us to be in a house all alone all night, in the same bed." Jonathan sighed and took hold of my hand.

"But I like doing all those things with you and as for the boyfriend thing, I don't want you to have a boyfriend." I laughed.

" It's going to happen sooner or later." Jonathan growled. Shocked I looked wide-eyed at him and before I knew it Jonathan had manged to flip us over so I'm under him. His hands were on both sides of my head, trapping me there. I stared up at Jon in confusion until suddenly his lips were on mine. It took me a moment to respond but when I finally did I was just as fast, just as demanding.

We had made out for a little bit and afterwards we just laid there and held each other. Soon he fell asleep while I was stroking his hair. I laid on my back and cursed myself. I let it happen again, we didn't talk about anything pertaining us and in the morning it will probably go back to being the exact same as it's always been. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't show him how much it hurt. I looked around the room knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep for a while and got up and started cleaning.

I knew when Jon got mad he got mad. It didn't last long, and there was always collateral damage. He broke things, yelled, and then he was done. I always thought of his anger like lightening. It was quick, dangerous, and there was always a chance that someone could get hurt.

When everything was in it's place I rearranged the blankets and crawled into the bed and Jon immediately wrapped his arms around me. I didn't try to get away. I didn't want to. Even though I was pretty positive this would be different in the morning, I still would take what I could get.

When I woke it was clear Jon was still asleep. His arm was still wrapped around my middle and I carefully peeled it away. I got out of bed and checked the time. It was 7:43. I walk into the bathroom and found my toothbrush that I kept here and took care of my morning breath. Then I slipped back into the bedroom to find Jon sleep soundly still, so I went to the kitchen and started cooking breakfast.

Once I was done and about to make both our plates Jon stepped into the kitchen with a sleepy look until he saw I made food then his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. I grinned, I couldn't help it. He was adorable. I made our plates and set them on the table. He eagerly sat down and started to literally inhale his food. Once he took his first bite he moaned, "God, Jade! You're a frigging magician in the kitchen!" I had smiled at his comment but had felt just as uneasy as I was now. Once we both finished I took the plates to the sink and started to washed them when Jon came up beside me and said, "Look Jade, about last night...I'm sorry. I just was feeling unwanted last night and I just wanted to feel better and you always make me feel happy and wanted so I'm sorry, I know you were spending the evening with Clary and Jace." What I wanted to say was, "The reason I make you feel wanted is because I want you, all the time. I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you in public. I want to make you smile. I want to call you mine." but all I really said was, "It's okay. You know I'm always here for you. Anytime you need me." Anyway you need me, I added in my head. Because it was true. I would always do anything to make Johnny happy. Jon thanked me and hugged me , saying he was going to jump in the shower. I told him I was going home anyway so he didn't have to rush.

"Oh, okay. I was hoping we could do something but I'll just text Jace and see what he's doing." I nodded and headed home. I walked through the door and headed straight for our room. When I open the door I saw Clary sitting up in bed on her phone. I closed the door and her head snapped up, a smile on her face until she saw the few tears that had escaped on my way over here. Her eyebrow pulled together in worry and she held out her arms to me. I kicked off my shoes and took her up on her invitation. I slipped into her bed and she hugged me tight.

"Jonathan?" I nodded.

"I did it again."

"Oh, sweetheart" was all she said. I nodded.

" Anyway, enough self-pity. How was your night?"

Clary bit her lip. "Well it was pretty great."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I lost my virginity." I jumped and scrambled off the bed and pointed towards it asking, practically shouting, " In this bed!?" Clary laugh and nodded. I shuddered.

"Please, tell me you washed the sheets and scrubbed yourself clean before you touched me!" Clary laughed and nodded again. I sigh in mock disappointment.

"I can't believe you soil our childhood bedroom!" I said dramatically. "You should be ashamed of yourself! I'm going to have nightmares now that I know the filthy, filthy things you've done in here." I smirked at her. She smirked back and I knew I was in trouble.

"You don't know the half of it." I screamed and she laughed. Shaking my head I walk towards the bathroom claiming I need to wash the sin she did off my innocent body. We were both laughing now. I was still so glad we made up and we were back to being sisters again. I sighed as I jumped into the shower. 'I'm starting high school tomorrow.' I thought. 'Oh, well it can't be harder then life.' Little did I know, life is high school.

Okay, I hope you guys like it! :) Let me know, please.