Hi guys :)
Sorry to keep you waiting on a Darvey date but I wanted to finish some of the next chapter before I published this one, just to make sure I was happy with the progression.
Thanks so much for the feedback and everything so far, this fandom is truly the best. (Ali and Michelle, I will never not be reminded of your ridiculously hilarious reactions whenever I think of this chapter)
Hope you enjoy this instalment. Which is 95% fluff. The remaining 5% may or may not be in the form of an angsty ending.. But just two more weeks until our faves are back killing us on-screen, rather than just in fic-land!
Shakespeare in Love
There's a whole fifteen minutes to spare until 2 o'clock and Harvey's already waiting outside her apartment building. He was never this early for a woman before and he didn't know what to do with himself during the extra time.
He could go up early. Knock on her door and escort her down. But if she wasn't ready yet that wouldn't bode to well, he thinks. So instead, he remains standing out on the pavement, patiently waiting for her to emerge from the building. Too anxious to even lean against Ray's car this time.
It took him awhile to figure out why he was much more nervous for this date. But when he did he realised that he hadn't had all night to think about the last one. He simply asked her, she accepted, and they went.
But now he has had an entire 24 hours to second guess himself. And the location he has picked. Inspired by both her interests, and her seemingly high standards made clear by last weeks diner date.
.
Ms. High Standards had spent the entire morning over thinking what to wear. All she got was 'dress for the weather'. So when she opened her creamy curtains that morning, she had two choices; a casual sundress, or light jeans and a summer blouse.
She couldn't remember the last time she had the chance to be so dressed down for a date. And it made her nervous, not knowing how exactly to dress herself. Something she has always been so in tune with. Her style had molded into her personality over the years and always helped give her the added confidence to be Donna.
However, the unknowingness also excited her. Made her feel young again. The spontaneity of these dates, their dates, and their locations, setting her heart and mind racing against one another.
.
He straightens up as he hears the door creak open. Pulling his attention from the red bricks he was mindlessly counting towards red hair instead. Silky smooth and falling in effortless honey-warm waves over her shoulders. Both shoulders which were noticeably bare and perfectly sprinkled in those magnificent flecks of gold he could still make out from some twelve feet away.
As she approaches, he spots the light hue of baby blue in her sundress which was falling mid-shin. But what catches his attention more is the way the fabric clings to her ribs just before it juts out above her hips, flowing daintily in the warm breeze. And how its low v-line extends right between the valley of her breasts. Something the gentleman in him doesn't let his line of sight drift towards. At least not when she's looking anyway.
She, on the same hand, isn't quite sure if witnessing him dressed down will ever not disturb the muscles in her lower abdomen. She's probably seen him out of a suit less than a dozen times in their dozen years. And she always forgets how much she loves it until the next time she gets to see him in a dark shirt, one button teasingly undone, with a black suit pants and a matching belt, topped off with a casual jacket to throw over the look. Just like the look she was gawking at now.
"Donna." he greets while a smug smirk engulfs his features.
"Harvey." she mirrors, lowering her chin at him while her eyebrow quirks.
He lets his eyes rake down her entire form then. Knowing she's looking right at him as she pulls to a stop less than two feet away. Her flat sandals making her about four inches smaller than her usual heels allow. Having him bite his inner lip in an effort not to smile at how adorable he finds it.
His eyes are trained on hers soon again, once he's finished admiring her.
"I'd say that you look beautiful," He lets his tone sound casual enough while his eyes do all the real talking, forcing her breathing to stall for just a second, "but that would be like announcing that the sky is blue." he finishes, glancing up into the cloudless, beaming blue above them as she subconsciously does the same, before looking back at him first.
She inhales sharply, still fighting the urge to glance behind her. As if it was meant for someone else. Again. Even though she knows it wasn't. He was looking right at her when he said it. Undoubtedly. And besides, it was just the two of them.
Slowly cocking her head to the right when his eyes find hers again, smirking along with his lips now as the corners begin to wrinkle, she swallows down the swarm of butterflies uncontrollably fluttering against the lining of her stomach.
"What.. no flowers today?" she quips, determined to look unscathed as she lightly pops her eyes and glances at his empty, bouquet-less hands.
"Oh trust me," he smiles back, "where we're going, you won't need them."
"Oh my god, Harvey," she whispers, placing her palm over her heart, feigning amazement as she pouts in exaggerated awe, "you're taking me to a florists on our first date? How romantic."
He frowns at her unnerving ability to both shrug off his sweet talk and then mock him with it.
"First of all.. No, I'm not taking you to a florists.. but I might if you don't stop enjoying teasing me so much."
She drops her right hip, deciding to let her humorous walls of self-protection down and let him in a bit more.
"And second?" she quizzes, her left hand rising to fiddle with the skinny shoulder strap of her dress.
"This isn't our first date."
"Ohh, so you are counting the diner then.." she playfully teases once again. Soon realising that some habits die hard, especially twelve year old ones.
"Yes, I am," he nods confidently, lowering his chin at her now, "and all the ones before it."
She drops her bottom lip a fraction and furrows her brows. Her face questioning him before her voice has the chance to.
"Del Posto, Nougatine, shopping trips, that shitty Thai place you love… the list is endless, Donna."
The fiery redhead decides to bite her tongue. Refraining from telling him that they were purely platonic. Not wanting to rain on his parade any further. And also, in hindsight, she's not sure how strictly friendly all those dates really were anymore.
The rekindling pair engage in a grin-filled staring contest before Donna caves, shaking her head as her tongue plays with the roof of her mouth.
Harvey opens her door then, standing behind it as she steps in front.
"Oh and by the way,"
Her left hand is on the door frame before she turns back to him, watching as he leans in until his lips are almost, just almost, grazing her ear.
"The sky is looking ..very, blue today." he breaths out, hot and heavy, sending a fork of lightning down her spine as he pulls back.
Neither of them look toward the actual sky this time.
"As always." he finishes, his tone returning to normal now.
He knows he's got to her when her chest rises and her eyes remain fixed on him but no words come out. Nor does it look like she's even tempted to speak a reply. Just the corners of her rosy lips cracking upwards into the beginnings of a smile. One he wouldn't see fully as she dives into the car and he closes her in. Only then letting her cheeks give rise to a true grin. Before he slides in on his side and gives Ray the go-ahead nod.
…
The Lexus pulls to a stop on some street on the West Side of Central Park and Harvey eagerly hops out on his side to let Donna out on hers. Without even thinking about it, he extends his right hand to help her out of the car.
"Ever the gentleman." she smirks after taking his hand.
"I'd say ever the lady, but I've seen you drunk so.." He bites his lip, eager to get the ball rolling on their witty back-and-forth.
"Are you trying to sabotage your own date, Mr. Specter?"
"Of course not." he defends before his faux frown is engulfed by the Cheshire Cat.
He slams the car door shut behind them, gives Ray the thankful tap on the glass and gestures her onto the pavement. His right hand hovering over her lower back until they're both walking towards the park entrance.
"Ooh, are we going ice-skating?" she teases, inwardly laughing at the image of him falling around on the ice like a baby deer in skates.
Harvey tosses his head towards her, giving her his signature glare as he bunches his lips together. His go-to unimpressed look.
"Noo," he mumbles before his hands find his pants pockets as they enter the park, "it's not even open this time of year anyway.."
"Oh so that's the only reason Harvey Specter wouldn't go ice-skating then? Because it's closed?"
"You're impossible." he frowns, shaking his head before he has to look back at her toothy grin and smile regardless.
She may be impossible. But at least she was his impossible. Again.
"So," she starts, looking around the expansive city green as they make their way through, "are you finally gonna tell me where you're taking me?"
"Guess." he challenges.
"Harvey," the redhead chuckles, "there's about a million different places to see in here, you really expect me to guess which one?"
"I mean.. you are Donna, as you so frequently point out to everyone, any chance you get," he menacingly teases, deciding to give as good as he gets now, "so you should 'know', right?"
She narrows her at eyes at him, morphing them from doe-like to cat-like in two seconds flat.
"Okay.." Donna begins as she looks around, following the direction he was leading them in, "the museum?" she asks, her feigned excitement telling him she was fearing a yes.
Thankfully, his bemused frown responds with an obvious no.
"The zoo?" she queries half-jokingly, looking up at him as he maintains a steady pace, facing ahead.
"Do you know how far we are from the zoo?"
"We have legs.."
The redhead lets out a huff and a tut, in such perfect harmony that he finds himself laughing through his nose as he glances to his feet.
"Fine. The Boathouse?"
"Nope." he replies, exaggerating the 'p', his enjoyment over her ignorance beginning to annoy her ever so slightly.
"Well, where then?"
"You need to let go of your unhealthy relationship with control, Donna," He carefully examines her next, before he pulls to a stop, causing her to mimic his actions, "he's not good for you."
"Yeah, well if I let go of everyone who wasn't good for me then I wouldn't be standing right here with you, would I?"
Her widened eyes and playful smile diminish once she double-takes his reaction. His face more somber than she's seen in weeks.
"I was just kidding," she breaths out, tempted to reach out for his arm.
It was just a painful reminder for them both that they still had so much to discuss. The serious stuff. That they were blanketing over with banter, wit and now, dates.
He fills his lungs before forcing a sweet smile, for her.
"You're never gonna guess it you know.."
"Why's that?"
"Because." He fixes his eyes on her before continuing. "You're not thinking of you."
"What?" she whispers in amusement, and slight bewilderment.
"Where I would take you." he clarifies, lowering his head at her as he leans in slightly.
She mirrors his smile before her eyes trail off to her left in wonder. Until they're back on him a second later.
"Shakespeare Garden." she whispers, not needing to pose it as a question anymore, especially as she remembers his comment about flowers from earlier.
"Well done Ms. Control Freak. Now let's get a move on." He widens his grin at her then before continuing on their walk.
Donna watches him stroll onwards. Letting him get a few steps ahead so she can admire him until he detects her presence -or lack there of- and stops, turning back to face her and her smiling form.
She bites her bottom lip as his own smile broadens, just staring at her. His left eye squinting more than the right in the bright sunshine, which highlights her deep, golden glow as her wavy strands blow lightly in the warm breeze.
His elbow is jutting out next as he extends his arm, resting that hand under his chest. She fills in the five feet between them then and partners her arm with his until they link. Neither missing how good it felt. The physical feeling, yes. But more so the feeling of being out in public like this, together.
.
"Here's your bouquet." he proudly states a couple of minutes later when they stop outside the garden. Blossoming with primrose, rue, cowslip and dozens of other plants found in the famous playwright's literature.
The redhead scans the flora in front of them, technicolour hues of green, purple, red and pink to name but a few.
"Best one yet." she nods, staring up the pathway ahead before giving him a full few of her contented smile.
"Shall we, Lady Paulsen?" he smiles, waving out his right hand in front of them.
"You know.. I'm starting to think you might be a Shakespeare fan after all." she toys with a questioning quirk of her left brow.
"Nope," he admits rather bluntly, before sending her a slow, reaffirming nod, "still just a Donna fan."
.
The pair leisurely make their way through the garden. Their arms still linked as their bodies speak with a more electrically charged energy than their voices would allow for.
They stroll down various intimately winding paths. Talking about everything and nothing in particular, all at once. Making each other laugh until their ribs and cheeks hurt, equally.
"Next time you catch Louis talking to Edie about the most baby-friendly types of cats, I want it recorded!" he frowns with a contradicting smirk as their communal laughter slowly subsides. Both shaking their heads at their uniquely-natured friend.
"Noted." she smirks. "Although I hope there isn't a next time."
She unlinks their arms when they come to the foot of no more than twenty stone-built steps. As she begins the small hike, she feels his left palm on her middle spine. She stops a couple of steps in and turns to him with a sweet grin.
"It's not that steep. I won't fall, you know?"
"I know." he defends lightly, gesturing for her to keep moving with his free hand while his left remains securely on her back as he escorts her up the steps.
They reach the top of the stairway and find some wooden benching to rest on for awhile. Half his arm lingers above her shoulder as he props it on the back of the seat, looking around the garden from above while he takes in the higher view. Before he takes in an even better view.
He smirks to himself watching her relax into the bench. Her hair ticking his arm in the process. He studies her as she soaks up the rays shining down on just the two of them, so it felt. The garden was moderately busy, with dispersed groups of people walking about below them. But up there, they were the only two people in the world.
She peacefully closes her eyes. Inhaling the scent of whatever plant the light breeze was sending her way as she serenely smiles. Her legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles while the sun radiates itself onto her ivory flesh.
Like a lioness in her prime, he thinks.
"Have I got something on my face?" she mutters, without even opening her lashes.
He shuffles somewhat awkwardly then, like some peeping Tom caught in the act.
"No," he laughs to himself, "just that smart-ass mouth of yours."
She turns her head to face him, narrowing her eyes in light warning, but still too relaxed to even bite back.
"You hungry?"
"Well, we have been walking around for almost an hour now and I haven't eaten since breakfast, so yeah." she nods.
"Come on," he mumbles, rising to his feet before giving her a hand up.
His thumb caresses her palm for just a moment too long. Forcing her to clear her throat and subtly pulls hers away.
"Where to?" she asks in a higher pitch tone, desperately trying to ignore the burgeoning pool of desire settling deep in her groin at the gentle, yet powerful, few strokes of his thumb.
"Wanna find a café nearby?" he suggests, looking to his watch.
She frowns gently, pulling her head back a fraction to take him in fully.
"Somewhere better to be?"
"No." he assures her. "But you do."
"What?"
"Well, we both do." he smirks, beginning their trek back down the steps so she'll start to follow.
"I'm not sure how much I like this mysterious side to you.." she mumbles, mostly to herself as she begins to descend a step behind him, donning a faux frown to hide her excitement.
.
After they spend another hour talking and eating, Harvey leads them back the way they came until they're outside the garden once again.
"Okay mister, you can't play the same card twice ..in one date." she scoffs humorously.
"Wow. I'm really enjoying the fountain of knowledge that is the Donna Paulsen, not knowing everything for a change."
"Asshole." she tuts, before bringing her hands to her bare forearms, rubbing them for warmth in the early evening chill.
"This is gonna be incredibly cliché of me.." he mutters, quickly wriggling out of his jacket, "but here, put this on."
Before she can even partake in the just-as-cliché polite protesting, he has the material draped around her naked shoulders.
She feels the warmth from his body emanating off of the fabric and his alluring cologne drifting into her senses, and probably beginning to seep into her skin.
His hands are still holding its lapels, shutting the clothing tight across her chest as he becomes lost in her magnetic, hazel-green stare, her eyes less than a foot from his own now.
This should have been the perfect time to kiss her. But as her hands drift up under the jacket to catch it herself, and she whispers a weak "I got it", he knows now is not the time at all. He gives her an even weaker smile as his arms fall back to his sides.
They walk back through the winding pathways. The somewhat darkening sky seemingly matching the darkening mood.
She chances a few glances at his face which seemed to be growing more somber by the second. She sighs at herself, watching the thoughts roll around in his head knowing how confused or perhaps even frustrated he must be feeling.
He could sense her glances, not wanting to return them lest she notice his bad attempt at a happy poker face and call him out on it. All he wanted was to be near her, to be able to show her just how much he wants her, physically. But they needed to have a serious conversation first and the fact that she recoiled at his more affectionate touches didn't give him much hope at their chance of that any time soon.
She thought she was ready. And in many ways she is. More than ready for the physical side of their relationship. But she knows how he much wants to talk about things first. So when they share a physically intimate moment, it's just a painful reminder for her that they're that much closer to rehashing all the heart-aching memories. Post-kiss.
I'm not the guy you met in that bar anymore, Donna.
Not for you.
Not after tonight.
She swallows down the bitter taste of the vivid memory and walks in silence with him for a few more moments. The only sound now being their footsteps against the gravel below.
She feels a wave of relief after spotting a queue of theatre-goers in the distance lining up outside The Delacorte Theatre for that night's Shakespeare in the Park. Thankfully giving her the opportunity to talk about something unrelated to them.
"Oh, I haven't been to one of those in years." she smiles reminiscently, referring to the outdoor event as she nods towards the building in the distance. Her need to fill the silence keeping her clueless as to where he was taking her next.
"Well today's your lucky day." he beams softly, pressing his lips together before she stops in her tracks and lightly pulls on his arm for him to do the same.
"Harvey," Donna says sweetly, thinking she was going to have to be the bearer of bad news, "you've gotta line up here all day for tickets, they'll be all gone by now." she warmly informs, her thumb subconsciously caressing his bicep now, overcome with his thoughtfulness. "It doesn't matter though, we can go somewhere else, it's the company that counts, right?" she finishes, cocking her head at him with an enthusiastic smirk.
Harvey turns so that his body is facing her now too, watching as she frowns in puzzlement when she's met with an excited grin.
She has to swallow back her budding arousal when he steps in dangerously close. His breath warming her nose in the growing chill. She feels his hand rummaging against her waist then. Giving rise to goosebumps all over her body, putting the chilly breeze to shame.
He notices her clutch onto the lapels of her borrowed jacket even tighter. And how she's staring at his lips before he catches her and she looks away, blinking almost uncontrollably. He inwardly smiles before he pulls out two small crimson-coloured pieces of paper and dons a smug smirk.
"You mean these tickets?"
She inhales a steady breath then, gathering herself before she rolls her eyes and cracks a smile.
"How the hell did I not see that coming?"
"You're off your game, Paulsen." he nods before sliding the tickets into his pants pocket.
'Cause you're putting me off my game, she thinks to herself before they both start walking in unison once more. The brief silence not feeling so heavy this time.
"Aren't you gonna ask what's playing?" he quizzes a moment or two later.
"Doesn't matter," she chuckles, "because I love them all." She chances giving him a light elbow jab as they walk, still trying to make up for their moment beforehand.
"You read the tickets didn't you?"
Her mouth is left slightly agape and she stalls for a second before giving up and relaxing her shoulders with raised brows.
"I didn't not read them.."
His teeth part his lips and the corners of his eyes crease with a hearty grin, causing her own heart to flutter as she takes him in. Her reaction immediately reflecting his own before they start walking again.
"Who is this Othello guy, anyway?" he murmurs, scratching the back of his head.
"Oh, just another man who self-destructs because of his unwillingness to see the truth."
She internally cringes when she realises what she just said. And how much she didn't mean for it to relate to him, or them, at all.
"I.." she stutters, "another Shakespeare man." she clarifies softly, searching for any hint of offense on his face.
Harvey just laughs off her worry, sending her a charming smile.
"I hear his plays are full of them."
"By them do you mean foolish men?" she chances.
"Yes." he snickers, before his smile softens out. "And sorry ones."
Her heart pinches at his somber tone. Knowing they were veering off fictional topic and into the real world. Their real world.
"Well it's a good thing I have all the great men in my real life then," she says lightly, hoping to deflect from whatever apology he was trying to get out, "to make up for the crappy ones in my plays."
He sees what she's trying to do and decides to let his need to drag up the past fizzle out. For her. For now.
They engage in a knowing stare, before he sends her a warm nod and begins walking toward the theatre.
As she watches him take a step forward, something stirs inside of her, unsettling all of her emotions, just leaving her with the desire to show him how much he meant to her. She secures both lapels of her borrowed jacket with her left hand, letting her right one roam free to where she wanted it to go in that very moment.
He feels her fingers tentatively glide over his inner palm until they're safely settled in between his own digits. She gives a tight squeeze before she lets her thumb caress his skin. Just as he did an hour beforehand. Only this time there was no pulling away.
Suddenly feeling lighter than air, he returns her tight grip, thankful of the contact to anchor him down lest he actually begin to float away.
…
Harvey wouldn't be able to explain what's happening in the play so far, or what the set design or even the characters look like. Because that's not what was holding his attention.
But he knows exactly how much of the lines she has recited to herself from their front row seats -a good ninety six percent of them- and how many times she has leaned over to fill him in on the plot throughout the play -eleven. Going into more detail for him during the breaks between acts. While he smiles and nods, and acts interested. Even asks plot questions he doesn't really care to know, just so he can listen to her talking about something she was so passionate about. Her happiness lighting a spark in him that he finds utterly contagious.
It isn't until near the end of Act III that he looks at her and notices a longing in her gaze as she watches on more solemnly now.
It hits him straight away, and he feels the forceful impact of the sudden realisation deep in his gut.
This. Is what she was missing.
He inhales lightly, his line of sight switching from her side profile, to the stage, and back to her as he carefully observes the redhead.
"You should be up there, you know?" he murmurs a bit too lightly.
"What?" she whispers having missed what he said, leaning her head to the left without taking her eyes off the performance in front of her.
"On stage. Performing. It's where you belong." he smiles softly, raising his voice slightly as he nods toward the chaotic scene unfolding before them.
She looks to him then, her brows furrowing at him in the dim light as a confused smirk carves out her face.
"It's a bit late for a complete career change, Harvey." she chuckles, looking to the stage again, sinking back into her chair, as if somewhat reluctant to talk about it.
"It's never too late."
He catches her eye again. She takes in his somber gaze. So much subtext oozing from his stare. As if he was saying 'look at us', to backup his statement.
She lets out the breath she was holding before refocusing her attention on the entertainment once more, nodding towards the stage with a shy smile.
"You're missing the best part."
.
The pair make their way out of the theatre after the show ends that evening. Walking side-by-side back through the garden as she chats in his ear about the more hidden themes of the play. Until she notices him trying to tamper down a grin.
"And I'm boring you to death.."
Harvey simply sends her a questionable, yet light-hearted glare. One he hopes reassures her that she could never bore him.
"I meant what I said before, you know?" he informs her as they stroll back through the blackened park, almost fully relying on the its street lamps for light now.
"What? About soliloquies being awkward to watch?" she teases, knowing full well what he was really referring to.
"No..well yes, still that too."
Harvey smiles, scratching the back of his head as she quietly giggles over his polar-opposite perception of her beloved Shakespearean world.
"But mostly about you..getting back into acting."
"Harvey.." she whispers gently, lightly shaking her head as if he's just suggested she join the space program or something.
"I mean it, Donna."
He firmly pulls to a stop so she'll follow suit, which she does, once she realises he's no longer walking.
"It's what you love doing. It's your passion."
All she can do is smile at his persistence. And make excuses. "I already love the job I have. And besides, I wouldn't have the time to-"
"We can make time."
"'We'?" She almost sounds amused at the way he said it, throwing him off a bit.
"Yes, we…the firm." he clarifies, neither of them buying it.
"Harv-"
"Which was supposed to only ever be a pit-stop for you, Donna. But I let you get comfortable there. Year after year. Because I didn't wanna lose you. But I should have pushed you."
Once she hears the guilt and shame ingrained in his tone, she immediately finds herself needing to set him straight, moving in to half-fill the three feet gap between them.
"Harvey." she says, clearly and firmly, her voice demanding he let her finish this time.
He looks back to her then, silenced by her eyes now too.
"I was, and still am, a grown woman. The only one that should have pushed me was myself." she smiles reassuringly. "I stayed because I fell in love with the job. And it offered me security. Something an acting career could never have guaranteed me."
He sighs at her statement before seeing she has more to add.
"And I stayed because of the incredible family I made there. I never wanted to leave. I don't, want to leave."
They share yet another knowing stare just awhile longer, before she opens her mouth again, her tone even sweeter than her smile now.
"And I think.. that sometimes the pit-stops turn out to be better than the original destination anyway."
Harvey gauges her face. All of it. Especially her eyes. Trying to find the slightest hint of a facade that she might construct for his benefit, like she's done countless times in the past. But he doesn't find a damn thing. She looks genuinely happy.
Donna takes in a deep breath then, cocking her head as she looks at him with her 'stop beating yourself up' eyes and an 'I'm okay' smile.
She turns to walk soon afterwards. Leaving him to watch her for a couple of seconds before he catches up with her, a complacent smirk spreading across his face now.
"So.. you're saying Specter Litt is better than Broadway ..or Hollywood, even?" he challenges playfully.
"No.." Donna laughs, dragging out the word before looking up at him to her left. "I'm saying my family there are." Her eyes drift elsewhere before they're back examining him a second later. "You are."
He's entranced by her stare, her words, her voice, and her honesty all at once. Only finding himself able to speak again once she looks back to the footpath ahead as both their feet click against the concrete.
"Well…" he begins in that mischievous tone she knows all too well, "as the family's managing partner, I'm now making it mandatory for our COO to take time-off to partake in at least one play per year, from now on."
"Mandatory, huh?" she grins up at him.
"Yep. Unless you wanna get fired." He sends her a cheeky glance then, nostrils flaring with his own amusement.
"Well, I suppose I wouldn't want that." she adds, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket.
There's a brief silence before he's off again.
"But it's for my own sake, really."
"Oh yeah? And how is that?" the intrigued redhead inquires, knowing she was all-too-easily taking his bait.
"Because." He stops in his tracks again, causing her to turn to face him. "I haven't seen my favourite actress perform in years."
Donna cocks her head at him. Her cheeks rising despite her attempts. She's not quite sure what she wants to say back. They've never had a conversation like this before. As if they were both avoiding it, neither wanting to talk about her other options. So she just remains silent. Adjusting to this side of him. Absorbing this post-renaissance Harvey.
"It's been too damn long, Donna." He's completely serious now, hoping she'll agree with him.
The redhead finds herself nodding then, his persistence finally breaking through to her.
"Okay, deal."
"At least once a year?" His eyes are trained on hers, not letting her away with any form of a vague response.
"Yes!" she chuckles as all of her teeth poke out behind her burgeoning grin, before her vision is drawn to his right hand now confidently extended between them.
"You gotta shake on it, or it doesn't count." he smirks, as if he wasn't just looking for an excuse for some more physical contact between them.
She bites her bottom lip as she meets his gaze again. She pulls her hand out of the warm pocket of his jacket that she still had on. Only now she was wearing it properly instead of just draping it over her shoulders. For extra warmth. So she told herself, at least.
Their hands are locked, warmly and tightly, as they solidify the verbal agreement. Both almost forgetting what they were even shaking on when the gesture slows and their palms remain cemented together, his thumb pressing into her skin with a gentle kind of pressure.
She finally looks like she wants him to pull her in. Kiss her right then and there, and get things progressing on the physical side of their relationship once and for all. But he can't until he knows that he has fixed the emotional side. The side he recently blames himself for damaging for years now.
He clears his throat then, dropping his hand back below his waist before the loss of contact in the crisp air cools it down too quickly and he has to bury it in his pants pocket. He nods towards the food-cart about twenty yards away, realising it was probably time to take her home, but he just wasn't ready to see her leave yet.
"Wanna get a hot dog?"
She's subconsciously bunching her right fist, her thumb running over her fingers after his touch left them almost tingling.
No. Definitely tingling.
"You're buying."
"Fine," he jokes, "good thing I've been saving my pocket money all week for this date."
"You have?" she gasps in mock shock as they pick up a gradual walking pace again.
"No." Donna pretends to look disheartened at the fact before he continues. "I've been saving for much longer than that."
He was becoming far too cool and confident at implying things. Like he was when they first met, so she thinks to herself as she smirks at him. Still finding it surreal that not only are they dating, but also talking about the fact that they're dating. To each other.
"Good," she nods popping her eyes at him, "because I'm expensive."
"Worth every penny." he nods with a bold grin.
…
It was taking her longer than usual to fit her key inside the lock of no. 206. And as much as she would like to deny why, she knew exactly the reason her hand was suddenly feeling fidgety. Because he's standing a respectable three feet behind her, waiting to say a final goodbye for the night and all she wants to do his drag him inside by the collar while her lips find his and his hands find her body.
But she can't make the first move. Again.
She finally twists the key then, before she turns to him. He would normally be gone by now, perhaps would never have even walked her up to her door. She's a grown woman after all. But no matter how much he tries to shake it, he can't fight the ever-growing need to talk about things with her. So he decides to talk now. Because looking at her, and not being able to have her was driving him crazy. And horny.
"Well, this is me…" she mutters somewhat nervously, throwing her thumb towards the door they knew all too well by now. Each time they were on either side of it, together, holding a meaningful memory for them both.
"Donna-"
"But of course you already know that.." she mumbles, rolling her eyes at herself, internally screaming 'shut up, Donna!'
"Donn-" he tries again, but gets cut off. Again.
"Oh! Of course!" He watches her wriggle out of his jacket then, suddenly remembering she was wearing it. As if she thought he was just standing around because he wanted it back. "I almost forgot I still had it on." She holds it out between them with a chuckle.
He somewhat cautiously steps forward. As if not trusting himself to get this close when her bedroom was just a few feet away. His right hand outstretches then too but none of them move. She doesn't let go either. Both of them sharing a firm custody-grip of the material between them.
His body soon disobeys his mind as he allows himself to be pulled in by the magnetising force that always seemed to materialise between them during moments alone together.
His thumb is grazing hers as they both inch towards one another. The only thing between them now being the jacket, pressing up against them both as they tentatively, and silently, trim down the distance they shared.
His mind is telling him to open his mouth. To speak. To tell her everything he has failed to tell her in the past. It's the least she deserves. But his logic seems hindered by her alluring and expanding pupils, darting back and forth between his eyes and his lips.
All he hears is her quiet, but heavy breathing, warming the air between them while her breath mingles with his own. Their faces now less than a foot apart as he gazes down at her fluttering lashes. Her pupils enlarged tenfold by now and rendering him speechless.
How can he not kiss her?
That's all he asks himself when he knows he probably shouldn't yet. But then his free hand runs up her bare arm, without his consent. Yet, once he's clued in, he still doesn't stop its movements.
She shivers with a familiar arousal as his fingertips trace her freckled skin, leaving rising goosebumps in their wake. She's frozen now. Can't even move her hand from his jacket. Not with his darkening gaze hypnotising her. Like predator and prey. Except this prey wants to be caught. And devoured.
As the seconds that feel like minutes pass, his left hand has reached the side of her neck. His fingers planted into her skin under her silky streams of flaming red. His thumb lightly finding rest over her ear.
All that reminds her that she isn't dreaming is her beating pulse and heavy breath as his nose kisses hers. She looks up at him then, swallowing once before closing her eyes and feeling his lips graze her own. Both of their mouths lightly agape. She's eager to deepen it, to feel the full force of their lips colliding like they did all those months ago. Too many months ago. But she's letting him do all the initiating this time.
Thankfully, he follows through on the initiating two seconds later when his lips capture hers in a heartbeat. His hand pulling her closer as his other abandons his grip on the jacket and searches for her flesh, albeit clothed.
She sighs with pleasure when his fingers wander down her spine. Pulling her body flush against his after she carelessly discards of the offending material between them.
She's all his then, and her hands glide up his chest while his own press into her neck and lower back, rolling her into his aching crotch.
Her limbs are around his neck soon. One hand on his nape. The other messing up his short strands as her fingers rake his scalp.
"Donn-" he moans into her widened mouth, feeling her teeth ever so lightly tug at his bottom lip, wishing she would nip harder and drag him through that door and have her wicked way with him. Again. Yet also afraid to start things this way when he knows they still have to close the last painful chapter of their lives.
But his sensible thoughts are soon scattering once again, dissipating under the whine she elicits which has him pressing her up against the nearest wall. Tasting her kisses with his tongue next before hers decides to join in on the action.
Each of their nerves and senses are highly stimulated now. Both panting and gasping as their groins simultaneously begin to ache under the pooling pressure within. All they can hear is hot and heavy breathing and the sounds of their lips smacking together and breaking apart on repeat. And all they can focus on is the act itself.
It's when she pushes him backwards, with a fiery look in her eye as she pulls them towards her door, that his voice of reason annoyingly creeps back in.
She's not ready. Which means they're not ready.
Not until both of them are prepared to talk about the last few months of their lives. Ex-therapists included.
It's the hardest thing he's ever had to do. Especially when he's finally the one who is emotionally available. But nevertheless, he grudgingly pulls back from her heated lips, now red-raw and deliciously plumped. His distended pupils already offering her an apology. One she takes awhile longer than usual to read as the sexual arousal still clouds her vision.
He closes his eyes in defeat next, resting his forehead on hers. His hand leaves her neck, slowly drifting down her body until both of them are rested on either side of her waist. He feels her grip around him loosen then, almost killing him. But her hands still remain hovering over his body as they glide down his chest.
Her eyes are filled with a familiar fear now. Thinking he has regrets about what just happened. Confused, seeing as he's been so adamantly keen in pursuing her as of late.
"Donna.." he whispers gently, still regaining his normal breath, "we can't, not like this."
"Like what?" she pants out in bewilderment.
"We still need to talk." His voice is croakier, his lips still numb from hers.
"You wanna talk? Now?" she scoffs dryly, her chest still rising against his as her voice takes on a couple extra octaves.
"I've wanted to talk for months," he murmurs, "but you weren't ready."
She knits her brows in bemusement and uses her palms on his chest to gently push herself away from him by about a foot, while his hands drop back to his sides.
"Don-"
"Was this not enough to show you that I'm ready, Harvey?" she whispers hoarsely, waving her finger between them, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable under his magnetic stare.
"Emotionally, Donna." He reiterates, continuing once she elicits an eye-roll, clearly unimpressed at his hypocrisy. "I hurt you. And you won't let me apologise for it. You won't let me talk about it." He flaps his hands at his sides now, becoming somewhat frustrated at the fact yet still remaining calm. "So we can finally move the hell on from it and start something. Because I'll be damned if we do it the other way around and you end up regretting it, and then I lose you for good!"
She finds herself silenced by the utter truth laced in his every word. Her mouth left agape as she tries her best to speak.
"Harv-"
"No. Don't Harvey me, Donna." he warns, his eyes pleading for her to open up.
"Please. I don't wanna ruin this night, Harvey. It's been perfect."
He sees her blinking more frequently now, her tone raspier, telling him she was fighting back the tears she could feel brewing.
"Perfect?" he challenges, furrowing his brows somewhat.
Donna folds her arms under her chest in an attempt to feel more guarded. "What, you disagree?"
"It's been incredible, Donna. But I wouldn't say perfect." he almost scoffs. "If it was perfect, I would have been able to kiss you ten times by now. If it was perfect, we would be inside your apartment right now, making up for lost time. If it was perfect, I would be able to talk to you about how I feel. But no, instead I'm just scared of pushing you away."
"Welcome to my world for the last thirteen years, Harvey!" she defends, voice noticeably raised as she becomes unhinged over his last few remarks.
He reads the hurt in her eyes. Apologetically sending her an understanding look that tells her he knows.
"I'm sorry, okay? For everything." he cries out somewhat softly. "For running to her when it should have been you." The surprise mention of the woman is enough to get her blood warming back up at this stage. "For pushing you away after we kiss-"
"Pushing me away!? Is that what you're calling it?"
He's lost for a response, confused at what she was getting at as he stares her down.
"You didn't push me away." She moves in closer, pointing to the floor as her eyes narrow on him. "I would have preferred that! You just acted like there was nobody there to push. Like I was nothing to you. Nothing but your COO." She lets out a heavy breath then, her top lip lightly quivering before she finds the inner strength to carry on. "And I told you once before, that treating me like nothing, is a thousand times worse than treating me like your enemy."
Her words cut too deep for them both. Exposing old wounds from over a year ago. Ones that had never fully healed in the first place.
"You have never been nothing to me, Don-"
"'I'm not the guy you met in that bar anymore, Donna. Not for you. Not after tonight.'" she chokes out, the memory clearly still impacting her. "Your words not mine. The words I had to live with for months. Months spent suppressing any kind of feelings I had for you. And now you're ready to talk about everything. After more than a decade of denial and avoidance. So I have to be ready too?"
"You don't have to be anything, Donna. I wanna give you all the time you need, I do. But it's hard when it's already been five months and we still haven't talked about it! And I know we had our reasons, with Edie and everything. But I need to talk about it, Donna. Or at least know when you think you'll be ready to."
His mention of the baby girl, barely just one week old, and her godparents already bickering like this, has her surrendering to a calmer state. Forcing an orchestrated smile that has him releasing a deflated sigh, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere tonight.
"You're right. We do need to talk. Just not tonight." she says all-too-quietly after a moment of silence.
"Then wh-"
"It's been a wonderful day, Harvey. Thank you." Her tone is telling him to stop persisting on the matter. Her voice getting increasingly wobblier, and perhaps somewhat irritated, while her hand blindly finds the door handle behind her. "Good night."
They share their last longing gaze of the night before he sighs with a frustrated frown, watching her slip away from him.
Yet again.
.
.
.
Okay, it's me so angst was bound to return in some form at some stage. But it has its purpose for the next chapter, I promise.
Spoiler? Mike and Rachel parent-trapping Donna and Harvey, with Edith...
Thanks for reading, would love to hear what you thought! xo.