Chapter 4: Whispering winds
Despite the fact that the tea shop is packed full Iroh manages to make some time to greet us with an all too familiar smile on his face. Zuko openly hugs his father figure, not caring that others are around to see it, and the old man takes a seat at the table we've chosen to sit at.
"It's a great blessing to see all of you again. Aang you must tell me if Zuko has gone back to his old brooding ways, or if he's taking life a little less seriously."
We both laugh and Zuko gives his uncle a sour look.
"I can hardly be serious all the time with a clown of a monk hopping around my palace" He snaps at me, a form of punishment for laughing along with Iroh.
"If it weren't for me he'd have stress wrinkles on his forehead." I say proudly.
"Oh and who's this little guy?" Iroh diverts his attention toward Kobi who seems to be fascinated with his new surroundings.
"That's my son."
"Our son," Suki chimes in patting her stomach as if to emphasize that she did most of the work in creating their child.
"Well he's a handsome young man. I'm sure you'd like a hot chocolate." Kobi nods his head franticly salivating at the thought of chocolate. "What about everyone else, what could I get you?"
"Just something fruity if you have it," Suki ask politely.
"Spice tea." Sokka announced.
"Just some green tea, thank you." I say simply enough.
"I'll come help you with the tea uncle." Zuko gets up not revealing if he would be drinking any tea or not. The two of them retreat to the back of the shop, disappearing behind a silk curtain with a white lotus painted on it.
"So Aang what are the ladies like in the Fire nation?" Sokka say, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.
'I wouldn't know, there aren't a lot of woman in the palace."
"Really?" Sokka asks disbelieving. "No sexy belly dancers or concubines? Doesn't Zuko have a wife for god's sake?"
I can't help but laugh. "No, only the occasional female servant or guard. It's all business, no time for dancing and that kind of stuff.'
"Zuko isn't married? I thought he had a girlfriend."
"He did, but she had entirely different ideas of where the country should be heading. I guess they just grew apart." I shrug.
"So when are you going to settle down, pop out a couple of air bending kids?"
"Sokka, leave him alone, not everyone wants to be a family man at a young age like you." Suki scolds.
"Shush women, it's man talking time." Suki promptly throws a sugar shaker at Sokka head. Sokka only pouts for a moment before bringing his attention back to me.
"Dating doesn't mean marriage right Aang?"
"I guess not." I say a little uneasy. It's not like I know a whole lot about the topic.
"Have you dated any one? How about Katara she said you two were putting it on hold, have you two gotten back together?"
I stare at Sokka for a little while before clearing my throat. "It sure is taking a long time with that tea, maybe I should see if Iroh and Zuko need some help." I say excusing myself from the table.
I hurriedly make my way to the back of the shop, letting out a deep sigh once out of earshot. I really don't want to go back on the topic of Katara. Especially since she's going to be here tomorrow and I'll have to make time to talk to her. I can't help but feel a little nervous, and I just don't want to dwell on her. I wish that everything would just go away, like how my love for her just disappears. That would be so much easier, and I wouldn't have to wonder if she's still expecting something from me…something I know I can't give her.
I feel confused and over whelmed, as if the universe is pushing me into resolving this situation quickly. But why does it all have to move so fast, especially after four years of barely dealing with it.
I push aside the lotus curtain, and step past the threshold. I look around and I don't spot Zuko or Iroh, though I do see two kettles on the stove. I look around and see long shadows being cast on the floor in the far right corner of the room. I step closer and notice a small hallway cuts into the room, most likely leading to a restroom.
"I worry about it." I hear Zuko's as I approach the hallway.
"Love is far more simply then we let it be."
"But I'm fire lord, uncle; I will have to produce and heir. Never mind the dishonors of such an orientation."
I freeze in my steps, and feel guilty, for I have obviously stumbles upon a private conversation. I turn around to make my leave not wanting to disturb them.
"What has Aang said about it?"
I can't help but respond to my name.
"I haven't told him. It's to awkward to just bring up out of the blue. Besides it has no effect on how I rule or our relationship."
"He has never asked about why you never married Mai?"
"My current dilemma isn't the only reason I broke my engagement to Mia, so I have never once lied to him when he asks about it. I simply leave out some parts. I haven't told anyone but you. I don't want anyone to know. I was hoping you could give me some sort of advice, I don't know what to do uncle. I'm past confusion, now I'm only afraid. Afraid someone will find out and use it against me, and ruin all my hard work. Or have the advisors plot against me because of my refusal to wed and produce an heir"
"Zuko, being a good leader has nothing to do with your personal life—"
"It does once I am expected to produce an heir!"
I flinch back as Zuko harshly yells at his uncle, pure frustration and fear in his voice, a tone I hardly ever hear. A deep frown engulfs my face, and something stirs within me. I can't be positive about what they are talking about…I don't want to jump to any conclusions. Beside I shouldn't even be listening to this.
I force my feet to move towards the curtain, blocking out the conversation I shouldn't have been listening to in the first place. The sudden whistle of the tea pots shocks me and I jump up a little. I reach out for the pots and take them off the stove turning the heat down.
"Aang?"
I stiffen up but push down my alarm. After all they don't know I heard anything. In fact I didn't hear anything, I just came back here to see if they needed some help, that's all.
"I thought you may need some help and when I came in the tea kettles started to whistle. I didn't see you guys anywhere so I just took care of it." I give the two men a lopsided grin hoping that they don't notice anything strange about my behavior, and accept my story as fact.
"That's thoughtful of you." Iroh says with a kind tone in his voice. Zuko looks at me for a moment but then turns his gaze toward the tea.
"We're fine though; we can handle it, just go back and keep Sokka and Suki company. We'll be there with the tea in a second." I don't argue with him, he obviously still wants some time alone to speak with his uncle, completely unaware that I heard snippets of their earlier conversation. I take my leave trying not to show my relief as I exit the kitchen.
A slight headache starts to form as I walk back to Sokka and Suki. It seems that no matter where I go I'm stumbling into awkward conversation. I re-play the words that I overheard, and try not to think about my earlier conversation with Sokka. A sinking feeling bubbles up in my stomach, something akin to disappointment. I don't think on it too much, I just sit down at the table, ignoring the strange look Sokka gives me and the concerned gaze Suki direct my way.
If anything were seriously wrong or trouble Zuko I'm sure he would tell me. For now the topic of his conversation with Iroh is none of my business, and doesn't interfere with my role as Avatar, or his role as Fire Lord. However the words keep playing themselves over and over again, and I can't help but come to only one conclusion as to what's going on with Zuko. I don't want to make any assumptions but the parts of the conversation I heard were pretty clear, and didn't leave much up to interoperation. It's really none of my business, I tell myself sternly.
"Is something wrong, Aang?"
"Mmm?" I look up at Sokka, and lightly shake my head after I process the words that just left his mouth. "No I am just thinking is all. The tea should be out soon, they didn't need my help after all."
Sokka shift uncomfortably and glances at Suki who give him a firm nod and stern look. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just don't know when to shut up sometimes."
I let out a light laugh. The action washing away all concern and thought, and simply opening me up to friendly conversation and good feeling.
"It's no big deal, Sokka, don't worry about it. I just have a lot of other stuff to deal with, being Avatar and all; I don't really have time to date."
'But isn't the world better off now without the war, it's been four years, you can't have that much work to do."
"You'd be surprised," I state playfully.
"Oh looks like the tea is ready," Suki announces softly.
"Sorry it took so long, one cannot rush fine tea." Iroh says with a melody to his voice. Zuko sets down the tray he's holding and puts a cup in front of me and his own seat, while Iroh serves Sokka, Suki and Kobi. Timidly I look into Zuko's face but find no evidence of his earlier emotional state. He seems completely composed like he usually is as if he simply did go back there to brew tea, instead of having an intimate conversation with his uncle.
I shake my head lightly, reminding myself that is' not any of my business and most definitely nothing to worry about. I take my cup in hand and blow softly at the steaming green liquid inside.
I slowly brush Appa's hair occasionally petting him tenderly. "Sorry you couldn't come with us to see Sokka buddy." I say, just speaking for the sake of having some noise. Appa lets out a low moan as if voicing his disappointment.
"Ba sing se is just not very flying bison friendly; you'd just end up knocking over stands and breaking windows." I chuckle softly, setting the brush down on the ground.
"This trip is going to be more eventful then our last." I mutter out sitting on the ground and leaning against Appa soft stomach.
"Katara's coming, no problem, accept that I feel so nervous." Appa nuzzles me with his big nose. "I don't really want to talk to her, sounds kind of childish I know. But I also want this resolved, so she won't be expecting anything from me that I won't be able to provide. I just don't know how she still feels about me and it's freighting."
"Maybe you're just making it more complicated than it has to be?" I jump up and look at Appa or snorts assuring me that I haven't gone mad and he hasn't just learned how to talk. I lean forward to look around and spot Zuko leaning against the garden wall. I give him a half hearted grin and he comes to stand by me.
"Just tell her you don't like her. I mean it's not like you've been leading her own or anything. You've been busy with your work; it's her own fault if she's held on to romantic feeling all these years."
"I just don't want to hurt her, she's still my friend." I mumble out.
"Stop thinking about everyone else's' feeling for once and think about yourself." Zuko grumbles out. "Besides you don't know what she's thinking, she could be over you, hell she could be married."
"If she were married she would have told me in our letters."
"Why? You seemed to have avoided any topic of romance, so why would she bring that up?"
"I think that's just something she wouldn't keep to herself, and Sokka would have blurted out if she were."
"True." Zuko concedes. "Are you going to come in and eat dinner or just sit out her talking to your bison?" Zuko questions with a lift of his eyebrow.
I hall myself up and walk to the house Zuko following in step. I stop suddenly and turn to look at the Fire Lord. He stops to just about a foot away and gives me a strange look. I can't help but want to ask about the conversation I overheard. I know I shouldn't but my lips quiver because I just want to know. After all I thought we were such good friend and Zuko reminds me so much of Kuzon. Why wouldn't he tell me if something is troubling him…I guess I'm not that surprised about the not telling me part of it. He's not that open of a person…what bothers me is that he's walking around completely neutral like there's nothing to worry about.
I know that being a leader comes with so much pressure and for the last past four years I've always tried to brighten Zuko's day and make him feel like he doesn't have to be the "fire lord' when around me.
"What is it?" I'm pulled out of my thoughts by his soft yet commanding voice.
"Did you enjoy yourself today?" I ask smoothly, again trying to force the worry out of my mind. It's none of my business, he would have told me if it was really bothering him. It's none of my business, I would have noticed if he was really worried about an heir and his duties. I would have notices him being more tense and on edge. I would have notice him being more grumpy than usual, so it's really not bothering him that much. It's really none of my business.
"Yes, why do you ask?" He replies and starts to walk again; I wait a couple of seconds watching to see if there is a change in the way that he usually carried himself.
"I was just wondering, you don't know Suki that well. It must have been awkward for you."
"I'm not the same socially inept prince I use to be, you don't' have to worry." He teases me and slides open the door leading inside.
I smile, and chuckle a little. We settle down at the table and Kinu puts a plate in front of me, Zuko already having his. I pick up my chopsticks and pick at the food not really feeling that hungry at the moment.
"You know if you don't want to meet up with Katara tomorrow I have a pretty good excuse." Zuko states before taking a bite of his dinner.
"Really, what would that be?" I smile at him and finally take a bite of my own.
"Well, the earth king has invited use out to lunch; I suppose he feels like he must do something since his girls were rejected." He explains casually.
My cheeks turn red as I think back to the flirtatious girls.
"No, I never took advantage of any woman offering her 'services' to me."
I stiffen up a little as those words run thought my mind. I look up at Zuko, and study his face, but soon remember that he's probably expecting me to respond.
"That sounds nice; food is something everyone can enjoy."
"I suppose." Zuko drones out making eye contact. I choke a little on my food and resist the urge to slap my forehead. It's like I just gave myself away, by implying the Zuko wouldn't' enjoy the company of a woman. Why can't I just forget about what I overheard in the kitchen?
"You know, I wasn't very comfortable with the situation," I laugh out nervously
Zuko nods and goes back to eating his food.
"I'll have to talk to Katara eventually, but I just want to do it on my own terms. Besides I'd really like to know what she thinks this is….between us."
"Well you won't know unless you ask."
"How did you tell Mai?" I ask hoping for some advice.
"I think that my situation was a little different" I mumble and look down at his food. "After all we were both pretty clearly in a relationship so that made breaking up much simpler. You're not really in a relationship with Katara, just some sort of limbo. Like the whole topic of a relationship is taboo."
"I guess you're right. I suppose I'm asking were you afraid you'd hurt Mai's feelings?" I finish my food and push away the plate settling down to see if I can get some sort of advice from my friend.
"No I wasn't. It's better to tell the truth then live a lie. You don't' want to lead her on, and ignoring the topic will only make it worse, eventually Katara will bring it up but by that time she will already be hurt. She'll be wondering why you won't talk about it to her, and she won't' know what to do, if she should go about to meet other people, or still hold on to you. She might already be over you, but you have to be clear on where you stand if you don't love your then you don't, you're not obligated to just because you had a crush on her when you were young, and you kissed her."
"I suppose I am making it harder than it really is I just need to talk about the whole thing, I'll probably feel better once I get it off my chest. But I just feel so guilty and I don't' really know why I also don't' want to hurt her I still care for her and I suppose that's why I'm so afraid. What if I still do love her, you know, and it just faded away because of one little fight we had. I was angry at her-"
"But you're not angry any more are you?"
"No, not really, just a little disappointed." I shrug my shoulder a little.
"Well you're not angry at her now, do you love her?"
"Yeah…in a way, I still love her like I love Sokka and you."
"Well unless you plan on marrying all of us I would say you don't' love her in a romantic way, and you should tell her that and stop reading too much into your feelings."
"Thanks for talking to me." I mutter out. "You know if you need to talk about anything I'll do the same for you." I say pointedly.
"I know," He brushes the statement off. I don't press it since as far as I'm 'supposed' to know he's perfectly fine.
"Well I guess being away from the palace helps with stress." I tell him.
"Yes it does, it's actually nice, I might take more political trips, and it might help the fire Nations image. Have you thought about what you're going to do about these alleged air benders?"
"No not really, I think I'll take one thing at a time. Once we have all the formality out of the way with the Earth king and I've talked to Katara I'll ask around and see if I can gather some more information."
Zuko nods and Kinu comes to clean up our plates.
"How about a game of Pai Sho before bed?" I question and see Zuko eyes brighten up a little.