The day that Jacob asked for Debra Mancuso's hand was a day of chaos. Jacob had showed Momma and Papa the ring he had bought for Debra and then told her that he was going to propose later that week, after mass. But first he needed to ask her father's permission. He said that he and Debra had talked about getting married so she knew that he was going to ask her father, she just didn't know when.

Around midweek Jacob got up early, washed in the creek and barely ate a thing a breakfast. He borrowed Runner and rode down the road to Debra's farm house. He told us that he was so nervous he almost puked as he knocked on the door. Her father knew why he was there, yet he pretended he didn't. Papa said this was a ritual that you did to young men who were asking for your daughters hand. This proved that they were real men, apparently.

When Jacob came home he was grinning from ear to ear. Her father had said yes once Jacob told him of the plans to build his home. They would have a short enagement, marrying around the time the baby was born, and would live with us for the winter while the mortar on his house set. The in the spring Papa and the boys would put the finishing touches on the house, adding the furniture that they would make over the winter to the house and they'd be ready to move in by that summer.

Momma cried when he told her this and held onto him for 10 minutes, before going to her room to cry in private.

The next Sunday, after mass Jacob took Debra's hand and led her to an old oak tree. Naturally everyone in our small community knew about the proposal already and gathered together to spy on them. You couldn't hear what they said but you saw Jacob pull the small ring from his pocket and she threw herself at him. Her blonde curls bouncing as she laughed.

So there we were…3 short months later and they were getting married.

The house was almost complete. They had to finish the stones on the top of the house and add the roof, but Jacob told me that the roof would go up in the spring. Debra stopped by on a regular basis, touching in with my mother about the cake. Momma had offered to bake the wedding cake because Debra's mother was going to make most of the food. Debra sat with me and we talked about her wedding dress and all of her wedding plans. It was like having a big sister. Momma said this is how you know that she's the right one, she just fit right into our family.

Momma woke me up extra early on the morning of the wedding so that we would get ready first. She held out a new dress that she had made for me. It was made of dyed blue wool. The blue was faded and it looked more like a grey colour but I was happy with the different dress even if it had been black. She braided my hair while it was wet and once it was dry we would take out the braid and put little white flowers in it.

As everyone started waking and the pressure of the wedding pushed on everyone I noticed a big change in Momma. She didn't get ready until the last minute and when she did dress she wore the same dress she wore every day.

"Don't you have a nice dress Momma?" I asked her. She smiled sadly at me and then frowned.

"My dress is too small." She said, touching my cheek gently. "This baby is growing too fast." I looked at her with worry and she smiled. "I'm tell you a falsehood Susanna. This baby's just as big as you were."

"Well, maybe you should lay down for a bit." I said looking at her pale face and tired eyes. "I can help Papa out."

"Thank you my darling." She said, sitting down on her bed. She closed her eyes sighing. "He'll need help getting the rest packed into the wagon. Just leave the cake on the table though please." And with that she was asleep. I sighed with worry as I watched my mother's swollen face relax. I placed my hands on her stomach and smiled.

"Please let Momma rest. She's really tired." I whispered to the baby. I crept out of the room and shut the door.

"Where's your mother?" Papa asked me as I entered the kitchen.

"She's lying down. What's wrong Papa?" I asked, looking at his pale face.

"It's raining." I raced to the window and looked at the saturated grounds.

"What are we going to do?" I asked him.

"We're going to have the wedding in the barn."

"In the barn? What about the church." He scowled at me, and I jumped.

"Obviously the ceremony will be in the church Susanna, use your brain. The celebration will be in the barn."

"But…But we haven't…"

"Right so I'll need you help getting the barn ready." I looked down at my new dress and sighed.

"Ok Papa." And together we raced out to the barn. We swept all the dirty hay into a wheel barrow and I dumped it outside. Then we scattered new hay on the ground and cleared off the table so the people could eat.

"What are we going to do for seats Papa?" Bradley asked as he shook the water out of his hair.

"The benches from outside. Bring them in here and we'll wipe them down." Then he turned to me. "Go and wake up your mother or we'll be late." I nodded and raced back inside, up the steps which were now slippery and knocked on Momma's door.

"Come in." She sang. I hesitated before opening the door. "Hi honey I'm almost…Oh good Lord look at your dress!" She shouted. "What have you been doing?"

"I was helping Papa. The wedding celebration is going to be moved into the barn because of the rain." Momma looked from my ruined dress to the window where the rain kept falling. She sighed deeply and looked back at my dress. It was muddy from running back and forth and the dye was running off of the dress onto the floor in little blue puddles, dying my stockings a dark blue colour.

"Well you'll have to take that off and put on your other dress."

"But its so plain…and boring." I whined.

"Well you should've changed out of this dress before you started running through the rain." She said exhasperated. "I'm not even going to bother putting flowers in your hair, the curls are going to be wild." She said wrapping my hair in an old blanket and squeezing the water out. After my hair stopped dripping she sent me to change into my old, scratchy dress.

Papa gave Momma his jacket so she wouldn't get too wet as we walked out to the wagon, which was now covered to keep us dry. I raced out behind her and saw all three of my brother's huddled to one side of the cabin. Jacob was so nervous that he looked green.

"Ready?" Papa called as he whipped Runner to start pulling us.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Jacob, but he never even looked at me.

"How do you think he's feeling?" Bradley snapped.

"Enough." Momma said, closing her eyes and wincing every time we hit a bump.

"Are you ok Momma?" David asked. She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Perfectly fine." She said to all of us because we were all watching her now. "Honey, don't be so nervous. It'll be a great wedding and an even better marrage." Momma said reaching over and grabbing Jacob's hand.

"I hope so Momma." He said, exhaling deeply.

The rain stopped just as we reached the church. Momma said that it was a good sign for Jacob's marriage. Jacob and Papa helped us out of the carriage and then Jacob and Bradley went to the front of the church where as the rest of us took a seat on the front bench. The church was full to capacity within ten minutes. I spotted my best friend Gina sitting a couple benches behind me and I waved to her. She grinned back and pointed to her long, dry, red hair. I cringed and nodded my head mouthing the word "rain" to her. She smiled and nodded and then the music started.

We all stood so that we could see Debra walking down the aisle. Her dress was new, made by her mother. It was long and loose, with gold beads around the neckline. The sleeves were puffy and they flowed from her arms like water. The bouquet of flowers she had chosen were yellow pansies and her golden hair was curled, with a gold beaded headpiece that crossed her forehead, connecting at the back of her head and dangled down her back. She smiled radiantly as she looked from person to person and when her eyes landed on Jacob, who was nervously standing at the altar, tears whelled up in her eyes and her smile grew wider.

The ceremony passed in a blurr. First I thought it was really boring, like a regular mass. Then they exchanged their vows and rings and they were married and everyone was crying or cheering. I watched my brother kiss his wife in front of everyone and then they walked down the aisle, her arm linked with his and all I remember feeling was that I had lost him. He was no longer ours; he was hers.

The wagons pulled up to the barn an hour after the ceremony. Because of the rain everyone had left their food and decorations at home. By the time the bride and groom showed up everything was perfect. There were white table clothes over the two long tables where the guests would sit and each table had candles on them to light up the meal. The bride and groom got their own table where there were two fancy chairs covered in ribbons. The benches had dried so people wouldn't get wet if that sat on them, and the barrels of wine were propped up ready to be served.

Momma looked around the room and smiled at me. "We all did a great job." She said proudly. I nodded along with her, losing focus as Gina walked into the barn.

"I'll be right back." I said leaving her side and racing to Gina. She smiled at me and I flung into her open arms.

"How are you?" She asked me and I smiled at her.

"Sad."

"I think I was sad too." She said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "He always felt like my brother too." I smiled at her and we linked arms. "So do you see anyone cute?"

"I haven't looked yet." I said giggling.

"Well I have and there is not that many attractive young men here tonight. Apart from your brothers of course." I cringed at her and she laughed.

"I thought you just said you thought of them as your brothers."

"Just Jacob. Not Bradley though, he's cute!"

"Ugh! He's the worst!" I said looking at my 14-year-old brother who stood in a corner talking to Papa. I cringed again. "Please don't!"

"I wont I just think he's cute." Gina said laughing as she looked around. "So seen your magnificent Prince lately?" She said. When I had told Gina that the Prince had came to my house she had already known. News travels fast in smaller communities. But when I told her about the tavern she was filled with excitement. She wanted to know every single detail: did he kiss you? Did he at least touch you? Did he brush back your hair? All he did was talk to you and you got goosebumps?

I smiled at her and shook my head. "I don't think I want to see him any time soon."

"Why not? Because he tried to show you what sex was?" I looked at Gina in awe. She was different from other girls like me. She was comfortable saying the word sex and even knew what it was (she told me about it when I asked her). Now every time I looked at my mother, that was all I could think. She had to have…that to have the baby. I shivered and looked away.

"Oh poor little Susanna, so innocent."

"Not all of us have a young aunt who tells us all this…gross stuff." I said grumbling and placing my hands over my chest.

"No, I suppose not. But if your getting breasts then you should know this stuff." I looked down at my chest embarrassed and she chuckled. "Isn't it great?" She asked me. I had noticed that my dress fit differently now that I had started bleeding. My chest was rounder and my waist was slimmer. But I didn't think anyone else had noticed. I looked at her, my face pinker than normal and she grinned at me.

"Don't worry Susanna. Men love breasts. Aunt Molly tells me that the more skin you show the more men will want you." I looked at her confused. The vision of the whores at the tavern came to me and I frowned.

"I don't think I want to show off my skin."

"Your still young. You've got plenty of time to mature." She said and I grumbled. She was always saying that even though she was exactly two weeks older than me. The truth was that she started bleeding when she was eleven so she was now…more expirenced than I was and had so much to teach me. I rolled my eyes as she pulled down her emerald green dress, that her father had bought for her in town. She chest was modest yet told people that her breast were fully developed and she wasn't afraid to flaunt them.

"Be right back." She said with a wink and walked over to Bradley, who was now standing by himself. I groaned and looked away. Why couldn't my breasts be bigger like Gina's? or why couldn't I have confidence like she did? At times like this I felt myself envying Gina and felt horrible about myself.

"She's something huh?" the voice beside me made me jump. I looked over and saw Gina's cousin Andrew sit beside me. He was 16, like Jacob, only he said he wasn't mature enough to get married just yet.

"She's…brave." I said, trying to find the next best word to unbarable. He chuckled.

"I pity her sometimes." He said, running a hand threw his curly blonde hair.

"Why?" I asked, looking back at Gina who was smiling up at a blushing Bradley.

"Because she doesn't have that mother figure to tell her how to act like a lady." He said looking at his younger cousin with distaste. I thought about this statement and realized that it was true. When Gina was six her mother died in a riding accident and Gina's father turned to the bottle. He would occasionally by her things out of guilt but he never put in enough effort to care. So Gina's unmarried Aunt Molly moved in to help him raise her. My eyes flicked to Aunt Molly and I frowned. She was wearing the same scarlet silk dress as the lady in the tavern had worn. I realized now that she was the one that Jesse had danced with, the one who had stolen his kiss.

"What's wrong Susanna?" Andrew asked, looking at me concerned. I realized that my hand made up a fist and I was biting my lip.

"Nothing, sorry. I'll be right back Andrew." I said jumping up and quickly leaving the barn, glaring at Aunt Molly as I passed her. When I reached the outdoors I raced to the corn field and finally stopped running when I thought I was in the middle.

I sat on the damp dirt and sighed. It was ridiculous to be this mad about one boy. Why did I care so much who he kissed? He had never even tried to kiss me. I realized then that my problem was that. Jesse had never shown a romantic interest in me, only one of a child. I wanted him to look at me like Adam had looked at me and it made me angry when he didn't. I kicked a rock for half an hour before I got cold and decided to head back to the barn. I was going to give up on Jesse, because what were the odds that I would ever see him again?

When I got back to the barn, dinner had already started. The barn was full of noise and laughter. I looked around and spotted my parents sitting across from Debra's parents, talking and laughing. I smiled as I watched my brother and my new sister smile happily at each other.

"Susanna, over here." Andrew called. I looked over and he was sitting right at the end of the table closest to me. He had saved the spot beside him so that I could sneak back in without being seen. He had even gotten a plate of food ready for me. I sat beside him and smiled.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got you a bit of everything." He said quietly.

"Thank you I'm starving." I said, taking a bite of a piece of chicken. When I looked up Papa was looking at me. He squinted his eyes and me and I smiled. He knew that I just arrived but he chose not to say anything. He smiled, shaking his head and turned back to his own coversation.

"So…you wanna talk about it?" Andrew asked, taking a sip of his wine. I looked at my wine glass that was filled with water and frowned.

"No, you don't want to hear it. It's kid stuff." I grumbled.

"I'm the expert on kid stuff, seeing as I am one myself." I smiled at him and shook my head.

"I guess I just don't like being a kid anymore." I said with a sigh. He nodded and looked at me.

"I know the feeling." I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed. "I do. Not being able to go anywhere without permission, not being able to take a break from your chores unless your done, its horrible…I know."

"It not just that its…" I looked around for anything to use as an example other than the fact that older boys would never look at me the same way that they would look at Gina, well boys apart from Adam. My gaze fell on Andrew's wine glass. "It's things like not being able to drink wine. Momma told me that rich girls drink wine all the time, but we cant because wine is a treat for older people." Andrew looked at me and then at his glass.

"Here take this and give me yours." He said.

"No I didn't mean…"

"Just take it and put it under the table." He said offering me his glass. I looked across the table at Old Russ McDonald, who was sleeping sitting up, and took the glass. Andrew reached across the table and grabbed my glass, dumped out the water onto the clean hay and got up. He walked to the wine barrels and told the man who was in charge of the wine that he never got any. The man squinted his eyes at him and I bit on my bottom lip as he looked my way. I bit back the laughter as Andrew looked over his shoulder and winked and didn't let out my laughter until the next person had gone up to refill their glass.

"That was close huh?" he said switching glasses with me.

"I'm afraid to even take a sip." I said giggling.

"He'll never know. He can't see what's in the cup, unless he's standing over you. But this is your barn so he'll never acuse you." He said, sounding so intelligent. I smiled at him and he nodded. I looked at the dark liquid in my cup and brought it to my lips. I took a quick sip and let the flavour linger on my tongue. It was sweet yet burnt on the way down.

"Ugh! That's horrible. How do you drink that?" I said, placing my cup back on the table and Andrew laughed.

"I guess you just get used to it." He said, laughing as I smacked my lips together, trying to get rid of the tingle. Then the music started and the call for the bride and grooms first dance was made. Everyone fell silent as they watched Debra and Jacob walk to the middle of the floor, between the two tables. The music started and they danced along to the beat. After a couple minutes people started joining in and then the music became faster. Andrew smiled at me and grabbed my hand.

"Come on." He said giving my hand a quick tugg.

"No I cant dance." I said blushing.

"I've seen you dance. You can too. Come on." He said and this time I stood up when he pulled on my hand. I rolled my eyes as he pulled me into the dancing crowd and we started following the steps to the dance. I laughed so hard when either Andrew or I forgot the moves and ended up stepping on each other's feet. By the end of the third dance I was so thirsty that I went back to my seat and down the whole glass of wine.

"Don't drink it that quickly. It's not water." Andrew said once I placed the glass down on the table. I felt dizzy all of a sudden and let out a loud belch. A couple of the older women sitting close by looked at me with horror. I laughed and apologized.

"We're just going to go out for some air, right Susanna?"

"Right!" I said, letting him lead me out of the barn. We walked around to the side of the barn and sat down on an old stump.

"Its nice out here." I said, loving the way the cold air felt on my damp neck and cheeks.

"Wine makes you feel hotter." Andrew said, leaning his head on the wall of the barn. I sighed and copied him, staring at the bright stars above. I looked at Andrew and his twinkling brown eyes looked black in this light.

"Andrew…"

"Yea?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Sure." He said without even thinking about it. I frowned at him and sighed.

"No but like would you kiss me?" I said. He looked at me with raised eyebrows. "I don't think anyone is ever going to want to kiss me." I said with a sad sigh. Andrew laughed and I scowled at him. "Don't laugh! This is serious!"

"But you're so…"

"If you say young I'll punch you in the mouth." I said harshly. He bursted out laughing and I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Why would someone kissing you prove anything?" Andrew said.

"Because, kisses to a girl are supposed to be special. They make her feel…like the prettiest girl on the world." I said, dreaming of the day when I would get my kiss. Andrew was quiet for a second and when I looked at him he was looking at the stars.

"What's wrong?" I asked him smiling. He turned to me and smiled back. Then his gaze flicked to my lips and within seconds his lips were on mine. They were soft and warm, yet wet and slippery. When he backed away I sat perfectly still, letting the excitement take over my whole body. My eyes flicked open and he was watching me, staring at my lips. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Prettiest girl in world?" He asked.

"I don't know you might have to do it again." I said moving close to him. He smiled, shaking his head and kissed me. If Gina had told me that she had kissed someone I would've been shocked and maybe even angry with her that she had been unlady like. But now that I had kissed someone, who I wasn't married too, I felt like it was not that much to fret about. When his hand touched my face, and he moved closer to me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. His hand got tangled in my hair and I grabbed his shirt. I don't know what happened but when the kiss was broken both of us where panting and staring at each other.

"Where did you learn to kiss like that?" He asked genuinely shocked.

"I have no idea." I shook my head. "I had never thought about it until…recently." I said, remembering seeing the people in the tavern kiss. I must've learned from watching them. He smiled at me and I smiled at him. We leaned back against the barn and I rested my head on his shoulder.

When I went to bed that night all I could think about was Andrew and the way his lips felt against mine and the way his hands had played with my hair as we sat watching the stars.

The next day I woke up in a dreamy state. I was aware that it was darker than normal, but it never fazed me. I remember Andrew walking me up to my front door and he kissed my hand good night. I watched him walk down the road, he turned around and waved to me before he disappeared behind the trees. I hummed as I climbed the dark steps and quietly undressed as I climbed into bed next to David, and tried not to kick Bradley who was sleeping on the floor. But now someone was shaking me, ruining my peace. My eyes opened and Papa was staring down at me.

"For God's sake wake up girl!" He shouted. I blinked and sat right up. There were tears on his face and he was paler than normal.

"What's wrong Papa?" I asked and he wiped his face. Then I heard a loud groan in the background and I jumped out of bed. "Momma!" I raced to her room and flung open the door.

"Quick shut the door girl." Debra's mother shouted at me and I froze. Debra, dressed like her mother in her nightgown, touched my back and closed the door for me.

"What's going on?" I whispered, unable to look away from my mother's face of agony.

"She's giving birth." Debra whispered. I thought about Papa and the calf and he had never panicked this much over animals giving birth.

"Susanna." Momma cried and I raced to her side.

"Put that cold cloth on her head and hold her hand." Debra's mother said as she looked under the blankets. "Almost time Helen." She said brightly to Momma.

"Hear that Momma. You're doing a good job." I said, trying to fight the tears. She was in so much pain, she was looking at me but never really saw me. I brushed back her matted down dark hair and wiped her face with the wet cloth that was beside the bed.

"I need…water." Momma whispered and I grabbed the jug of water and poured it into a cup. I held the cup up to Momma's lips and she gulped at it.

"Not too much Susanna. She's already been sick twice." I pulled the cup away from Momma's mouth and wiped her face again.

"Is that normal Mother?" Debra asked, holding Momma's other hand.

"Yes Debra. Ok time to push Helen." Debra's mother said, folding the blanket up. "I need you two to hold her legs for her." I looked at Debra and she grabbed Momma's foot and bent her knee so that Momma's knees were touching her stomach. So I grabbed Momma's foot and copied her. "Alright, ready. And PUSH!" All of a sudden Momma was squeezing my hand so tight that I almost screamed in pain. She let out a cry, like David did when he was pretending to be a warrior. After an agonizingly long time Momma exhaled and relaxed. She took long deep breaths and started to shake.

"Ok, one more time now…Push Helen! Push!" Debra's mother screamed. Again Momma grabbed my hand so tightly that I was sure it was broken. This time was the same as the time before and the next two pushes were the same uneventful process as the last one. After Momma stopped pushing the fourth time even I knew something was wrong.

"What's happening?" I shouted.

"The baby's having a tough time getting out." Debra's mother shouted back.

"Well cant you help it?"

"It's not…that simple." She said biting her lip, I looked at my mother's face and said a quick prayer to make it end quickly. When she was told to push again, Momma pushed harder this time. Debra's mother smiled slightly, "Good, the head is out. Good job Helen. One more push and you'll have your baby."

"I can't…"Momma panted.

"Yes you can." She answered back.

"No, I'm too tired." Momma said, making tears spring into my eyes. I let go of Momma's leg and touched her face.

"Momma, you can do this. I know you can. You've have 4 babies already. What's one more?"

"I'm tired Susanna." She begged.

"One more push and its done, right?" I looked at Debra's mother and she nodded back. "One more push Momma. You can do it." She looked at me and sighed.

"Ok." I smiled, wiped the tear that had fallen from my cheek and grabbed onto her leg again. This time when Momma pushed the baby came sliding right out. It was covered in blood and white chunks but she was beautiful. Debra's mother passed her to Debra and she wrapped her in a old towel. I held Momma's hand and watched as they quickly cut the umbilical cord and tied a string on the end. She let out a loud shriek and my heart melted.

"Here that Momma. She's perfect." I said, kissing Momma's hand. She smiled at me slightly and then closed her eyes taking a deep breath. "Is she ok?" I asked Debra. She looked her over, checking her breathing, looking up her nose and in her screaming mouth.

"She looks perfect." Debra said smiling at me. Tears streamed down my face and I looked at Momma. Her face was calm and white as a ghost. "Momma, she's fine, look. You can hold her now." I said brightly, but when she didn't respond I felt my stomach clench. "Momma?" I gave her a little shake and stared at her.

"Back away girl." Debra's mother said pushing me to the side, but I never let go of her hand. After a couple of silent minutes Debra's mother looked up at Debra and Debra burst into tears.

"No." I said. Both women stared at me with tears in their eyes. "NO!" I screamed again and stared at my mother. "NO MOMMA NO! You cant! NO!" Tears poured down my face as my heart broke into a million pieces. I felt two hands on my arms and I fought them off. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I grabbed onto her face. I kissed her cheek and then the other. "Momma please. Come on Wake up. Look at the baby! Please." I was pushed back so hard that I hit the wall, forced to let go of Momma's hand. I watched as my father scooped her into his arms, the hand that had just squeezed mine, hung limply at his side.

Papa never came out of the room after that. He stayed in there even after the undertaker had collected Momma's body, even after we had buried her under the oak tree where she hung the laundry, even when Mary McDonald moved in to be the baby's wet nurse. The house was in a dull state. No one talked, no one sang, everyone just went around getting the chores done. Every day Debra and I would make the meals and then I would bring up a plate to Papa, if he chose to eat then he would but he normally just laid in bed and picked at the food.

One day, when Christmas had passed and the snow was starting to melt, Papa sat up when I entered.

"Susanna?" he said his voice groggy.

"Papa?" I asked in disbelief. He patted the bed beside him and I hesitated before I sat down. "What is it Papa?"

"I want to see the baby." He said.

"Are you sure Papa?"

"Yes. Will you bring her to me?" He asked and I nodded. This was the first flicker of hope that would bring us all back to life. I raced down to the sitting room where, Mary was sitting by the fire patting the chubby 6 month old baby's back.

"She's all full and ready for bed." Mary said cheerfully.

"Great. May I take her upstairs?" I asked holding out my arms. Mary looked at me skeptically.

"Why?" She asked holding the baby closer to her chest.

"Is it any of your business why? She's more of my baby than yours!" I said snatching her away. I hated being rude to Mary, but she was starting to think she owned this baby. She had lost her baby around the time that our baby was born so finding her was a gift from God and she had been very good until recently. The baby started smiling and sitting up, indications that she would soon be able to drink cows milk and Mary would not be needed any more. Debra, who is now 4 months pregnant, figures that it is fear of losing a baby all over again.

I raced upstairs, smiling at the beautiful baby in my arms and telling her that Papa wanted to see her. When I knocked on Papa's door, it opened and he had lighten a candle. He looked up at me and his gaze landed on the baby. His thin, shallow face didn't change expression even when he held out his hands to hold her. I placed her in his arms and he looked down at her face. A tear rolled down his cheek and he sniffed.

"What have you called her?"
"We weren't sure. Momma never told us. We've been calling her…Helen." I felt like I was standing on extremely thin ice that could crack if I breathed the wrong way.

"No. You cant call her that. Her name is supposed to be Agnes." I looked at him confused.

"Agnes?"

"Yes after Saint Anges, you're mother's patron saint." He said sadly. He traced the baby's chubby cheek and she laughed at him. "She's beautiful."

"Yes." I said smiling, tears streaming down my face.

"But we cant keep her." He said and I stared at him.

"What do you mean? She's our baby?"

"We don't have enough people to care for her."

"I can do it Papa. I know how." I said, my heart breaking all over again.

"No Susanna. You're still too young."

"No Papa! I promise I can do it. Let me prove it to you. Please,"

"NO!" he shouted. Startling the baby and causing her to cry. He held her out to me and I swooped her up in my arms and held her close to my chest. "Tell Jacob that he can have her."

"But his wife is having their own baby. Please Papa."

"Susanna." His tone was strained and he was going to snap at any second. "Tell Jacob to take her and raise her as his own. But she has to be called Agnes. Tell him that when his house is done in two weeks that I want them out."

"But Papa, he's family."

"Until then, I'm staying in here." He said blowing out the candle and dismissing me. I stared at his dark shadow that had lain back down on the bed. "Good night." He said and I slowly backed out of the room. I closed the door behind me and stared down at the silent baby.

"He does love you." I told her. As if her heart was broken too a single tear rolled down her cheek.