A week and a half later I was finally free to go riding. I kept watching for Jasper throughout the day to try to get him to go with me, but I could never find him, so I decided to go on by myself. I hadn't seen him since my little dip in the river, and my heart actually hurt from missing him. Charlotte had told me how scared he had been, she had told me how he jumped in after me, without a second thought. I wished I could remember it. I just barely remember him carrying me, and even that memory was a little fuzzy. I tried justifying to both myself and Charlotte that he was just being the chivalrous man he always was, but she insisted that what she saw was no act of chivalry, but an act of love. I just couldn't let myself get my hopes up about him, although I found myself entertaining thought of us more and more.
I decided since I had some time to myself, I would work on some sketches that I had been let simmer in my head. I went out to my new favorite spot, well, our favorite spot, that was much like our own little piece of heaven on earth. I found the perfect vantage point where there was a break in the trees and you could see right through the canopy to the sky. The clouds were partially covering the sun, but would filter the beautiful rays down through the trees, spotlighting different parts of the forest floor.
I started putting my thoughts and ideas to paper, but soon my mind began to wander back to Jasper. He was all consuming, and I enjoyed every minute of it. My eyes grew heavy and dropped as I imagined us living in a small cottage in this very spot, doing the mundane things in life, but enjoying everything we did. We could see each other whenever we liked, instead of relying on stolen moments here and there. It was a perfect life.
I wanted to stay in this place forever, but something roused me from my sleep, and I wasn't sure for a moment what it was. I looked around for a moment before standing, and unfortunately finding what exactly woke me. Several large, calloused looking men stood looking at me from the other side of the lot, maybe twenty yards away. I straightened up, not wanting to look scared or intimidated, but I could feel my pulse pounding with fear. These were not just a band of travelers. These were criminals, and they were looking at me like starved wolves eyeing a fat lamb.
"Smart one, this is. She knows better to run." I heard one of them say in a raspy voice. Then I realized that's what I should have done in the first place. Run. So I took off running away from them, but it's just so hard to run with the skirts and undergarments. I didn't make it very far at all before one of them had me pinned up against a tree. He pressed himself up against me, and I struggled not to be sick right there. His foul breath in my face did nothing to help the matter. All I could do was think how this was going to ruin anything that I could have had with Jasper. The thought he was going to take away something I could never get back, that was reserved for someone else, infuriated me past fear.
"There you go poppet, no need to struggle and scream." He sneered as he reached down for my dress. I snorted and snuffed like I had seen the men do before, and spit in his face, maybe if I made him mad enough, he would just go ahead and kill me instead of torturing me. His face twisted into fury and pulled his fist back. I closed my eyes waiting for impact, but it never came. I opened them back, and his eyes were set in a horrified blank stare. His grip on me had loosened and I was able to slip away. I looked down at the sword that was buried in his gut. Jasper yanked it back out, and looked towards the other men that were standing behind my attacker. His look was absolutely murderous, and I realized I wasn't worried about him being outnumbered. I was confident in knowing these men would never harm another person in this life. His movements were quick and fluid, and at times seemed unnatural. It didn't seem very long at all until the men were all spread across the ground, all slain by Jasper. He stood looking down at them, his shoulders heaving as he caught his breath. I slowly walked up and touched his shoulder lightly. He spun and faced me. His hair had fell down into his eyes, his face still set in fury. I gasped and took a step back, and his face immediately softened. He stepped to me slowly, never breaking eye contact.
"Are you ok?" He breathed out. I nodded my head, unable to speak in coherent words. "Good." He said, pulling me to him swiftly and kissing me deeply. My arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair, as his free arm wound around my waist pressing me tightly into him. Suddenly I had forgotten where I was, or what had happened, and all that existed was us. When we finally broke apart, he leaned his forehead against mine.
"I'm so sorry." He barely whispered, his voice sounding almost broken. "You were never supposed to see that….that side of me." I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"Stop. You had no choice. You saved my life, and if you hadn't killed them, they would have killed us both." We both shuddered at the thought.
"Please...you have to know I would never…..I could never hurt you.." I jerked my face back from him.
"Jasper Andrew Whitlock, how dare you assume I would think such a thing! I know you would never hurt me, I trust you more than anyone else in this world. How dare you think I would put such little faith in you." He looked both shocked and slightly surprised.
"I am sorry, I just, I know that was very different from how you've ever seen me, I just wanted to give you a chance to-"
"To what? Run? Jasper," I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "I love you far too much to ever run from you. I will never run from you." He stared at me in shock.
"You…...you love me?" My heart stuttered at the thought of him being appalled at my admission. My eyes darted elsewhere, looking anywhere other than his face. I didn't think before I had said it, and now, now I had pushed too hard, too fast, and now I could feel my face flaming and my eyes stinging.. Damn that Charlotte, filling my head with garbage.
"Bella! Bella, did you hear me?" He said shaking me slightly. I looked up at him as he smiled back at me. "I said I love you too." Now it was me that stared in disbelief. "I think I have always loved you." He said as he placed his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into him smiling.
"What a pair we are, confessing our love amongst the corpses of thieves." I said, and we both laughed.
"Yes, well, we aren't really known for doing things as we should." He said with a smile, then pulled me to him in a loving kiss, to which I melted into him. "But I promise Bella," he said with a much more serious tone, "you will never see that side of me again. I have worked hard to keep the demon locked away tight, and I promise I-"
"Jasper." I stopped him, leaning back to look at him. "What you did was necessary. If not for your demon, it would be us lying dead on the ground instead." He lowered his eyes, shaking his head.
"Listen to me Jasper, that is a part of you just as much as the sweet, amazing man that I know is a part of you, and there is a reason for that. You may not want to believe it, and you may not even like it, but you need that fire, take today for example. Jasper, please hear what I am telling you. Don't you ever tame your demon. Always keep him on a leash."
He looked at me wide eyed in disbelief. "I've…..I've been told for so long that it was bad, that there was something wrong with me. But you're right, if not for that fire, that demon that my mother liked to call it, I would have never been able to help you. You, Isabella, are absolutely amazing. You see things no one else can." And he pulled me into a fierce hug.
"I do have a favor to ask of you though." I said once we had broke apart.
"Anything." He said smiling down at me.
"I would like you to teach me to fight." Just as I had expected, his smile faltered.
"I'm sorry?"
"If you hadn't had shown up here, I would have had no chance against those men." A look of fury passed his eyes as he remembered what had almost transpired. "If I had known how to handle myself, I may have been able to fight them off enough to get away." He took a step back, one hand on his hips, the other gripping his sword tightly. He looked down at the ground in concentration. I knew this was an extremely odd request, and had it been anyone other than Jasper, I would have never dared to ask. It was unheard of for women to engage in any kind of activity like fighting.
"I understand why you are asking, but I just can't stand the thought of you being in a situation where you would need those particular skills." He said through clenched teeth, still not looking at me.
"I know." I said softly. "But as much as I would like for you to be, you can't be there for me all the time." He looked up at me, and nodded slightly.
"Yes, it does seem to be a necessary evil. I will consider it." He said, looking away from me again.
"Do you not think I'm capable?" I was purposely trying to make him feel bad, thinking he would give in, but he knew me too well, and looked up at me in a scowl.
"You know very well I think you're capable of just about anything. Certainly more capable than any other woman in the kingdom. I have no doubt you would succeed in this as you do everything else. That's not what concerns me. I don't like the idea of you having to use it one day-"
"And maybe I won't! But wouldn't it be good to know just in case?"
"Of course, but that isn't the only reason I'm hesitant."
"If you're worried about anyone else finding out-"
"That's not it either. If I teach you, then we have to spar, which means I would have to fight against you. I don't know if I can." He said the last part softly. When I realized his hesitations weren't for me actually fighting, I felt a little more sympathetic. I stepped forward and took his hand.
"I understand. Well, just think about it, and if you want to, if you can, then we will. If you aren't comfortable with it, then that's ok too." He raised my hand to his lips.
"Thank you my Bella. I do think it would be best for you to know how to defend yourself. I just need to think about it, and how best to approach it."
He surprised me on our next ride by bringing two swords with him. It had began to get much colder, so he was able to conceal the fact he was carrying two, under his overcoat. Our first lesson didn't go as well as I had hoped. I would have never imagined a sword would have weighed so much! He couldn't help but laugh at me, which only served to make me mad, so I actually was able to raise it over my head one time, but I had absolutely no control over it. He told me I needed to work on my upper arm and body strength over the next couple of weeks, that there was no reason to even try to practice if I couldn't even lift the sword. I felt bad wasting his time, but he didn't seem to mind. I spent the next couple weeks doing everything I could to build up my strength. Lifting things that were much too heavy, as well as some exercises Jasper had taught me, when no one else was around. The next time we met, we were both surprised at how much easier it was for me to lift and control the sword.
The next few months we met as often as we could for practice, but our meetings became more sparse as the winter weather grew worse, not to mention everyone was quite busy with preparing for the holidays, as well as the return of the Prince. He had been away for a few years now, something about relations with neighboring kingdoms, I didn't really understand it all. Jasper tried explaining it to me, but gave up, laughing at me when I dozed off.
We were still keeping our relationship private, but had decided with the upcoming winter ball, we would officially 'come out' as many of the ladies referred to it, which was really nothing more than just being seen with one another. Even though I had always ridiculed ladies who had gone before me, about their 'coming out, I found myself so excited that I couldn't eat anything the entire week before the ball. The day of the ball, Charlotte was helping me tweak my dress just a bit.
"You know, you're gonna sew this thing to death." She joked. She knew I had been working non stop on it for months, although I would never admit to her why.
"I just want to make sure it's perfect."
"Mmhmm. And why would that be?" She said, cocking her eyebrow at me.
"Because I always want my gowns to be perfect." I said absentmindedly, purposely not paying her any mind. She rolled her eyes at me, but didn't say anything else. A few hours later, we were both dressed, and finished doing each other's hair.
"Charlotte, you are absolutely beautiful!" I grinned at her.
"You're just saying that because you know you look better than me." She joked, rolling her eyes. We giggled, stepping out of our room into the large main room where the other ladies waited, as we would all proceed out together, following the princess. They all gasped when they saw my gown. I looked down as I felt my face go red.
"Oh my word, that is exquisite!"
"Isabella, you have really outdone yourself this time!"
"Look at the colors, they are absolutely perfect!"
"The blue looks beautiful on your skin!"
"You're going to be prettier than the princess."
We all gasped and jerked our heads toward Lauren, who was known for speaking without thinking. And now because of her stupidity, I would surely pay the price.
"Oh really now." I felt queasy as soon as I heard her voice, and I knew if I had actually eaten anything, the gown would have been ruined. I felt Charlotte grasp my hand as the princess stepped from behind the crowd of women who had been admiring the gown before the stupid girl had spoke. They parted like the red sea as she walked toward me. Both Charlotte and I bowed low to her. "
Isabella, I must say, that is a most impressive work of art you are wearing there. Tell me, how long did it take for you to make this?"
"I...I've been working on it since the summer." I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but she was a bit too smug for me think she was just going to let it go.
"Since the summer? My goodness, this has been quite the undertaking! So, it's safe to say, this may be the most beautiful gown that you've ever made, and that you put more work and thought into this gown than any other you have ever made, including for myself.
Dread started creeping through my body as I slowly started to understand where she was going with this.
"Yes." I said quietly, trying to keep my composure.
"Then don't you think it makes sense for the princess to wear it, instead of a lowly seamstress?" She said, leaning into my face. The room was absolutely silent. My body shook with the rage that was building inside of me. I was used to the irrational demands from the royal family, and I had learned how to just roll with the punches, but this was too far. This wasn't just a dress, this was, like she had said, this was my work of art. To the princess this was just another beautiful gown, one that would probably get tossed on the floor later tonight. But to me, it was so much more. To me it was a silent declaration of my love for the man that inspired me in all things. And because of who she was, she was going to take it from me, just because she could. And because stupid, stupid Lauren couldn't keep her mouth shut.
I must have stood there too long without saying anything, because the next thing I knew, four women were dragging me backwards to my room. I struggled against them as they began stripping me, as I cried, begging them to not let her take it. Charlotte was with them, tears in her eyes, and she kept whispering apologies over and over. In fact, they all looked sad. They didn't want to do this I knew it. I suddenly had an irrational thought to burn the dress. If I couldn't have it, then no one could. Once they had taken it off, I grabbed it from them and raced toward the fireplace. I stopped though, I couldn't do it. I suppose even if I couldn't wear it, at least it was out there. At least the statement had still been made, although it made me sick to think of anyone else wearing it. I turned and handed it back to them, resigned to know I would never be able to defy the princess.
They dressed her in a different room, while I stood numbly in the dimly lit room. Several minutes later the doors were thrown open and she waltzed in, spinning in front of me. The sight of her wearing it threatened to burn away any calm I had retained previously.
"What do you think, Isabella?" She said, as she flamboyantly turned, to let it fan out around her.
"Beautiful." I forced out. She pranced over and brought her face close to mine.
"Honestly, I'm not a fan of blue at all, I much prefer my dress, but you will learn better than to show up your princess in the future, won't you." Then she leaned back with an absolutely evil smile on her face. "I just wonder how Jasper Whitlock will fancy it?"
My heart was about to beat out of my chest, and I could feel my body trembling from the fury that threatened to take over. She laughed as she swayed out the door. I saw Charlotte's face as she shut the door behind her, she was just as heartbroken as I was. Only she hadn't heard what the princess had said to me, and I knew her anger would match mine if she had. After the door shut, I stood there for several minutes, trying my best to compose myself, but the anger would just flare right back up. And then I remembered her mentioning Jasper. Why would she mention him? Did she know about our relationship? What was she going to….? I screamed, and picked up the first thing I could lay hands on, and threw it against the far wall. I continued, screaming and destroying the room like a wild animal, until my throat was raw, and I had worn myself out. I fell onto my knees in front of the fire in tears, losing myself as I stared into the flame.
Just wanted to let you know, I did include a line from Hozier's Arsonist's Lullaby in this chapter. That song is actually what inspired this story, and I was really excited to finally get to the place where I could use the words from the song. Go listen to it. It's Awesome.
MSB