(Katniss' perspective)
Chapter 4 – Mixed emotions
I'm still tired from yesterday's events. I didn't sleep at all last night I tossed and turned. Peeta. Gale. Peeta. Gale. Why does it have to be this way? I love both boys but I can tell neither of them feel the same way. I want to see Gale today but I don't want it to awkward like yesterday. Why is he so bothered? He always told me he would never date me so why should I be scared to see him. There's a knock on my bedroom door. It's Prim.
"Hey"
"Morning Katniss" She sits on the end of my bed, such a cute little girl.
"I've made you breakfast" Bless her. I look at the tray and it looks like it's bread and milk from the goat for breakfast, what a lucky treat!
"You didn't have to Prim" I feel guilty but pleasured to be given this special breakfast. If only the Capitol could see us now and how strong we are. They would think twice before trying to hurt us. If only Prim acted stronger on the day of the reaping, they wouldn't use her as a weapon but how can I ask that of a 12 year old girl? Don't be so selfish Katniss.
"You deserve it"
How do I deserve it when I killed several people… What is wrong with me today! Be grateful!
"I'll eat it now thanks my little ruby" She giggles and walks out closing the door behind her. How did mother and father make something so perfect? She's been through so much at such a young age, it's not fair. I think of father. What would life be like if he hadn't have died in that coal explosion? Would we be happy? Would we have food on the table? I look at the medal I was presented with for my 'bravery' when he died. That doesn't cut it! The picture on the fireplace downstairs sums him up in one photo. Brave, proud, handsome and family orientated. Everyone loved my dad and to be honest why wouldn't you? He was my hero after all. I'd be nothing if it wasn't for him.
The milk was fresh which means Prim has been up since dawn to get the milk fresh, god that girl is amazing. The bread is fresh too! She must have been to the bakery yesterday, where has found the money? I finish my breakfast in record time of 20 minutes I wanted to savour the flavour but it was just too good. I wonder if I will see Peeta today and that's when I realise I need to get up.
As I head down I can hear voices in the living room. It's Haymitch.
"Morning sweetheart"
"Morning Haymitch"
The alcohol hits me and makes my noise instantly blind, I try to act natural but he should be used to this reaction by now.
"Any news?"
"Actually sweetheart, Snow wants the proposal to happen pretty soon I figured you could tell Peeta in your own time seeing as though you the bride to be"
"Was that a joke? I forgot to laugh, sorry."
He smiles and loves my dry sense of humour. Gale. God how am I going to tell him?
"Why does he want it to happen so quickly?"
"Well that's the thing; his security can't hold back the rebellion for much longer so he's hoping for this to end as soon as you're married like I said"
"And what happens if it doesn't stop the rebellion?"
"He resorts to plan B"
"Plan B?"
"He asks you to move into the capitol as your new father"
"What!"
"I know Katniss, he sees you not having a father as an opportunity to try and trick Panem into thinking he's become soft"
"That's disgusting! My mother is not remarrying!"
Mother walks in after she hears me shouting and I can't help but shout.
"Are you ready to marry Snow mother?"
The sarcasm in my voice makes Haymitch sigh, I've had enough and I need fresh air. I put on my boots and open the door.
"Katnis-"
I slam the door before they get a chance to try and convince me that it's okay because it isn't. I walk towards Gale's house hoping he will let me let off some steam and just hug me. I reach his door and his younger brother answers.
"Is Gale here?"
"He's down in the woods catching game, check down there"
"Thanks"
I turn and go to walk away
"Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you and Gale okay, he seems pretty down recently I wondered If you knew why"
I can't tell him about the wedding it's a surprise. Damn it Gale!
"No but I'm sure I'll probably find out, don't worry too much"
He smiles and shuts the door. I head to our usual spot and find Gale sat there his head down thinking about something.
"Hello"
I try to sound as happy as I can but I find it difficult as I came to let out my feelings not to deal with his.
"Catnip…"
He trails off and I don't like him when he is like this. He doesn't talk and he wants to be alone. Stop pushing me away! I sit next to him and we are in silence for a good few moments.
"What's wrong Gale?"
"I love you Katniss…"
"Damn it Gale! Don't do this!"
"I can't help how I feel Katniss"
Gale using my proper name means he's being serious, I can't do this. I'm marrying Peeta for Panem if only we could pretend.
"President Snow said he's going to marry my mother if I can't settle the rebellion with Peeta. He thinks he can be my new father."
"You are joking aren't you?"
"Would I joke about Snow?"
He looks at me and leans closer. I frown and he kisses me. Butterflies swarm in my stomach this is not what I thought was going to happen. His lips on mine seem so surreal but in a nice way, I smile and he breaks away. He's laughing.
"God Catnip… What are we going to do?"
"I don't know Gale, I really don't."
He kisses me again and I can't help but kiss him back. I break away.
"Gale… we can't. Peeta"
His face goes numb and I know I've hit a raw nerve. I know I can't do this. Why do I continue to carry it on?
There is a knock at the door. Peeta. Instant guilt hits me. Did he see us in the woods? Did Gale tell him? He's staring at me. The bruise on his face stuns me I don't know what to say.
"…Peeta…"
"Hello Katniss"
He's smiling at me but I can't seem to smile back, the mark looks painful
"…Peeta…"
"Yes Katniss"
I stroke his face and his head follows, why is he being so clingy? Does he want to prove something? My response is short
"Your face… What happened?"
I can't help but look at it, how can you not when it covers his left eye, poor Peeta. I bring him inside. I can't just leave it, it needs to be treated.
"Do we have any bruise treatment mother?" She comes from the kitchen and I can see in her eyes she knows what's gone on straight away.
"Aw, Peeta whatever happened?"
"I walked into a tree on the way here" Why is he defending her? Mother knows not to get involved and acts like I haven't told her my suspicions.
"You can't fool me Peeta"
I look at him and he seems to relax, he's a terrible liar.
"I'm not lying Katniss, please just leave it"
His eyes are begging me to leave it but I can't this isn't something you see every day. I know has to be difficult.
"Has 'she' done it again?"
I feel harsh but it's what needs to be said. I have realised that I understand what's going on. I care about Peeta. I really do. The days he used to come into school with bruises used to make me flinch. He thinks he's defeated her. He's so wrong.
"Katniss leave it"
"Peeta has she hi-"
Mother walks in and the conversation is cut. She looks startled but I give her a look to tell her I'm sorting it. She gets the hint. Phew. She's holding a bottle of medicine to give to Peeta but I can tell he doesn't want to take it.
"Here try this, it will sooth the throbbing in your face"
"Mrs Everdeen please it's fine, I only came to see how Katniss was."
This is why I love him, he checks on me. The bravery this boy has fascinates me. I'm not taking no for an answer and that's final.
"I'm fine, now let's treat you"
He eventually takes the medicine his muscles are going weak and I know he's trying to stay up right. It makes me smile, I tell myself to get ready to catch him. He falls into my arms and I know he will be embarrassed when he wakes up but I don't care. I take him up to bed to let him rest after the terrible day he's had. Once I placed him on the bed with a little help from Prim and mother I head downstairs for a glass of water. I can hear shouts from upstairs and I drop the water smashing the glass and run upstairs not even thinking about the mess I've left behind. Peeta is having nightmares. He's screaming my name and I feel helpless I can't help him, I whisper calming things into his ear but they don't work. He starts to shiver and I'm getting nervous he won't wake up, I can't disturb a sleeping person that's the number one rule. He starts to move in his sleep and I'm so close to waking him up. He cries my name. Over and over.
I wake him up.