Kuroko groaned as he rolled onto his stomach and hit the dismiss button on his alarm clock Monday morning. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and rolled back over to stare at the ceiling. Mornings were never his favorite thing, but lately they were worse. Convincing his body to actually move took longer than it used to. He felt weak like he didn't have the strength or energy to move. It usually took at least ten minutes to find the strength and will power to get out of bed. Today wasn't any different. At least he usually felt a bit stronger once he was up, enough that he could carry out his morning routine without falling over.

After making the bed so he wouldn't be tempted to crawl back under the covers, he made his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth quickly and washed his face feeling a bit more alive after the cold water hit his skin. Then he grabbed his uniform and began dressing.

As he pulled up his pants, he realized the skin of his left lower leg felt numb. There was still feeling in it, but it was dulled drastically. He tired shaking it in case it was asleep. When that didn't work, he tried hitting it. That didn't work either. He didn't have any more time to spare though so he shrugged. Maybe it would wear off on its own. It wasn't such an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn't wait for that.

Leaving the numb skin issue be, Kuroko looked in the mirror the same way he did every morning and reminded himself the same things.

"Phantoms are weightless but I am fat. I must stay strong. I can do this. Work hard, don't eat. It's simple. I will not be weak. I will be strong for my team and Akashi." He said to the mirror in a determined tone while glaring fiercely at his reflection. Satisfied with his little pep talk, he spent a few minutes in a futile attempt to tame his unruly hair before leaving the bathroom. He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder then left the apartment.

About half way to school, he started feeling lightheaded and his vision blurred causing him walk straight into Aomine.

"Ano…I'm sorry…" Kuroko apologized with a slight bow after taking a step back. The bow turned out to be a mistake. It made him dizzy and he stumbled forward. Lucky for him, Aomine was quick and managed to catch him before his face could say hello to the ground.

"Oi!" Aomine shouted angrily before narrowing his eyes when he recognized the light blue messy hair. "Tetsu?"

"Aomine-kun?" Kuroko replied while removing Aomine's hands and steadying himself.

"Tetsu…you okay?"

Kuroko sighed and fought the urge to yell again at being asked that stupid question. He managed to keep his usual bland expression and tone. "I'm okay Aomine-kun. I just lost my balance."

Aomine sighed. His shadow could be so clumsy sometimes, he thought. He turned around and started walking again. Kuroko followed taking care to stay close to Aomine in case the weird dizziness returned.

Perhaps he should have just stayed home. He was exhausted and his mind was darting all over the place. Getting up had been so difficult anyway so why didn't he just stay in bed?

Because you'll never lose weight lazing around in bed all day, fatty… his brain helpfully supplied the answer to his question. And I definitely have a lot to lose, he thought bringing his hand to pinch the flesh between his ribs and hip… a LOT.

As they reached the classroom door, Aomine stopped in front of him suddenly and turned. He bent over slightly to get closer to Kuroko's ear before whispering. "I forgot to tell you….Akashi might be kind of mad at you."

Kuroko gulped. Akashi being mad was never a good thing, especially for the person that anger was directed at. Cautiously, the tealnette peeked around Aomine to see Akashi standing by his desk radiating a deadly aura; however it softened when Akashi saw his face. The red head beckoned Kuroko over and Kuroko obeyed doing his best to keep his physical discomfort hidden as well as his fear. It wasn't easy, but he was a master of neutral expressions, something he was quite thankful for when he had to deal with Akashi who read people easily.

Kuroko stopped in front of Akashi and boldly met his eyes. "Can I help you Akashi-kun?"

"You didn't answer your texts and all calls went to voicemail all weekend. I was worried." Akashi answered in a calm but dangerous tone.

"I'm sorry Akashi-kun." Kuroko bowed, although it was hesitant since he didn't want a repeat of the previous bow that morning. Luckily, he didn't get dizzy this time and straightened up.

Akashi sighed as his anger slowly dissipated. He could never stay mad at Kuroko for very long and to be honest, he wasn't that angry in the first place; he was worried. He nodded his acceptance of Kuroko's apology and walked past him. Before he got to the door, he turned around and got Kuroko's attention. "I will see you at lunch." He stated.

Kuroko froze for a second but quickly recovered. "I can't Akashi-kun. My apologies."

"Oh?" Akashi raised an eye brow and crossed his arms over his chest. "And why not?"

"I promised to help the librarian today during lunch." Kuroko lied and held his breath hoping his captain would believe him.

"I suppose it can't be helped." Akashi shrugged. Kuroko was lying, but class would start soon and this wasn't the place to argue so he let it go. "Then I will see you at practice."

"Hai." Kuroko replied and watched as Akashi left. Once he was sure the red head wasn't coming back because the bell had rung, Kuroko let out the breath he had been holding and rested his head on his desk. Dealing with Akashi so early in the morning could be quite draining, especially since Kuroko swore his heart sped up to twice it's normal pace when Aomine told him Akashi was angry at him and then doubled that speed when Akashi admitted to being worried. Thank god he didn't blush easily. "Ugh." He tilted his head to the side so he could stare out the window at the sun rising. He decided to rest during morning classes like that in hopes that he could charge up his battery for practice later because at the moment, it was dead.

When lunch time rolled around, Kuroko escaped to the library. He spent most of the time reading and keeping to the farthest corner just in case Akashi sent someone to check on him. Every time he heard someone enter, he would stand and pretend to be organizing the books on the shelves or something. Since it was lunch though, only three people actually came in and none came to the back corner.

Somehow, he managed through his afternoon classes without sleeping the entire time. When the bell rang, he headed for the gym locker rooms and stuffed his bag in his locker then took his clothes to the bathroom to change. He didn't want the others to have to see how disgusting he looked…or maybe he was afraid of what they would think. Either way, he wasn't going to change in the open. Of course, it was unlikely anyone would even notice him, but his biggest fear was Akashi walking in and Akashi often could see him. And that was the absolute last person he wanted to be seen half naked by when he was still so fat.

As he changed, he realized his lower leg still had that weird numb feeling. It hadn't gone away at all. Again, he tried shaking it and pinching it with no success. He gave up and put his uniform in his locker then headed out to the gym.

Practice was long and Kuroko swore he was close to fainting half way through. He had a headache and his stomach was cramping as well, but that was nothing new. He couldn't help but realize his performance was worse than usual though. His running was slower and he actually had to stop a few times to catch his breath and stretch his already aching muscles. His reflexes were also worse and drills were a disaster. He was starting to think that maybe he should have eaten. He was also thinking that maybe he shouldn't eat ever again. In other words, he was torn between believing he was doing worse and feeling crappy because he hadn't eaten or because he was fat. He was leaning towards the latter.

Akashi kept an eye on Kuroko the entire time and gave him a lighter menu than usual. He normally had a lighter menu than the other players just because he couldn't always handle the tougher ones without getting sick or passing out, but Akashi had lightened the load a bit more for this practice because Kuroko looked ill. Yet, it still seemed to be a bit much and that had the red head worried. Momoi came in about half way through practice and also noted how sick he looked and even Midorima looked a little concerned. However, none of them said anything to Kuroko. They let it be for the time being and settled for watching with furrowed browns and heavy sighs.

After practice, Kuroko stumbled home only half awake. He kicked off his shoes in the entryway and dragged his feet to the kitchen. Dropping his bag on the table with a thud, Kuroko went to the sink and filled the tea pot with water and put it on the stove. He then took a seat and pulled out his homework. Normally he wouldn't stay in the kitchen, but he didn't want to have to walk to his room and then back when the tea was ready. It wasn't that far of a walk, but he really had no energy left. It appeared he didn't have the energy to do his homework too. He glared at it trying to focus but the words kept blurring and his attention was everywhere but on the page in front of him. When the tea pot began to whistle, he let out a shaky breath and stood. As he poured the tea, he looked around. Turning off the stove and placing the pot on a cold burner, he opened the cabinet.

Like the rest of the kitchen, it was almost completely barren. There was a box of protein bars, a box of granola bars, rice, and some crackers. Kuroko shook his head and closed the cabinet before opening the fridge. There were a few carrots and apples on the bottom shelf and he decided to grab one of the apples. He washed it off in the sink then placed it on the cutting board and chopped it into small pieces. It was something he had read that cutting food into tiny pieces helped you eat less and feel full faster, so he went with it. Once it was all cut up, Kuroko placed it on a small black plate. It was something else he had read; eating off of dark colored dishes helped you eat less too apparently. He took it to the table and sat down with his tea.

He didn't want to eat. For a moment, he considered just throwing it in the trash and he almost did it, but he stopped himself. He glared at the food as if it was the most offensive thing on the planet to him, and in a way, it kind of was. But he was weak. He needed to do his homework or else his grades would slip and he would be an even bigger failure than he already was. If an apple could help him do that, he needed to eat it. That didn't make him feel better though. The reasoning was sound, but the core of the problem, his own weakness, upset him.

Still glaring at the innocent apple, he put his feet on the chair and hugged his knees to his chest. With a trembling hand, he reached out and grabbed a piece of the fruit and slowly brought it to his mouth. He wanted to be sick as he swallowed it and reach for another. A few tears escaped his eyes, but he kept reaching for piece after piece. He suddenly felt so hungry that he couldn't stop his hand from grabbing more until the whole apple was gone. He stared at the empty plate for a moment before burying his face in his knees and letting out a quiet sob.

I'm so stupid…so fucking weak….why…he thought as the tears flowed down his face. He had gone so long without eating and he just ruined it with an apple so he could do some dumb homework. Why wasn't he stronger!? Why couldn't he restrain himself!? And how was he supposed to concentrate on his homework if he was crying and distracted by the calories that were probably turning into lumps of fat at that very moment!

"Damn it!" He cursed, which was highly unusual for him. Angry at himself for eating and even more angry for wishing there was more to eat, he lashed out on the plate shoving it to the floor. "Damn it…damn it…stupid..." he cried slamming his fist into his shin. Shoving the plate helped a little but not enough. He wasn't mad at the plate anyway. He was mad at himself. He wanted to hurt himself so he dug his nails into his thighs as hard as he could. The pain eased his anger and frustration far more than shoving a plate and eventually his breathing calmed. His tears did not.

But he had to concentrate. He had to stop crying and do his work or else it would have all been for nothing and that would make it even worse. However, first he needed to record the 'meal.' Still crying and shaking, he pulled out his little journal from his school bag and scribbled the word apple with the number of calories next to it on the page labeled with the current date. A few tears fell on the page but he didn't care. He put the journal in his jacket pocket and forced himself to get through his homework. At least the apple did seem to help clear the fog that had taken up residence in his brain. His failure wasn't in vain.

By nine o'clock he finished and packed everything back in his bag. Kuroko pushed himself out of his seat and went to his room where he opened up his laptop and clicked on a page in his browsers bookmarks. It was a site that calculated calories burned doing different activities. He pretty much had everything memorized by this point, but it was easier to just use the site, especially when he was so worn out. He trusted the computer more than his weary brain anyway.

It only took a few moments to type everything in. Once the site calculated the numbers, he pulled out his journal again and under the words 'calories burned,' he wrote the number down. With that finished, he set the journal aside and went to change into his sleepwear. After that, he spent some time scrolling through some inspirational weight loss sites, both healthy and disordered, for about an hour before finally crawling into bed and drifting off to sleep.

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I would really appreciate any feedback or comments you might have! Have a great day!