A/N: I might be coming down hard on some fanfictions but that's what parodies do. Feel free to ignore what anyone says and write what you want lol.
The real Hermione was out meeting professor McGonagall to discuss beginning of school and what all help she could provide the staff. She would be going back to school to finish N.E.W.T. She also planned to help library restoration and assist teaching first years in Transfiguration. Hogwarts was severely understaffed after war. She would of course be taking N.E.W.T. of her own as well. She refused to change her original ambition and determined to fit everything in her schedule.
Meanwhile real Harry had taken revenge for inaccurately pairing fanfiction version of himself with Charlie. He made fanfiction version of her weak and stupid, as well as pairing her with the deceased author of their textbook. It was all in good fun.
Fred and George offered to write the last portion of summer's chapter.
"Right. So We got plenty of summer stories done. Whenever you need full cast ensemble, just get them together for Christmas or Easter." Fred was thinking out loud.
"How about in this chapter, fanfiction all of you go to Diagon Alley for school shopping. We could have obligatory Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes visit, run in with Hagrid or Draco, and some ancient magic secret being revealed to Harry by Ollivander or something" with just that much thought, George decided story in his head. Fred was summing up. "WWW is our cheap comic relief. Hagrid or Draco to prove we haven't forgotten the books and maybe ancient power because we in fact had forgotten about powers claimed in our own fanfiction and George, be sure to include typos as if you never learned how to spell". He started typing.
Harry was meeting Ron and Ginny for school shopping in Diagon Alley. Ginny would be going to school soon. Even though Harry, Ron and Hermione were all offered internships at the ministty. Hermione was still stick in history with Newt so trip was just for Ginny.
Ginny was taking Advanced Transfiguration, Advanced potions, Charms, Herbology, Defence against the dark arts and Runes. She needed textbooks, potion supplies, new shoes and reference material for runes in addition to the textbook. That meant waiting in crowded lines in Fourish and Botts, Potion store, Madam Perrywhite's all occasion shoe store.
This year Diagon Alley was packed with families preparing for school and the crowd was buzzing with greetings of people meeting up after long and painful time. Billboards on shops were repaired and restored to full glory. You could see flashing logos of Madam Malkins Robes for all occasion, Flourish and Botts book supplies and of course the biggest and best of all, Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes, special discounts on Cougar noise pasties, sneeze powder and neon teeth whitners..."STOP STOP STOP!, first of all, no advertising on our fanfiction. I appreciate the typos but you're being too articulate, Georgie. Stop setting the stage for your scenes and jump straight from one point of story to another without any prelude. In fanfiction, we only do detailing for romantic dates, Clothes or sex scenes. Remember, most fanfiction writes are not aware there might be more important things to think about." Ginny explained as Ron nodded in support.
Jumping from previous apparently high quality scene, Devoid of logic, the fanfiction trio went to book shopping first, preferring to drag heavy books everywhere as they did other shopping.
First stop was flourishing Butts. They werre famous for books. "Here you go", said the clerk as he handed her six heavy books. She had huge butt as it was required for the shop helps to have big butt. There were very cute store assistants wearing short plaid skirt and white shirts with cleavage showing, with knee high boots. Shop owner for school supplies had kinky fantasies.
Fanfiction Ginny went to Madam Malkins. She bought school dress and a private dress which can only be described as nighty. It was similar to what George had seen his ex girlfriend Alicia wear one night. She had accidentally walked to common room late at night thinking it was empty. The dress was a black sheer babydoll that split from midriff to show sequin laced black satin knickers. What she planned to do with the dress with Harry away was a mystery. She also bought high hells and devil horns. Sexy devil horns.
"How did you find out about that nightie?" Harry blurted only to find Ginny glaring at him. George was eerily accurate about detailing of the said dress and it only meant one thing.
"Sorry mate, we had to hide in her closet once when mum was looking for help in cleaning the garden. We didn't plan on telling anyone so if you had kept your trap shut… " Fred's eyes had devilish twinkle at Harry's burning red face. He was blushing more furiously than his girlfriend. Ginny had turned her glare on Ron who started to cast a curse.
"Tarantallegra!" "Expelliarmus!" Ron and Harry cast at once. Ron's wand flew out of his hand and Harry started dancing like a madman. "Stop it you two! Finite incantetum!" Ginny moved between them with wand in her hand and her eyes blazing. Harry and Ron both backed away from her, for right reasons too. Ginny had picked up a lot more than Bat bogey hex. Her current favourite spell was Flipendo which flipped people backwards. Nobody wanted to get on bad side of her temper.
"Listen Ronald, for the last time, Harry and I love each other and what we do is none of your business. I am Fred and George's little sister too but you don't see them being pricks about this" she gestured at the twins. "Don't look at us Ickle Ronniekins" Fred looked cheerful. "Yeah Roonie, we're just happy you didn't get flipped." George's mock sincere tone deceived no one.
"So you two love each other now?" Ron was bewildered and befuddled at the idea. Harry decided it was safe to move close to Ginny now. "Yeah mate. I told you the stupid noble reason to break up with her. I wanted this more than anything". Harry meant every word he said.
"So now that unicorn is out of the forest, let's get back to the story. George, why don't I write about portion of our store? I will avoid adverbs, won't the scene and avoid common sense at all costs. I liked what you did with Flourishing butt. Let me see what else I can do with our shops"
After Ginny's trashy robe shopping, they went to Weasleys Wizaring veeses for a visit. Fred was sporting an orange jedi robe with hood. The hood had glitter sprinkler on it. Fred touched his hat as pretty girl passed near him. Suddenly her clothing was removed and she was covered in grey glitter.
"Yay I am a stripper!" She went on a pole and started spinning. Fanfiction Fred, or was he George, joinded the ranks of perverts.
Next stop was Ollivanders whose existence many fanfiction authors don't acknowledge so we will take a cue from them.
"Let's go back to flourishing butts. I want to look at cute shop helps in short short skirts." Ron was really horny for short skirted, big butted shop assistants. They went back because Harry also wanted to look at butts.
"WWOOOOWWW", there were all kinds of butts, round and firm, bouncing up and down, curved and in different colors. Harry and Rons were perverts. Very shallow perverts. "Looking for what you can't get losers?" a voice drawled near them. They looked into thin face of Draco Malfoy. Malfoy never spoke. He always drawled. "What do you mean, ferret?" Ron couldn't come up with anything better.
"These girls work as maids in my manor now. I have even kinkier clothing for them in mind". Malfoy drawled again. Although Malfoy is unpleasant, he never really showed perverted tendencies. But fanfiction authors must think all men are perverted and want to objectify women.
Without any prelude, "Hurray! Butt pictures on sale! DISCOUNT DISCOUNT!" a butt girl yelled, posing with a pretty brunette. Pervert shop owner had decided to give student discount on soft pornographic pictures of his sales reps. He really wanted to boost his profits.
"You're pretty hard on men in this chapter. I'm a little offended" Harry observed frowning at the behavior of his fanfiction self. "I should hope so. Most writers show blokes focusing on girl's assets and girls going only after muscular blokes. Fanfiction community overall doesn't have a good opinion of humans", Fred Shrugged.
"Okay blokes, and lady, Diagon alley part is written. Why don't you start with a family dinner with all of us, foreshadowing of future chapters tomorrow? Your fanfiction selves can then go to Hogwarts." George got up ready to go.
" We forgot to give you ancient power after all but don't worry. That's normal in fanfiction to not deliver what was foreshadowed... See you Harry. Do stop by at the store. There are some very cute Pygmy puffs Ginny likes", Fred winked at him.
Just like that Fred and George were gone. "You know Hermione isn't back yet" Ron looked worried." Harry thought it would be very unlikely Hermione will leave library restoration anytime soon. She probably started reading Sites of Historical Sorcery halfway. "Yeah but McGonagall and others are there with. She'll be fine. Let's get dinner".
They proceeded to head downstairs to eat Kreature's Pork chops and potatoes.