item four: the baby

A big shock that presented itself one unsuspecting morning. Lisanna, slow-moving and with a gray cast to her skin, came into her older sister's bedroom asking for some tampons. The realizations came in increments, beginning from wondering do I have any, then when was the last time I even needed to replenish my supply and finally, oh no. Mirajane's pulse was racing a hundred violent thumps a minute as she handed Lisanna her last box, mouth dry and eyes teary. The youngest Strauss failed to notice anything amiss; Mirajane had ushered her out of the room and shut the door on her too soon.

A quick trip to the drug store and a whole afternoon fretting over four different brands of pregnancy tests later, Mirajane's hunch came to truth. The rest of the evening she spent feeling sorry for herself and depleting her reservoir of tears. Come morning, she was empty despite the growing life in her. She hadn't even noticed. Her stomach was still flat but perhaps the constipated feeling she'd been getting should have been enough of a sign. She spent one more day barricaded in her room until Elfman tore down the door from its hinges and he burst in with Lisanna. One frightening look at their emaciated sister staring hollowly at the ceiling had them in worried tears. They always had been easy to cry. Mirajane had a bleak moment thinking it was funny that despite her predicament, she was still the one wiping the wet cheeks of her siblings.

As the weeks passed and as her belly grew, the gravity of the situation dawned on her heavier than the previous day. She and Erza bought dresses with looser waists. Freed kept her updated on Laxus' schedule so she didn't have to run into him at the guild hall (not that he spent much time at home; she thought that since they broke up, he'd been in Magnolia no more than a week each month). Not many people knew. Mirajane did not know who else she could trust because sometimes she caught Elfman staring at her midsection, searching for the swelling bump with lines between his brows and sometimes, Cana started asking if Laxus already knew before Erza's armored elbow could ram into Cana's bare ribs.

By the fifth month, it was getting hard to hide. With spring coming to a close and Magnolia summers' notoriety for being mercilessly humid, there was no more chance to hide under frilly dresses or large coats. Mirajane contemplated staying at home; she imagined living in a self-imposed exile would be better than seeing that look, the one that went from you're pregnant, Mira-san? But who is the father to Ohhhh I get it before they could even open their mouths to speak. She wanted no more stares of pity. She felt plenty enough for herself.

The nights were getting harder. Sleep became a commodity with the start discomfort she felt all over her changing body from the creaky pain of her back to the heavy compactness in her abdomen that made it hard to breathe. Sometimes, the baby moved and it terrified her. She was at her sixth month and she still didn't know what to do.

Or rather, she didn't know if she could push through with what she wanted to do.

If there was one constant thought, it was the dastardly one of how she missed Laxus. If there was a desire that was all consuming, it was to see him again. Perhaps, if she was someone else, there would be shame in these thoughts, in longing for someone who hurt her so tactlessly and made no effort to fix things. Perhaps if she was someone else, someone harder or someone stronger, she would carry on all by herself and forget the man who took so much. But Mirajane was not someone else- she was only the woman who thought it quite brave to be kind.

So she would go back. Back to the happy yellow house and the love she couldn't shut the door on. She would rebuild her garden and re-establish the strongholds of her family so nothing could go wrong like this. The future was terrifying with its uncertainty but she was sure that if they crawled before they walked, everything would be fine.

She let herself in with her key. The fact that it still worked, that it was the same locks was something hopeful. Inside the house, the air was almost stale with all the shut in windows but they were easy to fix once the cheery shutters were thrown wide, casting the space with a warm and healthy breeze and enough sunlight to make everything look normal again. Something turned in her belly and Mirajane smiled for it. Hopeful indeed.

Laxus would not be back until the four o'clock train so there were two more hours to wait, to settle. Mirajane touched everything: the old lamps, the weave of the kitchen table's abaca, the light wood of their unmade bed. Their house was so bare without her things and she vowed to fix that.

When she felt surer of her footing, Mira ventured outside. Still such an ugly and unbearable sight with the loss of greenery and colors but the land had settled from its upturning and there was a flourishing patch of daisies by the corner of the lawn. It wasn't amazing but it was more than enough for her. There would be plenty of days to nurture this home into a semblance of what it once was.

Day was turning into placid twilight when Laxus came home. Yellow light shined from the kitchen, alarming if Laxus didn't know it was always the room that Mirajane liked to stay in until he returned from wherever his feet took him. He knew better than to get his hopes up but it felt so right that he was calm when he twisted the door he knew would be unlocked. It was the first time since she left half a year ago that Laxus didn't have to use his key.

note: The very first review on this fanfic was a response to the author's note on the first chapter about how some people don't have a good reason if they had any at all, to cheat. The anon said that sometimes, people don't need a reason to forgive those mistakes as well. And they're absolutely right. That was the loudest intention I had when I decided to write this. I'm not enabling cheating at all. I'm just saying that sometimes, you don't really need a reason to hold onto anger. You can forgive and forget if that helps you move on faster. And sometimes, you can just forgive. It's not for everyone, surely. But I find that being forgiving and not holding onto any anger or hurt is the kindest thing I can do for myself. Life is too short to punish yourself with negativity.

Of course, situations are always different so I'm not imposing these reasons or beliefs on anyone.

Anyway. Thank you for staying around. I know I (sort of) promised six chapters but I'm done with this and I hope it's enough for you guys. I think it ended on a hopeful enough ending. Not a happy one, certainly, but it leaves many possibilities for our otp.