Chapter 3 – Trivial lives pursue from trivial meanings

As I made my way into Tai's apartment I went to go and sit at the couch.

"So where's you folks" I say trying to see if I could judge the way e felt from his tone of voice.

"They've gone out to my aunts in North Tokyo, and Kari is still at her friends but she comes home tomorrow, so I'm home alone" Tai said this in his usual tone.

Damn I can't seem to get a verdict of the way he feels, and no one is here this could end up with cataclysmic results.

"So you rule the roost then? Well at least for tonight." I chuckled trying again to bring a lighter atmosphere to the situation, but my attempt seemed to be futile.

"It looks to be that way" Tai seemed to understand what I was attempting.

None the less, only time would tell how this will pan out.

"Why do it Matt? Why hide yourself in the toilet cubicle and cut your arms with a blade?" Tai had an expression on his face that hurt me deeply. Had I really caused him that much pain?

"Trivial lives pursue from trivial meanings" I said rather depressed

"Somethings are best left alone Tai and this is a topic which is best left alone. I'm sorry you saw me like that, I didn't intend to get caught and put you through that sort of scenario." I replied rather calmly. It killed me inside unable to confess to Tai my problems and my true feeling towards him.

"Yamato you can't just say that to me! Surly I deserve more than that! Your my best friend but I feel like you treating me as a common stranger!" Tai looked in pain. Once again a casualty by the hand of Yamato Ishida. Damn me.

"Tai it's not that, it's just that if I tell you things could only go from bad to worse." I was trying to be reassuring, guess I'm pretty shit at it.

"Look Matt it's nothing we can't handle together" Tai paused ever so briefly and looked to be blushing. Could it be that Tai might have some feelings towards me? Once again the ludicrous side of me surfaced. Of course he doesn't Tai is too perfect to love or having feelings for someone of my status.

"Tai..I...I... I just can't" I can feel my cuts on my arms pulsating again. My blood wants to be released. Damn, why here and now of all places.

"Yamato we've been through a lot why is this so different?" Tai was trying to pry me open, when he used my full name not just 'Matt' but I just can't let him!

"Matt did your father cause those cuts on you?" Tai was still trying to pry me open. In all technicalities I guess you could say that this is the work or result of my father but he didn't inflict them physically.

"Of course not don't be so dense!" I said, this time it was more assertive as to say back off. Tai was coming too close to being to the truth, I have to move him away from the truth.

"Well what do you expect me to say Matt you are self abusing your self and won't tell me why?!" Tai was getting angry, this is all part of his persistence. I turned my head away breaking eye contact with Tai and then I looked down.

"Fine then, if you won't tell me" Tai stood up and made for the phone.

"What are doing Tai" my head shot up quickly, anxious to know what he had in mind.

"I'm going to call your brother and see what he says."

"NO DON'T" I shouted

"Matt what's the big deal?" Tai was trying to pry me open again.

"It's nothing. Look Tai you wouldn't want to know, and it's best you don't. I've said too much I must go" I stood up and made for the door. I could feel Tai's eyes burning into my back, I could sense his disapproval and fear, it felt like a serpents tooth had found its way to my heart and pumped endless venom.

I opened the door and just said "Don't hate me" and then I closed the door and made my way home.

Seeing Tai like that haunted me on my way home, it felt like 1,000 knives had found their way to my heart. I didn't mean to hurt him like that, damn me to hell this just proves that I'm better alone that way I can't hurt anyone and they can't hurt me. Forgive me my weakness but I don't know why. Oh hell what have I done. He hates me now, there's nothing else to describe other than he hates me and with good reason.

I got home and I just took my coat off and sat at the couch and turned the TV on. I produced my self a Jack on the rocks, and drank quickly almost as if it was a shot. I poured another. Then I just sat back and indulged on the TV and my drink. I could feel myself slowly falling under the spell of the sandman, and thought I'd accept it rather than resist it. I closed my eyes and fell to sleep.

What seemed to be moments later, I heard a large bang at the door. I snapped my eyes open and jumped up thinking it's a robber or something, you get some damn thugs around here at night. I made for the door and placed my hand of the bottom of a baseball bat that sat next to the door (Don't know why it was there but it may come in handy in this sort of situation.) I opened the door and there stood a large man of about 6' 6" with a double breasted ankle length black military coat and big black boots and black trousers.

"Good evening young sir I'm looking for a Mr. Ishida." The man spoke deeply and clearly.

"I'm the only Ishida here at the moment" The man's eyes were dark and looked to be filled with despise and hate.

"Very well then boy, you may see me again." The mystery man said this still in a deep voice.

"Oh and boy, I'd suggest you remove you hand from that bat immediately, should you pose it as a threat to me, I may be forced to crush your head before my very hand." The man was still deep and clear in his words and I nodded. Come on your not going to argue with some as big as that his body told me he wasn't kidding. The man turned and laughed in such a way it made my spine shiver, and then he just walked away.

I bolted the door closed from top to bottom and put the security chain on. Full of fear that he may return, I was taking no chances. The words 'Very well then boy you may see me again' put me even more on high alert. The man seemed to know my father, could it be that he was the reason he left? Ah I'm jumping to conclusions. But still better safe than sorry.

My father had left his cigarettes here when he left. Ever since about a month ago I light one up every so often. Don't know why it just assures me some how, maybe it makes me feel like my Dad is that much closer to me. I lit on of those cancer in a stick and just watched TV.

Before I had even reached half way in my cigarette there was another loud bang at the door. I was on high alert cigarette still in my mouth, I ran for the door and grabbed the bat and hid it behind me. Taking no risks this time I asked "Who's there?" no reply, I looked in the spy hole. No one was there. Against my better judgment I unbolted the door and undid the security chain. I braced my self for the worst, I opened the door quickly. No one was there until a figure appeared from my right, with chocolate brown eyes and poofy brown hair. It was Tai.

"Tai what are you..." My sentence was cut short he grabbed the cigarette in my mouth and crushed against the wall.

"No more self harm on you Yamato smoking doesn't suit you" Then he came indoors.

"Look Tai if this about me self..." I was cut off again.

"Where's you father?" Tai asked

"Is that of any importance?!" I snapped.

"Matt what's with all this hostility you've changed for the worse Matt" Tai was prying again damn him.

"Hostile! Hostile! YOU TRY BEING ALL HAPPY WHEN YOUR FATHER WALKS OUT ON YOU!" Immediately I clapped my hand over my mouth.

"Matt your Dad left?" Tai said

"Look it doesn't matter, just go Tai, go and don't return!" I shouted

"That's why your in pain your father left you alone." Tai said calmly.

I knew Tai wouldn't leave until I gave him more, it was over.