The Thirteenth Human

Chapter Three: A Crushing Hope

Just so you guys know; I don't own Invader Zim or anything remotely related to it.

The Resisty was an unfixed dog. No matter how many times it got thrown across the room or scolded, it would always come back and do inappropriate things to its superior's leg. Not only was it annoying and an embarrassment, but this particular dog had a habit of leg-humping whenever an important guest was around. The entire Empire was laughed at by random alien species the last time Irkens and Planet Jackers met. The meeting had been going well, and the Tallests were about to mark out more regions of space that the Planet Jackers would be prohibited from, when a new Meekrobian vessel popped out of hyperspace and blew up the meeting ship. The Jackers flew off and all of the plans were put on hiatus.

Now, when forced to deal with an unfixed dog, one has a couple of options. The dog can either be fixed so its hormones no longer govern it around legs and unfortunate stuffed animals, or it can be blown into gory smithereens.

In the mind of a certain tiny fleet commander, only one of these options was a viable way of gaining back the trust of the Control Brains.

When Zim had returned to his fleet after his meeting with the sophisticated machine, the entire platoon of ships was docked in an Irken space station and that dammed female was treating everyone to some fermented root juice. Walking into the bar they were stationed in, Zim was almost mowed down by some waitress with wings, her pupil-less green eyes looking tired.

"And then he called his flesh glorious and went onto a paranoid ramble about zombies." The navigator from his ship narrated, eyelashes bowing gracefully as she blinked slowly.

Zim smiled haughtily as he realized she was recounting the event that had taken place in the hallway. His massive ego removed all of the negative connotations from her words, until the sentence sounded like glorious praise to his relaxed antennae. "Ah, Navigator Lundi," he said softly, "glad to hear you learned from that horrible encounter."

Lundi, who had only minutes before been Zim's least favorite inferior, raised one of her eyes, the equivalent of tilting one eyebrow. Once again, the gesture was lost on her commander.

"Are the ships near ready to depart? We need to go blow up the Resisty leader, Lard Nar."

The entire bar fell silent, as if a groom had just announced homosexuality at a wedding rehearsal. Zim looked around in the silence, disappointed that it took everyone in the bar so long to realize he was there. At least they were reveling in his presence now; that helped lighten his mood.

Silence was broken when two of Zim's subordinates nodded, whispering something to the female in Irken. Lundi nodded in agreement and stood, her slender frame towering over Zim by nine whole inches. "Well, Glorious Invader Zim," she purred, her adjectives met with scattered giggles from all the Irkens in the bar, "You have quite the reputation for being able to do things on your own. 'Invaders need no one,' after all."

Zim's oval eyes opened fully, a realization hitting him. "I don't need to take all of you, I can do it myself!" He tightened his gloved talons into fists and pumped them at his sides. "How much more timeless would I become if I took down those renegade aliens by myself?" The florescent yellow lighting in the drab bar gave his skin the look of someone with yellow fever, and his eyes looked just as ill. "Yes, yes, all of their blood-goo shall be MINE!"

One of his pilots shook his head mockingly and murmured something. "Just take my Voot and get out," he sighed.

A few other pilots nodded as Zim laughed manically, they would be so grateful to be rid of this delusional commander.

"Very well!" Zim yelled, "I will set out immediately to win back the trust of the control brains!" With that statement, the five-foot creature pivoted on his heel and marched out of the bar. Laughter followed him on the way out, biting at his heels with as much malice as a sound could carry. Allowing himself one more triumphant smile before he got his work-face on, Zim jogged over to where the smaller ships from his fleet were docked. The transparent hood of one of the largest Voot ships swung aside for him with the wave of a hand, and he quickly stepped inside.

At about the size of a two-floor town house, the ship had enough fuel and firepower to take out most Vortian ships. Surely the Resisty would be no match for such amazing Irken engineering? Zim snickered. No, they would not stand a chance, because this ship had a secret weapon. A huge laser mounted on the front of the ship served as a miniature organic sweeper. It could annihilate anything that was too stubborn to die with regular cannon fire. How kind and clever it was for one of his subordinates to give him this ship.

Moments after powering up the ship, Zim stood on the bridge admiring the stars as he passed them. Space was where Irkens belonged. Just as he sat down in the comfy commander's chair to relax, however, a ping emitted from the control panel. "Warning, warning, unregistered ship directly ahead," a synthetic voice said without any emotion.

Zim shot forward and shoved his face up against the window. An unidentified ship? Already? He wasn't even anywhere near the Resity's hiding-out locations yet. "Whatever!" He shouted, going over to arm the giant laser. "Whoever you are, prepare to taste the taste of..." he paused to think of a sensible end to the sentence, "DOOM!" Spinning the dial that controlled the cannon's charging rate to max, a twisted grin stretched over Zim's face.

About the time that Zim was let out of his conference with the control brain, Dwicky and Dib boarded a small Plookesian ship. "It's brand new, totally unflown," Dwicky bragged as the two hopped into the tandem seats. "probably one of the faster ships out there."

"Wow!" Dib exclaimed, impressed by the fine construction of the ship. He ran his hands over the inside of the hull, smiling as the hard, seamless metal cooled his flesh. No matter how many times the boy saw a space ship, he was always struck with childish wonder at the alien technology that thrived under his fingertips. Controls were attached to the sides of the cockpit, encasing Dib in a cocoon of firepower. It was really well armed, for a ship belonging to perpetually happy organisms. "Ohh," Dib gasped, realizing that the co-pilot's chair he was seated in contained most of the navigation equipment and the triggers to some really sweet looking plasma cannons. "I'm the navigator?" the raven haired teenager was awestruck, tempted to press a button and see what happened. He knew that was a stupid idea though, anything he decided to touch would probably be a self destruct button.

His luck was that of a cartoon character sometimes, after all.

"Yeah," Dwicky responded, hopping into the front seat and powering up the vehicle. The ship hummed to life under the two males, harnessing a power with an ease that humanity wouldn't have been able to accomplish for probably another thousand years. "I have a couple of Resisty hideouts marked with red dots, your job is to make sure we don't go into any blue shaded areas, those areas are restricted to Empire ships only. You can manage that, I'm sure." His tone was supportive, as always.

Nodding even though the man couldn't see him, Dib touched the controls again. He had only been into two Plookesian ships, and this one was much more designed for quick travel. It was sleek and light blue, almost like a suave sports car. There was no passenger seat though, only the light grey pilot chairs, one behind the other.

"Lift off!" Dwicky hummed, pulling up on the throttle and tugging the powerful ship into the sky. The purple and red atmosphere of Foodcourtia blurred into black around them, the bright advertisement screens for different restaurants and stores giving way to twinkling stars. "So, how long will we be flying for? Tap the mini map on the back of my seat, it'll project a screen, then ask it how long the trip is."

"O-kay?" The teen said, doubting Dwicky's knowledge of the ship. But sure enough, the second Dib's finger's tapped against the screen, a large holo-map appeared in front of the boy, each section detailed by a different color that meant something. Dib had flown around enough to know that green was neutral Empire space, so the fact that he was in that right now didn't bother him. "Ah, cool! The next red dot?" Dib paused, scrolling across the screen by dragging it with one finger while his other hand thoughtfully clasped his chin. "Looks like... half a light year. Not too far in a ship like this." He continued scrolling past the red dot, noting the splotches of restricted blue that were splashed around the red. It didn't seem like a very good place for a resistance to hide.

Dwicky nodded, focusing on flying. Cool oxygen wafted into the cabin through a couple vents, and it was the only sound aside from Dwicky's humming of a classic show tune.

A smile crossed Dib's face as he sang along in his head. It was like he was the member of a secret club; he and Dwicky were the only two organisms in the universe that knew the notes to a Broadway play.

He hoped it would stay that way; he had never been part of a secret club before.

Golden eyes began to slip shut as Dwicky began to hum a softer song, and the back of the seat was so soft and the breeze felt so nice- it was like the ship was begging him to fall asleep.

Warning, warning, targeted. Warning, warning-

The cold voice jerked Dib from his sleep with its icy hands. It forced him to attention like some sort of prairie mammal. The alert had the same effect on Dwicky, who instantly scrambled for a microphone and swore. "Damn Irkens!" He slammed a hand on the communicator as the alarm continued to blare.

Dib lurched forward and slapped the switch to turn the alarm off, his heart pounding in his ears. "Mr. Dwicky!" He panted, wishing that he was in his own ship. "Do something!"

"They're-" Dwicky growled, hitting the communicator again. "Not answering!" Irkens were ruthless creatures, it was common knowledge, but was this ship really planning on blowing them up without reason? Plasma glowed soundlessly at the cannons of the much larger ship, threatening to blow the smaller Plookesian ship to smithereens in the soundless abyss.

With his mind on overdrive, a plan suddenly flew into Dib's hyperactive brain. His hands flew back and grasped the throttle that controlled the flight of this ship, shoving forward into a spiraling dive. "Hold on!" He yelled, pulling back sharply to drive their lithe craft up into the escape pod bay of the Irken ship. A ship that size could hold, what, ten Irkens? Against the weapons that Dwicky and he could pull from the Plookesian craft? It was worth a shot, and more likely to work out than just sitting there and getting shot.

"Ahh!" Dwicky yelled in reflex as their path switched from plunging downwards to shooting upwards at least double the speed of sound. The man wanted to yell that this was insane, that Dib was insane, but there wasn't enough time before they crashed through the escape pod bay and flew through the windshield.

"Uugh-" Dib groaned, looking back at the automatic deploying windshield as an alarm went off. The suction of space in the escape bay wasn't a problem though, because a new wall shot down from the ceiling and sealed off the leak. His arm was twisted oddly under his back from the landing, but nothing appeared to be broken.

Dwicky seemed to be in a similar situation. "You nut," he gasped, smiling, "That was brilliant! You deserve a pat on the back for that one!" He flexed out his wrists, pleased they weren't broken or sprained. His blue eyes glanced around the dreary room, looking for the exit. "So, got any more knowledge on Irken ships to help us out in here?"

"Nah," Dib said, only having recognized the escape pod bay because of that time Gaz had forced him into one so that she could get her pizza on time. "Though we should arm ourselves, this ship is probably filled with Irkens just waiting to swarm us like the dirty little ants they are."

A nod from Dwicky as the man snatched a few blasters from the ship, tossing one to Dib with the safety on. It was oddly shaped, like an eggplant. Black and a bit dusty from being under the pilot's seat for so long, the eggplant weapon was unlike anything Dib had ever seen before. The dial that controlled the power of the gun was already turned to max, and two metal prongs that stuck out of the end hinted that the weapon might shoot lightning or something.

"Well well well," an all-too familiar Irken voice said over the loud speakers. "That was a clever move for some stupid robot-head Plookesians, but even that little maneuver won't save you from my amazing wrath! Ahahahaha!"

"Zim," Dib breathed, clicking the safety off his gun and taking a step forwards. This was fate. It was his duty to destroy Zim, and Zim's fate to fall at his hands. This was so... Perfect! He didn't wait for Dwicky to finish arming himself before staring down the hallway, looking for the biggest, gaudiest door he could find. Zim would be behind that door for sure.

His feet moving him quickly down the corridor, Dib continued to glance up at every door or branching corridor he passed. Adrenaline was pulsing through his veins, and he was excited despite the danger they were in. The hallway he wandered down wasn't actually all that long, with a blank pink wall at the end, but there were quite a few doors (most of which were probably storage closets for snacks.

"Hmph! Where are you hiding, metal-head? Zim will find you, make no mistake! I'm the best Elite that the Empire has to offer!"

Dib scoffed at the sound system, absently wondering where Dwicky was as he passed an open door with a distorted mirror inside. The black haired boy paused in his march and took two steps back, wondering why Zim would want a distorted mirror. If anything, the reflection he saw had looked shorter, and there was no way that shrimp of an Irk needed to be reflected back any tinier than he already was.

"Wha?" Dib questioned, tilting his head as he stared at the open doorway. The reflection was gone, and in its place was a hall that ran parallel to the one he stood in. It must have been a hologram mirror or something that only picked up reflections of things in motion. With a somewhat spastic flail of his arm, Dib tried to reactivate the holo-mirror. Nothing happened.

"That's dumb..." he said, stepping into the hallway past the door. There was a flight of stairs to his left, and one huge embellished pink door to his right. What was the point of having a holo-mirror that you could only see out of the corner of your eye? It was so pointless, but this was Zim he was thinking about, so-

Wait, that door to the right at the end of the hallway was huge!

"Ah ha!" Dib pointed at the door as Dwicky poked his head into the hall, the older man having finally caught up.

"Dib," he whispered, "don't be so loud, the Irkens are probably just waiting to attack us!" the ex-counselor's head swiveled on his neck like a paranoid owl's. He looked like he would have been biting his nails if his hands hadn't been occupied with holding some alien weaponry.

The teenager chuckled lightheartedly, oddly happy to be in the claws of his old rival, "Nah, it's Zim, he's not really good at-"

Did pivoted as quickly as he could when he heard a bang from behind him. The likeliness of a huge spider had just stricken Dwicky's arm with one of its metallic legs, driving the older man's arm down and onto the metal floor with a sickening crack. Another metallic leg shot down like a striking snake, impaling Dwicky's other wrist to the floor as he let out a cry of pain from the first wound.

"Dwicky!" Dib yelled, charging forward and raising his gun at Zim's face. The Irken was in his element though, and launched himself forward with his four artificial legs, ripping out of Dwicky's wrist and flying over Dib's head. One of the legs flew back and bashed Dwicky's temple, probably by accident, the man grunted and tried to grasp his head, only to shout out in pain again and keel over, dazed.

Glowering at the injured human and his big headed companion, Zim's scarlet eyes sparkled with malice. "I should have known you would survive, Dib-rat. I must say, it was rather impressive of you to be able to get away from the Organic sweeper!" His smirk lengthened into a full on grin, the happy smile contradicting the cold hatred that burned in his compound eyes. "It was luck though, Zim is sure, and there isn't any way you'll defeat me in a one-on-one fight, Dib-smeet. Zim has beaten you before, and I will do it again. My superiority was proven when I took your planet, and there's nothing you monkey can do about it!"

There had hardly been time to flinch when Zim flew over his head, but the break the alien took to monologue was more than enough for Dib to ready his weapon. "One shot and you're done, spaceboy," Dib spat, stepping forward with his left foot to anchor himself in case of a kickback from the lightning gun.

"Ha!" The fleet commander laughed, grabbing his gut. "That's a good one! But not really." He took two steps back and pulled out a ray gun of his own. His weapon was triangular and a deep red, nearly matching his eyes. It has a simple trigger, though the barrel was embellished with the Empire's one eyed insignia. "Filthy, stupid human, that's a taser. Are you so pathetic that you really don't know your Plookesian weaponry? I know you're an idiot worm-poop, but this is just sad." He giggled shrilly, flipping the safety off his weapon and raising it.

Dib paled, his hand dropping slightly as Zim let out another evil laugh. A... Taser? Dwicky handed him a taser!

Wait, maybe Zim was bluffing! Dib clicked the trigger quickly, praying that some awesome bolt of white light would break free of the weapon and shoot through Zim's tiny body, but there was nothing. Jolts of electricity sparked off of the end of the two silver prongs, but there was no epic blue lightning or smoldering Irken on the other end of the hall. A few of Dib's imaginary swears came out of his mouth as he threw the gun at the Irken boy without thinking.

"Yah!" Zim yelped, diving to the side to avoid the sparking hand weapon. His own talons shot up as he banged into the metal wall, squeezing the trigger of his plasma gun on reflex.

Energy crackled as the white-hot plasma tore at an angle through the air, wrapping its teeth around Dib's leg and ripping away the clothes and flesh of the limb like it was biting off part of a chicken wing. It kept going past the part of his leg it hit, tearing into Dwicky too.

"Nnh-!" The boy grunted as he fell onto his good knee, bringing his hands back to clasp the bleeding leg. Ah- almost half of his calf was just gone- and it hurt.

"D-Dwicky," he stammered out, ignoring the black splotches that swam across his vision. Dib knew he was bleeding really badly, the floor felt soaked already. He looked back to the man, and gasped again when he saw the older guardian lying motionless. "Are you-"

"Stupid human." Zim cut him off simply. The green boy had stepped forward while Dib was sorting through his wound-induced fog. "I, the indestructible Zim, beat you again." Dib felt the cold metal aim at his head from point blank range. He looked up.

It was over.

"Say goodnight, Dib-rat." Zim giggled, his final victory in his hands. His finger tightened on the trigger.

But the blast did not hit Dib.

Like a guardian angel fallen from Heaven, something wrapped around his body at the last second. She- because Dib could feel a soft chest press against his forehead and slender arms wrap around his bleeding frame- was warm and soft and protective.

Was he dead? Was this a spirit protecting him?

"What? Who!"

No, that was Zim yelling, so Dib couldn't be dead. The warmth left him and he collapsed, bleeding out from the wound to his major artery in the ankle.

"Gaga, head to the miniature organic sweeper!" a man's voice yelled, sounding no older than Dib himself, "Floobie, get that Irken into a pod and out of here!" The orders were harsh as more footsteps banged around on the metal hallway. "I'll take care of this thing." The male said, more softly.

Dib summoned the strength to look up, his tired golden eyes suddenly meeting those of the leader of his saviors. The other boy had maroon hair, shaded black with dust and hard chalk yellow eyes. It was human.

That was about as much as he could take. Dib let his eyes thud shut, feeling the other human embrace him into safety.

What was going on?

a/c: Oh my God, another chapter! I'm so proud of myself for actually sitting down and forcing myself to finish this one =D. It's also a bit longer, aver 3,600 words this time~ Yay~ Also a thanks to my amazing beta who goes by the name of Delmaria on the interwebs, I 3 you~

I already planned out the next chapter; hopefully it won't take as long to get up as this one did... BUT, the next one explains a lot, so prepare to have the plot revealed! *sweatdrop*

Reviewer love!

The Cheeriest-O: Thank you! I'm glad there are people that appreciate my ideas, and my proper use of the English language =3