disclaimer: i don't own the x-files, christ carter and all his people do... no infringement intended
"Dana," Mulder whispered softly to me. It was the greatest feeling in the world, waking up to his warm breath on my ear. I pretended not to hear him, hoping that he would say something else, but he let me sleep. Instead, he lay back down and put his arm around me.
"I know you're awake," he told me matter-of-factly. I smiled and tried not to laugh. What an idiot I had been to think that I could fool someone who knew me so well.
"I don't want to get up," I mumbled, eyes still closed.
"You have to get up. You have to… today you start treatment," he said cautiously. The night before that subject had been taboo. He had stayed with me all weekend, us just soaking up each other's company like never before. I enjoyed it. I knew he enjoyed it. Then Monday came around and we had to go into work and tell Skinner that I was sick and that I needed some time off. I hadn't imagined that telling my boss I had cancer would be almost as hard as telling my mother. Mulder sensed my nervousness, and he was different before our meeting. He was "Weekend Mulder." No case files. No talk of extra-terrestrials. Just me and Mulder in the office, sitting back and dreading what every minute brought us closer to. Then, in Skinner's office, when I was telling him, Mulder stood closer, as if he were right there expecting me to lean back on him. I wouldn't, and Mulder knew that, but he was there nonetheless. I never told him how much I appreciated that. I was pretty sure he knew, though.
Skinner told me to start my leave early. I knew Mulder and Skinner didn't exchange any words later that day. They didn't need to. Skinner gave Mulder permission to go home with me before working hours were up. Not only that, Mulder understood that my leave was his leave, and one look from Skinner was all it took for him to know that.
Mulder showed up at my house soon after, and even though he told me he had gone home, I knew that he didn't. That was when he told me that he wouldn't be going back to work for awhile. Before we spent the weekend together, I would have resented that. I was just glad somebody was going to be there for me, though. I was sick of facing things by myself.
That night had gone well enough. We watched a Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-fi channel over Chinese food. We were in the middle of Five Characters in Search of an Exit when I felt something trickle down my upper lip. When I jerked my head, a drop of crimson liquid fell into my white rice. Mulder noticed and turned white when he saw that my nose was bleeding. Trying to shrug it off, I silently walked into the bathroom, but couldn't contain myself when he came up behind me and started to rub my shoulders. I didn't cry, but I lowered my head as a sign of defeat. The blood fell into the sink. I didn't try to stop it or worry about cleaning it up.
"I can't watch you do this," Mulder said slowly.
"Then leave. Nobody's forcing you to stay," I snapped.
"I'm not talking about this. You know what I mean."
"What am I supposed to do? I can't control what this does to me."
"It's time we look into treatment plans."
"I know… I just… can't," I struggled. At this point, Mulder turned me around, blood and all, and placed a single kiss to my forehead.
"I'm here," he whispered, "… I'll help you." They were simple words but they held so much meaning.
"Promise?" I asked, not because I needed the conformation, but because I needed the strength of a promise at that time when nothing seemed forever anymore.
"I promise," he said, and we cleaned up the blood. Before long, we were on the phone with someone I knew from medical school. He had become an oncologist. Since I knew him personally, a quick visit to his office was scheduled that night, and we had a treatment planned that would start the next morning. Mulder and I got back to my place late, and I didn't have the willpower to let him go home. We slept together in my bed for the third night in a row.
"What time is it?" I asked, not used my internal alarm clock.
"7:00. We have to be at the hospital in an hour," Mulder told me. At first I took that news with a grain of salt, but then I started thinking about all I had to do, and I snapped up in bed.
"I still have to pack, Mulder," I remarked as I scrambled out of bed. He sat there and watched me rush into the bathroom and try to pack things while simultaneously trying to brush my teeth and hair.
"Scully, why don't you take a shower? I'll pack for you," Mulder suggested.
"Do you know what to pack? I'm going to be in the hospital for a week this first time," I said, surprising myself that I was even considering letting Mulder pack for me.
"It shouldn't be hard. You're going to be in the hospital, so… pajamas? Sweats. I don't know, maybe even a pair of jeans? You're bathrobe, slippers, socks, underwear--"
"I'll pack my underwear, thanks Mulder."
"What, Scully? Like I haven't seen your underwear before?"
"Not on purpose. I'll let you pack everything else, okay? Just don't touch that top drawer or you'll get it."
"Is that a promise?" he joked, and I playfully slapped him on the shoulder.
When I was finished showering and dressing, I walked out to find a whole suitcase of things I would need (and admittedly some things I didn't) packed by Mulder, save for underwear like I had asked. I quickly threw some panties and the most comfortable bras I owned into the suitcase and joined him out in the living room. There was a suitcase sitting by his feet.
"Got everything you need?" he asked.
"Yeah, thanks. I especially like how you put videos in the bag. I just hope--"
"They're not those videos that aren't mine," he finished for me. I smiled.
"Darn. I bet we could have had a lot of fun with those," I joked. It was Mulder's turn to smile and, without words, we left my apartment. Thanks to Mulder, we had 35 minutes to get to the hospital.
It went without saying, we got in my car but Mulder got in the driver's seat. We were on the road passing the exit to Alexandria when I noticed something.
"Mulder, what about your things?" I asked as the mile markers rushed by.
"Already packed," he said without taking his eyes off the road.
"When? I didn't know you had a bag at my place."
"I don't. Last night, when we were coming back to your place from the doctor's, I stopped by the apartment after you fell asleep. I packed some things so that I wouldn't have to leave you."
"Oh," was all I said next. He had thought of everything.
The first thing I noticed when we walked into the hospital was the smell. That was the one thing I had always hated about the place. It was that unmistakable smell of antiseptic, blood, professionalism, and death. Maybe torture. Maybe suffering. It made my stomach turn. Mulder noticed, he took my bag from me and handed me the coffees we had stopped to get. I felt a little better when I put the warm liquid up to my face.
"What floor is oncology again?" Mulder asked, even though I knew he remembered.
"Fifth," I said, not letting on that I knew he was just trying to make conversation. The elevator seemed to take forever to open, but once we got inside, I started dreading going up and wishing there would be many stops along the way. Within no time, though, we arrived at the oncology ward, and I was officially Dana Scully: cancer patient.
"Scully, go get your things on. I'll take care of everything out here," Mulder told me, referring to my gown. It was a typical hospital gown, but I had requested one that tied around the shoulders instead of in back. I liked those better, for obvious reasons.
"Dana, how are you feeling?" my friend, Dr. Stover, asked when I got out of the bathroom. I had slipped a pair of black sweatpants with University of Maryland down the leg on under the gown. My slippers and thick socks added to the "bum" look. I figured I'd better start acting like the patient that I was, at least while in the hospital. I wouldn't tell Mulder this, though. It would scare him if I did. It scared me.
"Hi Andrew. I'm feeling fine," I smiled, shaking his hand then sitting on the bed. Mulder came up behind me just like he had when I was telling my mother and Skinner. Like he was there for me to fall back on.
"I hate that this is the reason we finally get together after so long," Andrew told me.
"It is unfortunate. But I'm glad I have you as a doctor," I said truthfully. Andrew had been one of the top graduates in his class. I trusted him not only to know what he was doing, but to also have my best interests at heart. Andrew was always that type of guy.
"Hi, I'm Andrew Stover, I don't think we've met," my new doctor extended his hand toward Mulder. Mulder just looked at him for a moment, as if wondering what he was doing. This new routine was making him a little hazy as well. Even with our fair share of hospital experience, it still got the best of Mulder, especially I was the one in the hospital. After careful consideration, though, Mulder shook Andrew's hand. "Andrew, this is my partner, Fox Mulder," I introduced them.
"So you keep Dana safe in the field? Great job, Agent Mulder, I would have thought that by now she would have gotten herself into a heap of trouble. She did always have a temper."
Andrew didn't know why, but Mulder gave him the most offended look. Then, Mulder looked like he was going to knock him on the ground. He totally forgot for that minute that Andrew didn't know anything about our line of work. And it went without saying that Mulder blamed himself for my disease, just like he did everything. I, for one, stopped breathing for a short period of time, waiting to see what was going to happen. I was pleading with God for Mulder to keep his cool. God must have heard me, because just as Mulder got up and looked hard into Andrew's eyes, my nose started to bleed. Mulder instantly forgot about the serious faux pas that Andrew had made and rushed to my side.
"Are you okay, Scully?" he asked, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him, never so happy for a nosebleed. I got up and went to the bathroom, taking Mulder with me so that nothing would happen between him and Dr. Stover while I was in there.
happy new year!!!!!