My Sunshine, My Strength
A Mother's Snapshots

"Listen to me." Haineko purred in the back of Rangiku's mind. "You need to tell the boy the truth about what you remembered."

Rangiku's fingers drummed against the desk as she refused to look at the young taicho busying himself with the paperwork on his desk. "Exactly what am I to say to him Haineko?"

"The truth as I've already said."

The female fukutaicho of the tenth division pinched the bridge of her nose before pulling her fingers slightly down in order to releave the stress she felt from having such a conversation with her zampaktuo spirit. "The question isn't so much what I have to say to him as saying the truth is the obvious answer. The question is about what words are the best to use. Taicho... he's always been apt to take things the wrong way and I don't want him to hate me."

"No matter what you say he's going to hate you."

The strawberry blond blinked a couple of times at this statement. "You really don't get what I'm saying do you? There is a difference between him hating me and him simply being angry with me. I really have no excuses for not being in his life."

"One Ichimaru Gin, manipulative bastard that he is... that's a good enough excuse."

"Stop. This doesn't erase the fact I've not done one single thing a mother should do for their child."

"You're just wallowing in self-pity and don't want him to confirm the fact you're a bad mother. In case you haven't looked at yourself in awhile you aren't mother material. You dress inappropriately, and you drink all the time. You never, ever do your paperwork."

"I've not touched a drop of sake in three days. I'm seriously working on... well, something."

"He's a smart child, and he'll figure out on his own eventually. When that happens he'll be even more angry with you."

Rangiku pushed the sound of the zampaktuo's voice to the back of her head as she began to nod off. When she woke up she felt the blanket draped around her shoulders. A soft rain fell outside of the window as she looked up to see where the small taicho was. The youth wasn't at his desk. She stood up as she let out a sigh as she headed to the couch and folded up a blanket. On hand went to her mouth as she looked at the window. "He's running again. He's running like his father did."

"You don't know that?"

"I don't know? That similarity of him taking off like this and me not being able to find him. That should have been the first clue." Rangiku sighed. "His ability to stay still has actually gotten worse since the war with the Quincy's. I want to know what's going on in that head of his, but that child never shares how he's feeling about anything. So I don't know what to do about what's bothering him."

"Why not try asking?"

"Because his answer will be to say nothing is wrong. That poor child takes on his burdens onto his own shoulder's. That's my fault for never being there for him you know. It made him that way."

"You're thinking to much into things." Rangiku brushed away the Zampatuo's comments to the back of her mind before starting into the paperwork on her desk hoping she wouldn't need to go find her small taicho. A soft rain began to fall outside, and when the rain began to pour down she began to seriously worry. Haineko lectured her about going after the boy. "He needs some time to get back. Plus, if you go looking for him at this point there is no telling where he is."

The door finally slid open and the child stepped into the office dripping wet. The busty woman stood up letting her chair scrape across the floor, and hurried over to the boy who didn't know he was shivering. She let her hands touch his shoulders. Her smile twitched as she noticed the wet lock of white hair hanging down in front of Toshiro's beautiful eyes. She tries smiling as she did so, but for some reason she felt her worry was evident.

"Taicho." She watched as the child fidgeted and tried avoiding eye contact. "Sweetheart... where have you been?"

"I..."

Again she worked at brushing the white lock of hair away and for a brief few seconds she found herself smiling at how unruly her son's hair was. "That's not like Gin." She finally said something else outloud. "Hey... you come in here soaking wet, and now you're trying to avoid telling me where you are." The next part pained her as Toshiro suddenly said she – the woman who was his mother – wasn't his mother. "I really can't blame him as he doesn't know. I wouldn't be surprised if he rejected me."

"I think he's afraid of you rejecting him. I don't think he actually said that because he's annoyed with you. It sounded more like..." Haineko hissed suddenly. "Seriously? Just tell the boy. He's aching for you to be his mother as much as your aching to be his mother. It's seriously time. The relationship between the two of you can heal, but not until after you tell him the truth."

"You're right. It is time." The woman thought quickly about how best to broach the subject. "About that... does it really matter whether I am your real mother or not?"

"Smooth move. Not the best way to go about it."

"Says the person whose been refusing to help me figure this out." Something about the child's composure said the comment actually helped contrary to what Haineko said. She pressured the boy then for where he was and finally he told her he'd been over by the Quincies, but couldn't give her an answer why.

"Are you leaving it at that?"

"I believe him when he says he really doesn't know Haineko."

"Uh-huh."

Rangiku again ignored her zampaktuo and instead focused on getting the small taicho inside and out of the wet clothing he wore. The young taicho of course protested changing his clothing in the office, but Rangiku's motherly instinct kept telling her to get the child warm as soon as possible. He finally relented when she threatened to change his clothes herself. She leaned against the doorway thinking about everything. "He is so insecure."

"Aren't most kids that age."

"I think his insecurities are actually worse then most kids his age." She heard her young taicho call for help from the couch and she hurried over quite pleased to be helping the boy. When she saw how the uniform dwarfed the young taicho she found herself holding back laughter. One hand kept trying to hold the pants part up, while the other tried holding onto the tie. This task ended up problematic as the boy's fingers were covered by the sleeves.

Rangiku's hands quickly went to work giving the uniform and quick tug here and there before gripping the tie tightly and tying it so it was snug around the boy's waist. She at first thought the smallest uniform was to big compared to his regular uniform, but then remembered how baggy even that uniform was on his small frame. Pinching his small nose and kissing him lightly on the forehead as well as the blush which spread across his cheeks caused a warm fuzzy feeling to envelope her.

It still pained her to see the boy pull away and keep his problems bottled up. It bothered her that he thought she was still drinking like she used to. After finishing a portion of the paperwork she went and sat at the child's side for a few minutes. Toshiro seemed for once quite relaxed, but this wouldn't last. "I wish I had a camera right now."