When Peeta and I wake up, the sun is already well into the sky. The train continues rocking slightly as it speeds down the tracks towards the Capitol. I feel my chest constricting the closer we get and I just want to disappear into the warmth of the bed and Peeta.
"We should be arriving in a couple of hours." Peeta says. I bury my face in my pillow, willing the world to stop turning for a while. "Anymore nightmares?" Peeta asks changing the subject when he sees my reaction.
"No," I reappear from the pillow, "you?"
"Nothing." His face looks relaxed like he couldn't have a care in the world. His blue eyes meet my gaze and I'm almost about to look away when he smiles.
"What?"
"Nothing you just have a nice hairdo right now," he says chuckling. My fingers fly to my head and I punch him in the arm. "Ow!" He's still laughing but I don't feel any real anger. I'm about to punch him again because he still hasn't stopped laughing when I suddenly find myself under something heavy pushing me on my stomach into my pillow with my arm twisted behind me. It all happens so fast it takes me a moment to realize what's happened.
"Peeta?" I hear the panic in my voice.
"I knew it. You were trying to kill me." His voice is quiet and harsh. My wrist stings from the force of his grip. My heart is beating in my throat. I'm having trouble breathing because of the pillow smothering half my face.
"I wasn't-"
"Don't lie to me!" This time he's yelling. I can't see his face but I feel his hands trembling as they hold me down. "You're a Capitol dog and you're trying to trick me into going back!" I can't find any words to calm him down. I was never the comforting one. "I'm not stupid so don't lie to me!" I wish someone would come, but I know that no one will disturb a closed room. I have to get us through this myself.
"I know you're not stupid." I start off easy. I will my voice not to break as my mind races, trying to pull the right words to say.
Peeta pushes me deeper into my pillow and my words are partly muffled now.
"I know you're not stupid," I repeat, "like I know that you're just as afraid to go back to the Capitol as I am." I'm half expecting him to completely smother me now to shut me up but he doesn't move. His grip stays firm but I can tell he's listening. I have to keep talking. "I also know that you're kind."
"Not to you," he spits, and the words sting, but still he doesn't get more violent.
"Yes, even to me." I protest. I keep my voice even and I force air into my lungs through the side of my mouth. "You're even more kind to me than I deserve from you. You comfort me at night and you tell me things to try and make me feel better."
"What- what kind of things?" His voice is hesitant, waiting.
"You told me it wasn't my fault all the people in District 12 died." I force the words out and feel tears starting to spring to my eyes.
"District 12?" I can hear the confusion. His grip loosens as his mind works through the information but I don't dare move. My twisted arm is falling asleep and my neck hurts from the pressure but I don't dare move a finger.
"Yes. Do you remember what happened?"
"There was a war. They bombed 12."
"Yes Peeta."
"My family didn't make it." His voice is trembling and sounds small like a child. "A lot of people didn't make it. We stormed the Capitol. You were there."
"Yes." There's silence and I'm afraid to move but then the next thing I feel is Peeta moving his hands from my wrist and gently turning me over so I'm no longer laying on my stomach. I can see him now and there are tears running down his face. I'm alarmed but I know that he's coming back.
"Katniss-" he starts but stops to stifle a sob. I slowly sit up so that my face is level with his. He looks at me with remorse and I know that he's back. "I'm so sorry. I-"
"It's ok." I interrupt before he can say anything else.
"No it's not ok. I hurt you again. I'm not safe." His eyes look panicked and he looks down. I follow his eyes and see my wrist. It's red and you can just make out the outline of fingers. "I did this to you."
"It's not your fault." I move my hand to cover my wrist.
"Yes it is. I did this so it's my fault-"
"Real or not real," I start and he looks at me waiting, his face still wet with tears, "you had an episode." I don't break our stare, forcing him to listen and think.
"Real."
"Real or not real, you came back to District 12 for me?"
"Katniss-"
"Real or not real?" I push forward. I have to remind him of his own kindness. I need to wash away his bad thoughts by showing him his goodness.
"I... Real." He finally says with a sniffle, still searching my eyes.
"Real or not real, you stayed with me all night after the vigil?"
"Real."
"Real or not real, you came to the Capitol to make sure I was ok?"
"Real." His voice is barely above a whisper.
"I could never think that you are capable of this." I lift my wrist. "It wasn't you. This isn't you."
"But Katniss-"
"Real or not real," I interrupt again, "you will stay with me even if I'm a mess?"
"Real." He does not hesitate.
"Ask me that same thing." He's searching my eyes but I don't let up.
"Real or not real, you will stay with me even if I'm a mess?"
"Real." And I know that it's true.
We don't say anything after that. I can see him struggling to find words. His brow is furrowed and his eyes have dropped. Finally, when he wipes his cheeks dry and looks back up at me, I expect words to come out of his mouth but instead I feel hands pulling me forward and I'm brought into Peeta's arms. The same hands that held me down and left a mark on my wrist are now holding me with such gentleness. His arms, still strong from years of lifting flour and his days in the arena, are solid and warm. I take my first deep breath since waking up and allow my eyes to close for a moment.
"How have I been so lucky?" He says into my hair and I bite back the words I want to say, because I don't want this moment to end. Instead, I silently will him to hear the words I say in my head. 'I'm the lucky one.'
I don't know how long we stay like that but it isn't until a voice announces our upcoming arrival at the Capitol that we break apart and get ready. Now that I'm away from Peeta, my mind clears enough to return to panicking over returning to the Capitol. By the time the train rolls to a stop, I'm a nervous wreck. My palms keep sweating and I almost lose my grip on my bag before Peeta comes and takes it and swings it over his shoulder with ease.
"Let's go." He says encouragingly and I slowly step off the train and onto the spotless platform. I'm greeted with a breeze that doesn't smell anything like District 12 and I feel like I'm on another planet entirely.
"Ms. Everdeen? Mr. Mellark?" I turn and see a man in a crocodile suit with magenta colored boots. His hair is black and shiny and slicked back so it looks like petrified oil and a pair of black shades covers his eyes. "Follow me. I will be taking you to the residence of Dr. Aurelius." He takes our bags from Peeta and walks off to one end of the platform. I notice that he offered no name. Peeta and I follow in silence and soon we exit the station and arrive at a sleek looking car. The man holds the door open for us before walking around to the driver's seat. I stare out the window and wipe my palms on my pants as we speed off in near silence.
The drive is smooth and I feel myself sinking into soft leather. I turn to look at Peeta and I see his jaw is tense. He must be as nervous as I am. Before I realize what I'm doing, I've reached over and grabbed his hand. He turns to me in surprise but quickly gives my hand a small squeeze. I return my attention to the window but I feel grounded by Peeta's hand.
It isn't long before we're turning off of a larger road onto a smaller one and then we stop before a large iron gate. A second later, the gate opens and we're speeding down the driveway. It isn't until the gate disappears from sight that we see a large mansion sitting in the middle of a large green lawn dotted with fountains and bushes carefully sculpted into odd shapes and patterns.
Peeta and I get out when the car stops and the front door opens to reveal Dr. Aurelius standing there with a pipe in his mouth.
"Welcome, welcome!" He smiles and waits as the driver grabs our bags from the trunk. We follow him inside and the man disappears up a grand staircase. "It is good to see you both alive." He says and I'm sure that he means it literally.
"Thank you for letting us stay in your home." Peeta says in his perfectly polite manner.
"Think nothing of it. This is the most convenient option for me to meet you two and properly evaluate your health. I have everything I need here. Why don't you go up and relax for a bit and I will meet you on the patio for tea." His voice is as pompous as anyone else in the Capitol but there's a slight air of familiarity that makes it more bearable.
I follow Peeta upstairs and we reach the second floor landing just as the man in the crocodile suit appears from a room to our left.
"This is your room Ms. Everdeen." He points to the room he just exited. "And your room is here." He points to a door to the right of mine.
"Thank you." Peeta says and the man makes his quiet retreat back down the stairs. Peeta and I share a slightly curious look before going to check out our rooms. I step onto marble floor and look up to see the ceiling towering over me about 15 feet up. Against the wall to my right, is a bed I could have easily slept in with my whole family and Gale's combined. There are enough pillows for everyone too, some smaller and more ornate. I pull my attention away from the bed, pushing thoughts of Gale and my family out of my head, and see a door at the far side of the opposite wall. I walk over to it, my steps echoing in the room, and peek in to see a bathroom that's as large as my old house in the Seam. A large bathtub is immediately to my left; a long counter runs the length of the wall on my right. Beyond the bathtub is a shower surrounded by clear glass and a toilet is tucked in at the end. The floor is spotless and there are fluffy white towels hanging off of a hanger on one of the glass walls of the shower.
I return to the bedroom and open my bag. The few clothes that I brought all fit in a single drawer in the wardrobe lined up next to the door to the hall. A large mirror and a dressing table sit across it next to the door to the bathroom. Across from the bed, there's a smaller room that is 2 steps down and a big comfy looking couch faces the far wall where a television is mounted to the wall.
"I think I like my room more." I turn to see Peeta with his head poking into the doorway, a playful smile on his face. "I wanted to see if you were ready to head downstairs." He explains. I nod and follow him back down the carpeted staircase and somehow find a couple of French doors that open out into the patio. Dr. Aurelius is already sitting in a cushioned chair.
"Ah, I hope you have settled in?" I quietly take my seat in a small loveseat across from him and Peeta sits beside me. "Good, good." he says, unconcerned that we didn't verbally respond. "Now then. We should go over the plan."
"Plan?" Peeta asks, mirroring my thoughts.
"Yes well, I want to be able to spend time evaluating you separately. And then depending on my diagnosis, I would like you both to stay here for a bit to undergo some treatment."
"What kind of treatment?" I finally speak up.
"Nothing like drugs if that's what you're worried about." Dr. Aurelius gives a wink. "More like a medical vacation. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure you would actually quite enjoy it." When I don't agree his smile falters. "Yes well, perhaps not you Katniss." He says knowingly. "But all the same, you two should be free to head back to your beloved district by the end of the week." I count the days. Today is Monday. So we would be staying for 5 days. I feel trapped all of a sudden.
"We have to stay here?" I hear the strain in my voice.
"Well certainly no, but as your doctor, I would certainly encourage it." He replies carefully. He pauses like he has something else he wants to say. "President Paylor would also like to meet with you while you're in the Capitol."
"What? Why?" I can't help the panic from creeping into my voice.
"She wouldn't tell me but she said it wouldn't take long. She's holding some sort of meeting in the temporary government building."
I feel Peeta's eyes burning into the side of my face, watching for my reaction. I counted to ten, willing my face to stay unchanged and waiting for my heart rate to slow.
"Ok," I finally say but my knuckles are white as I ball the end of my shirt into my fist.
"Wonderful!" Dr. Aurelius claps his hands together. Surely he is relieved that I wasn't difficult.
Peeta brings the attention away from me by asking Dr. Aurelius about his home, allowing me time to collect myself. Commander Paylor. No that isn't right, it's President Paylor now. She wants to see Peeta and me, but why? What could this meeting be about?
"Katniss?" I break from my thoughts and look up to see Peeta looking at me with worries eyes. Dr. Aurelius had disappeared from his seat at some point when I was lost in my panic.
"I'm ok." I look away from those eyes, refusing to let him see into my mind. "Where'd he go?" I nod to the now vacant seat before us.
"A housekeeper talking about a visitor at the door," Peeta shrugs but continues to search my face, unwilling to let the matter drop. "I can ask Paylor if I can go for the both of us."
"No. I'm fine. I want to go." I say through a strained voice. Air isn't filling my lungs properly. I find myself having difficulty speaking. Peeta opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by the return of Dr. Aurelius. A girl who looks to be around our age accompanies him. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't tell how I knew her. She has light brown hair and soft green eyes that don't come from the Seam but I'm certain I haven't seen her in town or school before either. She doesn't dress like a Capitol person; her skin is free of apparent alteration and her clothes are simple, presumably made for comfort rather than style.
This left one other option; she is from another district. But I have only met a few people from other districts and most of them are dead.
"My apologies for the disruption. Allow me to introduce you to Celine. She was the victor for the 72nd Hunger Games."
The recognition hits me like an automatic database leftover from the time Peeta, Haymitch, and I trained for the Quarter Quell. Celine Circuit is the victor from District 3. She was 16 when she won and she managed through with an alliance with a girl from District 4, one of the rare times a District 4 tribute didn't team up with the Careers. She was the real fighter and by the time there were only a few tributes left, she was killed in a draw against the female tribute from District 2. With just Celine and the two Careers from District 2, everyone was on their own. There was no district romance for District 2 and in the end, Celine got her hands on a spear and made a strong throw that impaled both of the tributes who were in the middle of fighting each other.
I look at this girl before me and see eyes that are soft but with the scars of battle still behind them. I see me in this girl.
"Celine is another one of my patients. She was only here to schedule another session for another day but she insisted on meeting you two when I told her you were visiting." Dr. Aurelius explained.
"Pleased to meet you. I have heard a lot about you two and I am a fan." She said extending a hand to Peeta and me. Her voice has an accent that doesn't sound like the Capitol's snippy one. Her H's are almost lost completely, her vowels are more exaggerated and her O's in particular are rounder so her greeting sounded more like "Pleesed to meet you. I 'ave 'eard a lot about yoo too and I am ay fan." I can't help but wonder what her story is.
"It's a pleasure." Peeta stands and offers his hand to shake and I follow suit without saying anything but still staring at her.
"Celine has been living in the Capitol since the war ended as one of Paylor's advisors." Dr. Aurelius.
"She deed not know of my survival unteel after zee war." Celine continues to explain in her rounded accent. "Eef yoo are coming to zee meeting I would be 'appy to accompany yoo."
"Thank you that would be great." Peeta accepts for both of us.
"Magnifique! I shall see you soon." She smiled before saying goodbye to Dr. Aurelius and taking her leave.
Teatime continues with small sandwiches and teas that cause my head to feel relaxed and at ease. Peeta and Dr. Aurelius continue their conversation about the detail in the banister of the grand staircase for a while longer until the sandwiches are finished and my stomach is bloated with tea.
"I think I will begin evaluating you both tomorrow first thing in the morning. That way I can take my time." We are then released for the remainder of the afternoon.
I walk with Peeta back up to our rooms and I sit down on the massive bed for a while, but I feel too restless in a bedroom that is so large and unfamiliar. Celine's funny accent and soft green eyes come back to my and President Paylor's meeting starts to haunt my mind. Soon I'm too restless to even sit so I make my way back downstairs and out to the grounds in the back of the house. The grass is perfectly cut and is lusciously green it almost feels fake. I am reminded of the fact that we're in the Capitol and consider the possibility that it could be artificial.
The property is expansive. Straight ahead I see the entrance to a bunch of tall hedges perfectly trimmed. I walk over to a gap in the row of hedges and see that behind it is another row, forming a sort of walkway. I'm about to continue down the path when I notice Peeta coming from the house.
"Hey." He says when he reaches me.
"Hey yourself." I reply.
"Where does that lead?" he asks nodding in the direction I was about to walk.
"I'm not sure I was about to see for myself. Feel like getting lost with me?"
"Always."
Many many many apologies on the delay it took me much longer to get to writing than I had originally intended. In addition, this chapter had less stuff going on, aside from the train scene. I promise things will start to pick up starting from the next chapter.
As a small consolation for the long pause and the slow chapter, I'm going to publish the next chapter by this weekend! Stay tuned for more knee shaking romance and heart racing twists.
I also wanted to say a huge thank you to the people who have added me to their favorite lists and those who have added Real Or Not Real to their follow lists. It really makes posting all of this worth it and I can't be more grateful for any feedback I receive. I welcome any comments, both good and bad. Anything that can help me make this story more enjoyable for you all.
-TPM