This story was originally going to be abandoned. Then I received a review on it the other day and it sparked something inside of me to get my act together and finish the damn thing! I'm writing furiously as we speak. The plot is a lot clearer in my head so hopefully updates will come a lot faster. This is only a short little thing and boy is it angsty. I was trying to get some of Nick's thoughts across, and hint a little bit to their break up story (which, don't worry, will be told in full!) Also partly the inspiration I got for this comes from something I read the other day about Manic Pixie Dream girls that really struck a chord with me.

Hope you enjoy!

The Weight of Us

if we loved again i swear i'd love you right

As it turned out, Jess was significantly drunker than Nick had first anticipated.

The first tell tale sign of her aforementioned inebriated state was the numerous attempts it took to get Jess in the car. She was having a hard time putting one leg in front of the other and seemed to have forgotten that car doors worked on a 'pull only' mechanism ("Looooooooooook Nicholas!" She giggled, wrestling with the door. "Doors hate me toooooo!") Nick watched the display with some amusement before he decided enough was enough and he scooped her up once again in his arms. (He totally pretended to miss the way she whispered 'never put me down' into his chest. Jess was super weird about displays of manliness. Ask her, whatever.) He laid her down on the back seat, taking a step back and sighing. As he moved to close the door Jess reached out and grabbed his hand, tugging him forward so that he almost landed on top of her.

That led to the second sign that Jessica Day was completely wasted. She got clingy.

"Come on, Jess. Gunna drive you home now to the land of big fluffy pillows and pyjama outfits." Nick said gently, easing his arm out of her iron clad grip. Jess pouted and tugged harder. Nick set his jaw.

"No, Jess. Let go." It was a said a bit firmer this time and Jess' eyes widened significantly, out of shock or sadness Nick didn't know. He certainly didn't take time to find out. Wrenching his arm out of her hold he moved to the front seat of the car, the muscle in his neck jumping. He wondered briefly if that's how it was always going to be, her begging him to take a chance, to just be with her, and him being the damn chicken he is, always turning her down. He felt the ache of the weight of possibility between them increase as he started the ignition, wondering if he' ever be the man she thought he could be.

He doesn't know what it was about her.

Perhaps it was the way the way her face moved, forming lines and shadows and creases and folds that translate like a language he can understand. Happy, sad, angry, scared, Nick had learnt how to read her like a book. Or perhaps it was the way her eyes widen when she looked at him, just slightly, like she could see way more of him than everyone else could. However, if you asked him directly and he'd tell you that he simply couldn't resist a damn pink robe.

Fundamentally, however, there was something about Jessica Day that makes Nick Miller want to be brave. He thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel, listening to her low breathing in the backseat and gazed at the traffic lights, waiting for them to change colour.

There was a dark red glow cast over the car from the lit up stop sign, and in the mirror he can see the way it made stripy shadows across her face. In the back of his mind, Nick noted how it made her look different, almost dangerous. He let out a low chuckle, at the words Jess and dangerous being used in the same sentence.

The light flickered to amber, and lit her up. It started on the day that is the start of them. Sure, he'd been brave before that, but it was dumb bravery, stumbling bravery, making half drunk moves like kissing her in the hallway because he had to show her how he always meant to kiss her, or carrying her like something out of a fairytale because he could see her slipping away from him like the whipping of her velvet hair through his fingers.

Green. He pressed onto the ignition just as her eyes opened, and she offered him a weak smile. He smiled back. Green is for go, after all. Then it all made sense.

He was brave because she was first. There were tears in her eyes and he heard them in her voice, too, and under the tears he heard her begging him to stay, in the car park of some fancy hotel in the middle of the night. Stay with her. Nick wondered just for a minute what the fuck had happened to the universe, how the fuck was a girl like Jess crying over a dumb idiot like him. And then she was waiting for him, pleading with her eyes for him to answer her. Before he realised what he was doing, he was walking toward her with purpose, being brave and chasing her, chasing this girl that was insanely beautiful, and far too good for him. It was different than the other times because this time he was thinking of the consequences. He was thinking of her hand in his and kissing her awake and infinite moments with her that dangled in front on him almost (almost) in reach. He stretched out his fingers-

"Nick, you missed the turn in for the loft." Jess mumbled sleepily, now sitting upright and leaning between the space of the two drivers chairs. Nick started, slamming on the brakes causing Jess to yelp loudly and hit him on the shoulder.

"Jeeze, Miller, are you trying to kill us?" She gasped, hand resting on her heart. But Nick wasn't listening to any of it, instead he spun in his seat and took her face in both hands, staring directly into her face. The only sound in the car was Jess' laboured breathing and the hum of the engine.

"Why'd you end it, Jess?" Nick asked abruptly, causing Jess' nose to flare and eyes narrow in anger.

"What?" She yelled, wrenching her face free. "Me? I didn't end it if you recall Miller! That was all down to..."

"This morning, Jess!" Nick bellowed back, immediately reciprocating her fury. "You said you wanted to be friends. Well, that sounds like ending it to me!"

"This morning we weren't in a relationship, Nicholas!" Jess said, moving to throw her bag over her shoulder, Nick twisted in his seat to face her more fully. "This morning, we were having sex. Meaningless-"

"Don't give me that damn crap, Jessica." Nick spat back at her angrily. "It meant something and you know it!" Jess sneered.

"It meant nothing to me, if it meant something to you.."

"Of course it meant something to me, you idiot! I'm in love with you!" Silence. Jess squeaked and cast her face downwards, as Nick remained motionless, blinking rapidly. Did that really just happen? Nick couldn't tell. The air was too thick. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think he couldn't think he couldn't think.

"Real classy, Nick." Jess said, and Nick's heart ached at the sadness in her voice. "Real nice. It took you a year to say it and it's now you choose to? NOW? When in in a damn ripped dress that barely covers my ass and my blood is like, 95% vodka cranberry?"Nick couldn't look at her.

"I've loved you for a very long time." Nick said, softly. "I'm sorry it took so long Jess, I'm sorry-"

"You couldn't have just said it back to me last June when I wanted you to?" She whispered, one hand poised on the handle of the door. Nick shook his head. "Saved breaking my heart?"

With that she opened the car door and took off down the street to the loft, unsteady on her feet. Nick leapt to the car door and wrenched it open. "Jess, wait! I love you!" Jess paused and turned to him a little sadly, a soft smile on her face. She took one step closer to him, reaching a hand to his face.

"I know you do, Nicholas. I've always known. But that isn't going to make it all better."

"What will, Jess? I'm sorry. I need you, Jess. I miss you. I messed up. What can I...?"

"Figure it out, Nick." Jess said, turning away from him once again. "I'm not a bandage. I'm not a remedy. I'm a person. A person, Nick. So once you've fixed yourself, stop being so damn self destructive." She took a deep breath. "Then... then we'll figure it out."

Mwahahahaha cliffhanger! This was only short because I'm frantically trying to update all my ongoing stories today *hyperventilates* Thank you and please R&R!