私は空を見上げChapter 3: Kirihara's Bridges

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES

Set in Kirihara's Senior Year in Middle School (Which is also the same time as the other Rikkai Members First Year in Senior High), during the National tournament when he was buchou.

-oOo-

I'm lost.

I was never particularly good at directions. Somehow, wherever I go, I always manage to get myself lost. People say I'm a simpleton, I easily believe things that people tell me, which is also one of the reasons why I always get lost, because people often give me the wrong directions. And it sucks to admit it, but, sometimes I wish all the people in the world were as nice as Yagyuu-senpai, as patient as Yanagi-senpai and as calm as Yukimura-buchou. My world has been a whirlwind since they graduated and I took over the tennis club, minus the fact that my fukubuchou is totally incompetent, unlike Sanada-fukubuchou who could run things even while Yukimura-buchou was away in the hospital. I was so used to having the senpai-tachi around, I always depended on them, even if Niou-senpai would play a few tricks here and there on me, it still mattered that they were there to keep me in line. But now, it's like I've lost my direction.

I did already say that I was bad with directions right? Well, I am, and landmarks did help a lot, especially big ones.

I never told anyone but I've always been afraid of crossing bridges, especially those that shake me to the very foundation. I would never admit it, but change scared me, because I was happy with how things were going on with my life, that the slightest movement frightened me.

There comes a time in one's life when you meet bridges. Most of which you must cross, some you can ignore, try and find a different direction to take you where you need to be. But some bridges were meant to be burned, to sever any connection that would link two worlds. Some bridges break, some bridges fall, some are shaken, and some survive the test of time. Some are built over water, some built over highways, but each built to join two places, to connect two souls.

"Omedetou Kirihara-kun."

"Did you see how I won?"

"Hai, you were really good, and you were able to control your temper too. I've very proud of you Kirihara-kun, you'll definitely become a Rikkai Middle school tennis club regular."

"Stop calling me Kirihara-kun, call me Akaya from now on, iiyo?"

"Iiyo, Akaya."

Tennis was my link to you, because you loved the sport as much as I did. Just as it was my bridge to the senpai-tachi, who have stood by me until now; especially now, now when I need something to hold this bridge of life up.

I admit, I was never good at relationships with other people, Marui-senpai and Jackal-senpai helped me to overcome that. Because I always felt that I needed to be alone, in order to be the best, I needed to be alone. Then, by the time, I realized that I needed you beside me, it was too late. And I feel like the pieces of my heart were spread apart and scattered all over Japan, each connecting bridge shattered that no one could ever collect the pieces to rebuild my brokenness.

I wish I could rewind the hands of time, so I can stop you from walking away. So I can realize earlier, that I could not stand-alone.

"Kobe? Why do you have to move to Kobe?"

"Because my Dad is getting re-assigned, so we need to move with him there."

"Demo, I thought you were going to Rikkai Middle School with me?"

"I know, I wish I could Akaya, demo, I need to be with my family. Maybe I can come visit you on school holidays, or maybe you can come visit me instead?"

It was too far, I always thought it was too far, because I always thought I would see you again, in high school maybe, or college, when we'll meet in Tokyo. Because you promised me, we'd go to the same University in Tokyo, take the same course, share the same life. But bridges were broken, and dreams will remain dreams; because my dreams have turned to nightmares.

"How's Kobe?"

"Unbelievably warm."

"Hontou? Have you found new friends?"

"Hmn, and you? Did you get into the tennis club regulars?"

"Of course I did!"

"I knew you would. Omedetou Akaya!"

"Arigato."

"How about you, did you join the girl's tennis club in your new school?"

"Hmn, I did, but the tennis club in our school is not very popular, unlike the tennis clubs in Kanagawa."

"Then make it popular with your talent."

"Arigato for your confidence Akaya."

I heard people say that bridges were architectural works of art, like a designer's pride or something. That those cables and wires and cement and metal all over were artistically masterpieces. Like I cared about art? All I know was, that bridges bring people closer to each other. Like trains would, in this time and age, I think bullet trains are the coolest, because they bring people closer, faster. Maybe if bridges move you forward while you drive on them I'd like bridges over trains, but until someone invents a bridge that takes you to your destination faster, I'm a train fan.

Truth is, there are some bridges that scare me, especially those that hang over large bodies of water. Because I keep having morbid thoughts of an earthquake striking and shaking the bridge to the core, and we'd fall into the water, get stuck in the car and drown. Silly as it may seem, I prefer staying in dry land, like those bridges that are built to connect mountains, at least if an earthquake strikes and the car falls over, I'd have a chance to jump, hang on a tree, or a vine or something. To sum it up, I think the survival of a bridge falling down over land was more than that over water.

"Aren't you coming to visit me over the summer break?"

"We have tennis club activities over the summer."

"Demo, I wanted to show you the Akashi Kaiko Bridge, I was hoping to take you when the family goes to Awaji Island for a vacation."

"Gomen, but I'm going to be buchou next year, so it's really important to attend the training."

"I understand."

I wish I had gone to see you, and that bridge you've been telling me about. Maybe if I had you wouldn't be so distant right now. Maybe if I had gone, you wouldn't have taken the chances you took, and you'd still be here. You'd still be my best friend that I can talk to.

I wish Yagyuu-senpai was here, because he always gave the soundest advice.

I wish Yanagi-senpai was here, because he would have calculated the odds and warned me to have come to you.

I wish Marui-senpai was here, so I can eat pastry with him and drown my sorrow in a sugar rush.

I wish Jackal-senpai was here, so I can tell him all about you, and he'd be so proud of me.

I wish Niou-senpai was here, because if he knew, he would have probably never let me live it up, then I would have realized that I loved you sooner.

I wish Yukimura-buchou was here, he would have told me directly, that what I was feeling for you was special and more than friendship.

I wish Sanada-fukubuchou was here, so he could make me run laps unending, so I can forget the pain.

"Since you're not going, the family decided a ferry ride would be more exciting."

"A what?"

"Demo, you said you wanted to cross that bridge you were telling me about?"

"Hai, we'll be taking the bus back so I'll still be able to cross the longest bridge in the world."

"Aren't ferries dangerous?"

"Only when there's a storm. Come on, stop worrying, its summer and the forecast didn't say anything about a storm coming, so it'll be alright."

You should have just taken the bridge, should have just come to visit, maybe if I did, you would have crossed the bridge. But I didn't. and now I suffer the consequences of my decision.

Bridges scare me. Because bridges meant that I was crossing over to somewhere new, it meant that I was leaving my comfort zone, the place where I know was safe, the place that I know to be a happy place. And I didn't want to go somewhere I was unsure of, I didn't want to leave a happy place. But some bridges were meant to be crossed, in order to move on, in order to survive.

"Okaa-san, doushita?"

"Akaya."

"Otou-san?"

"Akaya, we received news about Aika and her family."

"They went on vacation to Awaji Island, they left yesterday, did they postpone the trip?"

"Iie, they went."

"Did they call you from Awaji Island?"

"Iie."

"Then what?"

"Akaya, the ferry they were riding sank."

"Nani?"

"Aika and her family, none of them survived."

I felt like I was deaf, I couldn't hear a single word that anyone said to me at that time. It was bad enough that we lost in the Nationals, it was bad enough that Yukimura-buchou was suffering from a broken heart. It was bad enough that Yanagi-senpai lost the girl he loved for the longest time. It was bad enough that Sanada-fukubuchou needed to go to rehab for his injured knee. It was bad enough that Yagyuu-senpai decided he would quit tennis in high school. It was bad enough as it was. Did it have to be this bad? Did I have to realize that I loved you, too late that I could never tell you?

I'm lost.

I was never good at directions, but the senpai-tachi, they showed me the way.

I was afraid of bridges, because I liked where I was, and crossing bridges meant I would have to start over again.

As I stand here holding this racket, as I hit this ball, I realize, in tennis and in life, bridges take me where I need to go, where I need to be. Because I feared bridges, I missed the chance to save your life. And I was not wasting any more time, if I could save Rikkai, if I could win this game, then I'm crossing this bridge.

My name is Kirihara Akaya, and when I look up the sky, I see a bridge that connects our souls, a bridge that connects my heart in earth, to your heart in heaven.

-oOo-

This is a short one. =) Hope you still liked it even if it was short.

The part about Yukimura, Sanada and Yanagi are in reference to the first three chapters, while the part about Yagyuu is in reference to Just One Smile and One Sweet Sigh.

As a trivia, the Akashi Kaikyo Bridge also known as the Pearl Bridge is the longest suspension bridge in the world and it connects the City of Kobe to Awaji Island. In 1955 two ferries sank in a storm killing 168 people which paved the way to the building of the bridge, construction began in 1988 that opened to public transport in 1998, ten years after. This chapter was in reference to that event.