I hope you enjoy this chapter. I hope I did the parts with Lockwood justice. Please let me know what you think.
Anyone excited for Castle tonight?!?
"Josh please understand."
"Kate I do understand. More than you think I do. I saw this coming. After we were together that first week something changed. I felt as of you were comparing me to him." He held up a finger so she wouldn't protest. "It's okay. Am I pissed at you, yes. But will I get over it? Yeah I will, but talking to you now won't help. So please just go."
Josh was right about calling her out about everything. Kate hadn't realized that she did all those things. She knew sometimes she did compare Josh to Castle but it was never anything major. She figured she wasn't as good at hiding the things she was thinking anymore.
Castle's good at reading me. Ah, Castle.
Suddenly, in that moment, she wasn't scared to be with him. The butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach endlessly. And she liked it. She found herself smiling as she headed down to the morgue. She really needed some girl talk with her best friend. Lanie doesn't even know about anything that's going on.
When she walked into the morgue Lanie turned to see who just walked in and when she saw it was Kate she couldn't help but be a little suspicious. "What are you doing here girl? I thought you were on home duty."
"I needed to talk to you but if you don't want to I can go," Beckett said with a smile. She knew Lanie would want to know.
"No it's okay. But since you're coming to me you better spill it. All."
She could help but bite her lip and smile nervously. Wow. She was happy. And for the first time since her mother died it felt good. There wasn't any guilt for being happy this time.
"What's gotten into you?"
She looked down before answering. "Castle."
Lanie looked at her curiously. "What about Castle?" She asked getting excited.
"Alot actually. It would probably help if I started from the beginning."
"Okay honey I'm all ears," Lanie said sitting down giving Beckett her undivided attention.
"So it started last night. Castle and I had a fight. A major one. But somehow during that fight he ended up getting me to step off my moms case." Lanie gasped and Beckett couldn't help another smile. "We talked about alot of things concerning us. So i Iet him stay with me and then," she stopped and looked at Lanie who was waiting anxiously for her to finish the story.
"And then! Kate did you do what in thinking? You and writer boy finally did it!"
"No we didn't do that. Almost but we had to stop."
"Why? What happened?"
"He told me he loved me."
Lanie covered her mouth in shock. She was not expecting this. "And that made you stop? That would've me made be all up over it."
Kate barked out a big laugh at her friend. Lanie was so over dramatic sometimes, but right nonetheless. "I didn't know his feelings for me were so strong you know. It scared me."
"And what about now?"
"I think in ready."
"To say it back or to be with him."
"To be with him. I don't know if it's the right time to say it back yet."
"Well congratulations girl I'm happy you're finally getting your man." She came around to give Kate a big hug. "I'm assuming you are no longer in a relationship with the doctor." She said picking up a pen.
"We just ended about an hour ago."
"Are you going to see Castle later today?"
"Probably tomorrow," Kate said smiling again at the thought of getting to see Castle again. She laughed at herself for acting like such a girl, but she couldn't couldn't help it. She was in love with him.
Whoa! In love? Was she? Oh who is she kidding? She's been in love with him for quite some time now. But would never admit it to herself. However, now she is at long last coming to terms with it and it felt good to let it out. It felt like a weight was finally lifting off her shoulders and she loved the freedom that it came with.
"I just broke up with Josh so I wanna take a day to myself."
"Good idea. But when you do see him," Lanie said getting Kate's attention. "I want details."
"Noted."
Beckett spent the rest of her day at home morning the death of her relationship. Yeah, she knows she never gave Josh much of a chance but she did care about him. And it hurt not to have him in her life anymore. But she knew this hole would be filled soon enough. She smiled at the thought of Castle again.
Castle.
Richard Castle. She was going to be with Richard Castle. Ahh! If anyone were to tell her that one day she'd be dating her favorite author she would've laughed her ass off. And look she's still doing it. It's hard to believe but she's happy because its real.
To get her mind off things she decided to eat some dinner and take a bath while reading a good book. She purposely didn't choose one of Castle's books for this because she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate.
As time passed Kate found herself growing bored. She's finished her book and didn't have much of anything to do. She'd hadn't spoken to Castle at all that day and thought about calling him but backed out at the last second. She's never called him just to talk before.
Oh goodness, what would she say? Would it be awkward? Calling him just to talk would be so weird. Now she's scared and the butterflies are racing through her stomach again. Oh and there's that smile. Oh she knows! She'll call and say he's caught a body that's just waiting for his justice. No no she couldn't. That's would be so stupid and corny.
She couldn't help but smack herself in the face for being such a girl. What is she doing? What is going on? Kate Beckett doesn't act like this. She doesn't get all giddy just from the thought of her boyfriend. But she can't help it. She loves him. It felt good to admit that.
"I love him," she said aloud to test how it felt.
"We'll that's good," said an unfamiliar voice from behind her. She turned to face Lockwood standing right behind her in her bedroom holding her gun to her head. She couldn't do anything because he had the spare she kept in the closet in his waist band. "Ah being in love. Such a wonderful feeling."
"What do you want?" She tried to sound intimidating but ended up sounding scared. He motioned for her to turn her head again.
"Confirmation. Word on the street is you're finally giving up on your moms case. My boss sent me here to make sure you really are."
"I am."
"Uh-uh. Not confirmation with words." She knew what he meant. He was going to kill her and all she could think of in that moment was Castle. She would never get to tell him. "But I do have the option of keeping you alive. And you know why? Sadly because killing a cop is never good for business. So here's how it's going to go," he said as if he does this everyday. Oh wait, he does. "You're going to go to the precinct first thing in the morning and gather every file you have on this particular subject. Give it to Montgomery and then never try investigating it again. As you'll live happily ever after."
"Fine," she agreed with no hesitation. She wasn't going to put up a fight with a gun to her head, she wasn't that stupid. But why Montgomery?
"Good girl. Finally obeying orders."
"Can you just go? I mean I think we're done here."
She heard him cock the gun behind her head and take a step foreword. Her heart started beating faster as the cold steel of her gun pressed hard into the back of her head. It was when he dropped the gun to the floor that she jumped.
"Haha. I'll see you around detective Beckett. I'll see you," he said putting emphasis on see.
Later that night Beckett couldn't sleep. She kept tossing in her bed. She couldn't shake the thought of Lockwood holding her gun to her head from her mind.
And to top it off she was scared. She didn't like the feeling of being watched. And she missed Castle. She wished he was here holding her telling her she would be okay and rocking her to sleep.
"That's it," she mumbled. She got out of bed and got dressed. It was three am but she didn't care. Her heart was aching to see him and she doubted he would mind.
The whole walk to his loft she was paranoid. She didn't know if she was being watched but she kept looking over her shoulder just in case. She didn't want to be followed to her boyfriends house.
When she approached the door she took out her phone and called him. She heard it ring loudly on the other side of the door. Then just as quickly she heard stomping and a loud groan. Was he up?
"Hey Kate," he greeted concerned. "Is everything alright?"
He sounded fully alert. Hmm?
"Castle I-I'm here."
He glanced at his door. "Here? As in my apartment?"
"Yeah."
"Hold on," he said hanging up. When he opened the door she immediately fell into him, needing to feel his warmth and wrap herself init. "Hey is everything okay?"
"No," she said. She recapped her night with her visit from Lockwood. Just telling him about it was making her feel better.
"Don't worry we'll get through this. Okay? One step at a time."
"I know. Why are you up?" He smiled brightly but then looked away. "What?" She asked mimicking his smile.
"I uh have been writing non stop since last night. I was feeling inspired."
She smiled brighter. "I have to tell you something."
"Hmm?" He said bringing her the rest of the way into his loft and closing the door.
"I broke up with Josh." He looked straight at her surprised she'd done it so quickly. "I've been thinking about you all day." Oops she wasn't supposed to tell him that. So she looked away from him trying to hide her blush.
"I've been thinking about you too," he said coming closer. "A lot."
"Yeah," she said biting the inside of her lip, trying to suppress her smile.
He wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer to him. Their lips separated by only a breath of air. "What were you thinking about?"
"Your lips." She admitted without thought. Before she could stop herself she continued. "Your hands, on my body."
"Really?"
"Hmm," she looked away. The look he had in his eyes was too much, even though they were just teasing.
"How about," he said gripping her chin and making her look at him. "I help fulfill some of those desires."
Castle was surprised she even admitted those things to him. A lot must've changed between last night and now. He leaned down and kissed her gently rubbing his hands up and down her back, squeezing ever so slightly.
"Come on. You're staying tonight. You look like you could use some sleep."
"Actually I'm not tired at all," she said kissing him again. "But I don't mind staying."
He smiled at her and lead her into his bedroom. He handed her one of his shirts to borrow so she could sleep. "I know what you're trying to do."
"What?" She said trying to sound innocent.
"You're trying to seduce me."
"Is it working?" She asked laying down on the bed.
"Yes."
He sat down on the opposite side of the bed and pulled her to him, embracing themselves in a long, slow kiss that was much needed. "I love you," she whispered into his mouth.
He didn't hear her but that was okay because she was going to tell him again. Even though tomorrow was going to be a hard day she knew she would get through it because she had him. Richard Castle the absolute love of her life. With him everything would be okay. And it was finally good to be able to love and let herself be loved.
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