Chapter 3 – Midlife Crisis

Hiccup must have momentarily dozed off from sheer exhaustion for he could not recall seeing Astrid return. Groggily, he asked her what time it was and where are the children and Astrid had to remind him that they are spending the night at Valka's. She kissed him on his forehead and encouraged him to go back to sleep. When he tried to speak again, she gently but assertively cupped his mouth, insisting that whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow. Knowing that resistance is futile, Hiccup reluctantly conceded. Astrid then rested her hand over his heart and snuggled her head onto his shoulder, whispering that everything will be alright. He was glad she intervened as his head is now throbbing and he soon fell back asleep in her comforting embrace.

He woke up shortly before dawn, his headache gone from a surprisingly restful sleep. He sat up quietly on his bed arms resting onto folded knees, pondering over last night's revelation. As the first light filtered through the window, Astrid woke up and found Hiccup still sitting on the bed next to her. She leant onto his shoulder and gently encouraged him to share what's burdening his mind.

"I don't know whether I'm mad at them for what they did or I am actually mad at myself more" he started. "I convinced myself that sending all our dragons away was the right thing to do for all of us. All my ideals about humans and dragons living peacefully just became too risky for everyone, and I couldn't risk anyone else's lives by continuing to fight anymore.." Astrid nodded in agreement and prompted him to continue by stating "And then there's Toothless and Freya…"

"Yes, that too." Hiccup concurred "Toothless deserves to have a life of his own and having him around for my sake is not fair to him." He paused for a moment and looked her in the eyes "Do you know why I chose now to visit them?" Astrid shook her head. "It's been exactly six years since Toothless and I first met." He paused again, there's uncertainty in his voice now "Six years we've been together and six years we've been apart. Now more than ever, I can't help but wonder whether I've made the right choice or not, I mean how do I know that he, or all of them are truly happy?"

Astrid was quick to defend him "Hiccup, our dragons were and will always be a part of who we are and nothing is ever going to change that. You can't beat yourself up over the very difficult decision you were forced to make at that point in time." She assured him before pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts. "I'll admit it was a heartbreaking choice and there were times that I too, regretted your decision. But in all, I stand by you because I know how hard it must have been for you to let go, not just Toothless, but all of them. I know you did it with everyone's best interest at heart, and it was the most selfless thing you could have done in that situation."

"Thanks Astrid, I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't know where you get all these wise words and all. You're just so incredibly amazing." gushed Hiccup.

"You're not so bad yourself" gibed Astrid "So what now?" she asked reflexively even though she was sure what he was thinking of next. Hiccup smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders, his unwritten code for her to say what they're both thinking.

Astrid took the hint and casually translated his thoughts "I suppose we owe it to our friends to tell them that we've just came back from seeing our dragons…" before adding "and I suppose you're thinking about whether or not it's time to ask everyone how they'd feel about having the dragons back?"

Hiccup nodded to both.

"Astrid. Can I ask you something?" he asked gingerly. Astrid took a quick read of his face and answered in anticipation "You were going to ask me whether I felt Stormfly missed the good old days" she read his mind with aplomb. Hiccup nodded in admiration of her telepathic prowess.

"I hate to admit it" she continued "but, yes, she did. Very much so too I'm afraid" she lamented. "And you and Toothless?" she asked cautiously. Hiccup bowed his head "Same" he confided.

"Well this.. changes things" Astrid thought out loud.

"Yes. It does." Agreed Hiccup.

"Astrid, I have to tell the others. But how do we break it to them gently?" he pondered.

"It won't be easy" confirmed Astrid.

"Yeah, tell me about it" sighed Hiccup.

They both agreed that the best approach was to just lay it out there in the open with all their friends. They're tough Vikings after all, surely, they can handle hearing not-so-pleasant news, warts and all. Or so they're hoping.

Each spent the morning tracking down and arranging a mid-morning meeting at the great hall with their closest friends. Fishlegs, Heather and Valka were the only ones who had any idea what the meeting will be about, but they wisely kept it to themselves.

Mid-morning came around and all were seated at the great hall. Each equally puzzled over the purpose of today's gathering.

"Hey H, where's the snacks?" Tuffnut joked, "Yeah, what kind of a party doesn't have food?" his sister piped in.

"Guys, this is not a party" Hiccup tried to explain "We wanted to tell you about our recent trip."

"What? you mean to tell me that you dragged me from my sun-tanning so we could hear you talk about your stupid holiday?" snorted Snotlout

"You sun-tan?" sniggered Ruffnut when her brother teased "Hey Snot, I think you missed a spot there" pointing at a random spot on Snotlout's face.

"Shut up you two" mumbled Snotlout, instantly regretting what he had just blurted out. "So Hiccup, tell us about your stupid trip already" he snapped, trying to change the subject.

When the chuckling finally died down Hiccup calmly addressed everyone "Friends, we didn't visit Dagur and Mala. We visited someone else." The suspense in his voice was enough trigger to Tuffnut.

Tuffnut whispered to his sister "Aw man, hope this doesn't get weird". Gobber gave Tuffnut a quick smack over the back of his head and asked, "So who did you guys visit then?"

Hiccup paused and took in a deep breath then stated, "Our dragons."

Everyone but Fishlegs, Heather and Valka were utterly dumbfounded, and Hiccup could not make out how they were feeling apart from being shell-shocked.

"Well?" He prompted cautiously.

"Well? Well what?! roared Snotlout. "You mean to tell us that you went to visit your pet dragons when the rest of us are still left wondering and worried sick over how they're doing?!" not even stopping to catch his breath he continued with his tirade "Not to mention how amazing Minlout will I think his dad is when he sees me do all the cool tricks with Hookfang!"

"Um", interrupted Fishlegs, raising his hand as if to answer the teacher's question "From what I remember, Hookfang doesn't exactly respect you all that much. So.. seeing you get thrown off or set on fire by your dragon, might actually produce quite the opposite effect to the one you just mentioned" teased Fishlegs.

"Shut up Fishface!" snapped Snotlout. Others sniggered at the thought, including Minden, who is fully accustomed to her friends' sense of humour and took no offence unlike Snotlout. After the brief cheerful interruption, the anger from the others continued.

"Yeah, how come you get to see them while we're all still banned from ever seeing them ever again?" fumed Ruffnut "I know you never think much of Barf and Belch, but they're still our Barf and Belch and we've missed them SO much for soooo long. How could you be so mean Hiccup Haddock?!. Have you no heart?" she shot him a dirty look while her brother pulled her in for a hug.

"Yeah, Chief, we thought you were our friend, but all the while, you were just this evil tyrant sneaking off to have a wonderful time with your dragons. Ohh the shame!" cried Tuffnut rather melodramatically.

"Guys, guys, please," Minden pleaded with everyone "Let them speak, I'm sure Hiccup and Astrid have a very valid explanation for all of this." Snotlout couldn't believe his wife could remain so rational and level-headed but agreed to hear them out "Well?! We're waiting!" he demanded.

Hiccup thanked Minden for her diplomacy, looked to Astrid who indicated that she's happy for him to do all the explaining. He then addressed the group "Well, it's been six years since we last saw them and I'm sure you all recall that we've been with them for six years as well. I just thought it was fitting to check on them seeing that we've been apart for as long as we've been together. Kind of like our anniversary or something like that." His voice calm and disarming. Seeing that everyone is still listening intently, he continued.

"It was meant to be a one-off visitation for all times sake, and to check how Toothless' tail is holding up. But when we got there, we found that we weren't alone, and that changes everything." At this point Fishlegs, Heather and Valka who had been quietly observing the drama unfold knew it's their time to face the music.

Valka braved the crowd first and confessed that she had secretly visited Cloudjumper several times during the past year, then she encouraged Fishlegs & Heather to share their side of the story next. The rest of the gang listened in equal mixture of shock, outrage and disappointment.

"Oh my Thor! Even Fishface gets to see Meatlug all these years? How could this have happened and no one, not even the chief knew about it?" He added that last part in to rub it in Hiccup's face "What else have you kept secret from us eh, Fishbreath?" goaded Snotlout

"Hm, as I recalled, we're all guilty of keeping secrets." defended Astrid "Didn't tell us you knew about the terror mail too, did you Snotlout?" the latter wisely sat back down without another word. Ruffnut & Tuffnut gave each other a knowing look having dodged a bullet on this one for they have managed to keep it top secret of the fact that they too have been terror-mailing Throk & Celeste these past few years.

"Guys, guys, we're not here to play who's the guiltiest. This is serious. We are holding this meeting because we want to discuss where to from here" Hiccup appealed as the crowd jostled to interrogate the three over the welfare of their own dragons.

"Well what do you have in mind lad" asked Gobber who have been assured by Valka that Grump was in excellent health the last time she saw him. The crowd fell silent in an instance as they were eager to hear some good news for a change.

"Look" Hiccup started "I'll admit that having the dragons live apart from us for the past six years has its ups and downs. We got to concentrate on rebuilding our lives back to pre-dragon days. Start a family. Manage to earthquake-proof our village. Learnt to fortify this island and defend ourselves without needing to rely on our dragons." He continued as the crowd absorbed his every word.

"Thank Thor that Berk had not been under siege these past few years as well. Though words probably got around that we no longer have our dragons, so nobody bothered us. Or maybe after we destroyed Grimmel, the warlords and hunters knew not to mess with us anymore. I don't know, and we may never know."

"Er, we know what's been happening over these past years, cos H-E-L-L-O! we LIVE here!" complained Snotlout "What are you getting at? Just get to the point!" his patience wearing thin.

"Yeah, just tell us already. This suspense is killing me" added Tuffnut.

"Would you two just please let him speak" pleaded Eret, who until now have not uttered a single word "Go on chief".

Hiccup thanked Eret for his support, sighed and blurted "My point is, I think it's time we ask our dragons to come back home."

The room fell so silent you could hear the muffled chirping of birds. No one spoke for a full minute, which has never happened in Berkian's history, at least not when there's a Thorston in their midst.

"What did he just say?" sputtered Tuffnut to his sister who's still staring vacantly at Hiccup as if hypnotised.

Others were still either transfixed onto Hiccups words or were deep in thought when Eret finally reiterated "Bring back our dragons? Here? Are you absolutely certain about this? He asked in earnest.

"Well we haven't actually thought any further about this" admitted Astrid. "The logistics of it all. We wanted to make sure that this is something that everyone would want. It's been so long since we brought this subject up, we weren't sure how you all would feel about any of this."

"Hiccup" added Fishlegs "We know for sure that our dragons have wanted to be with us had they been allowed to, but are you sure Toothless, Stormfly or any other dragons felt the same way as Windshear and Meatlug?"

"Yes" Astrid and Hiccup said in unison, surprising one another. Astrid smiled to Hiccup before declaring to the gang "We know our dragons. Yes, we're absolutely sure."

"Well! It looks like it's decided then" chimed Gobber, who hasn't sounded this excited for the past six years. "But where will we fit them all in?" he questioned "I know this island is a lot bigger than our last, but there's a whole load more of them in that Hidden World of theirs ain't it? We don't want to have everyone all cramped in like we had before. That was just pure madness!" he cautioned well-meaningly.

"I know, I know" Hiccup admitted, half-guilty and half-embarrassed. "That was totally my fault. I'll admit it. But I promise it won't happen again this time" he said encouragingly. Though not everyone is assured.

"Oh yeah, and just how do you plan on doing that?" challenged Snotlout.

"I, er, I, haven't thought about that bit yet" stammered Hiccup. He hates it when Snotlout always catches him off-guard while being so right at the same time. Astrid tried to defend him by saying that maybe not all the dragons wish to stay here.

"True as that may be" started Tuffnut in his melodramatic tone "There is only so much real estate on Berk"

Ruffnut continued just as melodramatically "Aye, I second thy opinion my wise brother. It would seem that what we all need is more space"

"A LOT more space I dare say" added Tuffnut. The twins are in their elements and clearly enjoying themselves. Thinking out loud between themselves much to everyone's chagrin for obfuscating the point they're trying to make.

"What are you two muttonheads talking about?!" snapped Snotlout on behalf of the group.

"Uuu testy!" teased Tuffnut before turning to address the group "Um, we could stick them on the island"

"We know!" roared everyone., Hiccup feels the onset of a headache he usually gets when dealing with the Thorstons over a prolonged period of time "Yeah Tuff, we know that, we're just trying to find a way to make everyone fit on the island"

Tuffnut squinted at Hiccup and couldn't decide who is currently more confused. He thought about it for a second before it hit him.

"Ow! My bad! I meant the other island" he corrected himself and beamed with pride. The others unanimously understood what he meant and mulled over the idea to themselves.

Hiccup and Astrid noticed how everyone reacted so favourably and exchanged a vacant look between themselves.

"Er, can somebody kindly explain what Tuff's talking about?" Hiccup asked openly.

"You mean, you guys don't know about the island?" quizzed Ruffnut in disbelief.

"Yes, Ruff, I have no idea what you guys are on about" answered Hiccup, still deeply puzzled.

The twins exchanged a brief look of shock between themselves before Tuffnut threw his arms over Hiccup & Astrid's shoulders to speak to them in private.

"Guys, I forgot how little exploring you guys get to do now that you both busy chiefing and all" he sympathised. "I just assumed you all knew about the island that's surrounding ours" he tried to summarise. Seeing how clueless they both remained, he continued "You know, the crescent-shaped island that was really small when we got here but just kept growing bigger with each earthquake we've been getting?" – now half-asking, half-educating.

"I-I have no idea" confessed Hiccup. He tilt his head at Astrid who shrugged her shoulder in agreement, she too didn't know about the new island.

"No?" asked Tuffnut.

Ruffnut now joined them and out of curiosity asked "Uh okay. But did you know about the huge, and I mean H-U-G-E cave that's beneath us?"

Again, they answered they did not.

"Aw. Bummer." Said Tuffnut, feeling bad for those two.

"That's so sad." Added Ruffnut, genuinely feeling sorry for Hiccup & Astrid for knowing so little about the island they are ruling over.

"Um" Tuffnut suggested "If any of you guys ever want, or maybe have some spare time for a tour or something, Ruff and I, we'll gladly show you around" he offered kindly.

"Thanks guys" smiled Astrid, even though she was feeling quite deflated. "We will."

Hiccup echoed her sentiment but thanked everyone for their time and support. He and Astrid were glad that that was out in the open and they can concentrate on the way forward.

When everyone left, he motioned for Astrid to stay back for a little while longer. She knew how he was feeling because she too felt somewhat disappointed with herself.

"That was quite a meeting huh" Hiccup quipped, trying to make light of the situation.

"Yeah, we gave everyone quite the shock alright" Astrid chuckled briefly before her tone dramatically became dismal. She sighed and lamented "Aaand, they gave us an even bigger one."

"Good news though" cheered Hiccup trying to lift her mood.

"I guessed" she said flatly.

Hiccup rarely sees Astrid this morose and was looking for words to cheer her up when she suddenly speculated out loud "Am I getting old and boring?"

"What?!" bleated Hiccup, bamboozled by her remark. "Old, yes. But not boring" he quickly answered without thinking. Astrid was aghast, and Hiccup instantly knew he had screwed up.

Backpedalling as fast as he could "I-I meant to say, NO to both" he started explaining. "I mean, yes of course we're all getting older, but you're not old-old." Astrid gave him a deadpan look. "Oh boy! That sounded right in my head. But you know what I mean don't you? he pleaded.

"Yes. You said I'm old." She said coldly.

"Oh Astrid" he appealed before pausing to make sure the next thing he said wouldn't backfire again. "You know you're anything but boring. You're smart, you're brave, you're one heck of a leader – everyone respects you, in fact I think they downright fear you" he started to chuckle before realising that that wasn't such a good idea. With Astrid still looking unconvinced he quickly thought of something else he's been wanting to say to her for a while now.

"How-how is it that you are even more beautiful now while I look, and feel, like some kind of an over-the-hill middle-aged man? I mean just look at you, you're a yummy mummy!" he complimented her.

Astrid immediately perked up and asked "Yummy what?"

Encouraged by her improved mood he grinned "You know, yummy mummy - Oh never mind, sounds too corny, it'll never catch on anyway."

She smiled back and thought about what he said earlier. "Over-the-hill huh? I thought you're not one who cared much about your look. I mean who's really looking anyway?" she teased.

"Hmm that's not really helping" he said flatly.

"Aw c'mon Hiccup, you know what I mean." She jested.

"No, not really" he lied, pretending to look hurt.

"Well, no one's looking at you that way because you're our chief. And they respect you no matter what. I mean I'm the only one who looks at you." she replied rationally before teasing him further "And yes maybe your subdued hair may make you look a little older. And your moustache. And your beard.." she trailed of, as she got bit embarrassed for being too critical.

"But I thought you liked my beard and moustache?" protested Hiccup, now confused whether it was a joke or a constructive criticism.

"Oh I do! Just when they're ALL a lot shorter." She answered truthfully. "Look, I get the whole Viking facial hair obsession, but honestly, I just don't think it's really you." she explained gently "You know you don't have to look like the chief that everyone has in mind. You are a non-conformist Hiccup, you always have been, and that's one of your best quality."

"Fair point m'lady" Hiccup said cheerfully "Now can we talk about the dragons instead of my facial hair?"

"Thought you'd never ask" she beamed. And they finally exited the great hall each full of ideas over what needs to be done.

That evening after dinner, a worrying thought suddenly struck him. Unwilling to burden Astrid even more he decided to take a walk to clear his head and see if he could resolve this himself. Without realising how far and for long he had been walking, he had unknowingly ended up in front of Gobber's house. Just as he was about to turn back, Gobber came out and beckoned him to join him for a little night cap.

Sensing Hiccup's troubled mind, Gobber intuitively urged him to come out with it.

After hesitating Hiccup finally confessed "I can't help but feel as if Toothless and I were destined to meet but never to stay together forever." He paused before asking "Gobber, am I intervening with our fate here if we were to reunite?"

Gobber contemplated for a moment, took a swig of his drink before responding thoughtfully. His tone was wise, perceptive and enlightened. "Well lad, I believe you may have gotten fate and destiny a wee bit mixed up here."

Hiccup questioned what he meant by that and Gobber continued "You see, fate is what happens when you just sit around and wait for whatever it is to happen to you, for example if I was to swing my hook onto the back of your head and you don't move then it's your fate to get a concussion. Would you like me to demonstrate?" he asked half-jokingly before continuing. "Destiny on the other hand means you get to choose what happens next."

His tone a lot more relaxed and playful now. "So let's see, you shot Toothless. That's fate - more like beginner's luck, but we'll call it fate. You manage to find him alive. Fate again. But you chose not to kill him and seal his fate. That there is destiny. Do you get what I mean?" he asked eagerly and Hiccup nodded in response.

"My point is" Gobber continued "you are not a victim of fate. You can do things differently to change the outcome of your fate." A sudden wave of relief swept through Hiccup and he felt as though a heavy fog had been lifted to expose a clear daylight. His expression must have been obvious to Gobber, who had been glad that he could offer some fatherly advice to his ex-apprentice.

"There you go, who knew ole Gobber could be so wise and philosophical eh?" Gobber joked, brimming with pride.

The next morning Valka paid her son a visit and invited him out for a quick stroll.

"Astrid told me what went on between you two and the twins yesterday" Valka started. "I'm sorry to hear just how much you two have missed out on discovering." She sympathised.

"Yeah me too mom" lamented Hiccup. "I've been so caught up with this whole chief-ing thing -fortifying Berk, forming alliances, solving villagers' problems, being a dad, a husband, a son, a friend, a leader. I guess I've forgotten to be me."

He continued to pour his heart out. "Before this whole growing up and responsibility things, I was free to explore, to learn things and do all sorts of, oh I don't know, crazy reckless fun stuff with Toothless. Now I'm sporting this itchy beard and taming my hair, it's- it's crazy! Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore!" he confessed.

Valka smiled and replied reassuringly "My dear boy, just because you are grown it doesn't mean you have to stop having fun."

"There's nothing wrong with being an older, wiser version of yourself with no less zest for life and adventures. You can lead by example if you stay true to yourself. Just look at Gobber, he's always so sprightly and doesn't miss an opportunity to have a little fun whenever he can. That doesn't mean he's any less capable or serious with his work ethics." Valka looked at her son who is still mulling over her words but requires more convincing, so she continues.

"I know life is a lot busier and more complicated when you are a father, a husband, a chief, but you shouldn't give up doing the things that makes you truly happy. Your father and I, we never stopped doing the things that we both enjoyed. We still sing and dance and explored around the island whenever we can. Sometimes when we were too busy or caught up with something, we make a promise to each other that we will make the time to do the things we were suppose later, and we did. It's very important to take time off, clear our head or blow off steam. We are not machines son."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that all this chiefing businesses it-, it gets very stressful sometimes" said Hiccup feebly.

"Oh, believe me, I understand. I remember when your father was a young chief, he was so ornery and so much less diplomatic as you are now."

Smiling and recalling fondly, "when he doesn't take the time to clear his head properly, Ugh! he would be impossible to deal with. Thank Thor he would still listen to me. I would encourage him chop a few trees, build a rock wall or round up some wild boars to cheer him up." Valka chuckled at the thought before turning to her son and gently placing her left palm over his right shoulder and smiled. "You see son, a content leader is good and stable leader. And you can't be truly content until you do whatever it is that is pulling at you. So, go and fulfil whatever that might be. And when you're done, I will be still be here to support you"

Hiccup have never felt so blessed to be surrounded by such supportive family and friends. He kept an open mind for everyone's advice and took up the twins' tour offers.

His friends have slowly forgiven him for keeping his visitation a secret and have started to work closely on their plans for welcoming their dragons back. They've unanimously agreed not to tell the rest of the villagers until they have worked out all the details to a tee.

During the new island and cave tours, the group were super impressed by the twins' exploration prowess. Their new-found respect towards the twins were compounded when they discovered that the twins had prudently been planting hundreds of trees throughout the new island, inadvertently fast-tracking the flora and fauna colonisation. Though in truth, the twins environmental boost was their attempt to improve the island's aesthetic and to create some shades.

Since Fishlegs's and Snotlout's terror mail's usage has come to light, Hiccup has officially declared it fit for use by all, much to the joy and relief of the villagers who had grown tired of the snail mail. Hiccup himself have taken the opportunity to communicate more frequently with Alvin, Atali, Mala and Dagur, who are full of encouragement over his bold new plan. Dagur said he's got a few pent-up questions to ask him on his next visit, and Hiccup teased him by saying that's a wise choice as there wouldn't be enough terrible terrors nor paper to carry his words through.

The weeks flew by as their preparations are almost complete. The only two things left to do are to inform the villagers and invite their dragons back home. Everyone in the know could hardly contain themselves with excitement and those who are closest to them are fast growing suspicious of their plan, but everyone kept mum.