Ok, chapter four!
A/N: Ok, we HAVE a beta but we haven't used her yet. I was gonna start with this chapter but we got her too late. Sorry. We will definatly get the next one beta'ed!
On a much more awsome note TSI and I are almost COMPLETEY done with this story! WOOH!
Zim followed behind Dib, hands close to his sides and head held high.
Dib walked over to the passenger's side, opening the door for Zim with an "I don't want to do this" sigh.
"Hey, this was your idea." Zim said, getting into the car.
"Doesn't mean I'm thrilled." He closed the door gently on Zim and went in on his side, starting the car and pulling out.
"Since you're the chick of the relationship, you do know you'll be planning the wedding, right?"
"WHAT!?" Zim asked, close to yelling. "I know nothing of Earth weddings! How the hell am I supposed to plan one!?"
"Watch movies." Dib continued to drive, not changing his facial features at all, although, slightly enjoying hearing Zim squirm.
"No way on IRK, Dib-stink!" Zim said, shifting as if to get away from Dib. "You're rich, hire somebody!"
Dib sighed. "Fine." He grumbled in defeat and suddenly got a really dirty idea that popped out of nowhere.
He glared at the road harder now for it probably did that to him.
"Good." Zim said before turning to Dib and asking, "What's your problem?"
"Why do YOU care?" Dib asked bitterly like Zim had last night.
"I DON'T," Zim lied. "But you looking like that bothers me."
"If I told you, it would only make you mad." Dib sighted, his facial features softening some on the road.
Zim rolled his eyes, saying, "Everything about you makes me mad."
Dib glowered. "FINE! If you wanna know so badly I'll tell you!! I--" He couldn't spit it out. His face grew red from the disgustingly horrible thought he had that distracted him so. "I was thinking about ..." He searched his brain quickly and lied. "... How ugly you'd look in a wedding dress." There! That was good. Sure it was convincing, right?
Zim scowled, completely buying it. "You're such a CHARMER. No WONDER you're marrying a nice, attractive girl with an amazing personality and sense of humor. Oh wait, that's right, you're not! You're so desperate for recognition from your negligent father that you had to threaten an ALIEN's life just to get married."
Completely outraged and, though he'd never admit it, hurt, Zim slouched in his seat and looked out the window, glaring at every living thing with hatred.
Dib stayed silent. The air hung over the two of him, and as angry as he wanted to be, he couldn't help but be equally crushed by Zim's words.
"Z-zim..." He couldn't figure out if he wanted to say 'you're ugly', 'sorry', or 'you're right', so he just stayed quiet for a while longer. "W-why do you think… he's like that..? Did I ever fuck up that bad..?"
He was quiet. Zim wouldn't know that. Of course he wouldn't. How could he? He didn't even know Dib's mother was dead.
He let out a small 'ha', choking down his sadness and swallowing it with mustered up humor. "You're right, though. I suck. It's no wonder I can't find a girl who likes me for who I am… it's no wonder I have to do all of this to prove myself to Dad. Thanks Zim."
Zim sighed and forced himself to relax, he felt a little bad at yelling for Dib like that, the kind of bad he felt last night for being insensitive about Dib's mother. This bad feeling made him feel sympathetic to the Dib-thing's problems and it didn't help that he was in a similar situation. "You don't... 'suck', Dib- stink." He finally said, but tried not to make it sound like he was apologizing. "Because if you did then I would also 'suck' because you were able to capture me. And Zim does not 'suck'; Zim is amazing, the best!"
Dib smirked, feeling better now. "Yeah, I guess you've got a point there…" He smiled better now. "And, just to let you know, I wasn't actually thinking about how ugly you'd be in a wedding-dress." He laughed, trying to apologies in his own way.
Zim tilted his head, asking, "Really?" Before smirking and saying teasingly, "Then you were thinking of how fabulous Zim would look in a wedding dress?"
"It has nothing to do with the wedding dress." Dib admitted. Oh no, it was much worse than the wedding dress. It was what would be worn AFTER the wedding dress if the was an actual relationship and not a scam.
Zim blinked curiously at Dib before asking, not at all angry sounding, "Are you going to tell me what you WERE thinking about then? Or is it one of your human secrets?"
"Human secret!" Dib grinned; happy that he now felt that Zim would leave this topic alone now that he'll know it's a human thing.
Zim groaned, desperately wanting to know what was running through Dib's mind now but not wanting to start another hurtful argument over something so HUMAN.
Dib sighed in relief as the topic wasn't touched. All of this talk of Zim in girl clothes… Zim actually BEING in girl clothes… was doing something to him mentally!!
Dib pulled into a fancy parking lot. "Alright. We're here… And um… I'm gonna start calling you Zimma from this point on till we get back in the car so… I'll get your door for you." Dib mumbled, getting out of the car and to the passenger side where he opened 'her' door.
'Zimma' got out of the car and gave Dib a thankful smile, this one actually looking like it was meant to. "So, what is this place?" 'She' asked, looking at it curiously.
"This is a famous restaurant. Thought I'd take you here for breakfast and a chat, Dear." He held out his elbow for Zimma to hold. "I don't know of this place is any good though, I usually stay inside."
Zimma hesitantly took Dib's arm and looked around curiously, trying to distract himself from the current situation.
Dib led Zim into the building where a few people stared at how they dressed to such a fancy place, but Dib never minded that and walked up to the front. "Table for two?" He looked back at Zimma and smiled warmly, more to show off how much of a man he could actually be if he tried than anything, though.
Zim smiled back in response as a waitress nodded and led them to a table in a semi-lit corner, perfectly convinced the two would be wanting to neck at some point by how they were looking at each other.
Dib walked his fiancé to the table and held a chair out for her. "Isn't this a nice romantic spot?" He said, trying to make conversation.
Zimma sat down in the chair and blushed, saying teasingly, "Sure it is, if you're IN to that kind of stuff." Like she was leading him on.
"Dimmed lights? Table for two? Candles? Woman playing a piano behind a bush so we don't get a good view? Why yes. Yes, it makes me hard." He joked, not very gentlemanly like, opening his menu.
Zim-uh, Zimma stuck her tongue out before also opening her own menu. Now then, what to order, what to order...?
"You can get anything you want, so don't worry about the price, he mumbled before setting his menu down, already deciding.
Zim looked confusedly at all of the different meals. SO many to choose from and none of them looked at all simple.
Dib watched in amusement as Zim couldn't find anything to eat. The very refined looking waitress came by. "Hello, would you like anything to drink?" She smiled. This couple looked so cute!
Dib reached over and put his hand on Zim's hand with a small flinch to his face. This was good though- this was what practice was all about! To get those flinches out before the real thing! "Zimma-Dear? What would you like to drink..?" He smiled at him the best he could, having to think of kitty cats, butterflies, and moonlit nights to do so.
Zimma looked up, startled by the sudden touch and resisted the urge to scowled at the human, saying, "Ju-just some soda or something."
"Coke for her, please."
"And for you?"
"I'll have a strawberry daiquiri."
The woman gave him a strange look. So early in the day? She shrugged it off though and wrote it down on the sketch pad. "Right away. Be ready to order." She sung while leaving the couple to their silent quarrel and Dib took his hand off of Zim's.
Zim sighed. "This is harder than I thought." He/she said before looking back at the menu. She turned it towards Dib and pointed at something. "What's this?"
Dib looked over. "A club sandwich… but I don't think you'd like that. It has lettuce in it so it would be too spicy I'd think." He looked at his own. "I'm getting small shrimps." Yup. Shrimp for breakfast along with his strawberry daiquiri!
Zim made a face at the idea of shrimp at all before turning back to his menu. He finally found something simple looking. Three pancakes and an egg, he could always give the egg to Dib and he liked pancakes, so that's what he would have. He nodded in approval before turning back to Dib, trying to think of something to say.
Dib set the menus on the side to the table and looked over at Zim. Then at the flame. He snatched the flame up in his fingers a few times, watching it recline on its wick and com back with vengeance and he sighed, also not knowing what to say.
Zim tilted his head and looked at Dib curiously, something from many years ago suddenly coming to mind and he asked, "Are you... 'gay', Dib?"
The human's face went red at the very thought of it. "No… Why?" He stopped playing with the flame to notice his fingers were black. He wiped it on his pants though and continued giving Zim his embarrassed yet confused look.
"When we were in high school." Zim said, pointing up as if to a thought bubble that would replay the memory. "Many of our peers called you several names. When I looked them up they all traced back to the word 'homosexual' which 'gay' is most commonly slang for."
Dib frowned. "They also called you a 'retard' but you're not, are you?" He sighed. "Humans say things to others to get them upset. It doesn't matter if it has any truth to it or not, as long as it hurts, and that's their main objection. To make words hurt." He looked down, fumbling with his napkin.
"Some of them are true." Zim mentioned, looking down at his own napkin.
The lady came around picking up their menus and taking the order from Dib, then leaving again.
"I'm not gay." He pouted. "And anyway, wouldn't you rather be kidnapped by a straight guy than a gay guy? At least you know I won't even try to rape you."
"What's wrong with being gay?" Zim asked innocently, completely oblivious to the implications.
"L-l-lots of things! F-for example… Gay guys… they're… 'wrong', you know? They like other men and that's disgusting... On top of that, even if it isn't 'wrong' to be gay, they get beaten up for it, thrown in trashcans and actually raped for it themselves… so, so yeah… There's something wrong with being gay..." He played with his napkin more, blushing.
Zim's fists clenched in his lap and he stared down at the napkin, that... hurt feeling was back.
"You humans and your social insecurities..." He mumbled.
Dib looked up with a 'huh?"
"What do you mean?" He slowly began feeling better that Zim and him were making progress, even if it was on a topic such as 'gay'.
"Anything different is always 'wrong'." Zim said, trying to keep his face straight as he looked up at Dib. "Would you... throw me in a trash can?"
Zim knew that was a stupid question, of course Dib would, they were enemies, they hated each other!
"After all the years I've known you? You deserve better torture like getting ripped to shreds, being pulled apart, being thrown in a bathtub… not something so -degrading- as a trashcan, or that would be what I deserve too… and I'd much rather be ripped to shreds than being dumped in a trashcan." He smirked, and something dawned on him. "You're gay?" He looked up at his bride-to-be with a look of total shock.
"If you're asking if I prefer men to women, then yes, I do, female irkens are... well let's just say YOU wouldn't survive a night with one." Zim said, poking a finger in Dib's direction. "Something about repressed nesting instincts or something is the excuse they give us in the academy."
"Weird..." was all Dib said, finding this bit of new information maybe even a little bit scary.
The lady came up and sat down their plates and drinks, walking off in marvel of 'what a cute couple'.
Dib began sucking on his alcoholic beverage thinking back. "So all this time I've been fighting you; I've really been fighting a gay alien?" He thought harder. "You… don't get off on torture, do you?" Either answer Zim would leave Zim in a lose-lose situation.
Zim, unfortunately, had no nose for which his soda could make it's excite so he choked on it for a bit before saying, "What, n-no, I don't NOT get off on torture. Though I was under the impression that you did as you kept coming back for more of it." He smirked at the last part before grabbing the syrup and pouring it onto his pancakes.
Dib popped a shrimp in his mouth, glaring at that remark. "Kept coming back… HA! That's why I've been putting YOU through more torture lately than myself, huh?" Dib snorted at the very THOUGHT of him getting off on torture by ZIM of all… things. He sipped down more of his daiquiri, and popped in more shrimp.
Zim completely forgot about the conversation as he could practically taste Dib's breakfast of evil fishy things. He cut up some of his on food and stuck a good portion of that into his mouth to get rid of the evil taste.
When he finally regained thought at the wonderful sweetness of his pancakes he replied, "You're just trying to provoke me into giving you the pain you so crave. Admit it, Zim is the sexiest future ruler of the Earth you have ever laid your unworthy eyes upon and you hunger for me to hurt you."
Dib looked over at Zim setting oh so near by. "Not only is that wrong on the bases of I am NOT trying to provoke you... but it's also wrong on the fact that you're not sexy, not the future ruler of earth, and I do NOT, repeat, do NOT get enjoyment out of you hurting me. I don't want that." Dib drank a big portion of his drink, setting it down with a light 'thump'. "The very thought of me wanting you to… hurt me… gives me goose bumps!" He pouted, and looked around a few people looking at them.
That's right. They were a couple. Practice.
He swiftly yet smoothly pulled his arm around Zim's shoulder.
Zim tauntingly dragged a claw down the side of Dib's face and said, "I know, I know, I am so charismatic it intimidates you to speak of me in such a way, but rest assured I get just as much pleasure out of hurting you as you do receiving the pain, so why don't we hurry up with breakfast, we go back to my base, and I beat you like the Dib-slave you are."
Dib winced and blushed. "No, HONEY, I think not." He coughed, obviously trying to mask his embarrassment. Though, the way he had said it so deviously and so smoothly, without a beat and not getting at all upset by everything Dib had said... it did trigger intimidation in a sense, if only for the moment.
"Anyway, I didn't think you'd get that much pleasure out of me." He said more calmly so other people wouldn't listen in. "If you get as much pleasure out of hurting me as you think I do out of it..." He shifted uncomfortably. "Claws off my face, dear?"
Zim snickered at his obvious victory and removed his hand, relocating it back over to his fork so he could take a few more bites of his food.
Dib took his own arm back to pick at his shrimp, pouting the whole time. He had lost.
He hated losing.
It was like a loss for earth but worse, because it was HIM that was losing against ZIM.
Zim looked at Dib for a moment, his look changing from victorious to thoughtful in a split second. He decided to ask what was on his, after all, Dib now knew an interesting face about Zim, now it was Zim's turn to know, "Dib, why is it you stick up for Earth when all of your fellow earthenoids seem to hate you?"
That was easy. Dib poored down more of the drink. "Because no matter how big of jerks they are, nobody deserved to be a slave or to be killed unless their intentions are just that." He pointed to Zim with a lazy finger. "Like you. Now you're my slave which I can kill." He sipped more on his drink, feeling a little tipsy. "I don't care for the jerks, but they're all I've got and yeah… don't deserve it. None of them." His drink was done with.
Zim shook his head. "You are impossible to understand. You're pretty much martyring yourself for a lost cause. The armada will come eventually, maybe not in your life time, or in my life time, but they will come."
"Then why haven't they yet?" Dib asked, holding onto the table so he wouldn't lean over and fall.
"This planet is worthless to them." Zim said before giving Dib a quizzical look and asking, "Are you alright?"
"I'm a little bit tipsy." He looked over at Zim, grinningly. "Aren't you? Isn't this room? Wait, no, it's me. Yeah. Yeah. Me." He looked over. "Are you done eating? Would you like anything more?"
"Yeah," Zim said, inching a little bit away. "I would LIKE for you to stop acting weird."
"Oh, Hun." He put his arms around Zim evilly and grinned. "I'm not acting weird. Check please!" He rose a hand and a lady came by with the check in which he put his credit card back down and started to nuzzle Zim some more.
Zim shuttered but thought better of pushing Dib off of him, after all, they were in public.
"Dib, what do you think you're doing?" He whispered harshly.
"Being evil, Lumpkins." He said deviously, smirking before one handedly taking back his credit car and fetching twenty dollars to put on the table as a tip.
"W-well stop!" Zim whispered so as not to draw attention though it was a little late for that. "You're pissing me off."
He brought his nose up to Zim's cheek, grinning. "Whatever you say, Darling." and he let go, standing up.
Zim shot Dib a glare before standing up as well, following Dib out of the restaurant. "I hope you don't plan on driving like that." Zim said, suddenly not trusting Dib at all.
Dib stumbled but caught himself. "What me? I'm fiine. I've done this a MILLIONTH times already done. Don't wooooorryyyy." He held the restaurant's doors open for Zim.
"Like hell you're fine." Zim growled, and, grabbing Dib's arm, pulled him out of the restaurant and said, "We're walking, Dib-stink."
Dib glared, mumbling something under his breath as Zim directed him, something along the lines of 'you're not my father!' But he sighed, letting it go as he tried to regain his balance every once in a while.
"Why not… I've done it before and nothing happened…" He pouted but let Zim in complete control of him.
"Because you car is a death trap on wheels as it is, I'm NOT letting you drive drunk and get us killed!" Zim almost shouted.
Dib glared the other direction and successfully fell on the floor. "Damn it!" It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was suppose to practice acting like he loved Zim and he had been doing hardly ANY of that today-instead he got intoxicated and looked like a fool to random passerby, and of course, Zim. "Fuck it all! He can go to hell!!"
Zim took a step back; worried Dib was mad at him or something and was going to use that nifty shocky thing in his pak to hurt him for it
"Wh-who can go to hell?" He asked, looking down at Dib curiously.
Dib glared back but his glare soon fell soft once his eyes hit Zim's scared expression. He sighed. "Dad… Who the fuck else..." His eyes trailed the ground as he shakily got off of the pavement.
Zim was afraid that would be the answer. Did that mean... did that mean the deal was off? Would Dib just get rid of him now? He couldn't move, too scared to do something that would make Dib mad again and could only stare at the human expectantly, waiting for what he was sure was going to come.
Dib pulled himself up and slopping down at each step closer to Zim, embraced him like he had before during their first practice, but was instead not tense at all, and not at all forced.
Zim's eyes widened in shock for a moment before he embraced back, letting out a sigh of relief that he was allowed to live... for now.
"Are you ok?" He asked on compulsion.
"Yeah..." He mumbled drowsily, putting more weight on the Irken as his knees almost gave out on him. "I'm just fine. You're pretty as a girl, Zim. Did you know that? Heheh… 'Zimma'?"
Zim blushed and stared at a wall close to them before saying, "Yes, yes, Zimma is amazing. Now we should probably get you home and something more solid than just shrimp and booze to soak up all that nasty in your belly."
"Fiiiine, fiiine. Let's gooo theeeen." He whined. Walking was going to take forever, but he did as Zim told him to and let go of him to wobble onwards towards home.
"Heheh… Hey… Zim? You called it… 'home'." He giggled after a little while of walking.
Zim's blush which had JUST gone away, come back with a vengeance. "That liquid stupid has a bad hold of your brain, Dib-worm. Yes I said 'home' but was referring to it as being your home."
Dib chewed on that thought a bit. "Maybe you're right." He looked around. "But I like drinking. I try to every time I get out of the house and into a restaurant."
"Why?" Zim asked. "What possible purpose could destroying your brain and liver serve other than to slowly kill you?"
Dib stopped walking for a moment to try to remember why. What was the reason again? He thought long and hard on it. When he couldn't remember the reasoning behind it, he continued on, tripping a bit, but not as bad as he first had when he left the building.
"It's stronger on me in the mornings and at night… and… I like it for some reason. Makes me feel... Something… Like if I'm sad, I can feel sadder… when I'm happy, I feel happier… when I'm angry, I feel angry, but more importantly, I feel... It's real… yet… not real." He began leaning up against Zim's shoulder for support.
"That's stupid." Zim said simply, wrapping an arm around Dib's waist and putting one of Dib's arms over his shoulder to help the human walk.
"Why's that?" Dib turned his head to ask the girlier figure.
"Because that's just killing yourself over stupid feelings. You only have one life, Dib, why waste it trying to change what is? Why not go out and make new feelings?" Zim said, looking up at Dib with a 'you're an idiot' face on.
"It won't kill me…" Dib mumbled. "Not if I don't drink too muchs." His head hung low watching a bug they passed by and changed his attention elsewhere. "And anyway, you want me dead so it doesn't matter to you."
"Dib," Zim said, sighing, ashamed to admit this. "If I wanted you dead, don't you think you'd be dead by now?"
Dib cringed, realizing this. "Yeah..." He hung his head low. "Does this mean I'm suicidal? Cause I don't really know now and you make it sound like it is and I'm getting confused and the floor is still spinning."
"Then don't look at the floor!" Zim chastised. "And no, it doesn't mean you are suicidal... just stupid."
"Oh," Dib looked up at Zim instead, tripping in the process. "That makes sense, I think." They reached his house and the house instantly unlocked itself for Dib and he fumbled himself in there, waiting for Zim.
Zim walked in and shut the door behind him, looking around like something was going to jump out at him before looking back so Dib and asking, "So what now?"
"Now I eat something, drink something, get over this weirdness and Zim does whatever the hell Zim feels like doing." He wobbled over to the kitchen.
Zim followed Dib into the kitchen, shoving him onto one of the bar stools and looking around the nice, expensive kitchen, asking, "What do you need all this for? Do you even cook half the time?"
He shook his head and started looking around the kitchen for something starchy to cook to negate the effects of the alcohol.
"And you know I was talking about your dad, and the engagement."
"Oh… um… that... Nah… it's still on. I just had a little melt-down back there… that's all…" Dib sat on the stool a little dizzy, not expecting Zim to take over and try to cook for his benefit.
"Eh, oh well, it was worth a shot." Zim said jokingly before growling and using the counter to give him a boost to reach for something too high for him to reach. "Why do you keep your bread so high up!?"
Dib pulled out of his seat and took Zim by the waste pulling him down. "Because I'm tall." He said, leaning over and pulling the bread down and handing it to Zim before slouching back down into the stool.
Zim grumbled like a child who'd just been told 'no desert until you eat your spinach!'
He shook off his annoyance at Dib and his... HEIGHT and opened the fridge, pulling out various sandwhicy things and asking, "Is there anything you don't like on sandwiches?"
"Pickles… mustard… ketchup… The rest is fine…" He rested his spinning head on the counter, eternally grateful towards Zim to doing this, although he wasn't quite sure. "Hey, Zim… Why are you trying to get me sober?"
"Because you're scary drunk." Zim said simply as he put the three items back in the fridge and set to work making the sandwich.
Dib mumbled. "How so? You should be more scared when I'm not drunk because I like hurting you more then." He nodded, agreeing with himself.
"The hurting I can handle." Zim said. "It's the touches I don't like. At least I can tell you don't care when you're sober. But when you're drunk it kinda feels like you do, and I don't like that."
Dib stared at him with his head resting comfortably on the counter. "Why not..? You're human, aren't you?" Dib asked, obviously not listening to himself thanks to the tipsiness.
"Of course not!" Zim said as if that offended him, which it did. He put the sandwich in front of Dib and said, "Eat." Before turned and getting a glass from the counter and using the fridges automatic ice and water dispenser to make Dib a glass of water, putting that down next to the plate.
Dib had already forgotten what was said to offend Zim so this sudden personality change startled him.
He picked up the sandwich and began munching on it a bit, taking a sip of his water every now and then. "Hank hyuu Hiimm" Dib thanked Zim as he munched on more food and drank more water, unsure exactly why again.
"Your brain meats have turned to goop, yes?" Zim asked, leaning on the counter far away from the water.
"Let's just hope you sober up before we have to meet up with your father... you know we have to go get your car too."
He munched on more sandwich and swallowed before speaking again. "I'll probably send some one out to get it… M'mmm, yeeeeah… But I'll probably sober up before six… it's… hours away… not… sure how many exactly, but its hours, I'm sure… I think." He continued eating his sandwich till it was gone.
Zim looked at the wall clock, and said, "It's ten now, which means about eight hours."
Dib snorted. "I'll be better in an hour or less!" He took his water and chugged it down, similarly to how he just whooshed away his alcohol earlier.
"You are hopeless, Dib-worm." Zim said, sighing and yawning.
Dib got up a little wobbly still but better, and put up the glass and plate, walking over to Zim and placing his hand on the other's shoulder. "You're tired..? Did you get any sleep last night? You've got a room. Want to nap?" He asked gingerly towards the other.
"No, I'm not tired. But a nap would be nice." Zim said, standing up straight. He didn't give Dib a smile of thanks or anything, the human's... caring unnerved him.
Dib frowned as he watched the Irken just walk away with him. He seemed almost depressed about something.
Zim didn't even bother removing his clothes or disguise; he simply plopped down onto the bed and sighed. He was SO confused. He HATED being confused!
The Dib was what was doing it. He was acting so strangely. One minute they're almost having fun, teasing each other and laughing, the next Dib's drunk and acting all... affectionate, then he's angry, then he's sad, then he's joking around yet still depressy.
What confused him most though was that he liked the affection, he wanted more of it, but it hurt because he knew once the Dib was right in his head again he'd never get it.
Dib sighed and walked over to the living room, plopping on the couch and turning on the TV. When nothing good was on, he napped himself on the couch.
Zim: Me
Dib: THe ALmighty Smallest!