A/N:Hey sorry it took so long to update, but I have most of the next chapter written so I only have to type it up. This chapter is really sort of a filler chapter and jumps around alot in regards with time. Anyway, enjoy and please please review!

In the weeks following, Remus and Tonks both went to great lengths to avoid each other. For the first few days after their argument, Tonks had been adamant about their relationship and tried unsuccessfully to change his mind. After awhile though, she became mentally and physically exhausted from the confrontations which usually ended in both of them becoming aggravated and her storming away in frustration.

Tonks was beginning to go crazy as a result of his stubbornness and Order meetings were quickly becoming a new form of torture. She hated not sitting next to him, holding his hand under the table like they used to. Remus, it seemed to her, looked as if he was handling the whole thing with extremely well.

She couldn't have been more wrong as Remus was also losing his sanity over their situation. Each time he saw her, he became less and less certain that ending things was the right decision. One particular evening he had almost given in. After an Order meeting, Tonks had followed him up to his bedroom and proceeded to pound on his door, refusing to stop until he opened it. He reluctantly obliged, and he let her in; it was either that or not sleep at all that night. Another shouting match had ensued and somehow they had ended up face to face, standing very close to each other. Remus's self-control was suddenly put to the ultimate test and it had taken him every ounce of that restraint not to pull her into a passionate kiss.

As he sat in a plush armchair in his room recalling the incident, an open book on his lap, he was once again reminded of the strong effect the young woman had on him. Even as she had turned to leave, he'd had to catch his hand from shooting out and stopping her. God, what's gotten into me? Must be the fact that I haven't taken my Wolfsbane as preparation for this assignment. Yeah, that's it, he tried to reason, though he didn't believe a word of it.

Damn, it's a good thing this mission starts soon or I'm going to end up caving if I have to deal with this much longer, he thought, running his fingers through his graying hair. He hated the thought of leaving for a potentially deadly assignment being on such bad terms with Tonks but hoped that it would give her more of an incentive to move on.

The evening that Remus was scheduled to leave for his assignment, Dumbledore had held a meeting in order to go over last minute changes and make sure everything was on schedule. Last night had been the full moon and Remus was exhausted. Without his Wolfsbane, he'd been in excruciating pain and did not look forward to going through transformations like that anytime soon. He knew he had no choice though; while undercover there was no way he'd be able to take the potion. After the meeting, as Remus was on his way out the door, he spotted Tonks sitting on the stairs, staring blankly at the wall before her. He noticed that her hair was still its natural brown color and that the life in her eyes was gone.

Walking out the door without uttering a word would have been the best thing for him to do but his heart ached to see her in such a state because of his actions. Unable to resist, he walked over and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder to draw her attention. The familiar warmth of Remus's hand drew her eyes to his as he said, "Hey, it's going to be alright. Don't worry about me."

"You know that'll never happen," she replied solemnly.

Suddenly the large clock in the foyer chimed, signifying that the hour of his departure had arrived. "I have to go."

"Then go," she whispered and he could hear the sadness in her voice.

He simply nodded in reply, gently squeezed her shoulder and turned to door. As his hand closed over the knob, he heard her call softly, "Remus…"

"Hmm?"

"Be careful."

"I promise," he said and opened the door and stepped out into the twilight.

Remus Apparated to the spot in the woods where he was to join up with Greyback. He lit the tip of his wand and carefully checked out the immediate area to make sure he didn't have any unwanted visitors. Suddenly he heard the sound of breaking branches and crunching leaves, and he whirled around to see Greyback and his group approaching. As soon as the others caught sight of him, Greyback spoke, his wand held aloft to match Remus. "Well, well, if it isn't Remus Lupin. Long time no see, huh? Last time I saw you, you were a scrawny little kid. Haven't changed much by the looks of it."

Grunts and chuckles of agreement could be heard in the darkness from the other werewolves as their leader continued, "I wouldn't have even recognized you, had you not had your face plastered all over the Daily Prophet after being fired from Hogwarts two years ago . I guess your still aligning yourself with those weaklings then?"

"Not anymore," Remus answered. Now was his only chance, if they didn't believe his story, they would surely kill him.

"Really? What happened? Must have been pretty bad to make you leave your trusted friends," Greyback asked skeptically.

Well, here goes nothing. "During last night's full moon I tracked down a Muggle. I was about to kill him when the Ministry stepped in and stopped me. They tried to capture me. I barely escaped; they're probably still hunting me. It's ridiculous! I mean, how can we be expected to live when the Ministry imposes anti-werewolf laws and prevents us from feeding!"

"That is exactly why we joined with Lord Voldemort. Though I still find it hard to believe a thing like that would make you betray your friends." Greyback replied.

"They betrayed me," he said softly, trying to sound hurt. "And a lot of good Dumbledore did. He couldn't even convince the Ministry to call off the search for me. If they find me, they'll throw me in Azkaban, for sure."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Anything I have to do to survive and make sure I don't get caught."

"Even joining the Dark Lord?" Greyback inquired, trying to gauge his sincerity.

"If it means I can live freely without being hunted for the rest of my life, then yes. The Ministry doesn't give a damn what happens to werewolves and I refuse to support any government that rejects what I am."

"Well Remus, I'm not entirely convinced you're telling the truth, however, I'm willing to give you a chance. Our numbers are low right now and we can always use new members in our pack. You're welcome to come with us but know that you will be under intense scrutiny until you can prove your loyalty."

"Whatever it takes," he replied and lowered his wand in acceptance.

Remus had been extremely lucky that the others had accepted his story, albeit reluctantly. Their base of operations, so to speak, was a system of caves located deep within the woods. It had been a month since he'd joined them and spending time among them had only confirmed his suspicions that they were savage beasts, even when in an untransformed state. The full moon was the next night and as he sat at the mouth of one of the caves, gazing through the trees at the bright stars above, he felt very apprehensive about it. Being among the others meant he would be forced to join in whatever they did while transformed. He suspected he'd have to hunt and kill other animals, maybe even humans. The thought sickened him, but knew he had no choice. His transformation would undoubtedly me far more painful as well and the absence of his potion wasn't the only reason.

Ever since he'd first met Tonks, his transformations had seemed to be a little less horrific, even before they were together romantically. The simple notion that he'd see her the next day gave him more comfort than he could ever have imagined. A part of him wondered how he would feel if he actually allowed her to be with him during the whole thing.

No, he stopped himself. I probably won't ever see her again anyway. Even if I do make it through this, I could never endanger her like that. Though he knew she could handle him as a werewolf and that she was more than capable of taking care of herself. As the night dragged on, the lonely wizard continued to stare up into the dark sky and tried to think of anything except Tonks; he didn't have much luck.

The night Remus left, Tonks had gone home and tired to sleep but failed miserably. This is great, she thought. I'm never going to get a decent night's sleep while he's out there running around with killer werewolves.

Not long after, the Minister of Magic stationed Tonks at Hogsmeade to help with security up at Hogwarts. The Auror was more than happy to accept the assignment and hoped it would give her something to focus on besides Remus. She never did get a full night's rest, however. She usually slept for a few hours at a time but was always awoken by one of many nightmares. For the next four months, Tonks merely trudged through life, indifferent to the world around her, the absence of Remus still affecting her morphing ability and her Patronus.

When Christmas finally rolled around, her spirits were lifted slightly when she received news that Remus was in fact alive and would be visiting for a few days. She was invited to the Burrow for dinner and had definitely considered going, if only to see for herself that Remus was alive and well. In the end, however, she had opted not to, believing it was for the best. After all these months, she'd almost come to cope with his absence and seeing him again would only send her right back to the beginning.

Remus had been disappointed that she hadn't shown for dinner and that she spent Christmas alone. He knew he had no right to be after what he'd done to her, but couldn't help holding onto that last thread of hope that she still cared for him. The few days of peace he had at the Burrow couldn't last, however, and he soon had to return to the others and once again dive into the life he hated. His transformations continued to be more and more painful each time; the longer he went without his Wolfsbane and the longer he was away from Tonks. The grueling days of pretending to support Voldemort slowly dragged into months as he was forced to be a part of countless atrocities committed in the Dark Lord's name.

One such event stuck in his mind like no other. It had been a cold damp night and Remus had been with Greyback and 3 other werewolves as they walked down a Muggle street. Greyback had become bored since Voldemort had not given them any new tasks, and had decided to go hunting. It had not even been a full moon and yet he had dragged Remus and the others out for a night of terrorizing innocent people. As the group made their way around a corner, they spotted a Muggle couple walking down the street together. Greyback, without warning had produced his wand from under his cloak and struck them down with two well-placed killing curses, leaving their bodies crumpled on the sidewalk. Remus had no choice but to simply stand and watch, along with the others.

"That never gets old," Greyback snarled from under his hood and led the group away from the scene, Remus blindly following. When they arrived back at the caves, Remus went off alone and sank to the hard ground, leaning his head back against the cold stone and closing his eyes. The killing of the two Muggles had barely affected him, it had become almost common place, and that was what scared him more than anything else. As a cold wind whipped through the cave entrance, he once again turned his gaze upwards, his only comfort these days being the stars above and the promise they held for a brighter future.