Sorry I haven't written anything for a while, I've kind of hit a dry spot but I'm trying to get the juices flowing again. Any way, enjoy!
Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya!
What Happens In Vegas Revisited...Who's The Daddy?
It had been three months since the Vegas fiasco and neither Britain, America or France could remember anything about that night so Britain still could not look America in the face while he just went to his default setting with France (i.e. beating him up whenever France even looked like he was going to bring it up, usually helped by America who did not want to be reminded of it either).
Because of the very nature of the 'marriage', it was not legal anyway, to the relief of everyone involved and, as they were all drunk at the time, they all escaped bigamy charges. Frankly, the police were too busy laughing themselves into a coma over the situation to deal with the paperwork of three men who had done something extremely stupid while drunk but they got the name of the Vegas chapel who had knowingly performed the ceremony from the marriage licence, therefore violating the law while taking advantage of men clearly under the influence and the chapel could expect a police visit very soon once they got over the giggles enough to actually move. Britain, America and France all left the police station very red-faced.
Britain felt it was high time to talk about the elephant in the room with America and invited him for a drink to discuss what had happened and clear the air. It was awkward at first but eventually, as they talked it out, Britain and America began to feel easier with each other again.
Then the Bad Touch Trio walked in. With France. So things were awkward again.
A few drinks later, nobody cared and, secure in the knowledge that there was no Vegas in Britain and, even if they managed to get to Greta Green, you could no longer just show up and get married there, Britain felt it was safe to get drunk.
Silly, silly Britain.
Britain hated hangovers yet he did it to himself every time. The pounding headache, the nausea rolling around his stomach, the horrible 'bottom of a parrot's cage' taste in his mouth and the worry that anything he did the night before was now online for everyone to see, laugh at and mock.
He groaned and pulled the cover off his head, squeezing his eyes against the sudden light and blinding headache, thinking that he really must stop drinking.
Like that would ever happen!
Things looked up as Britain breathed a sigh of relief when he realised that he was in his own bed, alone. Maybe, this time, it would be just a hangover with any embarrassing situations.
He should be so lucky!
He threw the cover off him and eased himself into a sitting position with a moan and sat there for a moment with his head in his hands, waiting for the room to stop spinning and trying not to throw up. When he felt able to function without losing whatever the last thing he ate was, he looked up and toward the clock on his bedside table, showing that it was almost nine o'clock. That was when he noticed the other item beside the clock. It was a long stick-like item, sat on top of a box that Britain did not remember buying but, on the side of the box were the words pregnancy test.
Britain stared at the box for a full minute, not believing that it could be there. After all, why would he have a pregnancy test in his house? Then he wondered, why was it open and why was the test sitting on top of the box so he leant over and looked at the little indicator on the side which clearly showed two lines.
Positive!
Britain reached out a rather shaky hand and picked the test up, bringing it close to his eyes to make sure it was not some hangover-induced hallucination but the two lines remained in plain sight. Why was there a positive pregnancy test in his house, on his bed side table? It could not be that he was…..
No! That was not possible! He was a man! There was no way he could …... but then, he was also a nation and approximately half his population was female so could he be …...
No! Absolutely not!
He staggered to the bathroom and climbed into the shower to wash away the night before but he found his hand straying to his stomach, no matter how many time he told himself not to be so stupid. That could not be his pregnancy test.
But what was it doing in his house?
Britain walked back into his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and drying his hair with another and the first thing that caught his attention was the test which he eyed like a coiled snake. He dressed, trying to pretend it was not there but his eyes kept straying to it. Finally, he had had enough.
He picked up the test and looked at it again, trying to figure out a reason for its presence but when it yielded no answers, he picked up the box to see if that could give him any ideas and something rattled. He looked inside the box and found a second, unused test inside and an insane idea hit Britain. Part of his brain told him it was stupid but another part said it would clear things up once and for all and Britain decided he had nothing to lose.
He felt like a real prat, using something any man would normally have little to no reason to use but, if it finally laid this piece of insanity to rest, well, he would be the only one who would know.
Britain sat on his bed, waiting for the test result to appear, wondering, if by some demented quirk of the universe he was …... pregnant (he could barely think it), what would he do? How would he reveal this to the other nations, if he chose to reveal it at all.
Britain shook his head. There was no way he was pregnant, he was being unbelievably idiotic so he picked up the test and waited for that one line to appear to tell him what he already knew. That he was a man and that there was no way he could be pregnant. The one line appeared and Britain sighed with relief.
And when the second line appeared, he fainted and did not wake up for a hour.
"Oh holy, bloody, bollocking Hell!" Britain muttered as he paced his living room, desperately needing a whiskey but, no! That was not good for the baby! Baby! He could not believe this was happening but even worse, who was the father? If it was like a normal pregnancy, then the moment of conception was …..
Oh Hell, no!
Vegas! That stupid time in Vegas when he woke up married (kind of) to both America and France. None of them had any memory of what happened that night, who did what to who, if anything. That meant either America or France could be the father so it was a choice between a hyperactive man-child or …..gulp! …..France!
Once again, Oh Hell, no!
He really needed that drink! It might give him the courage to approach America and France about what happened that night, to ask if they remembered anything. He needed to know who the father of his child was. Bloody Hell, he was going to have either America or France in his personal life in a major way from now on. America's childlike chaos, Britain could only just about take and as for France …. Britain almost groaned. What was he going to do?
The next World Meeting was up and Britain decided to approach America and France then, bringing the positive pregnancy test with him to prove to the others that he was not joking as he still could not believe it himself but he still had no idea how to approach them.
When he arrived, neither America nor France were there so Britain went to his seat to think about what he was going to say to them when they came. Somehow 'Excuse me, chaps but I think one of you knocked me up and I need to know which one of you is the father of my child' did not seem like the way to go. If it was not what had gotten him into this mess in the first place, Britain could have done with a drink.
France arrived, just as the meeting started so Britain could not get a quiet moment with him and America had yet to arrive. France did not look like his usually immaculately groomed self, not that he looked untidy, simply that he looked worn, like he had not slept in a few days. He had shadows under his eyes and he looked pale, leaving people to wonder if the French nation was ill.
Twenty minutes into the meeting, America finally arrived but instead of bursting in like usual, proclaiming that The Hero had arrived, he gingerly opened the door and sheepishly walked to his seat with an apologetic look toward the speaker, in this case it was Japan.
"Kon'nichiwa, America-San," Japan greeted.
"Hi, Japan," America replied with a weak grin, not his usual killer-watt smile. "Sorry for interrupting ya, dude." Everybody expected Britain to give America a dressing down like usual but Britain was too preoccupied with his own thoughts about how to approach America and France to take America to task about his tardiness, America sat down and the meeting continued.
It soon became obvious to everyone that there was something different about the British, American and French nations. France was not pestering Britain, Britain was not insulting France or America and America was quiet. All three looked like they had not been getting a lot of sleep and no one saw Spain and the meeting-crashing Prussia look at each other, Spain looking worried while Prussia was suppressing a grin.
Britain noticed how out of character America and France were acting and wondered if something was bothering them and if he should put off confronting them about the consequences of Vegas but he needed closure on this so he could decide what to do next so postponing was not an option. He was coming to terms with the fact that he was going to be a father …. mother ….. whatever but who was going to share the responsibility with him. America was a large child himself but Britain supposed that mean a playmate for the little one but then … Bloody Hell! France!
"That concludes this meeting," Germany announced and Britain realised that he had not heard a single word of the meeting so he would have to borrow someone's notes. "Everyone can leave for the day."
"Last one to the bar is a unawesome douche-bag!" Prussia announced and everyone stood up while Britain went over to America.
"America," he said. "I need a word with you and France if you could spare a moment." Both America and France had a 'fight or flight' look on their faces.
"Sure, Iggy," America replied, although he sounded like he wished he was elsewhere. France looked equally discomfited.
"Oui, Angleterre," he said. "I have something to tell the two of you any way."
"Same here, dudes," America told them. Britain wondered if they remembered anything about Vegas so he was interested in what they had to say. They waited until they were the only ones left in the room before speaking.
"I really need to know what happened in Vegas, chaps," Britain announced. "Trust me, it's important."
"I was gonna ask the same thing, Iggy," America replied. "I gotta know!"
"Oui," France agreed. "I'm desperate to find out as well."
"Well, I ask first," Britain said.
"Please, dude," America replied. "I really need to know."
"If you have any information, mes amis," France plead. "Please don't keep it from me!" They kept demanding information, begging back and forth until all three shouted at once...
"I'M PREGNANT!"
That shut them all up and they stared at each other. They were all pregnant! How was that even possible! Even if they all bottomed that night, the chances of all three of them getting pregnant was very slim. If possible at all.
"Are you sure?" Britain asked them.
"Yeah, dude," American replied. "I took a test and stuff."
"So did I," Britain replied, taking out the box with the positive test in and showed them.
"This is the brand I used," France said, looking at the box.
"Me too," America peered at the box. A thought occurred to Britain.
"Wait a minute!" he said. "Where did these tests come from?" Both America and France looked nonplussed.
"Mine was on my bedside table when I woke up," America replied.
"Mine too," France said. Britain looked down at the box in his hand.
"I know I don't make a habit of having pregnancy tests on hand in my house," he mused. "I assume you chaps don't either." Both America and France shook their heads. "So, where did they come from?" France looked at the box again.
"I've seen these before," he revealed. "I think I saw Prussia looking at them on-line." Okay! That raised a red flag.
"Why would Prussia be looking at pregnancy tests?" Britain mused. "And wasn't he and Spain, the other member of that idiotic trio of yours drinking with us the night before."
"Yeah," America replied as he thought back to that night before booze stole all their faculties. "Now that you mention it, those dudes were getting us drinks all night." France frowned.
"Does anyone remember how we got home that night?" he asked.
"No," Britain replied. America shook his head too.
"Not a clue, dude," he said. Britain took out his phone and connected to the internet and began tapping on it.
"Whatcha doing, dude?" America asked.
"I'm looking up the brand of pregnancy test," he replied as he waited for the search to finish. "Here we are!" As he read the screen, his face began going a funny shade of puce.
"THOSE GITS!" he screamed, turned on his heel and stormed out of the room while America and France hurried to catch up to him.
"Hey, what's up, Iggy?"
"Where are you going, Angleterre?"
"To brutally murder those two w*nkers you call friends!"
"Kesese!" Prussia chuckled as he sipped his beer. "I would love to be a fly on the wall in that room when they tell each other they're pregnant." Spain chuckled as he played with his own glass, remembering the night they got Britain, America and France blind drunk and left them in their beds with the positive pregnancy tests on their bedside tables. Prussia's idea, of course.
"It was a good prank, amigo," he said. "Imagine if they announced to everyone that they're all pregnant."
"I wonder how many of them used the second test, just to be sure," Prussia replied, still amused by his prank. "Just imagine, three men, peeing on pregnancy sticks!" He laughed again at the mental image.
"Still, I wouldn't want to be around if they find out that those test are joke ones that always show positive," Spain pointed out. "Especially Britain! The last time he was mad at me, he sank my armada!"
"And you're going to wish you sank with it, you Spanish tw*t!" came the unmistakable British voice. "And you, Prussia, are going to wish that you disappeared when you were dissolved, you pair of w*nkers!" Prussia and Spain looked up into the furious faces of Britain, America and France, to whom Britain had explained about the pregnancy tests being prank ones that you can buy to play on people and they were no happier with Prussia and Spain than Britain, right now.
"Could you do this to me, mes amis," France demanded. "My perfect appearance is less than perfect because of all the sleep I've lost. You have committed a crime of unforgivable proportions!"
"I'm gonna introduce you to a friend of mine," America growled, whipping out a baseball bat (who even knows where he had it). "Have you met Mister Home-Run?" Germany, who was sat with Italy, a little way off, knew that his older bruder must have done something epic to piss off these three nations, one of whom was one of his best friends.
"What have you done this time, Bruder?" he demanded. Spain took hold of Prussia's arm and tugged on it, nervously.
"Amigo," he warned. "I think now would be a good time to relocate." Prussia gulped and nodded.
"Run!" he replied and the two of them bolted for the door.
"GET THEM!"
Everyone on the street turned to watch two men, screaming in German and Spanish, being chased by a swearing Brit, a cursing Frenchman and an American, waving a baseball bat. They chased Prussia and Spain for a mile before the police intervened and they were arrested for public disorder, threatening behaviour and America was charged with carrying an offensive weapon.
Their governments had to intervene because they could not have this going public and potentially revealing the existence of personifications to the public at large but they all got lectured for their behaviour by their bosses, including Spain for his part in kicking the whole thing off while Prussia got a hour-long lecture from Germany about immature behaviour. After that, Britain swore never to drink again.
Let's see how long that lasts!
You can actually get these prank pregnancy tests, I've checked. And wasn't Prussia and Spain naughty boys! They're just lucky America didn't borrow 2p! America's baseball bat. Ouch! Nails! Thank you everybody who followed and favourited and reviewed since the last chapter and I apologise for not answering you reviews. Thing have been getting away from me lately but reviews are greatly appreciated and I promise to try and answer your reviews from now on.
So until next time,
Hasta la Pasta!