Sue Sylvester woke from her brief night of slumber with a jolting start, just as she did every morning. Five hours was just enough time to recharge her batteries and gear up for her usual daily routine of places to interfere and people to terrorize. She found absolutely nothing wrong with rattling the nerves of others and giving them an over-abundantly healthy dose of intimidation! Keeping those "beneath her", which was pretty much the majority of the people she interacted with throughout the day, on their toes and invoking the wrath of Sue-fear within them led her to believe that she would gain the utmost respect and according accolades that an individual like her deserved.
Bouncing to her feet, Sue started her morning calisthenics at the food of her bed. As she methodically kept her jumping jacks count, she tried to recall the dream that had left her snickering when she had awoken: a young and ever-so vibrant chuckling Sue was standing atop a playground sandbox, hurling handfuls of sand at a much younger, curly-headed little boy, who was hysterically crying. This, in turn, made young Sue laugh harder and throw more violently. She could remember telling the little boy that if he had not rolled his head in so much of his mother's Crisco that morning at breakfast, the sand wouldn't slide off and sting as profusely.
Profusely. Even in her dreaming state, her younger being was always so well-spoken and used expansive vocabulary at a tender, ripe age. That reason alone made her beam at such an early time of day! It was time to move to her sit-up position and blast out set after consecutive set of crunches, so she continued to think back on the next part of her dream.
The little boy momentarily stopped crying and looked up at her, as if pleading to just leave him alone and pick on someone else, if she must. Young Sue knelt to the boy's level and put one arm around him, insisting that he was a "sissy loser" and hated hearing him sing to himself earlier while she was concentrating on attempting to break the school swinging record. She explained to him that now he would have no choice but to shut up, since she then proceeded to force feed him shovel after shovel-full of sand.
"Loser! Loser! Lame-o, lame-o loser!" Although Young Sue hadn't the slightest clue what the little boy's name in her dream was, she most definitely knew who he represented in her lucid life.
Around crunch number 351, Sue flipped open her Bluetooth earpiece and decided to give the grown-up "lame-o loser" she desperately wished she could serve a bowlful of playground sand to for breakfast a wake-up call of his own. The earlier she could break this news to him, the better.
Sue just thrived on endlessly driving Will Schuester up a wall. Why should she have to wait another three hours if she could just do it now?
Riiiinngggg. Riiiiinnggg.
On the opposite side of town, Will was soundly still asleep when his landline phone rang. Lately, since Terri had moved out and they had finalized their divorce, he had the most difficult time falling asleep and staying asleep. He almost always found himself inconveniently drifting into a deep sleep about two hours prior to his alarm going off. He was not adjusting well to sleeping alone in the bed he had shared for so many years with someone else. That particular night, he took two over-the-counter sleeping aids after lying fully awake for four hours, and it must have done the trick, because he slept right through the landline phone and was only then roused by his cell phone vibrating underneath his pillow.
Damnit. Not the most pleasant way to be woken up! He must have left it there when he texted Emma last night about Sisqo coming to Lima on tour in the fall. After reading the headline on the local news alert to his inbox when he checked his email before heading to bed, he figured Emma might appreciate and share the laugh since the "Thong Song" was Ken Tanaka's choice to dance to at their-almost wedding last Winter.
On second thought, considering how the mere thought of Ken probably made Emma feel wretchedly ill, and it had been weeks since either one of them had even uttered a word to each other, Will realized his icebreaker had probably been in vain.
Bleary-eyed, he glanced at his alarm clock. 5:03. Who the hell in their right mind was calling him this early? He had only been asleep for a little over an hour, so he thought maybe he was just dreaming it. That is, until the relentless vibration started to make his head slightly ache.
"Morning Lardy-locks!" The voice on the other end sounded eerily chipper and too obnoxious for 5:03 in the morning, or perhaps for any time of the day. " Figured you'd be up and at 'em, engaging in your morning routine of well-oiling your mop for the day. You know, a little Parkay, a little Penzoil…. A real spontaneous combustion to get your hair up and running!"
Will did not need any second further to register who the voice on the other end belonged to. With an inaudible groan, he immediately rose to a sitting position and rubbed his eyes, knowing that this day was already starting off on a sour note.
"Sue? It's 5 in the morning! I was sleeping-"
"Ah, sleep! Overrated. For lame-o losers. " Sue didn't stifle her laugh from repeating aloud what she had said to the miniature version of Will in her dream. "I'll sleep when I'm dead, William."
It was enough to deal with Sue and her uncalled for insults every day at work, but now before he was even supposed to be up for the day? It was just too much for him to handle!
"What do you want, Sue? Can this wait?" Will was sure that knowing her, it couldn't.
"Oh, put on your big boy panties and quit your bitching, Schuester! I just wanted to make you aware well ahead of time that Santana, Brittany, and Fruity Boy will not be at any of your pointless and nonsensical practice rehearsals the rest of this week or next ."
Will was most certainly wide awake after hearing Sue's remark. He repositioned the phone on his ear and sat up taller, as if it would make any difference in verbalizing his response to Sue. " Regionals are in two weeks. They need to be at every single rehearsal we have from now until then! And, on the last week of school, we have the talent scouts from some of the state universities coming to watch us perform on Showcase Day. All of my kids need the preparation and practice. "
"And , the next National competitions for my Cheerios are right around the corner. Our dignified reputation is at stake and I'll be damned if I don't have each and every members' undivided attention on splits and mounts- NOT scales and refrains." Sue knew well ahead of time that these competitions were not for another four months, but time was of the essence and it did not need to be wasted on silly song jingles and alleged "dancing" shenanigans.
Was she serious? Will knew the answer to that question so he quickly chased it out of his mind as fast as it had entered. Unbelievable! Every time a big competition comes around for the glee students, Sue will do everything in her power to try to destroy it.
It probably didn't help matters much since he most recently stooped down to Sue's pathetic level and tried to fight fire with fire, pretending to seduce her, publicly humilating her, and just giving her a taste of her own medicine. But, just like the majority of his well-intended ideas, this particular one failed horribly and Sue seemed to be even more hatefully livid towards him…if that could even be possible! Will momentarily closed his eyes, hoping he would drift back off to sleep and this phone call would just be the conclusion of one of his recurring nightmares.
"Hey Funky Fro! I have an acai pomegranate whey soy double fiber carb gel puree getting watered down on ice as we speak. If I'm late on my 5:15 pre-breakfast, it throws off my whole electrolyte balance for the day. If you think a dehydrated, bloated woman is cranky, wait until you see how cantankerous a premenopausal, constipated, de-ionized female can get. Not a cakewalk, nor is it a pretty sight…
…so be sure I do not see your ugly mug and your motley crew anywhere within a ten feet radius of the auditorium or the stage on Tuesdays and Thursdays ."
This was certainly no snoozing nightmare. Although he felt as if he was starting to doze off once again, he could have sworn he heard Sue say something about being "constipated." If Will was still asleep, he wouldn't have started to develop a mental image so grossly disturbing. Shuddering from any continuing thoughts, he forced himself awake because he wanted Sue to finish what she was saying about Tuesdays and Thursdays.
"Run that by me again- Tuesdays and Thursdays?"
That excess of hair gel must be killing off his brain cells slowly but surely, thought Sue. Schuester is even more dense outside of school hours! She ALMOST regretted not waiting until the work day officially started, but remembered how refreshing it was to relive a elemental aspect of her dream during present waking hours.
"You are even more obtuse than my cousin Stella Sylvester's cat who vomits repeatedly and ingests her regurgitation in a drawn-out cyclic pattern...TUESDAYS! THURSDAYS! My girls and the fruitcake- auditorium all afternoon!" Sue shouted, feeling a sense of invigorating empowerment over her day. She should start her day with a call to this dim-wit every morning!
Will was furious! There was no way Sue would get away with taking his core performers and their prime rehearsal days in their designated rehearsal location!
"I will not stand for this, Sue! We will keep what is ours, fair and square."
"Oh yeah, buddy? Not if my assistant coach and I have anything to say about it." Although Sue knew it wasn't a definite move yet, with one more phone call before she would start to get ready for work, that newly imagined position would be filled in a heartbeat. The position, without a doubt, would be filled by the person of her choice. No one says no to Ms. Sue Sylvester!
Not unless they wanted to munch on a main course of insults and slandering.
Sue's pre-breakfast puree was ready and waiting as she rounded out crunch number 699. And Will knew there would not be a chance he would slip back into an undisturbed resting state for another hour until his alarm was actually set to go off. Someone had to end this conversation, but not without the painfully intriguing answer:
One Sue was more than enough and enough than more! What exactly did she mean by "assistant?"
Although, it wasn't uncharacteristic of Sue to pull nonsense out of her ass as an attempted scare tactic for Will, his glee kids, or anyone else at McKinley High. He decided he would tread lightly because even though Sue tried to break his stride by threatening to use the auditorium during glee club's designated time, he wouldn't fall for some elusive, bogus assistant coach.
With a hint of his own snarkiness, Will softened his tone a tad, "Well, I guess all I can really say is that look forward to working with you and you assistant coach then these next couple of weeks."
"You're not her type, Liver Lips. She likes her mister not like her sister."
Thinking she spoke true words to attest about a girl she knew once upon a time, Sue hung up the phone to tend to the remainder of her morning routine, as Will made his way out of bed and into the kitchen to brew himself a strong cup of coffee. The way this morning had started off, he needed at least three cups to get him through the day!
Little did either one know how completely off the mark Sue's words at 5:12 that Thursday morning in early June would serve to be at both a later time….and date.
Meanwhile, as both Sue and Will continued on with the remainder of their morning routines at home, Alexia had already left her townhouse for the day, en route to Rachel's house, and out the door nearly two hours prior to the time she had been leaving to make it to her new classroom for the past week! Rachel had called her at midnight last night, an hour and a half after Alexia had headed to bed herself, pleading that her older sister come by at 5:30 a.m. to pick her up and drive her to school before 6:00 in order for her to squeeze in about two hours of uninterrupted solo practice in the auditorium before homeroom started. The overnight janitor would already have the doors unlocked and since the McKinley High swim team would be beginning their morning practice around that time anyway, Rachel explained that she wouldn't be on campus completely unattended. She knew that if she had asked her fathers, they would have firmly insisted "no" at such an outlandish request, so Rachel basically reminded Alexia that since they were making up for all the lost time of not living by one another, it was her "sisterly duty" to grant her the last-minute favor. In return, Alexia nicely reminded Rachel that this would be a one-time only deal, especially since her father and step-father wouldn't approve of it happening any more than that.
Alexia arrived promptly at her expected time, and quietly let herself in the front door, careful not to wake anyone else. She walked straight back to Rachel's bedroom, briefly stopping to playfully roll her eyes at the sign posted on the outside of her bedroom door:
MISS RACHEL BERRY IS PRIMPING FOR HER DAY. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB THE STAR.
"You do realize that most celebrities do not put those signs on their dressing room doors when they are getting ready. All sorts of people are usually walking in and out during makeup and costuming." Alexia loved pointing out tips of reality to her younger sister in an attempt to humble and inform her. From Rachel's complaints about her fellow peers and remarks on not quite fitting in with others around her, Alexia felt obligated to do all she can to provide Rachel with the social skills necessary for high school survival. It was brutal when she went through it nine years earlier, but from the stories and news she heard about these days, it was by far much, much worse. She knew Rachel would always stand out in a crowd, as she always did herself, but it was far less painless when you had more friends than enemies surrounding you at the top.
And, this was lived and learned, tried and true, because Alexia could relate from past personal experience. Now that Rachel was soon to turn sixteen, she could begin to share some of those most harrowing tales…in edited and summarized form, of course.
Rachel emerged from her walk-in closet, and crossed her bedroom to give Alexia a quick hug. " I will not be like most celebrities!"
"Just keep on telling yourself that, Rach. That's what they all say!" Alexia took one glance at Rachel's outfit after they pulled away from their embrace,remembering that it was also in her sisterly duties to give fashion advice when necessary. "Please tell me you are not wearing that to school today?"
"I love this outfit! It's what I was wearing the day I first laid eyes on Finn outside of second period algebra, when he was paying Murray Simpleton for a copy the first chapter test."
This outfit consisted of a compilation of the usual articles of clothing for a signature Rachel ensemble: A black baby-tee with rhinestones formed in the shape of a cat, an orange wool cardigan, a pink, orange, and yellow plaid pleated Catholic schoolgirl style skirt, white knee socks with pink bows at the knee, patent leather yellow high-heeled Mary Janes, and a matching plaid satin headband.
"I've only known them for about five days, but it's long enough to determine that my 5 and 6 year olds have a more heightened sense of fashion, hon."This nicely put but sarcastic comment paired with Alexia's disapproving glance seemed to not phase Rachel.
"Oh, and I expect you rather I dress as unconventionally bland and generic as you are today?" Rachel pointed out Alexia's preppy style of work-wear for that particular day: a pressed light khaki skirt, a pink and white button down collared shirt, a navy, pink, and burgundy argyle sweater vest, and tan strappy heeled sandals, complete with a simple strand of pink pearls and matching pink pearl earrings. "Looks like you have tagged along on one of Mr. Schuester's shopping trips!"
Alexia's felt her face get hot and cheeks flush slightly at the mention of Will's name. She found herself thinking about how cute and nice he was when she first met him often over the last couple of days. She secretly was counting down the hours until she would probably get the chance to hear him sing again at her voice lesson the following afternoon. Alexia had been interested in many different men before, but she rarely formed a "crush" over a guy she encountered for a split second less than two days before. Besides, just like the majority of the men who resided in Lima- he was most likely married, engaged, or in a long-term, serious relationship. It didn't matter anyway because Alexia had promised herself that in the year following her treacherous break up from Daniel, she would only concentrate on worrying about making herself happy and her new career path when she moved back to Ohio.
"Hey now, I only saw him for that short time in your rehearsal, but he is one stylish guy!"
Now it was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes and glance disapprovingly. " Ugh, don't even think about talking it up with Mr. Schuester. He just recently got divorced from his wife of 15 years and has been dating a myriad of different women, one including Miss Pillsbury."
Alexia wanted to smile at the fact that her assumption about his marital status turned out to be wrong (She vaguely remembered hearing that he was married to Terri Whatshername, that ditzy, brainless flyer that was on the Cheerios before she joined ) but the last part of Rachel's words didn't sit too well with her.
Will dated Emma? Of all people from her past and from the present! It made sense now in thinking back to how oddly Emma reacted to seeing Will in the parking lot the other evening. Why was it that although she and Emma had been estranged in their friendship for so many years, some things never changed, like being interested in the same guys?
Alexia had to remind herself once again that she had just only officially met Will- knowing of or about him didn't quite count. She couldn't be interested in someone that quickly! She also couldn't be interested in someone once again that was linked to Emma!
Old habits die hard, yes, that she knew, but Alexia had left the drama and lack of wisdom behind with her old career and her old life. No sense in making the same mistakes twice!
Still, she just HAD to know to what extent he dated Emma. Rachel, in all actuality, doubtfully knew- she was sure of it! However, if recent memory served her correctly, her sister did love to meddle in the lives of others around her.
"It's not gossip," she always insisted. "Just constructive criticism discussed among the non-participating parties."
Alexia pretended to browse through Rachel's closet for a possible improvement to the outfit her sister currently was wearing. She probed for further elaboration on the Will and Emma front.
"So, really? Emma and Will? Interesting…how long has that been going on? I mean, you said that he just got divorced, right?" Well damn, she pondered, maybe Emma has changed after all these years? The Emma that she knew once upon a time would never have the gall to move in for the kill with a newly divorced man. She wouldn't even date Daniel until he had been broken up with his ex-girlfriend for at least one year!
"Hmm, let me think. I believe they took a break around the same time Jesse and I broke up.." As Rachel droned on, she applied the a final layer of her shimmer gloss atop her lips. She always made sure to precisely apply at least six coats and an extra top coat because "you can never have too much gloss." It was apparent this was one tip that Alexia did not teach Rachel because Alexia was too engrossed in sheer disgust from watching her waste almost half a tube of Mango Madness in one application. She didn't even realized she stopped listening until Rachel was waiting for the solicited answer to, "So, you agree with that then, Lex?"
Alexia had no idea what she was agreeing to, so she mechanically nodded her head in response, unsure if she would eventually regret the automatic reply.
Rachel continued in her usual excessively verbose manner. "It just wouldn't be appropriate. A conflict of interest, on everybody's part." By this time, Rachel had grabbed her stuff for school and was standing by the door, anxious and ready to leave. "Having said that, can we go now, please? We have approximately seven minutes to make it to campus and I still have to prepare my morning hot water with lemon and honey before I start."
Before Alexia could protest an immediate departure- What exactly wouldn't be appropriate?- her cell phone unexpectedly sounded, with an incoming unknown call. Usually, if she didn't recognize the number, she wouldn't pick up. Lately, though, she had been receiving a lot of work related calls from the elementary school and the district office, but it was almost impossible for anyone there to be calling her this early?
Instead of the blaring voicemail notification, Alexia's phone incessantly rang again. Rachel wasn't the least bit pleased.
"Aren't you going to get that? Dads know your ringtone, but they aren't supposed to know you are here!"
"I don't recognize the number and I definitely don't know who would be calling me at this time."
"Apparently it is someone who so desperately wants to get a hold of you." Rachel snatched the phone from Alexia and answered it herself. "Hello?"
"Put Carlfenso on the phone. B-rated films do not give her the privilege of an obnoxious answering service on her cellular device."
Rachel was puzzled, and annoyed. "It's Coach Sylvester." She had yet to fill Alexia in about the ongoing feud between Coach Sylvester and her Cheerios with Mr. Schuester and his Glee kids. Even more so annoyed that time was ticking away, she thrust the phone into Alexia's hands and mouthed that she would be waiting outside in the car.
Alexia was equally confused as to why Sue would be calling her, nevertheless at this hour of the morning. "Hi Sue, what can I, uh, do for you?"
"Do for me? How about what I can do for YOU, my new assistant coach?"Normally, Sue didn't like to share the limelight, but she knew this potential powerhouse of a partner could work to her benefit in more ways than she could dare to fathom.
"Excuse me? Assistant coach?" It occurred to Alexia that maybe she did not get an adequate amount of sleep last night or had too many other things on her mind, but she was having an awfully difficult time registering most everything that was being thrown at her this early this particular morning.
"Do I stutter, Carlfenso? I think not. I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime to secure the job you should have taken in the first place. We would have been a force to reckon with- well, you more or less standing in my grandiose shadows. Opportunity never comes knocking more than once when I'm involved, but I know that ruthless, cutthroat desire to strive for the highest still courses through your little guinea veins."
Apparently the ruthless, cutthroat desire to never take no for an answer still courses through Sue's veins after all these years. Reconnecting with her old cheerleading coach and getting re-involved with Sylvester's wrathful drama was not part of the plan in moving back to Lima. " You know, I'm really honored that you would think of me again, Sue, I really am. But, I'm going to have to decline. Between picking up where this teacher left off with the kids for the last few weeks of school and helping out my sister with glee, it leaves me very little time. It would be unfair to make any commitment I would be unable to keep."
Sue's ears perked up at the mention of "glee". Alexia Carlfenso would not cross over to the "darkside" when her loyalties originated with the best. She could use another ally to aid her in crushing the ghastly, revolting stink bug Will Schuester. Now it was time to play hardball, the game Sue dominated.
"I already have you taken the lead on our center routine for Nationals. Revival of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" from '99. With the one year anniversary of that casualty around the corner, it's a surefire crowd pleaser. I expect you at 3:45, dressed out and ready to choreograph."
What Sue failed to realize was that Alexia was hip to her game after all these years. She knew what she had to do to challenge that unyielding game of Sylvester's hardball and she planned on having an enjoyable time with it, although this was not what she had expected to have to tackle.
"I'll be there at 4, Sue, but I'm not making a commitment to you. I'll make a commitment to the kids and guide them in the right direction with that routine, but it's just for today."
Without giving Sue a chance to respond, Alexia ended her call and dashed out the door to drive Rachel, as promised. Alexia was going to keep all the promises she made this time around in Lima, no matter how hard they may deem to be from this point on.