A/N- Well. I've got nothing. No I still don't own the Akatsuki. Sigh… Happy 4th of July (yeah I know it's tomorrow)! I'm glad I'm actually updating this at the time I wanted to, it's a miracle really. I promise the next chapter will be longer though.

Chapter 2- Cretins

Itachi's POV

The girl known as Aspen set us down on the table and disappeared down a hallway.

"This world is so strange, yeah." Deidara mentioned from my right.

"You don't need to state the obvious brat." Sasori boredly responded.

"What the fuck are we even doing here in this shithole of a world?" Hidan demanded looking angered.

"I think you're asking the wrong questions." Zetsu muttered almost inaudibly.

"Oh fucking really? Then what the fuck have you got you pissy plant?"

"How did we get here and why are we felines." Came the flat response.

"Tobi thinks it Orochimaru's fault." The masked man yelled.

"Why the hell do you say that?" My larger, blue partner inquired.

"Because Tobi saw him in the base with us. But Tobi didn't think it was important."

"And why didn't you mention this?" Growled Kakuzu.

"Because Orochimaru told Tobi that he was just going to his old lab for something. He told Tobi that Tobi would be a good boy if Tobi didn't say anything."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The Jashinist screamed launching himself at the kitten.

Deidara and Kisame yelled and joined in the fray.

"Shut up, all of you. For now we will have to live in this world with the girl. Our first order of business will be turning human again and then our second will be returning back to the base." If we still had been human, I have no doubts that Pein would be rubbing his temple.

Konan rested a paw on his shoulder.

"Well, fuck." The teenager seemed to have come back from wherever she was. This world didn't seem to have chakra and it was odd that I couldn't sense her re-entering the room.

She reached into the box and pulled out Tobi first.

"Sugar." The girl muttered.

We listened as Tobi stopped running around the table, as we could no longer hear his claws clicking on the wood.

"Sugar. That's your name. I know it's not very masculine but your face reminds me of a lollipop and you remind me of a young child who's had too much sugar." She explained and the running continued after a contented purr.

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.

The teenager giggled but then cut herself off short as if it surprised her. How odd. The people of this world seem rather carefree. At least her two companions, the girls that found us. Why would she be surprised by her own laughter?

Hidan was the next out of the box and the first thing he did was attempt to maul her hand.

The girl yelped and yanked her hand away, dropping Hidan on the table in the process.

"I'm allergic to cats motherfucker. If I end up dead, you all end up on the streets because the other two can't keep you in their no pets apartment. That's why you're here."

Immediately Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, and Kakuzu started to yell death threats at the Jashinist.

Pein, Konan, and Zetsu growled while Sasori and I merely remained silent.

"Chill, I just took some allergy pills." The teenager mutters and the whimpers and growls cease. The teenager stands up and leaves once again.

"I should name you Fucker. Or Satan." The girl tells Hidan as she returns. Deidara and Kisame laugh; Zetsu, Sasori, and Konan snicker; I hear Tobi gasp and say, "That's not nice!" while Kakuzu, Pein, and I merely smirk.

"Jashin instead though, because of your amulet." It's interesting that she knows of the religion.

Next to leave the box is Konan.

"Tenshi. Angel in Japanese and kanji because it would have to take a saint or an angel to deal with nine freaking males." She names her. The teenager let Konan jump in her lap and she begins to absentmindedly stroke the kitten.

It is almost as if we are back in Amegakure. Where the civilians knew her by the same name and showed her their adoration.

I watch as the girl struggles with one hand to get my partner out of the box and eventually resolves to the use of both.

"Same. It means shark in Japanese. It seems fitting to me." I hear my partner move rather loudly for a ninja, cat or not, across the table.

She moves quickly along to pull Sasori out of the box and name him.

"Scorpion. Due to the kanji on your chest." Her explanation is simple and quick as well.

She nearly stops completely as she sees Zetsu but rather blinks but continues on with her task.

"Yin-Yang. You seem split and there is conflict in your eyes. BPD maybe?"

We all stare at her in surprise. She managed to tell by only his eyes? She doesn't seem to notice our pause and pulls out Kakuzu with both hands. She sees his obvious unease and sets him down on the table right away. Kakuzu moves straight to her wallet and steals some of her currency. It isn't the same as our worlds but money is money to the miser.

"I want to name you Stitches but I feel like that might be cruel." Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame laugh at his expense but the miser himself doesn't react.

"You seem to like money, I'll name you Yen, which is the Japanese currency. I seem to be naming most of you in Japanese." She finally says eyeing the money in between his paws.

He gives a grin that seems to terrify the girl.

She observes Pein after pulling him out of the box but her head snaps up at Tobi's distressed cry.

"Hidannnnn-Sempaiiiiii!" He yelps.

The entire Akatsuki start to yell (Deidara cheers) and the girl seems to be at loss.

"Silence!" Pein yells and a few of the others jump and silence falls over us. Pein opens his mouth to reprimand Hidan but is cut off.

"Leader. Because you clearly have more control over this bunch than I do." He merely nods his head and leaves it at that, jumping to sit next to our 'owners' leg to be close to Konan.

The girl pulls me out of the box and observes me. I am tempted to activate my Sharingan but I merely let it go off. She stares with a slight look of confusion but shakes it off.

"Noir. It means black in French. Plus I like the word." She sets me in her lap, which Konan just vacated to sit beside Pein. She continues to stroke my fur much like she had with Konan. I inaudibly purr but she seems to be well aware of it. Kisame has his head on the girls' leg. He jumped down off the table after Konan left and I was lifted out of the box it seems.

The last to leave the box is Deidara. She sets him on the table where the other 5 besides Sasori are seated with their partners. He runs past Sasori to stare out the window. Kisame, Hidan, Tobi, and Konan join him.

Fireworks.

"Don't mind the fireworks, it's July 1st so this Saturday, July 4th, is Independence Day for the United States. Also known as a national holiday. My neighbors are fucking crazy anyway. That will probably go on for another two hours, midnight or not." She explains with a smile and a laugh.

The Akatsuki move back to their original places and Sasori plops himself down next to Deidara. The blonde choses to remain at the edge of the table where he can continue to watch the colorful explosions in the night sky.

"Katsu!" The teenager suddenly yells and we all look around in surprise for an explosion.

"Like we needed another fucking terrorist." Hidan scoffs and Deidara growls at him.

With the exception of Pein and I at the revelation, the kitten turned Akatsuki stare at her wide-eyed.

"Blondie's name is Katsu. Because art is a fucking bang, yeah." Deidara preens and Sasori scowls. The rest groan.

"You all are a ragtag team." She comments observing us.

We all turn to stare at her.

"It's okay… Just like you guys and Nat and Lala, the two girls who found you…" She stops to think.

"I'm a bizarre misfit too."

We stare at her in surprise. I don't think anyone expected that response.

"Alright kitties bed time. It's a little after ten and I'm tired. You all can stay awake but you have to come to my room because I'm not letting you wreak havoc on my house in the middle of the night." She grabs the box and moves to put it in a different room and we proceed to follow her.

Upon entrance it becomes clear that this vast space is her kitchen.

"Bitch, I'm fucking hungry!" Hidan yells trying to get her attention.

"I could go for some grub." Kisame agrees.

"Me too, yeah."

"Tobi would also like something to eat!"

"You do realize that the girl can't fucking understand you. We merely sound like we are meowing uncontrollably." Zetsu pointed out to the more verbal members.

Hidan takes a menacing step forward. (As menacing as a kitten could be, to say the least.)

"Hm. You guys are probably hungry… What should I feed you? I don't have freaking cat food man." Hidan stops and stares at the girl and launches himself at her. He jumps from the girl to the island in the middle of the kitchen and onto her shoulder.

She puts a hand on his back to steady him and moves to the fridge. She stares inside and rests her hand on her cocked hip.

"Tuna?"

"Fuck no, bitch!"

"What's wrong with tuna? Stupid Jashinist." She mutters.

"Do cats eat fruit…?" She mutters again. "Salmon?" She questions again.

"You have a shitty taste in food." Hidan glares at the girl.

"Does nothing please you?" She glares back at Hidan and he begins to cackle.

"How about chicken?" She says looking at all of us this time.

Sounds of agreement and purring resound of the tile walls and she grins. She pulls a sealed container out and moves to the island. We make our way to the island at her feet and the ones who were complaining for food scamper over. She sets Hidan down on the ground and moves to the edge of the kitchen to pull out ten little bowls and a larger one. We continue to observe her as she washes her hands and puts the chicken cutlets in the large bowls. The girl grabs another set of ten small bowls and fills them with water one at a time and sets them on the floor against the island for us. The odd machine beeps and she pulls the chicken out of the rectangular box screwed to the wall. She takes a few pieces and puts them in each bowl and sets one bowl down beside each bowl of water.

"Wow! How long have you guys gone without eating? Did your last owners malnourish you all or something? Fucking bastard! I don't even like cats, mostly because I'm allergic, but that's no way to treat your own god damn pet!" She rants observing Hidan, Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu, Deidara, and Konan scarf down the food. Pein, Kakuzu, Sasori; surprisingly enough, and I eat at a slower pace.

Konan looks up at her surprised over her concern and stops eating long enough to nuzzle her leg. The girl leans down and pets the top of her head affectionately and pushes Konan back to her bowl of food.

"I don't like this fucking bitch." Hidan says in between a mouthful of food,

"That's only because she doesn't like you either, yeah." Deidara points out.

"Shut up Blondie!" Hidan snarls back.

"At least tolerate her you cretins. Especially since she has agreed with her companions to take us in. She is housing and feeding us despite the fact that in these states of being we could easily kill her due to her allergies. Tolerate her until we are human again." Pein growls at them.

"We will not kill her or her friends after we are human again." Konan interjects.

"Why the fuck not?" Hidan demands.

"Because she is caring for us and I expect to see her friends come and visit." She snaps.

"They will not be sacrificed, blown up, eaten, maimed, or otherwise!" She glares at us all in turn and even Pein doesn't even bother arguing. When Konan feels strongly about something, it has been known that any of us males will inevitably lose the argument.

We look up to hear a laugh.

"It's almost as if you're all arguing or holding court or something of the sort! And inevitably the female wins." She continues laughing.

Konan preens under the attention.

Deidara is the one to launch himself at the teen this time, growling. Hidan joins almost immediately.

The girl doesn't falter and she grabs them by the scruffs of their necks.

"Aw. Don't get all worked up. It's a well-known fact that women always win. Now don't argue with me, you won't win. Now since you all seem to be done eating, I want to sleep. Let's get a move on kitties." She smirks and then drops the two to the ground, flicks off the lights, and lets us scramble to follow her in the darkness. I activate my Sharingan and follow after her.

She travels up a flight of stairs and down a long hallway. On the third door to the left she opens a door with a sign with her name, "Aspen," engraved into the wood. The room is flooded with light to reveal a spacious white room with black and red accents with a large cherry wood bed, a matching desk with a rotating chair in front of it, an open door revealing a large en suite bathroom, double, open doors that lead to a walk in closet, an odd, rectangular contraption with people acting on it mounted on the wall, a cherry wood bookcase that is well used and well filled, and a cherry wood structure that is four by four with wooden boxes for storage against the wall.

"This bitch is fucking loaded!" Hidan exclaims in what appears to be awe.

"I'll have to find her savings in here somewhere." Kakuzu mutters, glancing around.

"Kakuzu, leave the girls savings alone." Konan intervenes.

"Wonder if she's got any art supplies around here, yeah." Deidara thinks aloud and ventures further into the room.

"Probably nothing related to your insignificant view of your false sense of art, brat." Sasori responds.

"Don't you dare start an argument about art, cretins." Pein glares in their direction, silencing them from further discussion.

"She doesn't seem to have anyone else here with her. Despite the large space she lives in." Kisame mutters to me.

"Hn."

"I wonder if she'd miss any of her fucking neighbors." Zetsu comments from beside Kisame.

"Don't you dare go eating any of her neighbors." Konan replies flatly.

"Is he still cannibalistic if he eats humans or only if he eats cats now."

The only response to Kisame's question is silence.

"Welcome to my room. Mi casa es tu casa. Or if you don't speak Spanish, my house is your house." The girl had changed out of her odd clothing of ripped up red pants that looked too tight to be comfortable and a black tank top with the words 'Be Nice to People, it Confuses Them" in exchange for a plain, black t-shirt and red biker shorts.

"Based on her room and clothing colors, she favors Akatsuki colors and it's sweet of her to welcome us into her home." Konan smirks staring at the girl in amusement.

"So be it, she even goes as far to call it our home as well." Pein responds.

"For a teenager who calls this place home, the room seems rather plain, yeah." We all agree, glancing around at the barren walls.

"I know the place doesn't seem to be too homey but I just repainted the walls and I've been procrastinating re-decorating for the past 3 days when the paint fumes finally decided to vanish out the open window." She explains seeing us glance skeptically at the walls.

She turns the lights off and literally throws herself face first onto the duvet covering her bed.

A few members chuckle and we proceed to make our way to the bed. Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Kisame nestle by her feet. Tobi bounces onto her stomach. Hidan and Deidara burrow into her right side while Konan and Pein take her left. Sasori jumps onto the windowsill of the window on the far right wall of the room where the bed is pressed against the wall underneath. I place myself on her right side and tense when she pulls me under her arm…

But she is fast asleep.