Blackness. Cartman floats out of the darkness, confused.

Cartman: Where the fuck am I?

Voice: You are in your head, Eric

Cartman: Who the hell are you? Why am I here?

Voice: You were put out by a needle from a stranger

Cartman: Why did the person put me out?

Voice: That, I cannot answer

Cartman: Why not?

Voice: Because you don't know why he did it

Cartman: Huh, fair enough, but why did the needle make my head do this?

Voice: Because it was a special needle, and now, watch your life flash before your eyes!

Cartman: [panicking] Why? Am I dying?!

Voice: No, no, no, no… You're just having an Adrenaline blast [trance music begins playing, a ball of light appears behind Cartman and grows and consumes him]

The first scene shows Cartman's birth, nothing but black and white, a shadow of his father appears and turns into an unhappy face.

The next scene shows Cartman playing with Clyde Frog on the windowsill, until Clyde Frog falls out the window and Cartman cries.

Cartman playing with his friends as babies, Kyle points out that Cartman is overweight

Kyle: You're fat

Cartman: Aye! Don't call me fat!

Cartman on his first day of school, he is greeted by Trent Boyett

Trent Boyett: So I hear you're the new kid

Cartman: Yes, can you tell me where the pre-school class is?

Trent Boyett: [rubs knuckles menacingly] Oh, I'll show you where the pre-school class is

Aliens loom over Cartman's body and turn him over, Cartman screams of pain.

Cartman is looking at himself in a mirror, wearing a football outfit with a bra and tinfoil hat outside of it

Cartman: This looks fucking stupid!

A bright light appears again and fades to black, the blackness slits open to be eyelids, which is Cartman waking up. He wakes up to see a big face with strabismus.

Strabismus Person: Deeeh-he's awake, baws!

Deep voice kid: Help the boy you're holding up! [Strabismus Person picks up Cartman. the Camera goes to the third person view]

Cartman: Uh, what a weird dream, my whole life flashed before my eyes.

Strabismus Person: Daw-that happens sometimes [Eric looks over and sees a person, he is wearing a suit and shades and you can only see his chin]

Deep voice kid: Welcome Eric

Cartman: Who the hell are you? And what the hell is up with your chin?

Deep voice kid: Oh sorry, [turns his chair so you can see his cheek] is that better?

Cartman: [covers his face] Oh god no!

Deep voice kid: Hey! I have Down syndrome!

Cartman: Oh god sorry!

Deep voice kid: My name is Nathan; the boy who just picked you up was Mimsy, previously my henchman, and now my Car man.

Cartman: Nathan? Mimsy? Hey I remember you! You're that kid who got a truck exhaust pipe stuck up his ass!

Nathan: Uh, how did you know about that?!

Cartman: There was a video of it on YouTube dude!

Nathan: How you could be sure it was me?

Cartman: Because you look exactly like him and you sound like him and your parents were shouting your name!

Nathan: [bangs fist on desk] Mmmotherfucker!

Cartman: Aw dude, that video was amazing! The way your pants fell off and the helicopter was holding you by your shirt-

Nathan: Mimsy! Punch Eric!

Mimsy: Yes baws! [Punches Cartman]

Cartman: Ow!

Nathan: Listen you fat fuck! You work for me now!

Cartman: Why? What have I got that's so special?

Nathan: Your amazing manipulation powers! Eric, I want you to meet your workmates! [Nathan hops off his desk and takes Cartman with him to another room where the other guys are eating] Eric, I want you to meet Seth, Morgan, Zid, and my only Soldier, Shelly

Cartman: Is this some kind of American Mafia?

Nathan: Kind of, Seth and Morgan can go undetected, Zid does the Technology and Shelly beats people up if people ask us for money and don't pay us back in time. Your job is to create a distraction for any police

Cartman: You mean like a fake police report?

Nathan: Exactly, or any kind of distraction from pretending to be a short prostitute to summoning a UFO

Cartman: So what do you call yourselves?

Nathan: …Internet Bagel

Cartman: [confused] Huh? Why internet bagel?

Mimsy: Deeh-excuse our friend here, he's retarded [Nathan punches Mimsy]

Nathan: You're the retarded one fatass!