Title: It's not Love, just my Mother Instinct
Category: AU, comedy, some romance, dramaaa~
Rating: M
Characters: Hungary, Belgium (as 'Marie'), Poland, Germany, Turkey, mentions of Austria, Prussia, France
Pairing: TurkeyxHungary mainly, some GermanyxBelgium, mentions of AusHun, PrusHun, FranBel and some PolLiet
Warning:some bad language, mentions of sexuality (A LOT), sex, my misusage of the English, German and Turkish languages

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'Are we there yet?' Eliza stopped for a moment panting. If she knew that this latest date of theirs would turn into hiking, she wouldn't have put on those damn high-heels; the steep and narrow streets of Buda were really killing her.

'Almost' Sadiq turned back smiling, offering her his hand 'You want me to carry you till the top, tulip?'

'N-no thank you' she huffed while blushing beet red 'I can manage. But… are you sure this is the right way? I can't see that… that… whatever it's called at all.'

'It's a türbe' he corrected while embracing her shoulders 'The sacred tomb of Gül Baba, father of the roses.'

'I never knew we had something like that' she groaned as she saw the few dozens of steps leading up the hill.

'No? But this district was even named after it!' he replied surprised 'You call it Rózsadomb (Rosehill) right? Well, this is the rose hill it's named after' and he placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

'You Turks never cease to amaze me' she said cracking a smile and took a deep breath. There were roses all over the place, and their sweet, sweet late-summer-scent made her feel a bit giddy. Or at least she wanted to believe that it was only due to the roses.

They only got to see the tomb when they reached the top of the stairs – the building and a small garden were enclosed by a beautiful little colonnade. It was unbelievably quiet and peaceful, only a gardener was watering the plants at the far end of the garden.

'Come' he said, pulling her towards the colonnade, and the view took her breath away. The türbe overlooked the Danube and Margaret Island, and even a part of the Parliament could be seen 'In winter' Sadiq said smiling 'When the trees are bare, you can see all the way to the castle.'

'This is really fascinating' Ellie whispered as she scanned the view: to the north even the mountains of Vác could be seen, and almost the whole of Pest; the man's ancestors really knew where to build a monument 'Let's go inside too' she turned around, heading towards the octagonal building.

'N-not like that!' he grabbed her hand and she was surprised to see an utter shock on his face.

'Not like what?' she asked back flustered quickly thinking through what she could've done wrong.

'Not without… having washed your feet' he looked away just as flustered 'I'm sorry, I forgot you're not –'

'I-is it even okay for me to go in?' she quickly asked back, as the situation got more and more awkward with every second.

'Of course it is!' he grasped her hand even tightly, looking straight into her eyes 'I want you to come in… Come on, there's the pond' he added more cheerfully and pulled her towards a little raised stone pond where they both sat down. Eliza felt a bit strange as she took off her high-heels and slowly dipped her feet into the cool water; Sadiq noticed how uncomfortable she looked, and, pulling her closer, gently said:

'It's okay if you don't believe in Allah. Gül baba was loved by a lot of Hungarians, so you can pray to him too… if you want' he added quickly, and she leant her head on his shoulders. It was so peaceful like this, so painfully perfect. They have already gone on several dates since he suddenly came over on that Friday afternoon weeks ago, and she started to feel like this could actually work… well, if she were not pregnant, that is. Because just a few days ago, she found out that she was in fact carrying a child… his child. And the overwhelming happiness that came with this realization vanished too quickly – instead there was only guilt and the troubling question: should she tell him or not?

Even while in the small tomb, sitting on one of the beautiful carpets beside him with closed eyes, she could only ask Gül baba of one thing: that he help her decide what to do… and, to bless her child with good health, of course. As she opened her eyes and glanced at Sadiq, she noticed that he was smiling while praying. – though he found him lovely like that, this only increased the feeling of guilt in her soul. She didn't know how much longer she could bear this secret of hers.

***

'It was really beautiful' she admitted as they were strolling along the grand boulevard some time later. She was holding onto him and he had a proud and happy expression on his face – since they left the monument, both of them felt a strange kind of serenity flowing through their bodies. Then suddenly, Sadiq spoke up:

'I've been wanting to tell you something for the past few days, Eliza' as she looked at him, he looked away – apparently it wasn't something he could talk about easily 'I've decided to… what's wrong?'

Eliza suddenly stopped in the middle of the street, glaring at a café's terrace in front of them. She felt like something hot was flowing down her neck and back, and her face was burning – just a few meters away from them there sat Roderich, staring surprised at her.

Of course she thought both angrily and shocked at the same time Café Mozart is his favourite place, but I thought… why isn't he still in Japan?!'

'Eliza' Roderich said and stood up, heading towards them. She felt like running away until her feet would give away, but she couldn't move 'Eliza…' his voice was surprised at first, now it sounded more uncomfortable as he realized she was holding onto another man 'I'm glad to see you again…'

'Roderich' she breathed 'I…I'm… glad… too…' somehow Ellie couldn't control her voice and all her words were mere whispers. Sadiq slightly cleared his throat and she came to somewhat 'I… we… need to go now… I'm sorry' and she quickly pulled the Turk away, leaving his ex-husband there with a troubled look on his face.

***

'Who was that?' Sadiq asked as he closed her apartment's door behind him. She just stood there silently, turning her back towards him 'Something wrong?' he asked while stepping to her. She didn't reply at first, and he embraced Ellie's shoulders, pulling her close.

'Sadiq' she then breathed, saying out loud what had been pounding in her head for the past twenty minutes 'I… can't go on like this.'

The silence that followed was much worse than she had imagined it to be. After a few seconds he quietly and gently whispered:

'Get some sleep, we'll talk about it later.'

'No' she bowed her head, and drew away from him. She had to stop, here and now – things were messed up enough already. He would never agree on them having a baby together… and even if he would… he'd just hurt her, like Roderich did 'I… please let's stop this. For good.'

'Either I fail to understand women completely, or you're just joking' he sighed and tried to embrace her again, but she quickly turned around, tears of anger and shame in her green eyes.

'Don't touch me!' she hissed, trying to keep back her tears with all her might 'I… I hate you all… you men just keep hurting me' here she looked away and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

'Just because he divorced from you doesn't mean everyone's like that' Sadiq muttered in reply, unable to look at her.

'You knew?' Ellie asked startled, and he bit his lip flustered. There were a few minutes of silence until he finally answered:

'I… I heard it from Ludwig. And… I saw his photo among your things.'

'So now you're looking through my things, huh!?' she shouted, a sudden wave of rage taking over her whole body and mind 'Cause you can't stand it, when something is not completely yours, do you!? You need to know everything, need to have everything… so that you can leave them all behind when you friggin go back to your stinking country!'

'Eliza' he now looked up and took a step towards her 'That's what I've been trying to say, I don't want to go back anym-'

'Shut up!' she screamed and covered her ears, already crying 'I don't want to hear any lies… any false promises… you can keep them all for yourself! I don't need you anymore! You can go back to Turkey, see if I care! As long as I have my baby, I'll…'

'Baby?' he interrupted, glaring at her in disbelief. Eliza put both hands on her mouth and almost trembled from the fear filling her mind 'You… you… only… for you to…' he was so shocked he couldn't even utter a complete sentence and she looked away ashamed – that was an answer enough. Sadiq took a deep breath, trying to suppress the fury he felt overwhelming him; however, when he opened his mouth, he couldn't hold back 'ARE YOU INSANE?' she twitched from the harsh yell and embraced her shoulders, sinking her nails into her flesh 'HOW COULD YOU… HOW DID YOU EVEN THINK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT!?'

'YOU'D NEVER UNDERSTAND!' she heard herself screaming back on the top of her lungs 'NOT SOMEONE LIKE YOU… You'd never…'

Here they paused again, both of them unable to look at the other. This silence felt even more painful than the harsh words just now.

'You're so goddamn selfish you make me sick' Sadiq said disgusted, and in the next moment he already banged the door behind him. She stared at the door for a few seconds, then tore it open, and rushed out to the corridor yelling his name, but he wasn't anywhere near in sight anymore.

***

'Am I… really not disturbing?' he asked as Eliza poured her some tea. It was strange… sitting on one couch with Roderich again 'You look… down, Elizaveta.'

That's what he always called her… or maybe Eliza as well, but just sometimes. No stupid little nicknames she wouldn't really understand, and definitely not 'my goddess'.

'Things… didn't work out these past days' she said with dried-out lips. She knew very well how horrible she looked: her face pale and worn, dark circles under her eyes. But at least… she was pregnant now… She achieved what she wanted so why did she feel so… miserable…?

She called in sick for a week and didn't even answer her phone calls. Feliks and Marie phoned him a number of times, but she couldn't bring herself to call them back – not even when she heard Marie's harrowing message she left this morning. The blonde's voice was so weak and she was sniffling the whole time – Ellie could tell that Marie's either going to break out in tears after putting down the phone, or that she'd already cried her eyes out. She really wanted to comfort her friend, but, to be honest, she felt no more cheerful.

Then the phone rang again, and when the answering machine was turned on, she heard Roderich's voice…. Ellie really didn't know why she agreed to meet with him again, after all what happened.

'But… I hope aside from that, you are doing well' he politely remarked and she could not hold back a little smile. Then, unconsciously touching her belly, she said a quiet 'Yes'.

'Elizaveta… I… can't really do this the way I decided to do it' he now sighed, putting down the teacup looking disturbed.

'What do you mean?' how strange it was. Now she didn't blush when he looked her in the eyes. Now it felt like sitting opposite another person, and not his husband whom she loved so much years ago… and not that cruel and cold ex-husband she had in mind either.

'I have a serious question to ask.'

'Go on' she already knew what it was. He was so predictable. Or so she thought until he left her… or should she have foreseen that as well?

'I need to know whether you could ever forgive me for what I have done to you…?' he quickly said, not even really waiting for her reply, and she noticed a light blush on his face 'I know my behavior was inexcusable, but… I believe we can start over once again if we have faith in ourselves.'

Then came that silence again - but this one didn't hurt nearly as much as that last one did. She sighed and gently replied:

'I'm so sorry Roderich, but I really don't think we can go on from where we left off' even she was surprised how she was smiling while saying this 'So many things have changed…'

He returned her smile, flustered and uncollected, a sight she rarely got to see.

'I knew it when I saw you and that man the other day…' he said slowly while looking out the window 'You were sparkling like a beautiful diamond… like you did on our wedding day' here he paused, then quickly stood up 'I am sorry for troubling you, Eliza. Thank you for the tea, and if you would ever need anything…'

'I'll be sure to call you, Roderich' she smiled, feeling a heavenly tranquility filling her very soul.

***

When she closed the door behind him, the phone started to ring. She knew it was either Feliks or Marie, but didn't feel like talking to either of them right now… she needed a glass of water first. Then the answering machine switched on, and she could hear Marie's feeble, stammering voice from the other room:

'E-Ellie… I wanted to talk to you… I really wanted… I'm… so awful… I wish I'd stop hurting the people around me…' here she paused and cried a bit. Eliza took her glass and made her way to the living room; this seemed serious 'I… I just wanted to say goodbye' she continued, and Eliza's eyes widened as she heard her 'I… won't be calling anymore… but… I love you… Ellie' here she burst out crying again, and put down the receiver. Eliza stood there dumbfounded and the glass slipped from her hand, breaking into hundreds of shards on the floor.