hello all. sorry about the long wait, it's been a busy summer. thank you for the great reviews, enjoy :)
THE HIGH ROAD
Chapter 4
Sam sat on the hood of the Impala, staring out over the junk yard. What had he done wrong? He tried to be a good person. He prayed everyday, he always acted with the best of intensions— so why was the world out to destroy him? It wasn't his fault he had demon blood in his veins. It wasn't his fault Yellow Eyes wanted him. He was just trying to be normal. That was all he wanted. He wanted a normal job and a normal family— was that too much to ask for? He wished he could make others see who he really was, that he could make others understand. But if the hunting community was one thing it was blind to reason.
He closed his eyes, focusing on Kerri for probably the hundredth time since they had left the hospital— but he still couldn't get past whatever barrier she had managed to build. It wasn't that he was completely blocked from her, it was more like watching a tv with bad reception. He could still sense her presence, but he couldn't get much further than that. He had asked her what she had done while they were getting her set in the panic room— Dean having gone for food— but the redhead had insisted she didn't know what he was talking about. And Sam hoped like hell Kerri was lying, because that opened up a whole new set of problems.
Yellow Eyes and Rayner were both still out there, and Sam knew both were stronger than him. He was doing his best to shield Kerri, but without Evelyn to teach him Sam was floundering. He didn't know if he should back away from the new barrier or press against it. If he should leave it intact or try to destroy it. Maybe Kerri had figured out a way to help herself. Maybe something had triggered in her mind after her experiment and her brain was now protecting itself. Or maybe it was all some kind of trick. Sam just didn't know anymore. Maybe this was Rayner and Yellow Eyes' doing, luring them all into a trap with a false sense of security. Or maybe it was something else entirely.
They needed to keep an eye on her, needed to watch her for anymore changes. And they couldn't do that from Vancouver. They needed to stay together, whether in South Dakota or Canada, but they couldn't and shouldn't separate. He just didn't know any way to talk Dean out of his current plan. His brother was insistent— he couldn't watch both of them, so it was safer if they were apart. Sam knew where his brother's fear came from, and he knew it was justified. Dean needed both him and Kerri in his life, but when push came to shove one thing would always be perfectly clear— Dean's choice. Sam knew deep in his heart that if both he and Kerri were in danger, if his brother was forced to save only one, Dean would chose Sam. And the brunette also knew that choice would destroy his brother.
Kerri was like family to Sam, but she was more than that to Dean. She was a lifeline, a soulmate. "When did everything get so complicated?" Sam asked allowed, looking back up at the sky.
"I think when we were born."
Sam spun around to find Kerri behind him. It unnerved him that he couldn't sense where she was at any particular moment. He should have known she was behind him, should have sensed her— both as a psychic and a hunter. He looked her over long and hard, she seemed better. For the past few weeks her skin had been pale and yellow, her eyes sunken— she had looked sick. Now, though, she looked like her old, vibrant self again. And while Sam was glad for the change, it also worried him. "I didn't know you were there."
"I gathered that."
"You should be in the panic room."
"I'm ok. You're shielding's getting better."
"This isn't me, Ker, I told you that already. Something else happened."
"Well, then something else is working great."
"It doesn't worry you that we don't know what that something else is?"
"I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I'm not stuck in the panic room and I don't feel like my head is about to explode. I'm good with that."
"What if it's Rayner, or Yellow Eyes?"
"Why would they do this?"
"Maybe to give us a false sense of security. As long as you're in the panic room nothing can get you. Maybe they know that."
"What about you and Dean? You're not in the panic room."
"We can take care of ourselves."
"And I can't? Last I checked I took care of myself for years before you two showed up."
"That was before Rayner's deal came due. Tell me honestly, would you have survived that if we weren't there?" Sam still shuttered at the thought. One small action, one moment in time, had effected all of their futures. Had Kerri not left that note she would be dead now, taken away by Yellow Eyes, and he and Dean would never have known. Sam would have gone on thinking the Harrisons didn't exist, and Dean would have gone on hoping they were happy. But then, maybe ignorance was bliss, as so many people said.
"Why won't you two let me go?" Kerri redirected the conversation back to their current hunt. She knew as well as Sam what would have happened had they not been there.
"We already told you, you're safer here."
"You took me on the Bramhurst hunt."
"Oh yeah, and that wasn't a huge mistake? You almost died. Plus, Chetling knows about you now."
"What different does that make?"
"He's hunting me, Kerri."
"I know that."
"And you don't think he'd use you as bait? Dean doesn't want you there because he can't—."
"Chose between us, I know. And I wouldn't expect him to."
"That doesn't bother you?"
"You're his brother."
"And you're his best friend."
"I was his best friend. That was a long time ago, Sam."
"You might think that, but you're wrong. I've seen the way he looks at you, I've seen how he changes when he's around you. You can't stand there and tell me you don't matter to him because I know you're wrong."
"Sam—."
"You don't have to try and explain anything. You might not see it, and Dean might not see it, but I do. And I'm not about to come between that. All my life I've watched Dean give up what he wants and needs to help someone else. He doesn't complain about it, doesn't want anything in return, it's just part of who he is. And that's why I can't be responsible for taking away something I know he really needs and wants."
"You're really over thinking this."
"No, I'm not. You two are both just too burned by the world to see it. He needs you, Kerri, more than I think even he knows, and I'm not gonna make him give up something like that. If he wants you to stay here I'm gonna back him up."
"You keep saying 'If Dean wants it'. Do you think it's a good idea, or are you just lying to yourself? Tell me the truth, Sam."
"I don't agree with Dean's plan. I think we need to stay together, especially since your physical state is changing. But what if Dean's right?"
"Right?"
"What if you come and something tries to use you against us. What if you die? I couldn't handle that, Kerri. I can't be responsible for that."
"What if I die here? Then it was Dean's decision to leave me. How do you think that'll make him feel?"
Sam knew the redhead was right. It was a catch twenty-two. There was no guarantee Kerri would be safe with Bobby or with them— it was just a gamble. If Kerri went with them and was killed it would be Sam's fault and Dean would be devastated. If she stayed behind and was killed it would be Dean's fault and Dean would be devastated. No matter what, it all ended the same way.
"Why do we keep talking about you dying?" Sam asked, his voice cracking. "I mean, aren't we going to Vancouver to save you?"
"That's the plan." Kerri answered, her voice growing quiet. They were talking about her as if she was already lost, but for the life of him Sam couldn't see an outcome any different. Everyone they cared about was gone, what made Kerri special? "But what if this doesn't work, Sam? What if the locket isn't the answer. Remember what Rayner said?"
"It's organic."
"It's one brain, Sam, you saw that when we were in there. There isn't a secret section and a Kerri section, it's just there."
"And there's no way to tell the difference."
"So even if this locket does suck out memories—."
"It'll take everything. I know, I thought about that."
"Sam," Kerri sighed, sitting beside Sam on the hood of the Impala. She suddenly looked very old. "I don't wanna come with you because I'm stubborn, or because I don't wanna be locked in the basement anymore. I mean, that's part of it, but that's not the real reason."
"Can we please not talk about this." Sam breathed, looking anywhere but at Kerri. He couldn't have this conversation, not after everything else he'd been through the last few years.
"There's no fixing me. Taking the supernatural information out will destroy my mind, we both know that."
"What if I'm in there? What if I act like a filter?"
"And what if that doesn't work? What if you're a vegetable, too? I can't let you do that."
"Why not? Ker, it could work."
"Or Dean could say goodbye to us both. I'm not gonna risk that."
"So what, you want us to give up the hunt?"
"No, I want you to go. But I want to be with you. It's just— I want at least one more happy memory before they're all gone."
Sam looked at Kerri long and hard. He knew what she meant. Even if they found the locket there was no guarantee it would work, hell for all he knew it would kill her. He still couldn't turn back, though. There had to be an answer, something they had overlooked, and he knew he couldn't give up now. "I'm sorry, Kerri."
Kerri took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders. "Ok. Goodbye, Sam."
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Dean leaned back into the shadows of the living room as Kerri walked by. He took several deep breaths, trying to steady himself. He didn't want to believe what he had heard through the open window. There was no way Kerri could be right, he wouldn't allow it. He would figure it out, he always figured it out. There had to be some angle they weren't seeing, some theory they weren't trying. This couldn't be goodbye. This couldn't be the end— even though his mind was telling him to accept that fact.
They had all been searching long and hard, but so far nothing had come of it. Nothing other than the locket, at least. That had to be the key. Evelyn had been looking into Kerri's condition longer than anyone else. If she thought enough of this locket to kill for it then it had to be important, right? The only other explanation was that the brunette was too far gone to know what was right or wrong. Which was probably the more realistic of the two outlooks. Dean still couldn't believe what Bobby had said— Evelyn killed. The blonde had expected it, but he had never thought he'd have the proof thrown in his face. There was no clear cut evidence, but all fingers pointed to Evelyn, and it broke Dean's heart.
To him Evelyn was the little girl in pigtails, the little girl who threw tea parties every afternoon. She wasn't the dark, empty woman who's spirit he had seen— that wasn't his Evelyn. She had been pure, innocent, alive. She had a future, brighter than any of theirs— that was his Evelyn. He still couldn't believe the girl he remembered had grown into the girl who had possessed Sam. It didn't seem logical, didn't seem right. Then again, nothing in their lives seemed right anymore.
When Sam had told him about the letter two years before Dean had felt a joy he couldn't put into words. The Harrisons, it was like having a prayer answered. He had been excited, and anxious, his heart beating a mile a minute when he had finally returned to Valley after his long absence. It was a dream he never thought would come true, something good, something right in a world of darkness. And then, he had pulled into the drive. From the moment he saw the house he knew everything was different. And he had been reeling from it ever since. He had been looking for the best part of his childhood, only to find it had been destroyed. The only thing he had left was Kerri.
He turned to the basement stairs, staring into the darkened doorway Kerri had disappeared into. He refused to lose anymore of his family. He knew what he wanted in his life— Sam and Kerri— and he knew how to keep them safe. He had to keep them apart, he knew that for certain. Sam was unconscious during the Roadhouse battle with the Trickster, but Dean wasn't, he remembered the choice Kerri had made. He didn't blame her, not once, but he also never forgot it. The demigod had asked Kerri what was more important, the information in her mind or Sam's life. The redhead chose her mind, and Dean knew he couldn't fault her for that. What she knew could destroy the world, and she was right to chose millions of lives over just one, but that one had still been Sammy's.
And that's what was at the root of all their problems— what was the value of jut one life? How could one person be more important than countless others? And how could Dean be made to chose. All his life he'd sacrificed for others, people he didn't even know, and all the while he never asked for anything. The only thing he ever wanted, the only thing he knew he could never live without was his family, his brother. And now the world was asking him to make the ultimate sacrifice. It wasn't fair. Besides, he had already been forced to chose between Sam and Kerri once before.
Dean could still remember it like it was yesterday. He could still feel his brother's cold skin as he pulled him from the ground. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest when Dad took Sam from him, screaming at him to get in the car. And he could still hear his father's harsh words when he faltered. He had turned back to Kerri, wanting to make sure the demon hadn't gone for her. But Dad had seen it differently.
"Get in the car, Dean, now!" John screamed, already starting the engine as Dean stood in the yard. The teen scrambled into the car, climbing into the backseat with Sam. He turned around one more time, searching for Kerri, for the only thing he knew could keep him sane.
"You wanna stay?" Dean spun at the question, his father's sharp eyes burning him. "You wanna give up on this family? Then get the hell out of this car."
"But Dad—."
"You got thirty seconds, Dean. Either get out or shut the god damn door."
It had never been a choice, not back then. Dean could still hear the creak of the door, metal banging against metal, like the door to a cage closing. He had found normal, had found happiness, and then he had been forced to chose. So what was the value of one human life? When it came to Sammy, it was priceless, and that terrified Dean more than anything else. Sam came before everything— no matter the consequences.
Dean pushed away from the wall, glancing once more at the basement before turning toward the front door. They needed to get moving, the sooner they found the locket the sooner this nightmare would be over. He made his way slowly across the yard, making enough noise to let Sam know he was there. But he didn't say anything— hell there wasn't anything to say. He didn't want his brother to know he had been eavesdropping. More importantly, he didn't want to talk about what they were facing. He didn't want to talk about the possibility of losing everything he held dear.
"So." Dean started, still a few steps back from his brother. "You ready to go?"
"What? Now?" Sam turned, rubbing his eyes. Dean's heart froze when he saw the younger man. Sam's eyes were red, his skin drawn and pale. This had to end, Dean knew that, they had to fix this now.
"Yeah. No time like the present."
"We aren't ready."
"Yes we are. We know where we're going, we know what we're looking for. How are we not ready?"
"Because— we're not."
"Not going isn't gonna change anything, Sammy."
"What are you talking about? I just mean we need to do more research."
"I heard you and Kerri talking." Dean paused, taking a breath before continuing. "We can't just stop, Sam, we can't hide anymore. If we're gonna even try to win we need to keep moving. We can't stop fighting now."
"What are we even fighting, Dean? Ourselves? I have demon blood in me, Kerri's brain's been rewired since she was two. Are we fighting the supernatural or are we fighting what we truly are?"
"You're my brother, Sam Winchester. Kerri's my best friend. You're not something dark, you're not something bad. We're fighting the Demon that did this to our family, the Demon that killed Mom, Jess and Evelyn. Don't twist this around in your head. None of this is you're fault, you're not a bad person."
"Evelyn was bad."
"No she wasn't. Evelyn was lost, we let her down. But I promise, Sammy, I'm not gonna let you down." Dean held his younger brother's gaze, trying to convey the sincerity of his words. He had let Evelyn down, they all had, but Dean wasn't about to repeat the mistakes of the past, not if he could help it.