Chapter 4
Opening Statements

OK, TJ, you can do this. She took a deep breath and stormed into the bathroom. Hand on hip, tail flicking angrily behind her; she glared a challenge at anyone who might protest. Sure, she looked like a punk-rocker devil with her mini-skirt and spike collar; she still looked like a devil, so the guys in there could just piss off. Three men fled the room. One didn't even bother to finish what he'd started at the urinal. That may have been because Cain had just ripped one of the stall doors off and crumpled it into a heap, but she would like to think that it had something to do with the daggers she was glaring at the lunk. She was that badass. "Look you dumb lunk! I'm your friend! We all are! And we're worried about you."

"What the Hell, TJ!" Cain jumped and hastily tried to zip himself while not wetting his pants. "I'm takin' a frickin' piss here!"

"Deal with it, 'cause I'm not done talking." She poked a finger into his chest. It hurt. A lot. He was a lot denser than most guys. "You're a jerk, you know that? You fool us with your big puppy dog eyes and goofy grin. You act all gentle and nice when you're getting your way. But, when things get bad, when you're off your game, the real Cain Marko appears and you turn into this grade-A number one JERKWAD! We're your friends! We're not trying to make fun of you, or pick on you or anything like that! Something's up, we've all noticed it! Your knuckles were bleeding after that last scrap we had, Cain. Bleeding. Brian said that he's never seen you bleed before, Ali too. When we were testing your strength, you were barely at Piotr's strength, and we all know you can do more than that. So..."

"So, what? You think I'm gonna be useless inna next fight? You think I'm not gonna pull my weight? Don't worry, doll. I can hold my own."

"That's not it, you stupid lunk!"

"Don't. Call. Me. Stupid." She didn't recognize the man that seethed with rage before her. This was not the Cain Marko she knew and trusted. This was the other Cain; the Cain that had sold his soul to a primeval entity of rage and destruction. Standing before her was the Cain that had sent every X-Man in every universe she had ever been in running for the hills. For, at the moment, she had looked into his eyes and didn't recognize the man staring back into her own. Or, he didn't recognize her. He wasn't Cain Marko, he was the Juggernaut. He wanted to hit her, to crush her body to a pulp, and make her hurt as much as...

Realization dawned. He wanted to make her hurt as much as he hurt. Did he have such a horrible opinion of himself that he thought any act of concern was out of pity? Did he really think that what people said, they meant? "Then stop acting like it." And, her mouth would not shut up.

His fist slammed into the wall above her head. "I'm tryin' real hard, here, Teej." He didn't speak; he growled, as he lowered his head to mere inches away from hers. "On account I like you, and I don't wanna do nothin' we're gonna regret."

She would not look up. She would not look up at the ginormous arm embedded to the elbow in the wall three inches above her head. She might scream if she did. "What? Like hit me?" Damn, she had balls. Big, furry, blue balls of adamantium.

"What? No! I wouldn't... I never..." The fear and shame where back in his eyes. His moods shifted faster than Morph's forms. "God! Is that what you think?" He pulled his arm away, and water shot from the hole, drenching them both. Great.

"Then what the Hell, Cain. What are you trying to do?"

"I'm tryin' to be a good guy!" The room shook with the force of his roar.

"What?"

"The hero thing. Me. The hero. I'm tryin' ta make Sammy proud and do the right thing. And, it's hard. It's really fuckin' hard." His arms shook at his sides, and, with a sigh he slid against the wall to sit opposite her. "It's so hard to do the right thing. I get so mad... you don't know... it's there. It's always there."

"What is?"

"Cytorrak. The anger. He puts it there. The stuff that most people wouldn't even think about, he makes me think about." Cain scrubbed as his face, smearing his cheeks with blood. He didn't seem to notice or care. "I ain't stupid. I know part of the problem is me. I got problems of my own. You know that thought you have when someone's yellin' at you an' you think, just for a minute, about slappin' 'em?" She nodded. She didn't like that she nodded, she hated that part of herself, but that voice was there. "Most people ignore that thought, or forget about it or whatever. They don't hit the guy, most people don't even realize that thought's there. Me, I have that thought first. Like I said, I got issues. I like hitting people, an' being mean, an' stronger than anyone. It's easier then waitin' and lettin' that scrawny guy in line sing-badly-and ruin a good song, an' waste all the time so that when I get to the counter the gal's gone, and I don't have my driver's license." He shook his head in shame. "I keep thinkin' about it. I can't not think about that kind of stuff. And, when I'm not, he pushes it all up to the front of my head. The thoughts are mine, though. That's the fucked up thing. Those are my thoughts he makes me focus on. But Cytorrak… Cytorrak just makes it all worse, feeding my rage. Even when I'm happy… I'm still… I still wanna just kill and break stuff and… be…" He pointed to the hole above her head.

"Oh."

"And now..." He held up his hand, shredded from the impact with the wall. "Look at this. I'm useless. I'm just a big bully that ain't even good at bein' a bully anymore. I'm useless."

TJ scrabbled forward, and wrapped both hands around his massive fist. Her fingers barely touched each other. "You're not useless to me." She winced, though. The cuts were deep.

"Right, I'm just the big guy with anger management issues who isn't as strong as Brian, or as tough. I'm not as fast as you or Ali. I don't got energy beams or brain powers." He leaned back with a heavy sigh. His head made a dull thump against wall. "What am I good for?"

"Well... I thought you made a good friend. Until you started being a jerkwad." She smiled warmly.

"Heh. Thanks. Not what I meant."

"I know, but it's still true." TJ shrugged and plopped down next to him. "Look, does it really matter? We'll figure something out. You know Tessa will." For what seemed the first time in a long while, hope glimmered in his eyes. She understood his feelings. After her stroke, she felt so powerless and helpless she couldn't think past her own fear and pain to see what she still had: friends. Tessa had been there to help her see that. She'd be there for Cain.

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry for the... Y'know, before."

"Forget about it. I went through a 'bitch phase' when John died. And, I wasn't exactly all sugar and sweetness when I had my stroke. I get it. C'mon let's go."

Cain grinned and slowly rose off the floor. "Sure thing." He winced at the disgusting squelch that filled the room as he adjusted his sodden clothes. "Dude, we need new clothes. Sorry about that."

"Good thing we're gong to the mall." As they passed through the lobby, she winked at Brian who was bemusedly writing down the address to file damage claims against Excalibur. While Tessa was explaining to a rather irate manager that yes, they would pay for the damages in the bathroom; no, there hadn't been any superhuman attack today; and yes, they understood the concern the establishment had for the safety of their patrons. "I think the British Government just paid for a new theater." TJ wrapped her arms around Cain's massive limb and snuggled against it fondly. "Don't worry, everything will be ok. Now, let's go to the mall. I think Harrod's is around here somewhere."

"Harod's!" Cain stopped dead in his tracks outside the theater. "I... I... Aw jeez. Can't we go some place else? Selfridges! We can go there! Yeah! Oxford Street's not that far away."

"What's wrong with Harrod's, Cain?" Like always, Tessa's arm was twined around Brian's. "It's just a store."

"I kinda ... well... me an' Tom... kinda..."

"Tried to rob the place?" Cain nodded. "Didn't go too well?" Another nod. "Kicked you out?"

"Sorry, Brian, but I can't go in there. They hired a powered security service to guard the place twenty-four-seven. Just to keep me an' Tom out." Cain grinned self-importantly. He did enjoy talking about his past exploits. He treated some of his capers as though they were just joyrides. Perhaps compared to the other things he and his former partner did, they were. "We're also banned for life. I'll violate my parole if I go in there."

"Well, you're sopping wet... what did the two of you do in there?"

Cain winced and his shoulders slumped. "We… uh… that is…"

Yeah, this is going well. "Cain and I had a talk, and a pipe burst. Selfridge is on the other side of London, why don't Cain and I just go home; we'll meet you later for dinner. Maybe we can drag Wisdom along with us. He certainly could use a break from being James Bond all day."

"That sounds like a gr..." Ali's eyes sparkled.

"While, I think that some time away from work would do well for our comrade," Ali glared at Tessa and TJ couldn't help a few catty thoughts. Really, what was the singer's problem? She toyed with Cain, when it was obvious how he felt about her, and her eyes lit up every time Wisdom came into the room. Did she have to be the center of attention for every guy in the world? Or, just the ones that other people wanted, too? Tessa, however, was unperturbed by Ali's veiled animosity. "Wisdom seems to enjoy his work, and I don't think he would relish being interrupted.

"But..."

"The number of bottles of Southern Comfort I saw him holding indicated he wishes to be alone."

"That's not good... He needs help if he's drinking that much." Brian stopped, concern written on his face. TJ didn't know the whole story about his past; she preferred not to know those things. What mattered was who you were at the moment. You should live in the Now, because each moment of life given to you was a gift, a miracle. She had learned that the hard way with her time in the Exiles. However, Brian had made it no secret that he had had difficulties with alcohol before. And, he was naturally protective of his partners and friends. "We should go and..."

"One bottle, Brian. I saw one bottle." Tessa smiled. Was she lying? TJ couldn't tell. She wouldn't lie about something like that, though. Maybe. "One bottle means he wants to be alone. Two means he wants company, not conversation. Three means he wants to talk and doesn't realize it. Anything more than that and it's time for a group intervention. Trust me, I've... Trust me." She's what? Now, TJ was more curious than ever.

"That's true. Pryde mentioned something like that back in the old days, same with Moira." Brian sighed. "Very well, then. Shall we to Selfridge's?" He offered his arm again to Tessa.

The old days. If TJ had any regrets about the life she led, and if she were being honest she had a few musings, one would definitely be that she wasn't around to be part of the original Excalibur team. Not just to see her daddy in action, but their adventures, the happiness, their camaraderie. They had a special something that his new incarnation of the team hadn't yet achieved. Maybe it was the nature of how the teams had formed, one brought together by common cause and happenstance, each member needing to prove something to both themselves and the world. The other team, the newer team, hand-picked from those present; sort of like saying "you'll do" and handing over a ring of phenomenal power to a relatively undeserving nobody. The old team looked out for each other; they switched places with each other in the time stream, or went on worlds-hopping treks through the omniverse in search of lost companions. They... she did a quick count of her friends. "Where's Cain?"