I know Danae has the two dot thingies on top of the final E, but I'm too lazy to click on the symbols button in Word. Sorry for the wait, though.

CHAPTER 3

It took Ms. Psyche a whole week to get over her late-pubescent problems. Now she was in her classroom early one morning, getting the room ready for her class.

Hedone sat quietly in the corner, doing a puzzle.

"Good morning, Ms. Psyche!" someone squealed.

"Good morning, Perseus!" Ms. Psyche said. "Are you ready for a fun day of learning?"

"Yes, Ms. Psyche!"

"Wonderful! How about you go play with Hedone while the rest of the preschoolers arrive."

Perseus headed over to the carpet and began to help Hedone with her puzzle.

Ms. Psyche and Ms. Danae continued preparing the classroom. They were hanging up several pictures of animals, because it was their first day teaching the kids about animals. They were also planning a big trip to the zoo, and some of the parents volunteered to go.

Triptolemus and Fructus walked in a moment later, Fructus immediately running to the carpet while Trip talked to the teachers.

"He's crazy hyper," said Trip. "Sorry in advance."

"Oh, that's okay," said Ms. Psyche.

"Any news on Hercules?" Trip asked.

Right after the first day, Alcmene took Hercules off the attendance list, so he was no longer in the classroom. Fructus had to write an apology letter (he did some finger-painting on a piece of paper and gave it to Hermes so he could give it to Hercules).

Ms. Psyche shook her head. "I think he's out for good," she replied.

"Okay," said Triptolemus. "That's too bad. Demeter and I were hoping Fructus would make some new friends besides Hebe. Bye, Farmer God, Jr."

"Bye, Daddy!" Fructus replied as he got out another puzzle.

Once all the kids got there, Ms. Psyche and Ms. Danae talked to the kids about animals. They made some sounds and pretended to be different animals. Then came the best part.

"Class, we're going to the zoo on Friday," said Ms. Psyche, "and some of your mommies and daddies decided to help us out."

"When's that?" asked Bellerophon.

"Well, Bellerophon," said Ms. Danae, "can you help me out this morning? Help me find Friday on our calendar."

After Bellerophon pointed to Friday on the calendar, Ms. Danae gave him a gold star and he stuck it under his name on the sticker chart.

"Who's helping, Ms. Psyche?" asked Hebe.

"Fructus' daddy, Andromeda's mommy, and Phobos and Deimos' daddy," said Ms. Psyche. "And what's the rule when we go to the zoo?"

"We stay together," the class murmured.

THURSDAY NIGHT

HERA'S HOUSE

Hebe and Hera were getting ready for bed.

"Hebe," said Hera as she forced Hebe into a pair of footy pajamas, "be on your best behavior."

"I know, Mommy," Hebe whined.

"Don't whine to me, Hebe," Hera chided. "That's not ladylike of you."

"How come you can't come tomorrow?" asked Hebe.

"Because Mommy and Daddy are going to marriage counseling with Grandma Rhea," Hera replied, brushing Hebe's hair.

PERSEUS' HOUSE

Perseus and Dictys (that fisherman dude) were playing a game…well, it was more like wrestling with each other.

"And Perseus gets Daddy!" Perseus yelled, jumping on Dictys as he sat on the couch, watching a fishing show.

"Don't jump on me, Perseus," said Dictys. "If anyone, you should jump on your Uncle Polydectes, 'cause he sucks."

"Yes, Perseus," said Danae. "Who wants warm milk?"

The boys looked at her.

"Kidding. I know how much you two hate that," said Danae. "Well, time for bed, Perseus. We've got a big day tomorrow!"

Dictys and Danae each said goodnight to Perseus and headed off to bed.

ANDROMEDA'S HOUSE

Cepheus and Cassiopeia (Andromeda's mom and dad) were watching a rated R movie. They thought Andromeda was sleeping, but that wasn't the case. Andromeda came walking into the room in her pink nightdress, looking at her parents. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the TV.

Cepheus quickly changed it and it flipped to a cooking show. "A pot of soup, dear," he said.

"I saw two naked people kissing," Andromeda said. "Wait till I tell Ms. Psyche!"

"You'll do no such thing, you lady," snapped Cassiopeia. "Now go upstairs and stay up there!"

"You're a mean queen," Andromeda said. She probably could've said something more colorful, but she was only three, so she didn't understand half the swear words yet.

FRIDAY MORNING – 6:00 AM

MS. PSYCHE'S HOUSE

"Hedone," said Psyche as she stroked her daughter's hair, "time to wake up. Let's go see all the animals!"

Hedone shot out of bed. "Okay, Mommy!"

Psyche and Hedone ate a quick breakfast while Eros did something on his iPad (specifically, he was emailing his mother to tell her he loved her dearly, although he didn't really mean that because Aphrodite was a crazy woman).

MS. HECATE'S ACADEMY

"Good morning, boys and girls!" Ms. Psyche said as the class settled onto the carpet. "Theseus, please put the truck away. It's time to listen now. Anyway, we have some parents here today to help us out. This is Fructus' daddy, and you guys can call him Mr. Trip. This is Andromeda's mommy, Mrs. Cassiopeia. And this is Phobos' and Deimos' dad, Mr. Ares."

"Let's split everyone up into groups so you all can have buddies," said Ms. Danae. She gave the kids their groups. "Now, everyone head outside onto Mr. Apollo's bus!"

"Hey, Andromeda," said Perseus nervously, "do you wanna sit with me on the bus?"

"Sure," Andromeda said, blushing.

"Sweet!"

So Perseus and Andromeda sat together, holding hands, which didn't make Cassiopeia too thrilled.

"You're, like, three," she told them. "Why are you holding hands?"

"Mommy," Andromeda wailed, "Perseus and I are in love!"

"Oh." Cassiopeia relaxed. "Okay. Hand Mommy her makeup bag."

Meanwhile, Hebe and Fructus were stuck in the same seat with Trip. Trip was bragging to the two gods about how much he knew about animals, and Fructus really wanted to run off the bus into oncoming traffic.

"Shut up," Fructus mumbled.

Triptolemus stopped talking. "What did you just say?"

"I said shut up. You're so annoying, Daddy!"

"Hebe, can you scoot over so I can yell at my son? Thanks, sweetie."

Triptolemus then yelled at Fructus (and the whole bus went quiet because when Trip yells it's crazy loud).

Meanwhile, Phobos and Makaria were sitting together, talking about war and death.

"Daddy told me that your daddy is a war god," said Makaria.

"Uh-huh. But I'm a nice war god. My dad's an ass."

"That's true," Ares said from in front of them. He was playing a killing game on his iPhone.

"Dad? Can you put your phone away and talk to us for once? That's all you ever do is play on your phone!"

"No! Shut up!"

When Apollo dropped the kids off at the zoo, Ms. Psyche told everyone to get off the bus and line up by the fence.

The zoo they were going to today was called Olympus Park Zoo, and it was gigantic. They had the usual stuff, like giraffes, monkeys, and rhinos. But they also had mythological animals, too, like Pegasi and that kind of thing.

Ms. Danae handed the chaperones their maps and told them to meet back on the bus at two-thirty. "Have fun, everyone!"

Ms. Psyche led her group (Jason, Phaethon, and Bellerophon) in one direction, while Ms. Danae led Hedone and Deimos somewhere else. That left the three pairs of students with their chaperones.

WITH HEBE'S GROUP

"What should we see first?" asked Trip as he glanced at the map.

"Daddy, can we go see the giraffes?" asked Fructus.

"No. Hebe?"

"Uncle Trip, since Mommy says I'm the cutestest goddess ever, can we go see the dolphin show?"

"Sure, sweetheart," said Trip.

Fructus kicked his father in the leg. "Daddy! How come I can't choose something?"

"Remember? Because you told me to shut up, you are now invisible," Triptolemus snapped.

"Let's go to the dolphins!" Hebe squealed.

PERSEUS' GROUP

Before Queen Cassiopeia the Awful Mother led her group off, Ms. Psyche stopped her. "Theseus needs a group. Would you mind taking him?"

Cassiopeia glanced at Theseus, who was picking his nose and wiping the snot on the cage of the lions. "Um…nope."

"Mrs. Cassiopeia, I realize he's a handful, but you've got Perseus and Andromeda and they can look after themselves," Ms. Psyche said.

Cassiopeia thought about it. "Oh, fine. I guess I'll do that."

Ms. Psyche smiled and led her group off. Cassiopeia glanced at her group. There were Perseus and Andromeda, who were talking quietly by her side. And then there was Theseus, who was scratching his butt and laughing as one of the lions pooped.

Cassiopeia really hated going on field trips because she didn't get paid. But she sucked it up like a "nice" queen, took the kids by the hands, and led them off to see the dolphins, too.

MAKARIA'S GROUP

Makaria and Phobos thought they could get away with holding hands in front of Ares and have a nice stroll through the zoo. But Ares decided to go all drill sergeant on them for some reason.

"Let's go, maggots! Quit holding hands! We need to see all of the animals before the sun sets!" Ares screamed.

"Dad! Stop!" yelled Phobos.

"Why?" snapped Ares. "This is fun, punk!"

"You're scaring Makaria," said Phobos. "And I don't want her to be scared."

"Hey, Phobos, can I ask you a personal question?" Ares demanded.

"Uh…I guess."

"Are you guys, uh, dating and thingy?"

Phobos looked at Makaria. Both of them were blushing by this point and they knew it.

"Dad, yeah. We like each other."

"You kids should go out to a movie or something…or out to dinner. And then you guys should snuggle, because Aphro and I do that after we've gotten fat on food and thingy."

"Dad? Can we go see the butterflies?" asked Phobos.

"No child of mine is looking at butterflies, kid," snarled Ares.

HEBE'S GROUP

Trip, Hebe, and Fructus had just looked at a bunch of dolphins that did nothing but dive into the water. Now they were heading off towards the zebras.

As they were heading over there, Trip sang the "Barley Song"…and it sucked even more because Trip can't sing to save his life.

Hebe was walking quietly next to Fructus, her head hanging low, and Fructus knew something was up. "What's wrong?" he asked her as they looked at the zebras.

"When it was summertime outside, Mommy and I used to go to the zoo all the time…and she'd make all the animal noises so I didn't have to do it all by myself." Hebe started crying on Fructus. Of course, Triptolemus had no idea because he was too busy singing the "Barley Song" to all the animals (and Fructus and Hebe were pretty freaking sure the animals wanted to die because the song was so bad).

"Here," said Fructus, putting his arm around Hebe. "Do you want me to make the animal noises for you?"

Hebe looked up at him. "You would do that for me, Fructus?"

"Of course," said Fructus. "That's what Mommy does to me when I feel sad." Fructus forced a burp. "There. See? That's what a pig says."

"Fructus, what does Mommy say about burping in public?" snarled Trip.

"I thought you couldn't see me," said Fructus bitterly.

"Your punishment's over," snapped Triptolemus. "I will not have my kid burping in public."

"Then…can I do this?" Fructus let loose a huge fart and Hebe started laughing her youthful head off.

"Let's go to the petting zoo," said Triptolemus angrily, grabbing the kids by the hands.

PERSEUS' GROUP

Mrs. Cassiopeia was actually a pretty good chaperone, despite the fact that she was constantly yelling at Theseus to stop running off.

Perseus and Andromeda were basically still holding hands and talking to each other.

"Did you see that movie, too?" asked Perseus.

"Yeah," said Andromeda. "Mommy and Daddy both took me. I cried at the very end."

"Are you two talking about Kronos the Cannibal?" asked Mrs. Cassiopeia.

"Yes, Mommy," said Andromeda. Then she saw the petting zoo. "Mommy, can we go there?"

Mrs. Cassiopeia nodded, opened the gate, and let the kids inside.

INSIDE THE PETTING ZOO

It just so happened that all the kids were now inside the petting zoo, and Ares was contemplating leaving his group there because they'd just seen the butterfly exhibit…and Ares HATED butterflies.

"Gods, I HATE butterflies," Ares ranted as he sat on a rock outside of the petting zoo.

Meanwhile, Trip was fangirling over the goats and making "baa" noises to amuse all the other kids. Unfortunately, none of the other kids were amused.

Jason walked up to Ms. Psyche. "Is it lunchtime yet?" he asked her.

"Almost," said Ms. Psyche. "Okay, everyone! It's time for lunch and then we'll see the snakes!"

"Oh, gross," said Andromeda.

"It's okay. I'll protect you," said Perseus.

"I'm hungry, Mrs. C," said Theseus, tugging on Mrs. Cassiopeia's dress.

"Don't touch me, Theseus," she replied absentmindedly. She led her group to a set of picnic tables and handed Andromeda her lunch. Ms. Danae walked over and gave Perseus his lunch. Theseus took out his own lunch that Aethra had made for him.

"Mrs. Andromeda's Mommy," said Perseus, "can I go sit with my mommy?"

"No," said Mrs. Cassiopeia.

"She's evil, huh?" said Perseus.

"Yeah. I have to live with her. But my daddy and I get along. We maded ice cream after school yesterday and we ate it all up. And Mommy didn't get any so she put me and Daddy in the timeout corner in the garage."

Hebe was laughing at something Fructus was telling her.

Suddenly, Theseus stood up. "MS. PSYCHE!" he screamed in his very loud three-year-old hero voice. "I HAVE TO TAKE A DUMP!"

"Theseus, shush," snapped Mrs. Cassiopeia, "or I'll throw you in our royal dungeon."

"Daddy blew it up last Christmas," said Andromeda.

Ms. Psyche quickly rushed over and took Theseus to Trip. Trip took Theseus into the bathroom, where Theseus ended up taking a good half-hour to poop.

Hebe and Fructus were playing Would You Rather.

"Hebe, would you rather kiss me or Perseus?" asked Fructus.

"You. He's cute, too, but you don't bite people. Would you rather kiss me or Ms. Danae?"

Fructus looked anxiously across from him, where Ms. Danae was talking to Bellerophon. "You."

"Good job! That was the right answer!"

"Perseus!" Fructus screamed. "Would you rather snuggle with Andromeda or Hedone?"

"Fructus, knock it off," snapped Trip, sitting across from his son at the table.

"Andromeda," said Perseus. "Andromeda, would you rather eat Fructus' face for asking such a stupid question, or kick your own mother in the butt and say all the Greek swear words in alphabetical order while jumping on your trampoline—"

"I have a trampoline?" asked Andromeda.

"Just pretend," said Perseus. "…on your trampoline while eating a Freeze-Pop and wearing your father's crown?"

"The second one. But my daddy doesn't wear a crown. I do when I'm playing princess," said Andromeda.

"MS. DANAE!" Bellerophon sobbed, running to his group leader. "Ms. Danae, is it true that you and Ms. Psyche are planning to bake us in a pie tomorrow?"

"No, honey. Tomorrow we don't have school because—what day is it?"

"Saturday. Mr. Ares told me that you were going to make a pie and bake us into it," Bellerophon sobbed harder.

"Sweetheart, I promise you, you don't have you worry about us eating you," said Ms. Danae, shooting Ares a nasty glare.

"It was just a joke," said Mr. Ares.

Ms. Danae shot Ms. Psyche a glance, motioning for her to come over here. "I think," said Ms. Danae, "that instead of doing the snakes, we'll go back so they can sleep. They're all going to lose it."

"Agreed," said Ms. Psyche. "Boys and girls," she said, "the snakes aren't going to come out and see us today! So we'll be going back to preschool and taking our nap!"

No one protested because everyone (including the adults) were pretty pooped.

When they got back to preschool, Ms. Danae and Ms. Psyche handed out the cots to the kids and they spread them out on the floor. Ms. Danae handed each child a blanket while Ms. Psyche walked the three chaperones to the door.

Ms. Danae was about to turn off the lights when she heard crying. "Who's sad?" she called to the room.

Andromeda raised her little hand. "I am, Ms. Danae."

Ms. Danae shut off the lights and closed the door to the classroom after Ms. Psyche walked back in. Then she headed over to Andromeda. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Theseus called me an idiot and then he bit me," Andromeda cried as she sat on Ms. Danae's lap.

Ms. Danae glanced at Theseus. "Did you bite Andromeda?"

"Um, Theseus died. Please leave a message after the swear word—"

"Go sit in timeout," said Ms. Danae. "We don't bite people, Theseus."

At two-thirty, the parents came to get their kids. Ms. Danae told Aegeus (Theseus' dad) that Theseus had bitten Andromeda. Aegeus promised that he'd take care of it.

THESEUS' HOUSE

"Theseus, do we bite people?" asked Aegeus.

"No, Daddy," said Theseus, hanging his head.

"Good boy. Now I want you to go upstairs and sit in your room. And you may not play with your M&M doll until your punishment's over."

Theseus' only comment was, "What's for dinner, Daddy?"