Disallowance of Wonder: Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid are owned by the same corporation. Which isn't me.
When school ends, I tell Flora that I need some time to myself.
The walk to the park is only a few minutes from Magistrix and fortunately, the sky has cleared. The sun is out and there's a slight breeze. I think of this park as a sort of closet; somewhere I can go to think. Not many people hang out here, which in circumspect; gives off the feel of a bedroom. In other words, this place is a home. A house. I sit on the faded red swing. It's one of my favorite noises, the gentle creak of the metal, chains straining to hold me. My eyes close. I'm so…so damn confused. At this point, I don't even know anymore. Do I have a crush or don't I? On…on a girl? I run my tongue over my lips and notice they're chapped. I lick my lips repeatedly during the day. I guess that's one of the symptoms of this…this disorder I have. This disease of puzzlement, depression, a jumble of thoughts unable to be separated. I'm an equation, that's it. A multiplication problem…with an exponent. My head never stops increasing with negativity. I'm instigating myself. The antagonizing…it's headed to positive infinity now. My body has an up and a down, both at the same time. My happiness is forever decreasing below my x-axis, whatever the name of it is, and the bad stuff…well, I've already stated where that shit's headed. I just need to sit here. For hours. As long as it takes to sort myself out. All of this will go away eventually, right? For fuck's sake, I'm sixteen. Maybe this is normal. Just…it's beyond unfair.
I slump over on the swing; head in my hands, fingernails digging into my temples. Bri, come on. I shut my eyes tighter. This is a phase. It'll pass. "No, no. It's not a fucking phase!" I hiss into the air. I bite my lip. Here I am, talking to myself. Battling my inner demons not with a sword or dagger, but with words. I remove my hands from my face, checking for any people. No one. This…this here…it's alright. I push myself, beginning to swing, legs brushing over the mulch below. The one thing I fear…the one thing Aurora is scared of…is losing friends. Flora most of all. She's the only one who's really been at my side through everything, the only one who really cares, and that's something I haven't felt in a very long time. Thinking over my past, I lost two important people at the exact same time. My mother and a long-time boyfriend. Philip. He used to be my world. A portion of me wants him back, but he's with someone new now. Someone named Penelope. It's taken me fucking two years to move on, and I'm still in the process, but slowly it's fading. Part of my heart does have scratches on it, I'm not going to lie, and I don't want deeper ones. Bri, be active for once. Fix yourself, you're capable. "Shut. Up!" I let out and collapse into the soft, honey-colored mulch.
I cross my tan arms over my face. I have no choice but to remain with my eyes closed. The sun is directly above me. If I open my eyes, I'll probably go blind. But it feels good, the warmth. It's a righteous restaurant dessert; cold ice cream with hot, dripping syrupy cake on top. I'm cold. Or becoming it. Frost is lurking over my heart, waiting for the right time to freeze me. To finish me.
"Hi," a soft voice sounds. I jump, recoiling, hand grappling my hair. No, I can't have this right now. I have to be alone.
I open my eyes weightily, wincing. "Shit," I let out, the incandescent sun piercing. It's quickly covered, a head blocking the brightness, giggling face looking down at me. I blink, still trying to adjust, but…blue. It's not one of the colorful hazes you get from staring at a bright light. It's an overcast. A cloak. I shoot up immediately, hand severing through my hair.
Ariel smiles sheepishly at me, holding out her hand. I take it and she pulls me off the ground, me straightening my dress, blinking a few more times. "I saw a girl lying down over here and she looked sort of familiar. I wanted to make sure…," she puts her hand in the pocket of her short, black skirt. "I wanted to know if it was you…um, I was right." She looks at me. "Did I disturb you from your nap?"
"No! No. You didn't. I was awake. Just thinking." I bite my lip. "Ariel, right?"
She looks at me for a second, tilting her head. "Yeah. Ariel. How do you know my name…?"
I blank out, desperately trying to find words. I'm so weird. Why the fuck did I just say that. "A friend." I dig my fingernails into my arm. "I'm Aurora."
"Oh, that's pretty." She turns and points her head toward the swings, gesturing me to follow her. I'm stunned. What the hell is happening. Seconds ago, I was at my worst and then she just…appeared, and I'm better. I'm being told something. Something sweet. We sit on each of the scarlet swings and strangely, I'm beaming. A smile is spread across my face and it's so broad, both of my ears join in. I stare at her for a moment. She's somewhat frowning, eyes locked on the ground.
"So…are you, okay?" It's an awkward first question, but then again she matters.
"You're in my second period and you were sitting far away all alone and I know this is so weird, but I'm kinda observant, I think, and I just think you're pretty." A shadow casts across her face, piece of blue hair falling against her cheek.
She's right; I was sitting alone. Well fuck. She gets the point, at least. Here was me, thinking I would be the first one to say a compliment. "Well, thanks," I say quietly. I'm still completely disoriented, but the best thing to do right now is go with it.
"Mhm." She nods but doesn't look up. "Are you okay?"
"I'm alright," I shrug. Maybe if we get to know each other more, I'll open up. But that's a big 'if'. The smile that blossomed on her face falters. It's my fault. She picks her head up a few inches, eyes becoming clearer, bright blue irises glinting as the sunlight hits them. I want her to know that I'm here. I know there's something wrong. Something isn't maybe there's multiple things wrong. Whatever it is, I decide to let the words out. I want to advance. I want to go somewhere with her even if the thought is way too early to establish. I trust myself. If I've been having reoccurring dreams with her in them, if she's been causing my mind to dysfunction and be hyped up on anesthesia, then she's a risk I'm willing to take. "Don't ever be afraid to talk to me. I'm always here, you know," I tell her. I've never said that before. I mean I have to some people, but it didn't feel real then. This time, there's an ignition. It may be blurry, but Ariel is a challenge. I'm going to learn. I'm going to teach myself to change. To be a better person. Something tells me she hasn't had love or closeness in a long time, which in a way is something both of us have in common. I'll force myself to kindle attention, give her what she needs. I need something new like this. And Ariel…she's got the epithet of a guardian. She's beginning to redeem me of my happiness and aid me in this flux of distress.
Ariel twists her lips, a nebulous flush washing over her cheeks, and she stands. I watch her legs wobble. It's almost like she just came out of a wheelchair. She places her hand on my shoulder and smiles graciously. "We should um, hang out sometime."
I nod candidly, my heart and feet leaping simultaneously. Did she really just say that? Did I just hear those words come out of her mouth? This blue-haired, mysterious, beautiful girl's mouth. She steps back, brushing her thick bangs out of her face, looking over me. "See you."
I watch her go and the way she walks…it's rather charming. It's a slight stumble, like a toddler. I actually have something to look forward to. I pick up my bag and walk home, sun beating down on me like breathing. A breath that Ariel could blow in my face as she giggles, even if the warmth settles just for a second. It's enough. At least the tension is gone. At least I'm not afraid to talk to her, to be in her presence. I'll have her tomorrow.
A/N: Building relationships is special.
Pay attention to them, mkay?