A/N: I own nothing. Contains mild references of bulimia and anorexia.
Envy – Pansy Parkinson – House Elf
She's the green-eyed monster on your back, she's the feeling that you just can't seem to escape and she is that feeling of pure, inescapable jealousy.
She's envy and she's unforgiving and, really, she is familiar to every single one of us, because, no matter how much we deny it, we have all experienced her in one way or another. Because, although we may never, ever admit it, there is always one person that is richer, prettier, thinner, cleverer, more popular or even just luckier than you could ever be. And, that, my friends, is envy.
She invades your mind and every fibre of your being, warping your vision until every single one of your flaws are unavoidable compared to their utter perfection. Well, perfection in your eyes anyway. And envy is painful. Envy can tear anyone apart shred by shred, until they are reduced to nothing but a shell of a person, filled with self-loathing. And, for this reason, envy is dangerous. Envy is destructive. Envy is vicious.
And, for the pug-faced Slytherin girl that was Pansy Parkinson, envy is cruel. Because, the hard-faced girl was never going to be the prettiest, the thinnest, the cleverest, the richest or the most desired, she knew that but, it just so happened that there was a girl who was everything that Pansy could never be and everything that she wanted to be.
And, it just so happened that the girl that Pansy envied beyond everyone shared a dorm with her, was a constant part of her life and, worst of all, was close to Draco. And it just so happened that this girl's name was Daphne Greengrass.
And Daphne Greengrass was the sort of girl that had every single boy wrapped around her little finger and could have them waiting on her like house elves at the drop of the hat. Because Daphne Greengrass was beautiful and that seemed to make boys absolutely adore her.
And, envy changed Pansy Parkinson beyond recognition. It all began with a game, an attempt to win back a certain boy, but it developed into so much more. It became an obsession, almost a disease. It became starving herself, making herself be sick and, to be frank, it became obsession. And, it all started with one friendly conversation, envy and the rest is history.
Pansy was sat, lounging on one of the emerald green sofas that dotted her common room, next to Millicent Bulstrode, discussing tactics of trying to engage Draco in conversation, when the door slid open and Daphne herself entered the common room.
Pansy glanced up at her and as always, the dull feel of envy set in her stomach. Daphne Greengrass with her long, blonde curling hair, large sapphire (hypnotist) eyes and a sweet, enchanting (poison) smile. The girl who had everything entered the Slytherin common room and, as usual, without even trying, every single boy in the room looked up at her standing in the doorway, with her fabulous figure that every desired girl seemed to have, with diamonds sparkling on her neck like the wealthy heir that she was, with her hair and face looking absolutely perfect as usual.
Daphne surveyed the room, as though she was a queen and that the assembled Slytherins were just her loyal subjects, waiting to admire her and do her bidding, before walking straight into the common room.
"Hey Daphne!"
"Hi, Daph, you alright?"
"Hello, Greengrass,"
The calls echoed around the room and Daphne smiled beautifully at them, before dismissing their questions with a wave of her hand and a flick of her hair. Pansy's eyes followed her around the room, staring with pure jealousy at the way that every single boy's gaze was fixed upon her beautiful figure gracefully walking around the room, before coming to a stop and sitting down on a sofa next to Draco Malfoy.
Soon enough, the sound of her clear voice drifted across the room and everyone returned to their homework, books, conversations, chess boards or whatever activity they had been doing before Daphne entered. Pansy sat back fuming. Millicent and she had spent the last half an hour plotting ways to converse with Draco and Daphne had just walked right up to him and started chatting. And, what was worse, he had talked back.
He was obviously interested in her, or else he would've told her to go away or made non-committal monosyllabic answers until she had got the message and left. But, no. In fact, quite the opposite, he was leaning forward and talking avidly to her with an interested look in his eyes that was never there when he spoke to Pansy.
What if Draco likes her? What if Draco wants her? And after all, why wouldn't he? She's beautiful, rich, clever, skinny, popular. She's everything. And you, Pansy Parkinson, you're nothing. He'll never want you.
A small, mocking voice echoed around Pansy's head and suddenly, a wave of despair hit her because, perhaps, that voice was right. She would never be anything, she was nothing compared to Daphne Greengrass. Pansy stared across at Daphne, who was laughing, tossing her lustrous hair back from her face, with her long lean legs crossed over in front of her. Draco look entranced.
Pansy looked down at her pudgy legs, her flabby stomach, her plain mousey hair that didn't cascade down her back, it just… fell and her slightly less impressive family heirlooms. She was kidding herself, she could never ever be wanted by Draco Malfoy but Daphne Greengrass certainly could. Daphne Greengrass was everything, everything that Draco wanted but Pansy, she was nothing. And that was all she ever would be.
And so, with the green-eyed monster fixed firmly to her back, it began. Daphne couldn't get Draco. She wouldn't. Pansy would have to be better than Daphne. She would have to outshine the Slytherin princess to claim her prince.
What if Draco likes her? What if Draco wants her? And after all, why wouldn't he? She's beautiful, rich, clever, skinny, popular. She's everything. And you, Pansy Parkinson, you're nothing. He'll never want you.
And the voice that had driven her to this echoed around her head whenever her throat stung from throwing up her evening meal, or her head pounded from staying up all night studying. It wasn't a nice thought nor was it particularly happy, but it kept her going and reminded her of her goal.
And Pansy became obsessed with Daphne Greengrass, scrutinising her every move, trying desperately to claw back Draco from her. But, envy got in her way and, just as she does so often, envy distorted and warped her vision. Because, Pansy got it wrong. Because, Draco fell for a Greengrass eventually, but, it wasn't Daphne, it was Astoria, the youngest daughter. Perhaps, if Pansy hadn't become so preoccupied with her jealousy for Daphne, then she would've noticed that their relationship was purely platonic and that it should've been the brunette, lively younger sister that Pansy had been keeping a closer eye on.
But, until Pansy realises her mistake and, until Pansy gets over Draco, envy will remain with her.
Always.