Here and now
They had been sitting side by side in silence. Backs to the couch, staring straight ahead. Time seemed to have no meaning as the moon came and went across the night sky, making space for the beginning of dawn. How did they get so messed up? The first Instant Star and an ex-boybander.
"I couldn't do it" Her voice croaked, sore from crying. Tommy turned to look at her. "I couldn't do it" She repeated, looking at him with fresh tears coming down her face. "Shh." He pressed his forehead against hers, tears also adorning his face. "It's okay Jude. We'll be okay." She looked up into his face and he could see that cold steel she used to protect herself. Standing up, she walked into the kitchen and splashed some water on her face. Tommy leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of him. "So that's it?" Jude faced him "What?" He scoffed "You're unbelievable." Jude scratched her arm nervously "You shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake. I'm sorry for calling you." He stared at her in disbelief as she walked past him into the living room. He turned on his heels. This wasn't going to happen again.
"No." Jude turned around "Excuse me?" "I'm not leaving until you talk to me Jude. We need to talk about this." "Tommy, I don't want to talk. I'm tired." "What and you think I'm not?" He moved closer to her. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you cutting me off from how you feel. I'm tired of always being there for you when you're never there for me. I'm tired of what we have become. I can't do this anymore Jude. All you think about is yourself." Jude smiled wickedly at him "Myself? All those 'visits' I've made were by myself" She then chucked to herself "Oh right. You seemed to have been there too." Tommy clutched her shoulders "Do you really think that's what I wanted?" "Isn't it what all guys want? All the sex they want with no strings attached?" Tommy shook his head "That's not what I wanted Jude." She walked away from him "I didn't hear you say no Tommy." "What else did you expect me to say Jude? You were the only woman I had ever loved. I didn't want to turn you away and watch you hang all over some other guy. I was trying to get as much of you as I could." She had stopped in the middle of floor, back still facing him. He took this as a good sign and tenderly stepped closer to her. "Talk to me Jude." She spun around "Talk to you? Talk to about what? What do you want me to say Tommy huh?" "Tell me anything Jude!" "I can't stand being around you!" That was the last thing he expected to hear come from her mouth. "Being around you hurts too much." He was confused. "Then what have these past few weeks been?" Jude shook her head "Not a game Tommy. Just sex. I can't handle anything more than that with you." "That's gonna be kinda hard now that we have a baby on the way." "I can't keep this baby Tommy." She sat on the couch and covered her face with her palms. "But I can't get rid of it either." "Jude, why can't you have this baby? Would it be so terrible if we had a baby together?" "Yes it would. It would be the worst thing in the world." "Jude, how can you say that?" "Because I'd end up killing it."
All color drained from his face. "What are you talking about Jude?" " It's my fault." Jude blurted out. "Our baby died because I was a bad person." Suddenly it all came together. For years she'd been living with the guilt that her actions had killed their unborn child. That guilt caused her to alienate everyone she had known. Tommy sighed and moved closer to Jude. Placing a hand on either side of her face he stared into her eyes. "You are not a bad person Jude." "I cheated on my HUSBAND and got pregnant with another man's child Tommy! What kind of person does that? Our baby died because I was being punished." Tommy pulled her into a hug "Jude that's not true. Things like this happen. It doesn't mean you were a bad person." Jude broke down in his arms. Years of guilt and anger flowed out of her as she cried into his shoulder. After awhile Tommy felt her go weak in his arms. "Come on." He crouched down and picked her up bridal style to her bedroom. Placing her gently in the bed, he took off his shoes and jacket and slipped in next to her on the bed. Jude instantly pressed her back into his chest and Tommy wrapped his arms around her. Tommy couldn't help but notice that this was the first time they were in bed together without having sex first and nothing felt better.