by Greylle
DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.
Chapter Four: Dancing On Sunshine.
The Angel didn't know what to make of the situation, as it could tell that the Other was inside the giant purple figure. But as the being that was facing it seemed to be going through some sort of odd spasms, it couldn't tell what it should do. Communication wasn't working, and it couldn't figure out a new way of trying it. All it did know was that there was something... different about the creature inside the thing that was standing in front of it that was like the Lilim, but at the same time wasn't.
So, the only thing that it could do was to move in, which did decisively, and quickly.
Unfortunately, that might have been the wrong choice.
"It's attacking!" Ritsuko called out.
Ranma snorted. "Kinda obvious, ain't it?"
"Well then, DO SOMETHING!"
"Sure will. Man, some girls don't change when they get older. Guess it hasta do with 'that time of the month' whatever that is..."
Everyone looked over at the faux blonde scientist.
She realized that and glared right back at them. "I'm not going through PMS!"
"Right..." Misato murmured. "Ranma?"
"I'm on it," he replied, and let himself smirk.
"I wonder what he's going to do..." Maya whispered... just as Unit-01 began to move.
As the Angel reached it, the Evangelion ducked down, and dashed out of the way so fast that it barely registered before it was done. Then the giant machine moved quickly about, darting around like some sort of hummingbird, though this one was many stories tall. It ran vaguely in a half loop that brought it to a direction towards the side of its opponent.
But the Angel was able to turn from all the delays Ranma's occasional hiding brought, and when saw that he was coming, at it with a clear intent of not stopping, it did the only thing that it could do.
The blast never even came close to the unit, as he flitted out the way, and let it land somewhere off behind him, causing a small explosion where it hit. Even as the Angel tried to hit him again and again, he kept on dodging it, and managed to get out of the way so that it looked like he was almost teleporting from spot to spot. And the entire time the Evangelion got closer and closer, until it was crouching just in front of the Angel.
That was when the Angel tried to send an energy spike right at its opponent. But the arm was shoved away before any harm could be done, and the Angel had to move backward to avoid the uppercut follow up. Doing so didn't help it though, as the blow was a diversion, and the purple bio-mechanical fighter used one leg to sweep both of the Angel's legs, which set it totally off balance. After that came a simple series of punches that wouldn't have been all that painful alone, but in a group set the Angel reeling with only the ability to bring up a shield being available to it.
"Damn it!" Ranma barked. "Ain't anythin' gonna get in ta this thing?"
"It has an AT field! You have one too, and you have to use the energy from that to take it down!" Misato yelled right back at him.
"Gotcha!" he replied, and had his Evangelion shove the Angel away from itself. However, he wasn't retreating, as the unit made a tight fist, and pulled the arm back just a bit until the Angel's chest was right in sight. Right then, he sent a punch rocketing right at the center of the torso, and let it slam right at the field. This time it didn't just cause the shield to sputter though, as the fist began to burrow right through the energy field like a steel spike into stone.
And then it got through, sending the giant creature flying backwards from the force of it.
"Never thought I'd feel sorry for a kaiju," said Aoba.
"IT'S NOT A KAIJU!" growled Doctor Akagi.
Not that the creature in question was in good enough shape to worry about naming distinctions. Instead, it was too busy being hit again, this time without any defense from the open handed blows that the Evangelion landed on its chest. Then there was a snap kick, a knee hit, and a double punch, all to the red orb, with cracks forming on the surface.
With a twisting shove, the Angel went flying upwards, at which time the giant robot leapt up into the air, and did a spin kick that launched the Angel far away. Landing without even so much of a glance backwards, the Evangelion stood there as if it were waiting for something. It didn't have to wait for long.
As soon as the Angel crashed down, it blew up with a cross shaped explosion marking its final landing spot.
"If you're gonna do it, do it with style," Ranma commented.
"Okay, I'm impressed," Misato murmured.
Ritsuko pressed her lips together. "It's just too strange."
"There is that, but he did the job. And did it well, I might add."
"But this shouldn't be happening! Even his initial synchronization rate isn't right!"
"How so?" the Operations director asked.
"It's fifty and a half percent!"
"Wow. Fifty point five percent. Pretty good, especially, right?"
"No!" the scientist snapped.
"Okay, unless there's a problem with using decimal places..."
"That's just it!"
Misato blinked at her old college roommate. "You've lost me there."
"It was displaying a fraction!"
"Isn't that what decimals are?"
"Yes, but it wasn't in decimals!" the fake blonde complained. "It read 'one' slash 'two'!"
"Weird. But computers can show that, right?"
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"What makes you say that?" Misato asked with 'innocence' that was clearly feigned.
Ranma had watched the thing, he'd listened to the comments from Akane and Kasumi and especially Nabiki, he'd left for frequent snack breaks and hadn't paid attention to some portions.
"Okay, Ranma, strip."
"Hey, c'mon Doc, I hardly know you."
Ritsuko blinked, then narrowed her eyes. "This is a MEDICAL exam. You have to strip down to your shorts."
Ranma thought about that, Doctor Tofu had done something like that once. "Oh, okay."
Ritsuko stared at the results of the strip. Fourteen year old boys should NOT have muscular ripple as they took off their clothes. She nearly dropped the syringe when he dropped his pants.
"Doc? I'm up here," said Ranma after an uncomfortable silence.
Ritsuko frowned again and got a particularly sadistic gleam in her eye as she turned to her instruments. "Now, there may be some discomfort."
There were some bad moments for both of them. When she tested his reflexes, his kick sent a tray of medical instruments to spray off the ceiling - with the scissors remaining stuck up there.
HIS most uncomfortable moment, the only time she got a distinctly uncomfortable reaction from him was after she'd gotten him to lower those boxers -
"Doc, that's an exit not an entry."
"Oh be a man why don't you?" asked Ritsuko, having a certain pleasure out of at last getting a reaction.
"It's cause I AM a guy that I ain't too thrilled with havin' stuff thrust in there," said Ranma. "You sure ya ain't doin' nothin perverted?"
"This is normally part of a physical exam," growled Doctor Akagi.
"Uh huh," said Ranma, remembering that this lady doctor was a real whack job who was gonna snap completely later on in this series. "So what's goin' on between ya and Pop?"
"Absolutely nothing," Ritsuko assured Ranma, convinced that nobody knew about that.
"Yeah, right," said Ranma, grimacing because this wasn't exactly comfortable.
Ritsuko frowned but she didn't want to keep doing this. "Okay, now your front."
"Oh, look, it's an Angel Elvis impersonator!"
"Huh, what?" asked Ritsuko, glancing in the direction Ranma had pointed. "What are you -" slam "- talking about..."
She blinked twice as she realized that Ranma was missing, as were his clothes. "Hey wait a minute. Security!"
Fifteen minutes later, Ranma returned.
"Ow ow ow ow ow, watch the ear."
He was being led ear-first by Misato.
"Honestly, Ranma, security was just doing their job, you didn't need to imbed Agent Higurashi in the trashcan," said Misato, releasing the ear once Ranma was near the exam bed.
Ritsuko blinked. "Isn't Agent Higurashi the ex-sumo wrestler?"
"That's the one," agreed Misato.
"He shouldn't a grabbed me like that," said Ranma, "he kinda reminded me of someone I knew."
"Yeah, well, wrap this up quickly Ritsu," warned Misato. "There's a group of Section Nine people who need some bruises and contusions treated."
"And anybody who goes pullin' a gun on me, that ain't cool," insisted Ranma. "That's just plain askin' for trouble."
"That didn't mean you had to go breaking his fingers like that," said Misato.
Ritsuko's eyes were cold as she snapped some latex gloves back on. "Now, let's continue, shall we?"
Ritsuko sat in the chair, looking distracted.
Gendo glanced over the reports. "Hmmmm. I see."
"Do you?" asked Ritsuko. "So far the only thing I've seen around here that could reign in your son was Misato. After treating the Section Nine agents who had attempted to stop him, my respect for her combat abilities has gone up considerably."
"You were deliberately trying to provoke a response, weren't you?" asked Gendo.
"Well, yes," admitted Ritsuko.
"He seems very... reactive," pondered Gendo aloud.
"I noticed," admitted Ritsuko.
"I'm not sure that having him live alone is a good idea," said Gendo. "Some measure of control is apparently necessary."
"Right," said Ritsuko, nodding. "No telling what he'll end up doing left to his own devices."
"We'll need to place him with someone whom we can carefully monitor," said Gendo, going somewhere with this.
"Yes, otherwise just getting him to show up on schedule might be difficult," agreed Ritsuko. "That's... no."
"No?" asked Gendo.
"I am not sharing an apartment with that boy," said Ritsuko.
"No?" asked Gendo. "Then come up with another candidate."
Ritsuko considered all the possibilities. A flash of her checking out his package, various scenes of examining Ranma, all passed through her mind's eye - causing a resulting fidget and blush. No, she was NOT inclined to share an apartment with Gendo's son. He seemed slightly more intimidated by women than men, so having a woman watch over him was ideal. Who to stick with this problem?
In Ritsuko's mind, there was only one real option, given what they had to work with. Security wasn't exactly able to combat this boy, as was demonstrated by what had happened earlier. Most of the bridge crew would be too soft to give him the... discipline that he deserved, and Rei was physically a teenaged girl, who just happened to have trouble figuring out some things about the world.
But there was a perfect choice available, and they didn't have to look far to find a suitable candidate. What made it even better was that it would give her both prime teasing material, and would allow her to have him stick around the only thing that had kept him in line.
"I really think that Captain Katsuragi would be the best choice of roommate," she finally answered.
Gendo merely stared back at her. "Is that so?"
"It is. She's the only one who can handle him. In fact, it's almost like he refuses to fight her."
"I see... Then she can control him long enough for the situation to progress in a satisfactory manner?"
"I believe that is the case."
The Commander steepled his hands in front of himself and kept his thoughts inside. Katsuragi might not be the best minder for an impressionable young man, but his concern was not on proper guidance, so far as it didn't interfere with the Plan. He needed that boy if his long term strategy was to work, and replacing him would be... inconvenient at best. It was best if he was controlled, and the Captain certainly seemed able to manage such a feat.
Besides, it wasn't like Misato Katsuragi was aware of anything other than the fight against the Angels. The therapists might have said that she had once had the possibility of becoming a nymphomaniac looking for love, and sex, from a 'father replacement', but she was now quite useful, and likely would for some time to come. If nothing else, he knew that she could be controlled, and through her, the same could be said for the Third Child.
"I will have the Captain come here to inform her of her new duties," he stated without even an emotional inflection.
She nodded, and then raised her brows at him. "And your... the boy, Ranma?"
"He can learn it when she tells him."
"I see..."
"If there is nothing else?"
"No sir," she answered, getting to her feet so fast that the heels of her shoes clicked on the floor.
"Until later, then."
"Later," Ritsuko agreed, and turned to stride confidently out of the room.
"WHAT?" asked Misato.
"Figures," said Ranma.
"Now that this is settled," said Ritsuko. "Ranma. We'll expect you for synchronization tests after school."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Ranma.
"So, Maya, can you make the appropriate arrangements?" asked Ritsuko. "Maya? Maya? Maya!"
"Ah! I'm sorry, it's just..." the short-haired girl fidgeted, remembering when someone sans clothing, had nearly run her over while he was escaping from the examination room.
"Is something wrong?" asked Ritsuko.
"N-n-no. It's nothing," said Maya. She didn't go that way after all. Nope nope nope.
"All riiight," said Ritsuko, drawing that phrase out and sounding as if she suspected 'nothing' was 'something' but not sure what that 'something' was.
Gendo considered the scene with his son. Something was wrong, and yet right as well. The crybaby had grown up and was trying to stand on his own two feet. It was right that he did so, this WAS his son however uncomfortable Gendo was in that relationship. Yet it was also wrong as he wouldn't be as easy to manipulate as originally thought.
Push, and this boy would push back. Demand, and he'd be as stubborn as a mule. He might do what was required - but inevitably there would be clashes.
There was Ranma, back to sullen again, hands in his pockets as he exited the elevator in the parking garage with Misato.
His eyes flicked to the report of Doctor Akagi's examination. His father's son indeed in some respects, but more direct and less skilled at subterfuge. Chronologically fourteen, but closer to seventeen in physical development.
Let's see, at that age he was...
Gendo smiled. There was more than one way to lead a wild horse to water. At that age, there were hormones and a young man could be led about by a young woman quite easily.
Now, who should he use for this task?
Ranma considered what he was going to do. Well, if he didn't want to eat toxic sludge (and he didn't) and instant ramen - that meant HE was going to have to take on some of the cooking duties. As for Misato's domestic skills, she practiced... what was that phrase Nabiki had used? Oh yeah. 'Benign Neglect'.
There was Pen-Pen, the in-genre cute animal mascot. What happened to HIM at the end of the series anyway? Did he goo or stay? Did he use a litter box or did he... Maybe he ought to look into that. Having an apartment smelling of penguin crap didn't sound too good. Seemed fairly smart though - maybe he was toilet trained.
There was also Misato herself. Ranma eyed her. In fairly good shape, great considering some of her habits. Still, instant ramen and lots of booze wasn't exactly good nutrition.
Nope. No way around it. Of course, it was a lot easier to do the domestic stuff if there was no chance of it being considered 'girly'. He was 100% full-time GUY now.
"Nevah gunna be a gurhl again," said Ranma, smiling as he sat back in his seat.
"What's with that anyway?" asked Misato.
"Eh," said Ranma. Say or not? Well, why not. It wasn't like he hadn't already spilled some of it to her. "Okay. How long we got before ya get to this apartment?"
"About fifteen minutes if we went there straight," said Misato. "Plan on making a couple of stops though."
"All right," said Ranma. "Just the highlights then."
Misato listened as she navigated through Tokyo-3, the detours from some road damage adding some travel time.
"Mind ya, this is put together from stuff that happened later - I didn't know about some of this stuff until recently like Ucchan bein' a girl and all," prefaced Ranma. "Still, this is the story of my so-called life."
Misato listened, keeping herself from interrupting too many times. "A seppuku contract?" "So your father told you to steal food as a martial arts exercise?" "Starving cats? Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this." "I was right." "How could ANYONE have a direction sense that bad?" "You did WHAT?" "He did WHAT?" "Chinese curse?" "a panda?" "a girl?" "a PIG?" "Chinese AMAZONS?"
If there was one thing that surprised Ranma about kitchens in the future, it was that they didn't seem to be from the future. To be honest, he had thought that there might be some sort of new thing to use in the kitchen. But it seemed that the only difference between Misato's kitchen and Kasumi's, other than looks, was that the eldest Tendo had actually used hers.
Still, he hadn't exactly been aiming to be all that impressed by such a room. Even if he was now a guy all the time, he wasn't too keen on doing activities that were 'girlie'. The truth was that he had to know his way around a cook pot, since he and his father hadn't had anyone else there to make them meals. Now, he knew that there were plenty of very good guy chefs, but he wasn't about to be 'domesticated'. As it was, he did feel comfortable about using one appliance in the room.
After all, a microwave had been described by one guy that he knew as 'the stove of a bachelor', and he didn't have much of a problem using one.
That made it easy to wait for the 'beep' of the timer, and when that came, to open up its door. Lightly pulling out the bag of popcorn, he opened it up, and dropped the contents into a bowl. It wasn't those fancy finger foods that might be served at the homes of rich people, but it would be fine for him. He didn't need to make it special anyway, and his new roommate wasn't about to care about some lavish spread.
Misato wouldn't have noticed it anyway. She was currently curled up on her seat in front of the television, which was currently showing a certain movie that she'd skimmed through only a little while earlier. However, she was now watching intently, her eyes scanning each and every detail before she might miss it. At her side was a battered copy of 'Shinji 1/2' that she'd insisted on buying on the way home, and that now had several bookmarks in it like it was a reference manual.
It was a bit different than the cheerful way that she'd swatted him on the back and nearly shoved him through the apartment when they'd arrived. She hadn't exactly been trying to run right over him, but it was clear that she was being a little too... loose. In fact, she seemed to have no problem with wearing only a light short sleeved tee and cutoff jean shorts around him, both of which would give him rather... 'nice' views of her form.
"This is gonna be bringin' a lot of stress, right?" he muttered to himself.
Raising one wing almost as if in an acknowledgement of the point, Pen-Pen took a sip from his own drink.
Sighing, Ranma took the popcorn over to Misato, and held it out to her, as she dug one hand into the bowl to grab some without taking her eyes away from the screen.
There were those who would say that Gendo was evil, but he never really cared about them. As far as he was concerned, he was merely amoral, as he used what tools he had available to meet his needs. Should that lead to someone getting hurt, it didn't matter to him. He had a plan, and everyone else just happened to be pawns in it, even the ones that he actually was showing some sort of... affection for.
Not that someone could claim that he was doing that in his son's case. The boy was going to be a means to an end, and that would mean that he'd have to be controlled. Of course, one couldn't force a mustang to do something, but it could be... guided into doing what was desired of it, until it realized that such behavior was its only option.
As such, he would need a girl to use as his son's... companion. She would get him to have feelings and a connection to her, both of which would direct the boy's loyalties and attention towards her. With that being the case, she could be used to point his son in the direction that he needed to go, no matter if she wanted to or not.
As he sat behind his desk with his hands steepled in front of him, he considered his options. The chosen girl would have to be attractive enough to pull in the boy's desires, and be bright enough to know how to handle a male of that age. On the other hand, she couldn't be 'too' smart, as he didn't want her getting 'ideas'. Loyalty to him would be a plus, but he knew that there were ways of getting even the most recalcitrant person to work for him. All he had to know was what that girl would desire, and he would be able to use it against her. Even a simple push would be useful if he could use her own reactions against her.
Illuminated by the blood red light coming from the mural on the wall, he smiled, knowing that he would be using one Asuka Langley Soryuu. Unstable perhaps, but she followed orders.