A/N: I should warn you guys that there's talk of suicide in this chapter...

Blaine Anderson was a student who attended Westerville's local high school, WHS. Anderson was 14 when he transferred from Columbus City Middle School, starting off his high school career at WHS. Anderson was said to have come out of the closet upon arriving at his new school because he "wanted to walk the halls and not have to pretend to be someone he's not." According to Anderson's friends and suicide note found in his bathroom on the day of March 15th, coming out of the closet in Westerville was apparently not such a great idea. Students and friends claimed to have seen Anderson violently harassed by local bullies who do not condone his lifestyle choice in conservative town, Westerville, Ohio. The bullying eventually became too much for Blaine, and he wanted to "escape from it the only way he knew how" (as stated in his suicide letter). Blaine Anderson was 16 years old when his parents found his body in his bedroom on the night of March 15th. I speak for all of Ohio when I say that you were taken from us far too soon, Blaine. We're sorry you had to resort to this. Rest in peace, and I promise you that the state of Ohio is going to do all it can to prevent bullying from now on. –Westerville Daily newspaper, published March 20th, 2012.

The article included pictures of Blaine throughout his life, and you can see his smile slowly being taken away from him with each passing year. The article also included videos of Blaine singing in his high school's glee club, and his suicide letter, which his parents had agreed to let the public see to
"understand what bullying does to America's youth and how it is an issue that is not to be taken lightly."

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know that you have always accepted me for who I am, and that you have always loved me endlessly. You have loved me the whole time this world has not. I am so sorry that I am not the strong person you think I am, because if I was strong, I wouldn't be writing this letter to you. If I was strong, I'd suffer through all the pain I endure every day in hopes of a brighter tomorrow. But I am so tired of being strong. I can't anymore. I wish it would have been otherwise, I wish that life were different, that we could have moved to a different city, where people were more accepting of the person I am. I wanted to walk down the hallways and not have to pretend that I'm someone I'm not. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be me. That's all I've ever wanted, but it has always been out of my grasp. I've called out for help so many times, I had begged and pleaded to a god I don't believe in for it all to stop. But no one cared, and I know that no matter what anyone does that it won't stop. I am escaping from the pain the only way I know how.

I'm sorry it had to come to this.

'I wish it could have been otherwise.'

And in that moment, Kurt felt his heart shatter into a million, tiny pieces. He had that, Kurt thought, the tears running down his face. His body shook in horrible, uncontrollable sobs. He had his otherwise and his different life and I took that away from him because I'm selfish. Kurt screamed. He screamed into his pillow and he screamed into the empty quiet of his bedroom. He screamed because he was a horrible person, he screamed because no matter what he did it could never be right. He screamed because someone had managed to look Blaine in the eye and treat him so horribly that he would resort to suicide. Kurt screamed. He screamed and he screamed until his throat was raw, until he couldn't make a sound anymore. And then, when Kurt finished screaming, he curled up in his bed and cried until he had run out of tears.

"Rory!" Kurt yelled out into the emptiness. "Take me back, please!" he cried. "Take me back, take me back." Kurt repeated, begging to someone who wasn't even there.

Suddenly it was worth it, everything he'd been through the last two years at McKinley and the last seventeen years of his life. Kurt realized that everything he had gone through up until now was to make him as strong as he was. It was to make him strong enough to endure the bullying until Blaine came into his life. Blaine, the beautiful boy with the beautiful smile and the beautiful voice who thought Kurt was beautiful. Blaine, the first boy he had ever held hands with, the first boy he ever dated, the first boy he ever kissed. Blaine Anderson, the first boy he had ever loved.

Blaine Anderson, the boy who thought no one cared about him and killed himself.

The thought of having to go through life without Blaine now that he had lived life with Blaine was suddenly too much to bear. It scared Kurt right to his very core to think that he might be stuck here in a world where Blaine didn't exist, at least not anymore. Kurt didn't think he could live in a world where he'd never be able to hear Blaine's laugh again, or hear him say his name. What if he was stuck in this reality forever? Kurt imagined never seeing Blaine's smile again, or running his fingers through Blaine's hair, or feeling the smoothness of his palm as they held hands.

And it scared him.

Kurt woke up the next morning, his pillow still wet from the many tears that had fallen on it the night before. Was he still in the same reality he was yesterday? Kurt ran downstairs and found Finn scarfing down a bowl of cereal at the dining room table. "Finn!" Kurt shouted, causing Finn to jump in his seat. "Finn," Kurt sat down across from his step-brother.

"Yeah, dude?" Finn asked, muffled by a mouthful of food.

"Blaine," he says. "Have you talked to Blaine?"

"Dude," he sets his spoon in his bowl. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but… I don't know who that Blaine guy is. He's obviously your friend, not mine. If you need to talk to him so bad, why don't you just go see him?"

Just go see him. Oh, if only Kurt could. "Right," he gets up. "Sorry I bothered you. I just- I forget, sometimes…"

Kurt runs up to his room, once again looking up Blaine's name in his Google search bar. Looking through two pages of search results before he got through all the "GAY TEEN IN WESTERVILLE COMMITS SUICIDE" headlines until he finally found what he was looking for.

Finn's right.

Kurt should go see Blaine.

Kurt got dressed as if he were getting ready to go to school, only doing so to make his dad and step-brother believe that that's where he was going. Really, Kurt took a detour from school to go to a flower shop on the way to Union Cemetery in Columbus.

"Hello, sweetie," an old woman greets him as he walks in the door of the flower shop. "Do you need any help?"'

"Uh," he looks around. "Yeah, you know what, I do need some help. Do you have any flowers that mean 'I miss you'?"

She smiles warmly at Kurt. "Is it for a special someone?"

"Yeah," he smiles sadly at the floor. "They're very special."

She slowly makes her way to the carnation section of the flower shop. "Carnations can mean a lot of things," she explains. "They can mean pure love, good luck, admiration, deep love and affection, but…" she trails off, picking up a bouquet of red and pink carnations. "I guess the meaning of the flower depends on the person giving the flower. Red can mean admiration, but it can also mean I miss you."

Kurt politely takes the bouquet from the woman. She's right. Every flower has a different meaning to somebody else. "Thank you. Uh," he rubs his hand across the back of his neck. "Do you, uh- Do you have white chrysanthemums?" Kurt feels the tears prickling behind his eyes, threatening to fall.

The old woman's face suddenly falls, and she nods, giving Kurt a sad, sympathetic smile. "Of course I do, sweetheart," she puts her hand on Kurt's shoulder, rubbing soothing circles with her palm. She holds up a finger, signaling Kurt to wait where he is. She soon returns with a bouquet of white chrysanthemums, taking the bouquet of the red and pink carnations from Kurt and mixing the two together to create one huge and beautiful bouquet.

She wraps plastic around the flowers, tying them together with a black ribbon. "Here you go sweetie," she hands the bouquet to him.

"How much are they?"

"Was it a lover?" she asks.

"Wh- What?"

"I don't mean to be rude," she says. "But I was wondering if the special person is—was?—a lover."

The tears are back again and Kurt can't look the woman in the eye. "Yeah," his voice cracks. "They were." He wipes the tears now beginning to fall down his cheek. "They were the love of my life," he sniffles.

"No one deserves to lose a loved one," she soothes. "Especially not when you love someone like that. Don't worry about the money, sweetie. It just wouldn't be right for me to stand here and take your money from you, with your sad eyes, when you're about to go give them to someone you loved and lost."

He presses the palm of his hand against the bags under his eyes, trying to make the tears stop. "Thank you," he clears his throat. "Thank you so much."

She smiles at Kurt, and he walks out of the store and into his car, driving for what seems like forever until he reaches Union Cemetery.

Kurt walks around the cemetery, going up and down the rows of plots until he reaches a lone tombstone underneath a beautiful cherry blossom tree.

Blaine D. Anderson

1996 – 2012

This sucks.

Kurt laughed through the tears he didn't even know began to fall. Leave it to Blaine to be sassy, even in the afterlife. Kurt ran his fingers lightly over the top of the headstone. "Blaine," he whispered, though no one could hear. He fell to his knees in front of the tombstone, clutching the flowers close to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Blaine," Kurt sobs.

Kurt places the flowers down in front of the headstone, lightly tracing his fingers over the letters in Blaine's name. "I- It's my fault that you ended up like this. If I hadn't felt so sorry for myself, you'd be alive right now." He wipes the tears from his cheeks, taking in a deep breath. "At least in our old life we had each other. You didn't have anyone here. You didn't have Dalton or the Warblers or- or me… I don't think I can stay here without you, Blaine. I don't think I'm strong enough for this. I can handle being called names, getting shoved into lockers but- but I can't handle living without you. Not when I've learned to live with you, Blaine. You," Kurt laughs. "You saved me, you know? I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't met you that day at Dalton. I'm so stupid, Blaine. I was too busy focusing on the things I didn't have and I couldn't realize what I did have."

He brings his knees up to his chest, laying his head on his knees. "I'm so sorry," he repeats. "I'd give anything to go back, you know. I realize it now. I realize how good my life was. No matter what happened, at least I had you. I had you to hold my hand and drink coffee with me and kiss my nose. Being with you was what got me through the day and," Kurt takes in a deep, shaky breath. "And when I was with you I felt like the most important person in the world. Thank you, Blaine. Thank you for making me feel special and important and loved."

Kurt stood up, brushing off his pants. His fingers linger above the top of the headstone for a bit. "I love you, Blaine," Kurt whispers before walking back to his car and crying all the way home to Lima.