Chapter 4!
I can't believe how many rules there can be!
Thank you everyone!
Onward!
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The Guidelines for living with Giant Alien Robots! Part 2
by Tatyana Witwicky
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Rule #32: The 'Ferrets Song' is banned from base.
(It starts out sounding all cheery and happy.)
(Then it gets a little...odd.)
(Dad face when he heard me singing the last part.)
(Oh lord.)
('I love the feel of grain, the screams of a man in pain...')
(Maybe it was the look on my face that startled him.)
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Rule #33: When a someone on base has a sunburn, don't decide to announce it to all the bots by slapping the victim on the back.
(I'm notorious for doing that.)
(Sam and Leo got it really bad and wore long sleeved shirts, trying to hide their atrociously red skin.)
(When Dad asked why they were wearing those shirts in this weather, I simply said and did the following.)
('This is why...' then I slapped both of them hard on the back.)
(Their screams echoed around the base.)
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Rule #34: Never start singing songs from commercials.
(Although, some of them are quite awesome.)
(Especially the Dockers pants one...)
(But seriously, Sam...)
(Put your pants back on!)
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Rule #35: Quotes from Gex are banned because apparently, they annoy Galloway and Prowl.
(Kill joys.)
*'A little tongue now, a lotta tail later..(Ratchet was giggling at that.)(Ew..gross..ew.)
*'I taste dog doody!'
*'Believe me, you smell like I feel!' (Simmons aced that joke by doing an arm pit check.)('What, moist and hairy?')(Nastily hilarious!)
*'They're sweet! They're minty! They mumble!' (Dad seriously made me laugh that day!)(He knows how to cheer me up.)
*'File this under 'Ouch.'
*'I am the God of Hellfire!' (This is not the Fallen catch phrase..though it kinda fits...kinda..)
*'Pee-u! I am a walking Dutch Oven!' (Miles)(Every bot within hearing range, quickly shut their intakes and walked away rather quickly.)
*'Say Hello to the floor!' (That is said in battle way, way too much.)
*'I'm flaming!...In the MANLY way...(I completely lost it when Epps yelled that.)(Again with the fire proof gel.)
*'Lord Vader, I am MAD for your tailor!' (Ironhide was not amused.)(Chromia was.)
*'My Inner child is coming out and it HURTS!' (Ultra Magnus got a few stares with that one.)(Kup made it better...or worse...by saying, 'Don't clench or you'll blow an O-ring.')(Oh those snarky old farts...ya gotta love'em!)
(I love those games!)
(The dialogue alone was so worth the money!)
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Rule #36: Once again, never quote the Big Bang Theory.
(Still one of the best shows!)
(Fantasy and I watch it way too much.)
*'Photographic memory is a misnomer. The correct term is eidetic memory, as I've told you countless times, like in May 7th during lunch. You complained your turkey was dry.' (Sam couldn't believe I remembered that.)
*'I have selective mutism, a recognized medical condition. You're just a douche!'
*'Is the sex starting now?' (Me tormenting Sam.)
*'To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being a little aroused and ashamed.' (You really don't wanna know what Miles was talking about.)
*'I do not have to urinate. I am master of my own bladder.' (A slight pause later.) 'Drat!'
*'Yes, because nothing's cooler and more fearsome than a man with a shirt blasting music from between his nipples.' (No idea why Sam found it necessary for Wheeljack to make him a shirt that makes music.)
*'Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide!'
*'Oh, and one more thing, if you use my toothbrush, I will jump out that window."
*'Oh and one more thing...it's on bitch.'
*'I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, go ahead and text me.'
*'I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.' (Don't throw sharp objects, Maple!)
*'You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support.' (Leo does not like losing at Halo.)
*'Lift up the camera! I'm looking at his crotch!' (Web cams are sometimes a real hassle.)
(Good God, I just realized how much we have in common with those guys...)
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Rule #37: Never pull the 'Snakes in a canister' gag on any Autobots.
(Except I used a energon cube.)
(And rather large snakes.)
(Oh my god, classic!)
(Prowl was the first victim.)
(He had the best reaction.)
(I had no idea he could scream that loud.)
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Rule #38: Never say the following just because it's funny.
(Lennox and Epps are quite hilarious.)
*'I may have schizophrenia but at least I still have each other!' (That one did not go over well with Red Alert.)
*' If at first you don't succeed..destroy all evidence that you tried!' (Wheeljack first Motto.)
*'If at first you DO succeed...try not to look so astonished!' (I painted that on his wall.)(He was not amused.)
*'I used to have an open mind...but my brain kept falling out!' (I think Prowl died a little at that comment.)(Ratchet was very spazzy.)
*'Follow your dreams...except the ones when you're at school in your underwear.'
(That last one was my little pep talk to Sam.)
(Shockingly, it made him feel better.)
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Rule #39: No Belching contests!
(Even though they are fun!)
(It was a death match between me and Lennox.)
(I actually beat him.)
(Everyone was shocked.)
(And the Bots were slightly disgusted.)
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Rule #40: No Autobot is allowed to take pictures of humans and edit to be like LOLcats.
(Sunny got one of me and Sam.)
(Ironically, eating cheeseburgers.)
(We both thought he just wanted a picture of us.)
(When we walked into the Recreational room the next day, there was a giant picture of us on the wall that said in bold letters...'I can haz cheezburger...?')
(We both facepalmed.)
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Rule #41: And human, never do that to any Autobot.
(Brought back major memories of doing that to Ironhide.)
(I finally got Dad.)
('You eated my cookie?'..was his caption.)
(Hey, he looked funny! He was pouty!)
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Rule #42: Do not mess with the younglings. EVER!
(Both Sparrow and Annabelle were in the front Rec. Room, watching My Neighbor Totoro.)
(Sunny and Sides decided to be completely stupid and they both started making very rude remarks about the characters.)
(Most unfortunately for them, they did not see what they were sitting on.)
(Or who.)
(Turns out it was Dad, laying sideways on the floor, no doubt hiding from Prowl.)
(I came home to find the Lambo twins still stuck to the wall.)
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