"I started makin' the plan in February an' had it ironed out by April, just in time for baseball season.
"I waited for a school day to hit with light homework. Knocked it all out in class, then after school I took a shortcut home. Used a pay phone on the street, called in sayin' I wouldn't be able to make it to work. Boss said it was fine, I'd earned a day off. Walked my way home like normal, got to the apartment before my brotha's for once. Dropped my stuff an' ran to dig my bat out from our gear closet fast as I could, 'cuz I knew I didn't have too much time. Ma asked if I could get her another blanket while I was up, so I did. She saw the bat an' asked me where I was goin'. Told her my boss gave me the day off so I was gonna go dust off my battin' hand before baseball season started up, an' no, I wasn't goin' practicing with Mike, why the hell would I be, an' yes all my homework's done, thanks Ma, an' sure, I'll wear a coat, why the hell not, an' yes, I know there's a storm on the way, I'll be fine, an' no, I won't stay out too long, promise, an' yes, I'll be careful, love you too, Ma, bye.
"Ma was right, storm clouds're comin' from the left, but no big deal. I'm walkin' back to the diamond with this itch in my wrist. I can feel it in my bat, too, weird as that sounds. I've had it before, usually right before a big game. It means I wanna hit somethin', an' I wanna hit somethin' fuckin' hard. My bat feels a little lighter than usual, but I'm thinkin' it's the itch. The itch gives you a fast swing, right? 'Course it does. Which is good, 'cuz I'm'unna need to be fast as hell for what I'm 'bout to do to those Liberty fags.
"An' I wasn't jus' doin' it for me, a'ight? I mean, I was pissed about not bein' able to play in forever, but it wasn't just me. It was, frickin', Mike, Johnnie, Derek, Chris, Vince, Joey, Greg... we were all eight of us pissed off. I just didn't get why Mike an' Chris stopped Vince from tearin' 'em up that one time. They're usually jumpin' for the first punch. I mean, that's kinda why I got to runnin' in the first place, an' now here they don't even wanna start som'n. I wasn't havin' that shit, not this time. Maybe they didn't have the nuts to take on Liberty, but it ain't my fault they listen to stupid rumors. It's not like they're real or anythin'. But anyways.
"So I'm walkin' an' then I get to the diamond... an'... Christ..."
Scout shut his eyes and let his head fall into his hands. Some of them looked up at the abrupt movement. Moments passed before Scout spoke again, and when he did he didn't look up immediately.
"Ho-ly shit... Guys, our fuckin' diam– they killed our fuckin' diamond. Like, here: the whole fuckin' park's soggy an' gross, right? Y'know, like it should be in the middle of fuckin' April after two rainstorms that week. But I get there – the grass is green as a fuckin' crayon, the dirt's new an' un-frickin'-touched, the bases're all white an' shiny an' clean, the chain-link ain't rusty, ain't got no holes torn through it, an' the mound's, like... not flat; it's a fuckin' mound again!"
There was a brief silence when Heavy chose to hesitantly raise his hand. "But, leetle man say Liberty kill diamond. Dese tings sound... very good."
"The Hell they are! Liberty destroyed every-fuckin'-thing that made that diamond ours! All the channels in the dirt, the scuff marks an' bald patches in the grass, the torn-up bases with dirt caked all over 'em, the busted wires from that one lucky curve ball Johnnie threw back in '55 an' we didn' stop talkin' about it for like, two whole weeks — it-it was all gone! Just, gone! Like none of it even happened! They had the school throw, like, some fun'raiser or some shit, an' fuck up the diamond to wipe us off it!
"See, that's how shit works. If it don't look used, it's fair game until someone scuffs it or som'n. You dent it, it's yours; it's got you on it. Diamond had us on it, so it was ours. Now? We can't defend it no more! Our 'us' is gone!"
Scout clenched his face in his hands roughly, a mixture of fury and misery pulsing through his body. It wasn't the full emotion, not as it had been that day, years ago, but it was enough to make his shoulders tremble. The unconscious action didn't go unnoticed by his teammates.
"It was all we fuckin' had, man..."
After a few long, fraught moments, Scout took a deep breath and sat back up, face sobered and grim.
"I look up an' see a couple cars pull up to the side of the road. Nice cars, prob'ly Fords. Two guys come outta each, an' Nathan White's one of 'em. They shut the doors, wave g'bye to whoever the hell's drivin', then turn an' see me an' stop. I look right at Nathan, an' for a moment, just a moment, he looks at me like, of course I showed up, he knew I'd be here, pleasant surprise. That pissed me off.
"But, I played it off cool. Nodded to 'em, swung my bat over my shoulders, asked 'em how things were goin', all that junk. They were givin' me sideways looks, Nathan was sizin' me up, but they said things were goin' well. I'm watchin' their cars the whole time out the corner of my eye, waitin' for 'em to get the hell outta dodge, an' they do. I ask how practice's been goin', they say it's been pretty great. I said great, that's real great, but the storm's gettin' closer so the thunder cuts me off.
"Then Nathan comes outta nowhere an' asks if I 'like what his school's done with the diamond'. It didn't sound like anythin' bad, but I saw it in his fuckin' face. He knew exactly what I thought about their fuckin' patch-job. He stole our diamond by our own fuckin' rules. I hated him worse'n I've hated anyone since that day. Jesus... I hate when they play by the fuckin' rules!
"Could'a messed up my bat, I was wringin' its neck so hard. But, hey, I didn' do nothin' yet. Four'a them, one'a me, I wasn't that stupid. To be serious, though, I wasn't expectin' there to be four of 'em, so I had t'kinda... change things up a bit. I wanted to crack his skull in, an' I wanted to do it when all his little buddies could see, but, y'know, they'd kick my ass, so... Yeah. Plan B.
"I asked Nathan if I could, y'know, have a li'l one-on-one with 'em. He got that 'of couse' look on his face again, fuckin' Nathan, but he said sure an' told his guys to go 'head without him. They kinda laughed, but they get stretchin' anyway. They're eyein' me as they stretch, too, like, y'know, they don't think I'll do anythin' stupid, but I could.
"I walk us closer to the trees as it starts drizzlin' so it's just him an' me, can't believe I was thinkin' I could talk him outta this, but I get in close an' I go, 'Look White, I dunno what made you guys wanna start usin' our field, but here's the thing. You guys? Are from a whole 'nother side'a Boston, an'a whole 'nother place in, like, the world. You can't, jus', like, take our shit. An' I know whatche' thinkin' but listen a'ight? You guys – I saw those cars a'yours, an' they don' look too cheap. You guys got shit. You got a lotta shit. You know what I got? I got a glove, a bat, a ball, an' that's about it. Like, that's all. My brotha's an' I ain't got too much other'n baseball gear. We ain't got money. Hell, we barely got an apartment. What the hell happened to your other diamond that you can't use it? 'Cuz this diamond? This park? It's the only thing we know we have out here. This is where Cambridge practices at. We don' want you Liberty fags on our turf, we don't want you 'fixing' our turf, we just want our fuckin' diamond back, 'cuz it's the only diamond we got. So if you could just, y'know, take you an' your guys back to–' an' then I remember, Liberty's one'a those fancy schools that's got it's own diamond. I say, 'wait a sec, don't you guys have your own fuckin' diamond? Use that one! What the hell're you doin' with our shit when you got your own in your fuckin' backyard!'"
Scout paused, took a deep breath, let his head drop lightly, and touched his hands together. His words were slow and deliberate.
"Okay... I'm not, an unreasonable person, most'a the time. I know that... y'know, us guys have fun screwin' with each other. Sometimes we screw around a little, sometimes we screw around a lot. I've fucked with my brotha's plen'y'a times, an' God knows they've fucked my shit up just as bad for it. But... when it's... when it's baseball, an' how we play it... an' you start fuckin' with that...? When you fuck around that bad with mine an' my brotha's home plate... for shits'n giggles... That is the fuckin' line an' Nathan White crossed it so hard it— Rrrgh!" Scout clenched his fists and forced himself to keep talking.
"That's what he said. He said their own fuckin' diamond wasn't interesting an' didn't have a fuckin' view like the one in our park, an' that ours was ten times nicer an' it'd be just perfect as their new fuckin' diamond once they — cleaned the slum-scum off...!"
Scout clenched his jaw tight, fists shaking. The man looked like he was about to snap, right there in front of them all. Spy found himself edging away from him, just in case.
But Scout didn't snap. He unclenched his fists, loosened his jaw, and slowly, carefully breathed. A shadow of a smirk flicked across his lips. He lightly snickered.
Sniper had been listening with an initially arbitrary interest, and had sensed the underlying rage steadily build within Scout. He could feel it radiating in the air around him. But something had just changed within Scout; something deep, subtle. That rage was changing into something much darker and fiercer than what any of them were used to seeing in him, on or off the battlefield. Sniper was intrigued, as were a few other members who had also detected the change. A small voice in Sniper's mind wondered if this same shift had happened that day, years ago.
"I always thought it was funny," Scout spoke, "how Liberty would act all cocky after every game they played. They didn't go throwin' jabs left an' right like we did, but it was in their faces. They walked with this real showy attitude an' real thin sneers. They thought they knew us. They thought they knew exactly what was gonna happen. They thought they had seen every trick in the book. The Liberty team thought it was un-frickin'-touchable."
Scout chuckled. It wasn't his normal laugh. There was no joy in it.
He didn't speak for a while. His eyes beamed into the fire, and he seemed to see something inside the crackling blaze that none of the others could or ever would. For a moment he was no longer sitting on a log with eight other mercenaries, but he was back in Boston on the Christopher Columbus Park baseball diamond five years ago, doing something horrible to Nathan White.
Scout's silence, like his smile, grew unsettling. A sobered Demoman spoke up.
"Didjeh bash'im upsuide th'head, then?"
Scout laughed, straightened, and shook his head.
"Nah, man, he would've survived that."
Demoman's eyebrows flew up, unsure of what he'd heard but too intrigued by its implications to rush the story along with questions.
Scout kept smiling that wide, off-kilter grin as he went on.
"He thought it was nothin' but a playing field, or a piece of real estate, or whatever th' hell rich kids think when they see som'n they want. He didn't care about the diamond, he jus' wanted his guys to look good while practicin'. Now Nathan had a pretty good swingin' hand, I'll give'm that, but he didn' know nothin' about baseball. Not like we did. If he knew baseball, if he played baseball like we did, he'd'a been fine on his own fuckin' turf.
"When he looked at me an' told me with those cocky-ass eyes'a his that he asked his school to do some volunteer shit for the park an' 'fix' our place up? Because he could? Fuck it — I lost my shit. I mean, I lost my shit. Now... I don't remember too much'a what happened, blind rage an' all; you know how it is, right Soldier? I mean, I remember jumpin'im, takin' the bat to his head at some point an' watchin'im crumble like a frickin' girl, an' I remember gettin' all up on'im an' sluggin'im in the chops, but most everythin' else was a blur. I mean, I was too fuckin' pissed to think about what I was doin'."
Scout paused. "... I may've clocked'im in the temple a couple times."
Medic said nothing, but his mind whirred, guiltily interested in Scout's tale. If the young man had indeed dealt this other youth several blows to the temple, and with enough force (that Medic knew Scout was perfectly capable of dealing), then Nathan White's fate was no mystery to the good Doctor.
"But yeah, so, I'm beatin' his shit in, then next thing I hear the othe' three shoutin' an' runnin' at me, but I'm, like, so frickin' high on adrenaline I'm not even scared. I ain't about to stick around, hell no, but I ain't scared'a those three chuckleheads. I book it like the ground's on fire an' the rain's all in my face an' I'm soaked an' I hear 'em comin' at me like the fuckin' heat but it don't last too long 'cuz they're bank account's down bleedin' in the dirt. Not like they could'a caught me anyway.
"I take off across the street, down the crosswalks, left, right, 'round the block, every turn I find – I don' even know where I'm goin' at this point, I'm jus' runnin' through the city. I prob'ly got blood all over me but I don't even care who sees it. I know Boston; I ain't gettin' lost. I jus' gotta run off the rush an' make sure the Liberty fags can't find me. I'm soaked an' I feel like a fuckin' hero.
"An' then I passed by this little joint a couple blocks from the Commons that I pass on my mornin' runnin' route called Souper Salad. I'd usually take five, sit in, talk a bit with Bruce, chill a while before headin' the home lap. Sometimes he'd even slip me a sodie-pop on the house if the goin' was good. Great guy, Bruce. He may'a been old as balls, but he really knew how to help a guy, y'know?
"So I step inside an' the place is dead. I knock on the counter, Bruce shouts from the back, but I shout back an' he laughs 'cuz he knows it's me. He comes shufflin' out with a wood bowl an' a rag, an' then he sees the blood on me.
"He's like, 'Jesus Christ, boy, what happ'nna you? You been through hell'n back, by looks.' I jus' kin'a laugh an' grab a counter seat, tell'im the blood ain't mine this time. He goes, 'Ho boy, you best not'a been scrappin' with your brothers now,' an' I say naw, no scrappin', but I did give this rich fag a face-lift.
"He shakes his head, but he's kinda half-smilin' too so he can't really be angry. He's like, 'Good God, boy, how many stale checks are you gonna let those fists o'yours write?' Whatever the hell that's s'posed to mean. I tell'im to get off my case; he don't know what happened.
"He puts away the bowl and pulls out this old, brown pipe he's had since back when he served in the first World War. He still called it the Great War, too; the hell's up with that, right?
"So anyway, he gets all scowly an' junk an' says, 'Shucks, boy, I never know what happened! That don't mean you can prance 'round all over Boston pickin' fights with the first person to look'acha funny.'
"I'm like, 'Bruce, you know there was more to it than that. C'mon.'
"He lights up his pipe an' goes, 'I know, boy, I know. I'm not tryin'a fix you or nothin', I'm just sayin' it so you know. Tryin'a talk the fight outta you would be like tryin'a talk the song outta Elvis. It's in your goddamned blood.' An' I kinda laugh at that 'cuz, I mean, he just compared me to Elvis.
"Then he finally asks what happened, an' I tell him everythin'. An' then, Jesus, then he asks me the real question, 'So where's y'r bat now?'
"Holy shit, did I freak. It was still at th' fuckin' diamond! I'd high-tailed it outta there so fast I'd forgotten to grab it. I was gonna go back, too, but Bruce caught me.
"He says, 'Whoa, boy, I wouldn't if I was you. If these Liberty boys've found your bat already they'll be waitin' for you. Best let sleepin' dogs lie.'
"I ain't about to leave my fuckin' bat with th' Liberty chumps, but Bruce kinda had a point. I'd be jumped if I went back, or Nathan's cop dad could be there waitin' for me. An' y'know, that wouldn't be so bad if he was, I jus' didn't want the cuffs on me 'til I got to tell my brotha's about the shit I jus' pulled.
"Bruce's puffin' his pipe, shakin' his head. 'Stale checks, son. Slate checks,' he says, an' I finally ask'im what the hell he's talkin' about.
"He goes, 'It means you've done a lo-o-otta shit since I met you, boy, an' you ain't got a lot done back to you. One'a these days, son, karma's gonna catch up t'yer slimy ass an' beat it black an' blue.'
"Okay, A), Ew. Like, eight different kinds'a nasty quee' right there. An' second, fuckin', Bruce keeps bringin' his stupid karma shit back into this. I keep tellin'im, I ain't gotten nothin' 'cuz I'm un-freakin'-touchable. Someone out there still likes me. But, he just shakes his head at me. 'Bad karma,' he keeps sayin'. I swear, the guy's paranoid, or some shit.
"I remember kinda glancin' up at the clock but it said it was, like, 3:45 or som'n. He never changes his clocks for Daylight Savings. Weirdo.
"But anywho, so then he leans in real close an' says, 'Listen to me, son, you're a good kid. I know you're a good kid. You're smart. All I'm sayin' is, be careful. Good luck comes naturally to some people an' you might be one of those people. An' if you are, then that's wonderful. But. If you use this good luck as a crutch and start expecting it to come, it won't. Lady Luck's just like every other woman in the world; she'll go to bed with you plenty, but never when you ask her to.'
"I tell 'im its too late for that, even if I was gonna rethink it all. Then he says 'Right, you can't change what's happened, but the ordeal's just begun. You messed some kid up bad, now what if you messed him up too bad to fix?'
"I know what he means, an' I said if he's dead, then good. Fucker deserved it. Then Bruce shakes his head an' says, 'No, son. I mean, what if he's dead?'
"An' that's when I figure out what he's try'na say. If Nathan's dead, that makes me a murderer. An', like, I just murdered the Police Chief's son.
"Now, I should prob'ly be worried. For some reason, though, the whole irony of it makes me laugh. Like, it's funny, but in a sick kinda way. Like, y'know how they say, if someone knows they're about t'die, they get this real morbid kinda happy-go-lucky thing goin' in their minds? It may'a been som'n like that.
"Course, Bruce is prob'ly starin' at me like I just went bonkers. If he can even see anythin' through all the smoke around his head. Bruce always did smoke too much, I thought. I couldn't even barely breathe when he pulled that damn pipe out. But hey, who'm I t'stop him?
"Anywho, I chill out an' Bruce tells me I'm prob'y goin' t'prison, even if I didn't kill Nathan. I wave it off cuz I know that. Hell, I'm ready. Bruce shakes his head again. I guess he thought I didn't understand what shit I was in for. An' who knows, maybe I didn't. I mean, I said I was ready for it, but... I dunno. I guess... maybe I hadn't thought things through. Maybe I hadn't really thought about the worst-case scenario or the aftermath as thoroughly as I should've. Maybe. All I know right now is shit went down; I dunno yet if I'm'unna regret it.
"I think Bruce knew what I was thinkin' because he kinda patted me on the shoulder an' gave me that weird smile old folks give you when you're shit's hit the fan an' they know it too, but they wancha t'feel better.
"Then he says this to me. He says, 'Look, kid, I wouldn't think on it too much if I was you. You'll just feel worse about it. Like, see, this whole shit-storm here?' Then he looks outside an' says, 'It's pretty bad, yeah, an' you could've been a little better prepared for it, but hey, it's happening now, an' pretty soon it'll be over. No storm lasts forever, right? An' once it's over, guess what? The streets'll be clean, the roofs'll be shinin', the air's gonna have that cool, fresh feel to it, an' there's gonna be a big, beautiful rainbow in the sky.'"
A slight shift occurs in the mercenaries who are listening. They know.
Scout pretends he doesn't notice and continues.
"Bruce says, 'Everyone goes through a shit-storm'r three in their lives, an' some shit-storms'r worse than others. An' who knows? You might come outta this one alright. You might walk outside an' see that big, beautiful rainbow waitin' for you. But here's what you gotta keep in mind, son. There's no such thing as Fate, or destiny, or any of that gypsy crap. You gotta take control of this if you wanna come out okay, you hear me? Lady Luck can give you every chance in the world, but if all you do is watch those chances fly away, then you won't get no rainbows. But if you can't keep your own nose clean, then at least make sure your family doesn't take the brute force of what you've done. Because this will affect them.'
"I didn't say anything... I mean, what am I s'pose t'say? Exactly, so I don't.
"Then he suddenly throws in, 'Hey, don't worry about it. If shit hits the fan, you'll clean it up. I know you will.'
"We don't say much for a while. It takes me that long to realize storm's been louder'n hell this whole time an' I didn't even remember hearin' it pick up. But whatever. I may've said somethin' about it. Bruce may've said som'n back. I really dunno.
"Then it hits me that Ma's prob'ly hearin' this shit-storm too an' worryin' her ass off over me. So I pull up my coat collar an' get ready t'leave even though Bruce says I should prob'ly stay inside 'til the whole thing blows over. I'd like to, but I really don't want Ma worryin' an' makin' her damn ulcers worse, y'know? And, more importantly, I gotta tell the guys what I did! So I wave to Bruce an' leave.
"But when I get outside an' throw my coat hood up, somethin' weird happens, an' I kinda feel... like, giddy. Like, I'm not scared're nothin', but just... like, I can feel the chilly air on my back an' on my neck, an' it's rubbin' me in all the wrong places. I shake it off, fuckin' grow a pair, an' head home. The whole way, though, my hands're shakin' an' I can't frickin' stop 'em. I have to frickin' cross my arms under my armpits to keep 'em still, an' that's not even workin'. An' it didn't help that that rain coat was, like, seriously baggin' on me. I was freezin' my ass off, man. An' Souper Salad ain't close t'home, either.
"Oh, an' it got worse. Every time someone walked past me on the sidewalk I'd jump a mile high. Every car that drove up or down the road, I couldn't stop myself lookin' up at it. An', God, if it was a Ford, I frickin'—ghah, Jeez... alright, alright, I was a little scared. Maybe. Okay? I ain't proud of it, but I was fuckin' tense as a brick the whole way home. It wasn't until I heard the ambulance sirens off in the distance that I fuckin' lost my shit'n booked it the rest of the way.