Author's Note:
If you've read the original Watermark, you should recognize the last scene of this chapter. …And I really have to stop crying over my own work.
Throughout this fic, every Bible verse is quoted from the KJV unless otherwise stated.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: I AM CONSIDERING A TITLE CHANGE. Please visit my profile and vote on my poll – thanks.
To my reviewers:
To BG: Thank you!! Commander Nebula… I love him. He's a great character. And actually, I usually don't hear the characters' voices when I'm writing, but for some reason, I almost always hear his.
Eeee yeah. The LGMs were a MAJOR problem. I knew that they were off, but I just couldn't figure out a way to make them work. There was technical data that the readers need to know (more technical than you usually see in the show), and I could not come up with a way to get that across without sacrificing characterization. *groans* I feel horrible! …Well, my brother and I are going to go back and see if we can fix it. *crosses fingers*
Mm, the IRL-meet-canon can get corny sometimes, and yet… That's half of my imaginary world since childhood: putting myself into my favorite stories, you know? Then last summer, I read a Star Wars fanfic series that IRL/canon, and I loved it. I knew that the concept could work, if it was handled right. You know, it's like Thomas Edison: we've learned a thousand ways it won't work. The trick is going on to a thousand and one.
Let's say that I've found that one, hmm? ^^
Wait, wait, wait… "mature"? "Awesome writing style"? … SQUEEEEEE!!!! *faints* …Okay, no, seriously though, do you have any idea how much that means to me??
And you have no idea just how much purpose this story has. *evil grin*
I won you over to another new idea? Awesomesauce!! =D
And hey, I like the word cool! ^^ I'm thrilled you thought it was cool! Oh, Team Lightyear's reactions to TAB were so much fun – sometime, maybe I'll do a little accompanying piece that's like their commentary on the film or something. ;D That would be fun. …Just wait till they watch the Toy Stories. ^^ Which, originally, they did do. But writing the story this time around, Erin's medical situation is much more serious, and in a real hospital, I very much doubt they'd let a patient in still-pretty-critical condition watch 5+ hours worth of movies with several other people. The Toy Stories will have to wait for now…
"again, it's your characterization that really keeps this story grounded and makes a concept like this truly work." …You've got to stop saying things like that – I could quite possibly die from such overwhelmingly positive, complimentary feedback. ;D All in all, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!!
To Historian1912:
*checks self* Nope, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth! ^^ I'm so thrilled you love my story, both old and new! Weeeell, this new version is getting the same ending the original was going to have, and the end is going to fit the new better than it would have the old, I think. Hope you like this update!
Ohhh, trust me, if I'd been one of the original writers, Ozma, Romac, and 42 would never have existed. ^^ …And Warp would have been in a LOT more, and Buzz and Mira's subtle pairing would've been much more defined, aaand "Ancient Evil" would've been a lot cooler and I would've followed up on it… And most of all? I WOULD'VE BLASTED FINISHED IT!!
*sigh* …You really think that I would be the best pick for writing new episodes?? *blushes* I am very, VERY flattered!
…Wow. More long author's replies. Thanks to that, the author's notes, and several quotes, this is my longest chapter EVER, with over 14 pages and 5,903 words. *whistles… well, if I could whistle, that is…* Okay, on with the story.
==Chapter 3==
Heartache
My light shall be the moon
And my path – the ocean
My guide the morning star
As I sail home to you
(Chorus #2)
Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of these dreams – a boat
I will sail home to you
– "Exile," Enya
everything is falling apart
and yet a cacophony of voices
(still) whispering
"it will be alright"
echoes in my head
and i wish they would shut up
because just maybe
(sometimes)
i want to fall apart
maybe
(sometimes)
i need to fall apart
– "echo," teenelizabeth
The next day, Teams Lightyear, Janson, Kolvetska, and Rirdre were assigned to Ground Zero – the SCRDW Complex. Team Kolvetska gathered the dead and transported them to a Capital Planet funeral home. The other teams began the cleanup and the search for any data on the wormhole machine.
Control room of SCRDW Complex, Jupiter moon Io, Gamma Quadrant: Sector One: Capital System
3/21/3009, 1109 hours or 11:09am CCT
"Gah! Another melted-down computer!" XR cried, jerking his hand away from metal slag. "Am I ever gonna find anything here in remotely working order??"
"I found a datapad!" Booster announced excitedly. Then his ears drooped. "Never mind, it's busted."
"Lemme see!" XR demanded eagerly, taking the pad from Booster. "Maybe I can retrieve the memory… Nope, I can't!" He tossed the pad aside.
Mira sighed and folded her arms. "Who were these people affiliated with? Maybe their connections have schematics or something."
"That's a good idea, Mira," Buzz nodded, standing from where he'd been kneeling to search through the debris. "I doubt we're going to find anything in here – I'll radio the Commander and the other teams and let them know."
Mira nodded back.
Bridge of StarCruiser 42, 1553 hours or 3:53pm CCT
"Okay, normally, I love searching for information," XR began, "buuut… this is gonna drive me nuts! We haven't found a single thing! Those people had no idea of file backup."
Mira shook her head. "It's looking more and more like everything related to that machine was kept on-moon. They probably had all their backups there."
Buzz growled and slammed a fist against his console in frustration. "How could they be so stupid??"
"Maybe they wanted to keep it super-secret," Booster suggested.
"Well, that's not helping us, Booster," Mira pointed out, closing down her laptop. "It's not helping Erin, either."
"We have three more possible sites to check," Buzz reminded them, his expression still a bit stormy. "Let's hope they have something."
"You know," Mira commented as she ran through her preflight procedures, "I would swear that her name sounds familiar. Frame, I mean."
"I know, it's getting to me, too," Buzz acknowledged. "Maybe she's related to someone famous from that time?"
"I think so," Mira nodded, casting her mind back to their search for Erin in the Internet History Database. "I think – Oh, Buzz! I've got it! I know who it is!"
"Who, who?" Booster urged.
"Paul Frame!" Mira replied excitedly. "One of Erin's brothers!"
"Paul Frame?" Buzz echoed. "Wait a minute, he was the one –"
"He was the one who helped the alien team that landed on Capital Planet back in 2013!"
"And he later on led the Human Military Coalition in the Milky Way War!" Buzz finished.
"Wooow," Booster breathed.
"Wo-how!" XR echoed. "Talk about family members in historical places!"
Buzz nodded, then turned to Mira. "Are we set for takeoff?"
"We're a go," she confirmed.
42 shot off into hyperspace.
CO's Office, Star Command; 1845 hours or 6:45 CCT
Through the transparisteel viewport, he could see the sun disappearing behind the western curve of the planet. The clouds in the atmosphere below were a riot of rich, vibrant colors – obscuring the sprawling Capital City.
He was reviewing reports – paperwork, the bane of his existence – when he received The Call. No matter what the situation had been, it was always referred to as The Call, because – in the end – the reason itself was always the same. The situation was hopeless.
He sighed heavily as his best Ranger reported the bad news. "You're sure?" he asked.
"Yes, sir," the younger man replied, his voice a bit angry. Because there was nothing they could do, because they'd finally run up against an enemy that they couldn't defeat – Time itself…
The older man nodded slowly. "I'll break it to her."
"Yes, sir."
"Come on home, Son."
"Yes, sir."
Her eyes wanted to close, but her brain was too active to let them.
Time-travel was just as foreign to these people as it was to her. Her mind was telling her that the chances of her ever seeing her family again in this lifetime were slim.
Her heart wouldn't – couldn't – accept that. The same indomitable spirit that had been telling her all her life that things would be all right when she faced problems was madly trying to convince her now that everything would be all right. She would go home. She had to. How could she live the rest of her life… how could she do that without her family?
She wanted to cry. She'd cried yesterday, and she wanted to cry again. But there was this little dull ache in her heart that just wouldn't let the tears come, and that was so much worse. "I never even got to say goodbye. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye!"
Erin.
It was never a voice in the way we think of voices, because there were very few real words. The Voice transcended the limitations of Speech, and in translating the Voice into actual words will always lose a piece of the meaning.
It was a Voice that Erin did not want to hear. It was a Voice that Erin was too angry to hear.
"Go away, God."
Erin, don't shut me out.
"Why shouldn't I??" came the acidic response.
I love you, My child.
Her bitter laugh was tinged with hysteria. "Love?? You call this love?? I'm lying helpless in a hospital bed, injured like a soldier in an explosion that killed other people… I may never see my family again… You call that love??"
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
She snorted derisively. "Yeah, right."
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.
"I don't want to hear it, God. You let me be torn away from everything I've ever known, and You let several people die! I used to trust You!"
Continue to trust me, Erin. I know what I'm doing.
"What kind of a God are You??" Two tears finally burned their way down her cheeks, and she nearly choked on the lump in her throat. "You let all this happen when You could have stopped it, and You still want me to trust You??"
Erin, listen to Me.
"No! Just go away. I don't want to listen to You. I'm sick and tired of listening to You and getting hur–"
A knock on the door interrupted her.
David Nebula massaged his temples and sighed. He didn't want to have to tell the kid that she couldn't go home. He just knew she would be devastated.
It was bad enough that he still had to deal with his own messed-up family, but now he had to break it to an injured girl that she'd never see her family again.
He paused outside the door to room 024, hearing Erin's voice inside. She was talking to someone? He rapped on the door, and waited a full half-minute for a response.
"Come in."
He opened the door and stepped inside. Jumpin' Jupiter, the kid was crying – and she looked like she was mad, too. "Hey, you all right, Miss?"
"I guess," she replied, though it didn't convince either of them. For one thing, her voice was too thick to be all right. "Please, sir – call me Erin."
"Okay, Erin." He walked over to her bedside and gave her a heartfelt sympathetic look. "Look, kid, I've gotta be honest with you." Break it gently, break it gently… "Team Lightyear's been lookin' all day, and it's not good."
Erin tensed, in that way that frightened animals do before they bolt. Her heartbeat also sped up to what felt like a dangerous level. The same God that she had railed at a minute ago she now prayed desperately to. Oh dear Lord, please… "What do you mean, not good? What's not good?"
Oh boy, she was going to take this HARD. "I mean, the Rangers couldn't find any trace of plans for that wormhole machine. They've even checked other databases and computers of groups and companies remotely related to the project. Everything they had about that machine was on Io, and it all went up with the machine."
"Can't you start over from scratch??" she asked desperately.
"How?" The Commander straightened and began to pace. "It took them years to figure all this out, and by your own admission, not even they knew how this happened! So how are we supposed to figure out how to send you back?"
"But I have to go home!!"
The shout startled them both, and the room was silent for a good half-minute. The Commander sighed and laid a gentle hand on Erin's left shoulder. "Look, kid," he said quietly, "I'm sorry – I really am. But there's nothing we can do about it."
"But, Commander…" Her voice was weak and shaky, and her eyes were filling again. I need to go home.
Commander Nebula sighed, bent down further, and wrapped his arms around Erin. He hadn't gotten much chance to be a father, but he remembered well enough what it was like. "Hey, you're a tough little lady – you'll do okay."
Erin just clung to the Commander, his presence the only thing keeping her from breaking down completely… though she still sobbed into his shoulder.
"Commander Nebula, report to Launch Bay," the Star Command Central Computer (aka the S-triple-C) announced over the intercom. "Commander Nebula, report to Launch Bay."
The Commander sighed, growling a bit, "I'm comin'." He gently released Erin and stood straight. "Listen, Erin, I've gotta go. You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah," she lied.
He knew it, too, but he was needed elsewhere and there wasn't anything he could really do. "Okay then. I'll see you later." And he left.
Though Erin Frame was a fighter, she really wasn't at all tough. No, she actually had issues with letting her emotions run rampant – it was probably her biggest flaw. But never before had she faced anything so overwhelmingly BIG.
In the past, tears had generally been a vent when she got upset, to keep herself from exploding. But now, with the Commander gone, she had no one to turn to and the tears locked themselves back up again.
She rolled her head carefully to her left to bury her face slightly into her pillow, her small, frail body shivering.
Sleep was a long time in coming.
When we dream, there is a piece of our minds that recognizes that it is a dream and not reality, no matter how lifelike the dream may be. There is just something unreal, and that little part in our minds realizes that.
Erin knew that she wasn't awake, yet that surreal feeling was not there. If anything, it almost felt… more real than real, not less.
Then she realized how she knew she was not conscious – she felt no pain. There were no bandages on her body. She was standing, and she was whole, though she was still clad in her hospital gown and still in her medbay room.
She raked a hand through her thick hair and whispered, "Weird." She sat on her bed, pulled her legs up, reached over for her backpack, pulled out her laptop, and booted it up. She needed to see something…
There. That photo of the family, taken only the week before.
The week before for her. For the rest of the galaxy, it was a thousand years before.
Her parents sat together, her mother holding baby Joy and her father holding three-year-old Liam. The other kids huddled around: Erin, Paul (15), Samuel (12), Rebekah (9), and Jonathan (6).
It had been a miracle that they'd gotten a decent family picture with no closed eyes. It seemed that somebody was always closing his or her eyes in these photos, even the older kids. Apparently, Frame eyes and camera flashbulbs just didn't mix.
Everybody… everybody looked so happy, content…
She clutched her laptop tightly, her knuckles turning white.
Before, she hadn't allowed herself to give in, because there had always been that measure of hope, however slight. She never gave up until all the options were exhausted – she just didn't have it in her.
But this time, there had been so few options, and now they were gone.
For the first time, the full weight of it finally came crashing down on her, overwhelming her. She closed her laptop, lowered her head to it, and cried. Not a few hot, angry tears… nor measured sobbing.
It was a storm. Convulsions racked her body as she wept and clutched the laptop for dear life.
She was just… shattering.
Erin.
This time, she didn't shout; this time, she didn't resent Him. This time, she clung to Him.
"Oh, God… oh, God…"
Daughter.
Never before had she had such a complete certainty of being loved. It was a Love that wrapped itself around her and engulfed her completely till she was lost in it. And she was no longer sure if she was crying from the weight of her grief or from the weight of that Love.
"Lord, how can I live without them?" It was a whisper, desperate but trusting.
I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am with you always, even unto the ending of the world.
"It's so hard, You know… sometimes." She tried to rub the tears away. "I mean, You're here with me, but You're not… here."
"I always am. You need to learn to recognize that."
It took her a few moments to register that that was not an impression, or a voice in her head, but a real flesh-and-blood voice. Hardly daring to believe, she slowly raised her head.
The first thing she really saw was the eyes. They were… ever afterward, she thought they were a deep brown, though she could never be absolutely sure. But they were full of Love – infinitely so. And maybe even sorrow? …Yes, sorrow.
With a start, she realized that He was grieving with her.
She set down her laptop and flung herself into His arms. She came to the Lord of the Universe neither as a reverent adult nor even an awestruck teenager… just a lost child. A little girl who needed her Father.
"Erin, will you listen to Me?" It was a warm voice, rich and golden, strong and steady as only His voice could be.
She nodded, her head pressed against His shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"I forgive you," He murmured, tenderly stroking her hair. "I love you, Erin – more than you can ever imagine."
Erin tilted her head up just enough to see His face again – His living, beautiful face. "How can You love me like that?" she breathed.
"I love you because I created you," He whispered back. "You are My child."
"But… Jesus?"
"Yes?"
"Why… why did You let those people…"
His eyes were full of understanding, though when He spoke next, His voice was firm. "Dear One, that is not for you to know. It was their time – that is all you need to know."
"Bu-ut… how can You bring something good out of that?"
"I can bring good out of any death, Erin."
Her body shuddered as an aftershock from the crying, and when she spoke next, her voice was barely audible as she buried her face into His shoulder once more. "Why did You take me from my family?"
His voice was gentle. "I've taken many from their families, Erin."
"But You gave them the choice! I didn't have one!"
"Erin, you do have that choice."
Her head jerked up to stare at Him as disbelief, confusion, and joy passed over her features. "What?"
"That is why I am here – to give you that choice. If you truly want it, I will send you back home."
Home. She was going home. Because of course she wanted it, because that's where her family was, because she needed them, because she loved them, because that was where her heart lay…
"I-I…"
And she found that she couldn't say it. Because suddenly, that burning desire no longer consumed her, and she could not honestly say that it was what she truly wanted.
"Erin, whatever you decide, it will be your final choice. There will be no going back."
Her eyes filled with tears again, and she bit her lip briefly. "How can You ask me to make that choice? I don't know!" she cried despairingly. "I don't know!"
"Oh, Erin. My Erin." His arms folded around her once more, and he softly stroked her back. "I have a plan for you here, a future. It will not be easy, Dearest, but there is always difficulty in following My will. If you truly wish, you will be sent back home, but if you do…"
"If I do, I'll never know what could have happened to me here," she finished softly. "I could have something wonderful here, and if I go back, I… I'll never know."
"Yes, Dear One."
"But I need my family," she pleaded quietly, staring back up at Him with wide, tearful eyes.
"Erin, I would never ask of you anything that you could not do. You don't need your family – not like you think." There was silence for almost a minute before He spoke again. "Do you know why?"
She did know why, then, and the realization would have broken her heart had it not already been breaking. She hung her head in shame. "Because… because I've… I've clung to them. …Instead of clinging to You."
"Erin dear, you know that when you value something else more than you value Me, you must let go of it. I am either first only in your life, or I am second. And I cannot be second if you are to live the way that I want you to live."
"Is that why You've brought me here? To take me away from them?"
"No. You are here because I have a purpose for you here. But all the same, you cannot continue to place your family above Me."
Erin was quiet then, and for what felt like a long time, the room was completely silent. He simply held her. At last, she was ready to speak again. She had made the decision before she had even been aware of it.
Her voice was very, very quiet as she said, "I'll do what You want me to do."
Peace such as she'd never known before filled her, dispelling the ache in her heart. "Erin." Her name was spoken with so much love and pride that it made her want to cry again, from the sheer weight of it.
"Jesus?"
"Yes, Dearest?"
"Can I… may I say goodbye?"
His smile softened. "Yes, Dearest. I would not withhold that from you."
"And… may they see… the team?"
His smile faded, though not in a negative way. His face was simply… solemn. "Yes. They may."
"Will You be here?"
He tilted His head slightly. "Not physically. I appear here only for you. I will be here, but in the way that I am here wherever you are." He lightly tapped the point over her heart.
"So… You're leaving now?" Her face was crestfallen.
He tenderly caressed her cheek with the back of His hand, and for the first time, she saw the nail mark in His wrist. "Yes."
"Will I ever see You like this again? Before Heaven, I mean?"
"No, Dearest, you will not."
"Why?" A lone tear rolled down her cheek. "Why don't You come to us like this, all the time?"
"That is not how it is meant to be for now." He gently wiped the tear away. "A day will come when you will be able to see Me every day, as often as you wish, but that time is not yet come."
"The Millennial Kingdom," she said softly, looking down and nodding. Then she looked back up. "But… will You be closer to me? Will I be able to… sense You, more often?"
"The question is: will you be closer to Me, Erin. It is your choice."
"I want to be."
"Then do so. I am always waiting for you, Erin – even when you think I am far away, I am always here." He began to fade.
"I love You, Jesus!" she cried.
"I love you, Erin." The last thing she felt before He disappeared entirely was a kiss upon her forehead. Then, she saw Him no more, but she could feel Him still there, as surely as if she could still see Him.
"I love you," she whispered again.
The door whooshed open, letting in seven extremely familiar people. "Mama! Daddy! Guys!" Erin bolted from the bed and rushed at them.
There was a collective chorus of "Erin!" and she was received with many hugs and shouts.
"Erin, where have you been??"
"We've been looking all over for you!!"
"It's been two days!!"
"We've been so worried!!"
"Where are we??"
Mama and Daddy were the quietest, and Erin realized that they knew. They had probably been told before coming here.
Amidst the joyful cacophony, Mama quietly passed little Joy into Erin's waiting arms. Erin clutched Joy to her chest as if the baby would be taken away. Joy smiled at her big sister and cooed, and Erin's eyes watered again. "Oh, Honey, I'll miss you the most," said the young woman, kissing the baby's face over and over again. And she really would. Joy's life had only just begun, and Erin was leaving her. Her heart hurt with the sudden realization that Joy would probably not even remember her. "Oh, Joy… oh, my girl, my girl! Remember me, sweetheart! Please remember me!"
She'd never get to know her baby sister, never get to see her grow up. She'd never get to see Liam grow up, or Jonathan, or even Rebekah – they were all still so young. She'd never see Paul and Samuel fully mature into young men. She wouldn't see her siblings go courting, wouldn't be there for their weddings or the births of their children. She wouldn't be there for her parents' twenty-fifth anniversary.
"Erin, why ahre you cry-ing?" Liam asked her, his beautiful three-year-old face full of concern.
"Yeah, we're together now, and you're coming back home," Jonathan frowned.
"Riiight?" Rebekah demanded.
Erin couldn't speak past the lump in her throat, so she had to settle for a shake of the head. Daddy wrapped his arm around her tightly, and answered for her. "Erin isn't coming home with us."
There was a collective "What??"
"Look around," Mama told them, gesturing to encompass the room. "God brought Erin here for a reason."
"It looks like Star Command in Buzz Lightyear," Samuel mused, his frown creasing his freckled face.
Erin smiled sadly. "It is."
Again, the "What??"
At that moment, as if cued, Team Lightyear stepped into the room. Jaws dropped on both sides, and Mira was the first to recover her powers of speech. "Erin… Is this your family?"
Erin nodded. "Team Lightyear, meet my parents, Henry and Maria Frame, and my brothers and sisters: Paul, Jonathan, Rebekah, Jonathan, Liam, and Joy. They were… brought here."
"Brought how??" XR demanded. This was all just waaay too weird for him.
"God brought us here," Paul replied. "To say goodbye to Erin." Erin glanced at her brother and shook her head. Paul was always two steps ahead of everyone else.
Mira stared at Paul. The only photos she'd ever seen of him had been taken in adulthood, but she could easily recognize him. His bearing was already militant, and his body was tall and athletic. She could see the boy turning into the man that would – in less than ten years in his time – lead the largest and most diverse army his planet had ever seen against a tyranny that threatened the entire galaxy. Then Paul caught Mira's gaze on him, and she blushed and looked away.
"What? What's going on here??" Buzz demanded, his arms crossing his broad chest.
Erin drew herself up as best she could while holding a baby. "I'm not going back, Buzz," she said quietly. "I'm staying here. I was given the choice to return or to stay – and I chose to stay."
It took about half an hour for things to properly be sorted out, and by the end of it, the children were discussing finding out a way to keep Erin's possessions in stasis and hide them away for her so that she could go to 31st century Michigan to find them. Erin replied that she would really appreciate that.
Eventually, Liam – who had been the most obsessed with BLoSC back home aside from Erin – couldn't take the lack of attention and emphatically declared, "Stah Comman' get Zuhg!"
The Frames laughed, and so did Mira; and the men in Team Lightyear just smiled. "That's right, Liam," Erin agreed. "Star Command does get Zurg – right, Buzz?"
"You got it," Buzz grinned cockily.
Liam marched up to Buzz, panting with excitement and importance (as three-year-olds are apt to do). "You're – Buzz – Lightyeahr!"
"Yes, sir, I am," Buzz smiled, shaking the little boy's hand.
"It's Buzz Lightyeahr!" Liam declared to everyone else. "To infin'ty an' beyon'!"
Everyone laughed hard at that except for Buzz, who blushed furiously. "Uh – that's – right…"
"I wan' Buzz!" Liam then announced.
"That means he wants you to pick him up," Erin explained, still laughing.
"Oh, well, all right." And Buzz lifted Liam into his arms, groaning for good measure. "Oooh! You're getting to be a big boy!"
Liam giggled madly at that, proud and exhilarated to be receiving such attention from his hero. "I wanna see da scahry one!" he told Buzz.
Buzz gave him a confused smile. "The scary one?"
Erin and Mama traded looks, then Erin replied, "He means NOS-4-A2." XR yelped, and she shrugged. "He likes the episodes with him."
"Is he nuts??" XR cried. How could a cute little boy like a robotic vampire monster like NOS-4-A2??
"No, he's a three-year-old," sighed Mama.
"Sorry, little fella, no energy vampires t'day," Buzz told Liam.
"Bum-muhr!" Liam pouted.
There were a few more minutes spent in the Frame children getting to know their heroes a bit better before they returned to their own time. At last, Daddy cocked his head as if he'd heard something, and quietly said, "Kids? It's time to go."
Erin took a deep, shuddering breath. Oh dear God, I'm going to miss them all so much.
What followed next was heartbreakingly private. Team Lightyear left the room after saying their goodbyes, and Erin slowly made her rounds with each parent and sibling, carefully committing every last detail to memory – every sound, every sight, every smell, every touch. At last, she came to the youngest two.
Liam hugged her tightly. Crying uncontrollably, she picked up her baby brother and clung to him. "Liam, may I have a kiss?" she pleaded.
Liam replied with two big, affectionate kisses, one on the cheek and one on the lips. "Goo'bye! Love you!"
"I love you, too, sweetheart," she sobbed, setting him down. She then took Joy from her father to hold her one last time. "Please remember me," she whispered. "Remember my love for you. I love you, Joy. I love you."
Joy smiled at her sister as she kissed her over and over again. Finally, Erin surrendered the baby to Daddy, who was quickly fading. In a few moments, everyone had faded but Mama. "Don't go," Erin pleaded desperately, clinging to her mother. "Don't leave me."
"Erin, this isn't my time," said Mama, crying herself. "God has a different plan for you, one that I don't have a part in. …Daddy and I always knew that He had something special planned for each of you kids, and we always knew that you would be something unique. You're the firstborn, and firstborns have always been special to God."
"I hate it!" Erin sobbed.
"I do, too," Mama whispered.
"Mama, pray with me. One last time," Erin almost choked on the words.
"Dear Lord, give Erin the strength and the courage for what lies ahead. Be with her, Father, and comfort her. Guide her and protect her in everything that she does. Let her new friends help her to keep going, and let them be there for her. In Your precious Son's name we pray, Amen."
"Amen," Erin echoed.
"Feel better?"
"Not by much," Erin admitted. "I can't do it, Mama! I just can't do it!"
"With God's help, you can." Mama kissed her and hugged her one last time, then held her back at arm's length to look her in the eye. "Now be brave," she smiled through her tears, "and don't look back. Don't look back."
Slowly, dazedly, Erin nodded. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Erin, and I'll always be with you." She faded away, leaving her daughter alone on a metal bed in a white medbay room.
"I love you," Erin repeated softly into the empty air.
One might have thought that Erin had cried so much that she had used up all her tears. Not so. She slipped back into bed, clutched the pillow, and buried her face into it. It wasn't long before the pillowcase's fabric in that particular spot was soaked up with as much saltwater as it could take, and still she cried. It was all too much for her to take in.
"…when you hit rock-bottom, only place to go is up."
– Sweet, quoting Thaddeus Thatch, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
When Destiny calls you
You must be strong
(You gotta be strong)
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on…
Chorus:
…You'll be in my heart
(Believe me) you'll be in my heart
(I'll be there) from this day on
Now and forevermore
You'll be in my heart
(You'll be here in my heart)
No matter what they say
(I'll be here)
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Always… I'll be with you
Oh, I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there
Always
– "You'll be in My Heart," Phil Collins
Author's Note:
I own Erin and the Frame family; I own the SC Teams Janson, Kolvetska, and Rirdre; I own SCRDW and all of its affiliations; and I own my version of galactic history.
I own nothing else.
…I cannot tell you just how HAPPY REVIEWS MAKE ME. Seriously, I can't.