When I open my eyes it's dark out again. I realize I must've been out the entire day. My throat is extremely sore, but my breathing is easier. I take in a deep breath and turn on my side.
"Well, Sakura, you gave us all quite a scare. Next time it'd probably be better if you mention any after-effects of the poison." My eyes go wide at the sight of my sensei. My heart beats loudly in my chest and even though my lungs are fine, I find it hard to breathe. It's like how I used to be around Sasuke. I think, already getting scared.
I smile and speak in a raspy voice. "Sorry." My heart seems to clench and I remember how much everyone sacrificed because of me. "Sorry." I repeat without really noticing.
"Sakura, there's nothing to be_" I cut him off by pushing myself into a sitting position and reaching my hand up to my forehead, and feeling a headache coming on.
I sigh. "I always seem to be the one that holds everyone else back. I'm always relying on someone else to do the work for me and I'm tired of being so weak." I pause as I will myself not to cry. "I just thought if I were able to prove how strong I am…then…"
Kakashi-sensei has not moved since I began and I begin to resent being so open to him about my feelings. What if he thinks I'm even weaker because of this? I wonder.
"Sakura. We all know you're strong." He begins, but I cut him off again.
"But I'm not! I can't keep fighting and fighting even when I'm completely out of chakra, like Naruto; I can't cleverly predict and counter my enemy's attacks with my own, like Sasuke; and I can't hold my own while also watching out for others, like you, Kakashi-sensei." I use my hand to cover my wet eyes and breathe in deeply, trying to regain my composure.
"Sakura." I feel a hand gently remove my fingers from my face and I look into my sensei's dark eyes. "You aren't like Naruto, or Sasuke, or me. But you are a part of our team because you complement us perfectly. You are a strategist, a planner; your attacks require serious thought, which Naruto and Sasuke don't seem to be able to understand. You are the mediator of this team; and every squad needs someone like you on it. Don't downgrade yourself. Every ninja goes through this, but I'm not the one who should be telling you this. You need to realize it on your own." He claims, releasing my hand and turning to stare out the window.
"Did you stay here all day?" I ask him quietly, attempting to change the subject.
"No, I went to talk to Tsunade about the mission this morning and walked around town for a bit, then came back here in the evening."
Come on, Sakura. Did you really think he'd spend every waking hour checking in on you? I scold myself mentally.
"But I've been here since the evening." I glance out the window and realize that it's almost sunrise. Kakashi-sensei stayed the entire night in my hospital room. I try to calm my racing heart.
"And Naruto and Sasuke?" I ask him.
"Naruto came to visit this morning and stayed with you while I was away; I forced him to go to bed though, after a while. Sasuke hasn't been seen since the mission, he just kind of disappeared."
I nod dumbly, I didn't expect anything else. "The mission was successful? But I didn't think we finished them off." I wonder out loud.
"No, we didn't, but that wasn't the mission. Our mission was to halt the attack, it wasn't necessarily to kill everyone." We both lapse into silence. "I've been meaning to ask you…have you come to terms with your feelings for Sasuke yet?" I jerk my head up fast to look at him and wince at the pain; then glance back down at my clasped hands.
"It's over with him. He doesn't acknowledge my existence. I may be useless, but I'm not stupid. And I'm not a masochist; I won't relapse into the insufferable child I used to be. I don't think he's capable of loving anyone. It's not really his fault, of course, but I'm done being bound by him and how he thinks of me." I finish nodding, as if reassuring myself. It seemed different, saying it out loud.
"And Naruto?" Kakashi adds.
"What about Naruto?"
Kakashi sighs. "Normally, a teacher like myself wouldn't concern myself with trivial matters like the relationship one student has with another; but it can prove to be weakening in some instances." I stare at him, puzzled.
"That hasn't been a problem though, has it?" I ask him.
"Sakura, you seem especially affected by the people near you, which sometimes leads you to make rash decisions." My mind attempts to wrap itself around what my sensei is saying. A thought comes to me.
"Do you think I initiated that poisonous gas plan to impress Sasuke?" I ask, incredulous. "I told you, I'm not stupid. I did that because it seemed like a way to shorten the battle and minimize our losses!"
"What I'm trying to say is your desire to prove yourself to us will only make it harder on you."
I stop speaking as my half-awake mind attempts to process what my sensei is getting at.
"I don't understand. Am I being a burden?"
Another sigh. "Missions might be better for you if you didn't feel the need to prove anything to us, or Sasuke."
I am angry and hurt at the same time. "I told you, I'm not infatuated with Sasuke! I promise I was just doing what I believed would be the most effective strategy for the battle!" I defend myself. How did our conversation take such a turn?
"Yes, Sakura, I know. But if we are always worrying about what you'll do_"
I cut him off, horrified at how my sensei saw me. A burden. I am a burden to them. I hold everyone back.
"Well then, why did you even bother taking me on the mission? If I'm such a burden why would you bother even allowing me to join a team? And I'm sorry if my strategic planning seems like I'm trying to impress Sasuke, but it's not. Last I checked, a ninja is willing to put his life on the line for his team. I am not excluded from that! I did that because I figured that I could aid my team, even if it meant laying my life on the line."
I kick my legs over the side of the bed and stand up in an attempt to show Kakashi-sensei how strong I really am and immediately fall into a coughing fit.
"Sakura!" He yells and kneels beside me, reaching out to help me onto the bed. I push his hand away and glare up at him. I had trusted this person to support me; I had spilled my heart out to him because I knew he wouldn't make fun of me. Everything was falling apart.
"Don't touch me." I cover my mouth as coughs wrack my form. "Get going, I'm sure Tsunade has something for you and the team to do." I say wretchedly, already aware of my childish behavior.
Kakashi glares at me with his single uncovered eye, and reaches out to me again. I whisper a few words and watch the look in his eyes as I poof into an ordinary pillow.
I run down the darkened hallway, tripping over my own feet and occasionally coughing, until I reach the back door of the hospital and collapse in the grass outside. It's cool with the morning dew and I realize my hospital dress is damp when I stand again.
Hearing shouts behind me, I lope off into the woods behind the hospital. It was time for me to train.
After pushing my way through many shrubs and bushes I made it to a large flat strip of land. I tied my headband behind my head and got into a fighting stance. I threw kicks and punches left and right, knocking trees to the ground and destroying rocks.
I attempt to ignore the aching in my chest and the occasional times when I would need to stop just to breathe normally.
Concentrating my chakra in my right hand, and slamming it into the ground, anger forcing me to use even more power than usual and I gasp as a huge amount of dust flies into the air, followed by a snake-like pattern of destruction in its wake. I grin at this strength and a thought strikes me.
I concentrate my chakra to the tips of my fingers and shove my hands into the ground, picking up a huge chunk of soil and throwing it into the air in front of me. I then leap into the air and twist around, throwing a kick and breaking the soil into smaller chunks of rock.
When I'm satisfied that it's enough, I concentrate my chakra in my feet and flip as I shoot towards the ground; when my feet hit, it sends a shockwave toward the rocks and they instantly gain speed and slam into the terrain in front of me. I wince as I stand up and collapse onto the ground as my lungs seem to close off.
I gasp for breath and gag on the dust that had entered my mouth. My eyes sting with tears that threaten to fall. I try to cough but I know it's no use. I was alone. Out in the woods alone. No one would notice; I'm a burden anyway. I sob uselessly into the ground beside me, ready to scream out, but my throat hurts to much.
"Sakura!" I hear someone yell out my name, but I don't even bother to move. The footsteps turn from a walking pace to a running pace and skid to a stop beside my head. I listen as someone drops to the ground beside me. Strong hands grip my shoulders and turn me over to face them.
"Kakashi-sensei." I say in a miserably sad and injured voice. I look horrible, with puffy red eyes and tear streaks on my cheeks.
"Sakura, what have you_?" He whispers softly before pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me. My tears stop, along with my breathing. His fierce façade had disappeared and his voice was gentle and soft. I feel Kakashi sensei's hand running through my hair and clutch his shirt tightly in my fists. His fingers tangle in my slightly unkempt pink tresses and he presses my head against his shoulder. I bury my head in his warm embrace. My back tingles as he runs his hand up and down it. All of my energy was gone. I lie limp in his arms. Eventually he releases me.
"Sakura, you are far from a burden. So please try to forgive my harsh words." He says through his mask. Not offering any further explanation.
I manage a nod and hang my head. "I apologize for acting like a child and behaving stupidly." I say wretchedly. "I understand your reasoning." I begin and realize I am still acting self-conscious. I put on a smile and beam up at him, with a total change of attitude. "But that just means I'll have to work harder to become stronger." Kakashi tilts his head and looks at me, as if seeing through my act. Despite my façade, a single tear manages to stream down my cheek.
I shut my eyes when Kakashi reaches up and softly brushes it away with his thumb. I keep my eyes closed as he runs his fingertips down my cheek and drops his hand.
He pulls away suddenly and leaves his hands only on my shoulders. He puts his hands under my arm and hoists me up into a standing position. I topple around for a minute before gaining footage.
"Please Sakura, stay in the hospital. You need to understand that in order to become stronger, you first need to rest your body. Only then will you be able to master your fighting." He pleads with me. I nod my head, feeling a bit ashamed and remembering Naruto's fervent ambition when even his chakra was low. As if sensing my thoughts, Kakashi goes on. "I tie Naruto's skills with endurance to his connection to the Nine-Tailed Fox, and his stupidity." He smiles through his mask.
I manage a small grin. "I guess I don't have a choice." I rasp back. When my coughing starts up again, I feel my sensei's hands tighten on my shoulders.
He lifts me into a standing position and drapes my arm over his shoulder. When we reach the hospital, no one bothers us as we hobble back to my room.