Chapter 4: A Time to be so small

Please review. Only 2 chapters left after this one!

It was the week before Thanksgiving. Lily and Rufus had seen each other frequently and they called every night. It was perfect, the chef from the Plaza taught her how to stuff turkey and make side dishes. Just yesterday, she made the menu she would make her guest for Thanksgiving. Their children didn't know they were friendly yet, but she could always tell Dan to invite his dad, since the rest of the family would be there. They didn't need to know that she did all this effort to surprise Rufus. She was looking forward to seeing Rufus again tonight. They were both invited to Dan's book party. He was quit successful at the moment and his recent book just became number one on the Bestseller list. She had picked out a beautiful Nanette Lepore dress and some matching Louboutins and the earrings Rufus gave her on their anniversary. She was debating asking Rufus to lunch, but Serena called to ask her if she could babysit Michael for the afternoon. She didn't lose all the pregnancy weight just yet and she still had to find an outfit for Dan's party.

"Thanks mom', Serena said while kissing her baby on his head, "I'll be back in a couple of hours".

"It's my pleasure", Lily said, "I love this little guy".

She took the baby in her arms and smiled at him.

"We are going to visit granddaddy today, aren't we?" she said while keeping her eyes on little Michael.

"I didn't know you and dad were on speaking terms again?", Serena asked.

"We aren't. I was talking about Rufus", Lily admitted thinking that wasn't that bad, "I want to invite him to spend Thanksgiving with us since all his children will be here".

"That's actually a wonderful idea, mom", Serena said while hugging her mother, "I think you both need a friend right now".

Lily smiled at her daughter. She was asking herself how Serena got so mature.

"Honey, what would you think if Rufus and I were to become more than just friends?", Lily asked, "I've been thinking about him a lot lately and well nothing happened and nothing will if you don't want it to. I do understand he's your husband's father".

Serena sat down besides her mother and took her hand while looking at her own son in her mother's arms.

"Does Rufus know how you feel", Serena asked.

"I haven't really talked to him about my feelings, his wife just died, maybe in time", Lily said, "but this time I wanted to talk to you first before just dropping a bomb on you and Dan".

Serena looked at her baby boy and then smiled at her mother: "Mom, honestly, ever since Rufus and you broke up, you haven't been happy. You always seemed lonely somehow. I get that he's the love of your life and Dan understands to. We want the both of you to be happy, just like we are. I couldn't live without Dan and you shouldn't live without Rufus. Dan and I will be fine. Ever since I had this little boy, I understand what you sacrificed for Eric and me all this years. I think it's time for you to be happy and you being with Rufus won't change anything between Dan and me, maybe it will even inspire him for another novel".

Lily smiled and hugged her daughter.

"You're truly a remarkable woman, you know that. I'm so proud of you and I love you very much', Lily said close to tears.

"Thanks, mom, I love you too", Serena answered while taking of, "have fun with my little man".

===========================RUFLY===================================

After she fed Michael, Lily made sure he was well bundled before she left to see Rufus. During the small walk, she ran into Chuck and made sure he and his family would come to the Thanksgiving diner she was planning. She was really proud of Chuck and Blair, they were both successful in their jobs and managed to spend enough time with their son Henry and their twin girls.

When she arrived at Rufus' place, the doorman couldn't help but ask if she wanted to leave food.

"I'll go up myself this time", Lily laughed.

When she knocked on his door, Rufus answered almost immediately.

"Lil, what are you doing here", Rufus said while flashing his signature grin, "and you brought our little men".

Lily smiled right back at him. She loved his smile and the way his eyes lit up when he said her name. Even after all this time, he still did that.

"Well", she said while entering his flat, "Michael and I want to invite you for Thanksgiving at his grandmothers' place"

"And why can't Alison ask me herself", he said. He just loved to tease her.

"Very funny, Rufus", she said sarcastically, "but we really want you to come. I really want you to come".

"Well that sounds like an offer I can't refuse. Are you sure you aren't just inviting me to cook, because if I remember well you almost burned the kitchen down when you tried to toast some bagels", he smiled.

"Humphrey, don't make me regret the invitation", she said equally playful, "I might surprise you one way or another"

===============================Rufly=================================

Rufus was a proud father and grandfather. He just spent the afternoon with his grandson and now he was invited to a party for his son's new book. As usual he turned up early for the party, but he knew his son would be there too and he wanted to discuss something with Dan. When he entered the bookshop, he knew he was right. Dan was walking nervously from one side to another.

"Hey, Dan", Rufus said while hugging his son, "Nervous? Even after all this time?"

"I'm afraid so, Dad", Dan answered, "And Serena is running late. She apparently couldn't find a decent dress".

"Michael is still with Lily?", Rufus asked curiously. His son and his daughter-in-law wouldn't take a small baby to the party.

"Yes, she offered to babysit him", Dan answered, "Wait! How do you know Michael was with Lily earlier?"

"Well she came to my place to invite me for her Thanksgiving diner", Rufus answered. Dan was to find out sooner our later that him and Lily were friendly again.

"That's very nice of her. I hope you'll come. You shouldn't spend Thanksgiving alone", Dan said sensing his father wasn't telling him everything.

"You don't mind me and Lily being friendly again?", Rufus asked. He knew Dan and Serena had a problem with him and Lily before. Now Serena and Dan were married, it would be even weirder if Lily and him became a thing again.

"No, I'm actually pleased. You've both been lonely lately and it's great you guys are friends again", Dan said, "Wait you mean friendly friendly, like couple friendly".

It pleased Rufus that his son wasn't changed by his success and could be socially awkward at times.

"Maybe. Nothing really happened, but well I wouldn't mind if it did", Rufus admitted, "that is, if Serena and you don't mind".

"It might be a little weird, but I think I can speak for both Serena and me, we just want are parents to be happy and we both know that you guys were the happiest when you were together. We're all adults and we won't stand in your way", Dan said, "We'll handle it".

"You know what, son, I'm very proud of you. You've become a fine man and a great dad", he said while hugging his son ones more.

"I've learned from the best", Dan said reciprocating his Dad's hug.

================================Rufly================================

Lily's Thanksgiving diner finally arrived. She was really nervous about the whole thing. She had worked very hard to make the perfect meal and she hoped everything would go smoothly. Eric, who arrived yesterday with his boyfriend Nicholas, was on his way to pick up Jenny for the airport, Serena, Dan, Chuck and Blair would be there in an hour and of course her surprise guest could arrive any minute. When she heard a knock on the door, she felt nervous. She hadn't seen him in quit some time and she didn't know what to expect. When she opened the door, he instantly smiled at her, a smile that reminded him so much of his father.

"Hello, mother", Scott said while hugging Lily.

Lily's heart fluttered when she heard him call her mother.

"Hello my boy", she answered with tears in her eyes, "I'm so happy to see you!".

He handed her the flowers he'd brought for her.

"These are really lovely, thank you so much", she said happily, "I see you already took care of your luggage?"

"Yes, I did. Thanks for arranging the room", he said, "Can I help you with something"

Lily showed him the way to the kitchen and after she put the flowers in a vase, she motioned for him to sit down. They could chat while she was finishing dessert.

"You know I'm really happy you're here, Scott", Lily said looking at her oldest son, "Rufus will be very happy to see you too. We've been talking about you a lot recently. Little Michael looks just like you when you were born".

"Does he? I can't wait to see the little guy in real life, Serena sent me some pictures, but that's not the same I guess", Scott answered.

Lily was surprised Serena thought about sending some pictures to Scott. Lily already felt like a family.

"How are things between Rufus and you?", Scott asked curiously, "does you surprising him means you are back together?".

"We're not, at the moment we're friends, but who knows what will happen in the future", Lily added when she saw the disappointment on her son's face.

"I can't believe you guys broke up", Scott said, "I thought you loved each other?"

"Of course we did. I made a big mistake choosing Bart over Rufus and not fighting for my marriage. I just hope he can forgive me someday", Lily answered while putting her hand on Scott's.

=================================Rufly===============================

An hour later all guest had arrived except for Rufus. Lily was nervous, she knew he loved to spend time with his family, but what if he thought it wasn't her place to arrange that?

"Lily", Jenny said, "is everything alright?"

Lily hadn't even noticed Jenny had entered the kitchen.

"Of course, honey", she said, "You're father can be here any minute. Could you take the mashed potatoes with you?"

When Jenny took the bowl out of Lily's hands, she saw Lily had put some marshmallows on top.

"You remembered?" she said touched.

"Of course I did, my darling", Lily answered, "You were my daughter for years and even now I'm not with your father anymore, I still love you".

Jenny was very touched by her words: "You know, you were a great stepmom, we might have had are difference, but I love you too. My dad will be very happy to see his whole family together".

A couple of minutes later, she heard another knock on the door. That would be Rufus. When she opened the room she saw him standing in front of her with a giant bouquet of with lilies in his hands. He kissed her on her cheek and handed her the flowers.

"I can see I'm not the only one to bring you flowers", he said while pointing at the bouquet Scott gave her.

"Like father, like son", Lily thought but she just thanked him for the flowers.

When he entered he saw Lily had invited a bunch of people. Eric even came from LA where he was living with his boyfriend. When he saw Jenny coming out of the kitchen, his smile grew even wider.

"Jenny, you're here", he said while hugging his little girl, "Of course I am, it's Thanksgiving".

He smiled thankfully at Lily. She had put a lot of effort in this dinner. She was really trying to be more motherly.

All of sudden he heard a voice from behind him: "Hey dad".

When he turned around and saw Scott, he completely lost it. He instantly hugged his son. He couldn't believe he was here and he had called him dad. This was a great day.

"What are you doing here", Rufus said not letting go of his son, "It's great to see you, buddy".

"Mom invited me", Scott admitted, "She wanted to surprise you".

Rufus's heart leaped. He couldn't believe Lily did all this to surprise him. She reunited the whole family. It felt like they were still a family even when Lily and him weren't together anymore.

Diner went by smoothly. Once again Lily surprised Rufus with her home cooked meal. This was the perfect evening. Serena and Dan who knew that something was going on between their parents, noticed the longing looks between the two of them. They were both excited to see what would happen in the future, but they knew their parents still shared a great love and it made them confident that they would be just as in love in thirty years as their parents were, minus the drama of course. Before dessert, Lily raised her glass to make a toast:

"Well I want to thank all of you tonight for joining me here for diner. We're maybe not a usual family, but I love all of you all with all my heart. Family is not about blood, it's about holding each others hand when needed, it's about sharing the good, but also the bad. Being a family means you are part of something wonderful. It means that you will love and be loved for the rest of your life, no matter what crazy things might happen. I'd love to raise my glass to my wonderful family".

"To family", everybody repeated after Lily.

It was well after midnight when everybody decided to go home. Rufus was the last one to go. After she let Eric and Nicholas out, she throw out her shoes and sat down beside Rufus. Rufus took her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I would love to thank you for tonight, Lil", he said, "It was the best Thanksgiving in my life. I'm so pleased to have spent it with you and all of the kids. It was perfect".

Lily shivered when she felt his lips on her hand. He was slowly making circles on her hand with his fingers.

"Lil, you will always be my family", Rufus said, "I know you said family isn't about blood, but Lil, you are the blood that runs through my veins, you are the air that I breath, you are my family".

Lily felt tears escape from her eyes. She couldn't do this, not now. She loved Rufus with all of her heart but what if she couldn't be the woman he needed, what if she disappointed him again? She couldn't do that.

"I think you should go", she whispered.

Rufus saw in her eyes that she was afraid and that he needed to convince her that they could be together, forever this time, but not tonight. He softly kissed her temple and said:

"I guess I see you tomorrow?".

Lily only nodded, she couldn't even bring herself to smile at him.

===============================Rufly=================================

The next morning they both agreed to meet Scott for lunch. He had to leave early in the afternoon but he wanted to spend time with both his parents. Lily had arranged a small brunch at her place.

Sipping from her coffee, Lily said: "You're sure you can't stay a little bit longer?".

"Yes", Scott said while eating a croissant, "I promised Izzy to be home tonight to have a late Thanksgiving party".

Of course Scott had mentioned his girlfriend in mails to his parents, but they didn't know if things were serious.

"You could've brought her with you", Lily said, "I'd love to meet her".

"I know, mom", Scot replied, "but Izzy wanted to stay with her mother. Her dad died a year ago and she didn't want her mom to be alone and since I really wanted to spend time with you guys, I decided to come alone".

"Tell me about her", Rufus asked.

"Isabella, Izzy for short, is amazing. She's beautiful, she has auburn hair, dark brown eyes and the sweetest smile you've ever seen", Scott started, "And she hates her freckles but I adore them. She's a teacher and all the kids love her. She's really passionate and she loves photography. She's the best".

"Photography, hey", Rufus said smiling at Lily, "that sounds like someone else I know".

"She sounds amazing. I'd really love to meet her some time", Lily said.

"Well, you're both more than welcome to visit. I'd love to introduce you", Scott said.

All too soon it was time for Scott to leave. Both Lily and Rufus were sad to see their son go again, but now that they found him, they knew it wouldn't be for long. Li

===================================Rufly=============================

Two weeks went by without any contact between Rufus and Lily. At Thanksgiving she made it clear she needed some time and space. He missed her. He was thinking about apologising to her for blurting out how he felt about her, but he wasn't really sorry, he couldn't be sorry for being in love with her all over again. He missed her in his life, even if they could only be friends. Lily beat him to apologising. Exactly two weeks after Thanksgiving she called him.

"Lil", he said answering his phone.

"Rufus", she almost whispered.

For a while they both remained silent.

"Why are you calling, Lil", Rufus said deciding to break the silence.

"I wanted to apologise", Lily said, "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did".

"No, Lil, it's me who's sorry", Rufus interrupted her, "I should have known you weren't ready".

"I'm scared, Rufus", Lily admitted.

"Why?", he simply asked.

"I don't want to get hurt again and I don't want to hurt you. I've chosen another man twice because I was afraid of what might happen between the two of us. I miss you, Rufus", she said sobbing.

"I miss you too. My darling, please don't cry! Let's just be friends for now and see how things go, alright? I don't want to pressure you", Rufus said.

"Thank you, Rufus", he could hear her relieve.

"Lil, why don't we just take a trip to see where things go. Let's go visit Scott and Izzy in Chicago?", Rufus proposed, "we can talk about us and see our son".

To his surprise, Lily agreed. He know she was scared, but so was he. He loved her so much that it was worth the risk. He decided to try with all his power to make this trip perfect for her, just like she made Thanksgiving perfect for him.